Dealing with a menopausal wife?

[Barryboy]

It can be a very trying time, especially for a diabetic epileptic who also suffers from macular myasthenia gravis. She has a big medication regime that can be easily upset by the introduction of new medicines so has had to 'cold turkey' the menopause since her late 40's. Now, almost 8 years later it is all over but fortunately she's not one of those women who contiinually feel sorry for themselves so we managed OK.

It also helped a little that I pretended to be deaf....

[castle]

Worth bearing in mind that there are potential ways forward which are not HRT. I work as a GP and am not an overwhelming fan of HRT. It may be really useful for some particularly for its long term benefits (helps prevent osteoporosis if that is likely) but there are some patients who are absolutely dead set against it and that is fair enough. There are also some medical reasons why it mightn't be suitable for everyone.

If your wife is against HRT it might still be worth discussing with GP if anything else can help. I would caution use of some herbal remedies. At least with medication you know exactly what you are getting and that it has been tested on tens of thousands of patients.

General advice is always to spend time with each other AND pray for wisdom when to get offside.

[pugster]

i thought the general way to deal with it was build a shed at the bottom of the garden and spend most of the time out of the line of fire and let someone else take the flac.... you can also dig a tunnel in the shed so when she realises what you are doing you can escape to the nearest pub.

[wildheart]

Thanks again chaps for the sound advice, I have had unaquivicable support from colleagues and friends. I was given the number of a 24/7 counselling service supplied by my employer. I spent an hour on the phone with them this evening. They will support me if Relate fails. Today was my best since the big bang, I'm ready to soldier on now.
Tomorrow may be the beginning of the end or the start of something new?

[randomshenans]

Christ, if I think I get it in the neck now, I'm really looking forward to later in life. I might hire her out, someone has to take her.

[Huertecilla]

I know people are saying give it time, but the reality is it's only going to get worse, there's a reason why women live longer than men.

I am not people then.
There is no reason why you should endure it, have it shorten your life.

I am quite serious.

It is an inevitable hormonal change but human beings have a rational capacity that distinguishes us from other animals.
There is no excuse for behaving badly. A flare of hormonal temper is a réason but not an excuse and should be compensated for.

Both men and women are expected to have the rationality to deal with their hormone levels.
Yes, it is reasonable that hormones cause difficulties to the extent of medical probkems but there is NO excuse for it to unbalance a relationship. It should both be limited and compensated for by the one experiencing the hormonal behaviour.

My gf is in the early stages too. I will absorb some of the flares. To a limted extend and it must be compensated for. I will not accept excesses and no it is not mé who needs to gofor a walk; it´s hér hormones
This applies to the way it affects our son too. He must learn to be flexible and tolerant but there is NO reason why hé should suffer plain bad behaviour.

Menopause is a genuine reason, not an excuse. Simple as that. Yes, it is.

[java]

I've always changed my wives before they got to this stage. However I plan to keep the current 4th one. So I am watching this tread and learning

[Dave+63]

Do you mind me asking how old she is? My wife displays some of the symptoms and she's nearly 49. Trouble is she's been a bad tempered bitch ever since I married her 9 years ago!!

[Chinnock]

On a light note this reminds me of a conversation I had with my wife after we watched some sad soppy wife dies movie to which she said;

Wife "If I died I hope you will find somebody you could love again and be able to move on?"

Me " I couldn't possibly do that!"

Wife "Don't be silly, it's important in life that you continue to move forward. If not for me, then for the kids"

Me "No, really can't see myself being able to do that"

Wife (now getting rather perplexed) "Nothing wrong with meeting someone again and getting married surely?"

Me (tongue in cheek) "Honestly, you don't think I would make the same mistake twice do you?"

Conversation over. Didn't want to speak to me for the rest of the evening. Don't know why?

[TheFlyingBanana]

On a light note this reminds me of a conversation I had with my wife after we watched some sad soppy wife dies movie to which she said;

Wife "If I died I hope you will find somebody you could love again and be able to move on?"

Me " I couldn't possibly do that!"

Wife "Don't be silly, it's important in life that you continue to move forward. If not for me, then for the kids"

Me "No, really can't see myself being able to do that"

Wife (now getting rather perplexed) "Nothing wrong with meeting someone again and getting married surely?"

Me (tongue in cheek) "Honestly, you don't think I would make the same mistake twice do you?"

