If you are divorced and have no kids involved then I'm pretty sure you don't have to give her a penny.
I walked out on my wife of 8 years in April 2015 following years of putting up with her (then 19 year-old) reprobate of a a weed-smoking, thieving, lying son.
We had no assets (house was rented) other than furniture, cars (one each) and a bit of jewellery. I took my stuff, and my car, left the rest with her, and moved into a rented flat.
I agreed to go to mediation to agree what was described as 'spousal maintenance' as I had paid for pretty much everything (rent, bills, cars, mobile, food etc) for 12 years and was duty-bound to keep her in the lifestyle to which she was accustomed (or some bollocks to that effect). We went through the process, which I paid for, and although I signed nothing, I agreed to carry on paying bills etc until she either settled down with someone else, or we got to the 2 year separation point at which time we could pay our £500 and get a simple divorce on the 2 year separation rule. I also agreed to give her the contents of an ISA (about £6k as a lump sum) to remove her claim on my pensions, which she has already had, and presumably spent.
Anyway... I have continued to pay the rent, her car tax, car insurance, pet insurance, gas, electricity, council tax, mobile for the past 18 months. I have just found out that her boyfriend has been living with her since last October with her only expenses being for food, clothes, credit cards, and pet food (and her scrounging waste-of-space son) whilst I barely scrape by having to effectively pay for two households.
We have no kids (between us)
She works full time, and so does her new(ish) fella
She kept the furniture, TVs, sofas, pets, car that I bought her etc and I started again from scratch.
My question is this... what are my LEGAL obligations to continue paying for ANYTHING ? Even better... can I get any of what I've given her back ?
I guess the obvious answer is I need to cough up for some proper legal advice, but just wondered if anyone on here has been through similar ?
Cheers,
Daniel.
If you are divorced and have no kids involved then I'm pretty sure you don't have to give her a penny.
A nice one for the 'marriage' thread
http://forum.tz-uk.com/showthread.php?374952-Marriage
Last edited by Huertecilla; 4th August 2016 at 15:58.
Ok, stop paying her anything and instead pay a solicitor for sound legal advice.
I thought once she was cohabiting with a guy your responsibility ended.
Obviously it depends on your agreement with her - I would pay for a lawyer to read that over and advise you. I expect until April you will be bound to pay as per the agreement.
In April you will have a better pattern to establish she is with someone permanently as she could easily claim is a new relationship etc. now.
My friend, for example has to pay maintenance until his wife remarries but then he is fully divorced so it will depend on the agreement.
Of course it can be challenged in the light of a change of circumstances but again will need legal advice if that is worth doing now or later.
Have you agreed a financial (legal) settlement? You can either pay for advice, or let things take their course - sometimes it's less expensive to pay what you have agreed to and then walk away.
It's just a matter of time...
Jesus Christ...
I hope whoever I'll marry is the right one for me because all this sounds pathetic and preposterous...
Don't you just get to divorce your partner and then you do the thing where you split your stuff and that's it ? Especially since she had no minor children... Why pay anything for her ? What kind of rules do you have there in the UK for crying out loud ?
I hope that before you marry whoever you might, you check on the laws in the country you reside.
Most men find out when they want to divorce yet in most European countries it is a risky idea to marry as the legal real consequences can be horrendous whereas the benefits are mostly perceived.
And as to the right one; well imo you don't have to marry that one.
Why you agreed to pay her anything in the first place is beyond my understanding.
That can't be a legal requirement surely?
Plus half of anything you had before the marriage 👍
Half of nothing is nothing so pay get nothing
Basically she is entitled to half of our combined disposable income... she takes home about 1/4 of what I do a month, so the net result is that I owe her money.
It sucks. BIG TIME, especially as she's not spent a penny in the 11 years we were together. She even tried to demand that because we had 3 foreign holidays in 2014 (the year of my 40th) she was entitled to 3 holidays every year, funded by me !
Her new bloke is welcome to her.
I've got an appointment with a marital law expert tomorrow evening
Google spousal maintenance........... the law is very definitely in her favour.
Funny how I didn't see any of the £30k inheritance she got when her Mum passed away in our first year of marriage... maybe I should mention that ?
For what it’s worth, whatever others say, you did the right thing, but also agree it can’t go on.
