Bayswater...
That's a tough one. Almost certainly spoon.
To avoid it, last night I had a chat with a couple of friends at GCHQ who asked one of their tame techies on the Special Projects side to knock me up a teleportation device.
We were in the pub of course but this was standard stuff really - hooks into the neutrino energy field which allows faster-than-light travel.
At this point I put down my pint of Frottage's Old Master and started to pay attention. This would facilitate anything really - the world was at my fingertips.
At first I considered whether I should remove geo-political unrest in third-world dictatorships or raise the standard of living in autonomous collectives. Then I thought it might be worth testing climate change parallels by controlling sun spot formation and electrical field discharge.
Neither seemed to satisfy me so I upped my thinking a little. If I were to rewind a little by four billion years or so, I could influence the trajectory of the proto-continents and design a more accommodating set of landmasses for us all.
I didn't get too far as Jenkins had rung the bell and I'm never one to miss last orders, but I think this will help us:
1. Move Pangea southwards
2. Ensure Laurasia is more vertically aligned and can float northwards once the geo-magnetic field polarity reverses in the Pre-Cambrian
3. Take a punt on North America forming closer and Africa more Easterly
4. Make sure Antarctica moves more quickly by punting proto-Asia on the southern tectonics (any plate will do).
I'm not sure but I'm hoping this will have three considerable effects.
The first is that Lyme Regis will be closer to London so we can all enjoy ourselves more easily.
The second is that Bond Street will be closer to the City so we can all pick up milsubs without deviating from our commute.
The third is that it'll compress the Metropolitan line and allow me accommodate Bayswater to Crouch End.
If you know your Mornington Crescent, you'll know this is kingmaker play in action.
My work is done.
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