Conversation over. Didn't want to speak to me for the rest of the evening. Don't know why?

My wife and I had virtually the exact same conversation a couple of years back.

After she insisted several times that I should look to remarry if something happened to her, I eventually agreed that I would if that was her wish.

She then got the right hump.

I only asked if I could have a year of shagging about first before settling down again.

You just can't win sometimes....

[ralphy]

My wife and I had virtually the exact same conversation a couple of years back.

After she insisted several times that I should look to remarry if something happened to her, I eventually agreed that I would if that was her wish.

She then got the right hump.

I only asked if I could have a year of shagging about first before settling down again.

You just can't win sometimes....

Same conversation several years ago: my wife's insistence that I should marry someone else (in the event of her predeceasing me) came to an abrupt halt when I finally gave in and admitted that I did have someone in mind...

Funny lot, wimmin.

R

[odyseus10]

Do you mind me asking how old she is? My wife displays some of the symptoms and she's nearly 49. Trouble is she's been a bad tempered bitch ever since I married her 9 years ago!!

My wife was about 48 when the hot flushes started, always happened at bed time all of a sudden hot and sweaty.. Blankets on..Blankets off.
It really screwed her sleep pattern making her tired and a bit moody.

As a result she was put on Prozac which was supposed to help with her mood flushes, which it did a bit.

Period frequency was all over the place, a couple of normal months then nothing for a few months and so on.

Now she has just turned 50 and hasn't had a period for well over 6 months, so maybe she is nearly through the Menopause?

But, she has been started on HRT to help get through it, currently on Tridestra tablets..

I think that your wife should see a GP, as she might get prescribed something to help her (and you) through it all?? As was said in an earlier post, HRT is short term but certainly does help :)

One downside!!! HRT treatments can result in weight gain. Luckily my wife is tall & slim, but even so she complains that she has put on weight, so something to bear in mind..

[java]

On a light note this reminds me of a conversation I had with my wife after we watched some sad soppy wife dies movie to which she said;

Wife "If I died I hope you will find somebody you could love again and be able to move on?"

Me " I couldn't possibly do that!"

Wife "Don't be silly, it's important in life that you continue to move forward. If not for me, then for the kids"

Me "No, really can't see myself being able to do that"

Wife (now getting rather perplexed) "Nothing wrong with meeting someone again and getting married surely?"

Me (tongue in cheek) "Honestly, you don't think I would make the same mistake twice do you?"

Conversation over. Didn't want to speak to me for the rest of the evening. Don't know why?

That is the "Do I look fat in this " question in another guise . There can only be one answer.

[wildheart]

Do you mind me asking how old she is? My wife displays some of the symptoms and she's nearly 49. Trouble is she's been a bad tempered bitch ever since I married her 9 years ago!!

Dave she has just turned 57 and has been in the menopause 18 months. Things are escalating quite fast now and family is starting to take sides. Tonight is very important as to our future I just hope she gives it a go...

[Huertecilla]

I've always changed my wives before they got to this stage. However I plan to keep the current 4th one. So I am watching this tread and learning

Don´t marry.
Barring exceptions the ´forever´ is an illusion anyway as you illustrate.

Ditto monogamy.

Skip the illusion, enter reality.
Not committing yourself to a durable relation like a pig to ham works like a treat.
Kids are no argument either as the commitment to thém is something different altogether. That is a blood commitment. No need to screw that up with marriage obligations getting in between.

Anyway; I hope that the OT can find a point of light or what. That he can decide on a course of action.
Reads rather miserable for both him and his partner.
Bottom line is imo that life is too short and precious for that.

[oldstock]

i never had the the menopause, by by hell have i suffered from it.

[wildheart]

Well we are still here...and moving forward together. Been a tough 7 days. If I did one thing right it was contacting Relate. They were superb. If anyone happens to find themselves on this very rocky path then have confidence in Relate. It's baby steps from here for us as a couple, but we are older and wiser than we were a week ago. Having your emotion put through a cement mixer is an experience I would rather not face again. Onwards and upwards!

[tixntox]

Buy her a watch! In Australia and send her to collect it - on a moped!

