I'm not sure how to approach this thread, nor what I expect as an output, but here goes...
A slight caveat, before I launch in, I appreciate that I am far better off than a LOT of people worldwide and shouldn't complain, first world problems 'n all - but we're all adults here, I hope it's taken as intended.
It might sounds harsh to say it but you are right these are first world problems, compared to a lot of people you are far better off, however that doesn't make your problems lesser to you.
To set the scene then:
Mid/late 30's, 40k a year job in IT mgmt, 2 young kids, self employed wife, small detached house that's nearly mortgage free and a rental property that's about 50% LTV @ 100k.
All the above sounds pretty cool, just re-read the above now and then and think about the positives.
So why is life so hard?
Financially, the wife brings in no money in her business, it's a lifestyle business, she runs my Mum's company (who's retired due to ill health) and the hope is that eventually she'll inherit the property. Childcare costs are crippling, I have one child in school and another in childcare, the costs are unreasonable. The rental property covers itself, rental income covers mortgage and maintenance. I have reduced my bills to as low as possible, I have no loans or finance, other than the mortgage, yet still, every month I am overdrawn. I have no savings, no retirement to speak of (I pay 4% salary contribution but have only done so for 3 years). Every month, we have no money, I have reduced my watch fund to 2 and sacrificed other hobbies, I did have a nice car but have realised I can no longer afford £500 tax and 25mpg, I now drive a small, cheap Citroen. I work hard, have a good work-life balance, with the ability to work from home when needed, my job is secure but dull. I yearn to move into a more lucrative and challenging role but haven't the time to train.
You provide your own solution to your finance problem above, either spk to your wife about getting a job (and lose the potential business inheritance) that pays or accept that your expenses for child care are a form of investment for when you will inherit the business and it's value.
Health-wise, I'd say I'm a mess. I am tired CONSTANTLY, I am overweight despite training (running, boxing, cycling), I'd put it down to poor diet and motivation. I am in pain all the time, I've been having physio for over a year with no results, I have been tested for everything under the sun with 'inconclusive' results. I have recently weened myself off painkillers and now just live with being in pain constantly, it's tiresome. I am an alcoholic, no other way to put it, I drink to relax and be able to sleep, I know it doesn't do my health or mental wellbeing any good, but I'm in a rut and it is my coping mechanism. I enjoy training, I box, I run, I cycle - seems less and less, recently, due to motivation. I have seen a counselor through work, he helped a bit but realistically wanted many more sessions, work only pays for 6 sessions and they were eaten up quickly and I cannot afford sessions myself.
My brother is an alcoholic, though he won't admit it, he's been hospitalised three times as a result and can not function without another adult being with him 24/7 as he will just get completely drunk, I am talking drinking himself into unconsciousness. You are not at that stage, you have admit your problem which is the first step to stopping or getting the problem under control. AA is often forgotten but it is very effective if you want to stop drinking, think of the financial benefit in the short term and the physical benefit in the long term. I believe, though I have no medical qualification you would also benefit from spk'ing to your GP about depression and whilst I understand your fears you need to confront your general mental well being.
Family is difficult, my mum suffered a stroke 2 years ago and is bedridden, we decided to home-care for her, I live next door to her and help where I can, the costs of private care are crippling for my Dad, who seems to be working himself into an early grave. She has a good quality of life but has shown no improvement in 2 years. Due to us being next door, and providing family support, we don't want to move house, although the house we're in is too small for the 4 of us, we're finding space a real issue.
Families and elderly relatives are often difficult, it is much the same for many, I am afraid on this one I have to think you need to struggle on.
I tend to ignore the good stuff in front of me. My kids are lovely and well rounded things, my son does excellently at school and my young daughter is a beautiful and happy little thing. I find motivation in charity work, I try and do 2 events a year for charity, I find them a real boost - recently I did a 40 mile bike ride and a 10k run, I struggled with both but raised a good amount of money. My only desire is to give my family a good life, I've discussed none of this with the wife, she'd understand but I wouldn't want to burden her - she merrily goes about her existence and I organise, pay for and manage everything.
Please read the paragraph above repeatedly. If you won't spk to a doctor, or relatives, or friends try websites that encourage positive thinking such as http://www.thebookoflife.org it's an example. I am not saying it is completely suitable or that it it will even help but it's worth a look isn't it?. If you keep telling yourself things are shite, they will be.
TL;DR? I'm in a rut, poor health, no money, no retirement - can't see a way through it all.
There is always a way it's just finding the right one for you and yours.
No expectations, like I said, but does it ever get any easier? I feel middle-aged with no prospects. I know there are some very successful people in here and I don't want quick fixes, maybe just some advice? I fully expect some cries of MTFU too and that's what I keep telling myself!
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Originally Posted by Xantiagib
tell yourself, " I can do this!".