[ralphy]

Well we are still here...and moving forward together. Been a tough 7 days. If I did one thing right it was contacting Relate. They were superb. If anyone happens to find themselves on this very rocky path then have confidence in Relate. It's baby steps from here for us as a couple, but we are older and wiser than we were a week ago. Having your emotion put through a cement mixer is an experience I would rather not face again. Onwards and upwards!

Good to hear of this update. Fingers crossed, eh?

R

[Neil.C]

Glad to hear things are looking up for you Wildy.

[tintin]

Glad to hear you feel a bit more positive, very difficult times.

[docd]

Fingers crossed that the situation will come around for you.

As an aside I have a mate going through similar troubles, I told him to contact Relate off the back of this thread and your experiences, so thanks for the useful advice.

[Paul J]

Crikey! This thread is terrifying!

My wife is 37, so hopefully I have a few years yet.

I was going to say something like "As blokes we all know that the ladies simply need to get a grip and pack it in."

But after reading this maybe I won't.

Likewise - I'm feeling increasingly uneasy reading this; my wife is only 38 and hormonal enough at times to drive me to distraction. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with episodes of this magnitude...!

[Paul J]

Don´t marry.
Barring exceptions the ´forever´ is an illusion anyway as you illustrate.

Ditto monogamy.

Skip the illusion, enter reality.
Not committing yourself to a durable relation like a pig to ham works like a treat.
Kids are no argument either as the commitment to thém is something different altogether. That is a blood commitment. No need to screw that up with marriage obligations getting in between.

I understand you're trying to be helpful fella, but this is your reality, not necessarily anyone else's.

[AlphaOmega]

This thread is both uplifting and ominous.

Good that things seem to be working out for the OP but bad that we all appear to be sitting on a powder keg.

On the plus side, here the forum has been able to promote a (reasonably) sensitive discussion that would be difficult to broach even among close friends. One of the paradoxes of the internet.

**downloads plans for a shed just in case**

[ralphy]

I understand you're trying to be helpful fella, but this is your reality, not necessarily anyone else's.

If he was trying to be helpful I fail to see where.

R

[demer03]

Good luck, man

[normal]

Scared the living .... out of me. I'm in the 'my wife is like this and she's in her late 30's camp'. Anyone with any experience saying this type mellows with the menopause???

[Loquacious]

Scared the living .... out of me. I'm in the 'my wife is like this and she's in her late 30's camp'. Anyone with any experience saying this type mellows with the menopause???

Not. A. Chance!

I worry as well. My wife is 38 and normally the sweetest person on the planet... however. The other day, it was full on bloody awful mental and culminated in her telling me to go and live "elsewhere" Where, didn't seem to matter!

After half of an hour of this she was back to normal, and tearful and apologetic at the way she'd been, but, it scared the poopers out of me! If this is a forerunner of the menopause, God help me!

[raptor]

I've always changed my wives before they got to this stage. However I plan to keep the current 4th one. So I am watching this tread and learning

you love them all
you dont have to marry them...

[wildheart]

The last fortnight has taught me many lessons. Here are some.

Don't take the friendship of your nearest and dearest for granted ever!
Always (at all times) keep one eye your partners well being (state of mind).
Answer positively... even when the question is inane or so far off topic that you have not a clue what they(wife,girlfriend) are on about.
Take good council, believe me none of us (men) really have a clue how women are feeling all of time.
Work at your marriage (partnership) harder than you work at anything else. (Anything else will most certainly fail eventually).
Remember the menopause is coming your way, like it or not...be prepared...I wasn't.

Our relationship is far from fully healed...Scottie is fighting hard at getting the warp drive repaired. We are still on impulse power...but at least we are moving...and its forward.

[samswatch]

The last fortnight has taught me many lessons. Here are some.

Don't take the friendship of your nearest and dearest for granted ever!
Always (at all times) keep one eye your partners well being (state of mind).
Answer positively... even when the question is inane or so far off topic that you have not a clue what they(wife,girlfriend) are on about.
Take good council, believe me none of us (men) really have a clue how women are feeling all of time.
Work at your marriage (partnership) harder than you work at anything else. (Anything else will most certainly fail eventually).
Remember the menopause is coming your way, like it or not...be prepared...I wasn't.

Our relationship is far from fully healed...Scottie is fight hard at getting the warp drive repaired. We are still on imulse power...but at least we are moving...and its forward.

thanks for the advice and good luck with the road ahead. Seems to be smoothing out.