Good luck with the legal advice.
My question is,why does it all go only one way?,money to her!.
Why does the woman not have to pay towards all your expenses?.
You have no ties with her so we're that myself I would be paying nothing towards making her life easier.
I can't offer you advice only my sympathy.
Whatever the law is it seems the man always ends up stuffed,
Did you get financial separation? If not get one sharpish and tell her to pay her own way. I was in same position paying for a knob of a bloke to live in my house whilst I was in a dump.
As a 50 year old who has been engaged twice and never married I'll give you a phrase passed to me some years ago: If it flies, floats or fu**s, it's cheaper to rent it!
It can do its just its more frequent for the woman to be the stay at home partner. A friend of my was the house husband while his wife build a successful international career. He has stayed in the family home and she pays him maintenance on a monthly basis.
Theses issues always arise more often in more traditional arrangements where one person works and the other doesn't.
Another friend who got divorced - Because they both had careers and earnt about the same - same easy (as easy as divorce gets) spilit.
Plus the answers you get her reflect that the forum is virtually all men. If you head over to a forum full of women the talk will be about how hubby has disappeared and emptied the bank accounts.
Last edited by Alansmithee; 5th August 2016 at 10:19.
You need to seek legal advice. Not the advice and expertise of pub lawyers on an Internet forum.
What proof have you got the other bloke is living there full time. Electoral role or bank details or credit report using that address. His name on a bill?
A mate had the same problem, but the bloke said he was not living there and hard to prove. He owned another house that was rented out but he said one bed room was his, but there was no bed in it. He said he slept on the floor, mate had pictures for 6 days on the trot him leaving and returning to his exes house and pictures of him doing decorating, bloke said he was helping her decorate so was there a lot that week.
Good luck hope you get it sorted
Hope I didn't come accross as rude to the OP but I've just been through a divorce myself and the best bit of advice I could give you is speak to a solicitor and get all your questions and "what ifs" answered by someone who knows exactly where you stand by law. There is no legal aid for divorce cases now so much better/cheaper to finalise your settlement without intervention from a court - but just make sure you have the legal advice so you know all your rights and make all decisions in your best interest. I don't think you are obliged to pay her a penny if she's living with someone else, but as someone else said earlier it may be the cheaper option than to antagonise her and get solicitors fighting your settlement out!
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
We've been through mediation (see post #1).
We have no children so most of the 'advice' on the CAB website is irrelevant. Makes me wonder if I should even be paying as there are no children involved.
For various reasons my appointment last Friday has been postponed until this Friday... will report back when I've had some proper legal advice.
Offer her the piano in full and final settlement.
Sorry. Hope it gets clarified by an actual professional soon. I've never been in that situation so have zero advice but sympathise - it can't be easy.
Not going to go into specifics on a public forum, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The ball is now in her court. It can either be expensive for her, or very expensive for both of us (and then probably still expensive for her).
going through the same at the moment!!
not easy is it!!!
My Son went through a divorce. The only person he has to pay for is his Daughter , She got the House together with a percentage of his Pension . You do not pay anything for her as she can work.Stop the money now if she takes you to court she will lose. All the information is on the internet. In court his wife was told get a job.
Good luck. Bee.M
I'm seperated through no fault of my own . It's been 9 months . My wife expects me to mind our children the days she is in work 3 X 12 hour shifts , have them stay were I am now living and take them out for a full day Saturday . I pay weekly maintenance to her. I am unable to afford my own place whilst I am supporting her job as I have been thrown out of the family rented home. I have not sought legal advice and I help her with money where I can . Both her and my family call me a mug and are derisional as I still help (for what I hear you say) she can't forgive me but let's me continue .
The OP from
The thread here doesn't have a true obligation all this time to have paid her he could of walked away and not paid to support her at all as there are no children . He's a gentleman.
I'm still lost at sea myself
I am
Expected to do all the above also aswell as work full time and she re iterates over and over 'but you are the father'
Yes I agree but do seperated fathers still accommodate their wives who've ended the marriage to such degrees on the scale I do ?
By the way I have only had a verbal agreement of seperation with my wife . I stay over there many nights a week but no courts have been involved yet
Her reasoning to the situation is - if you don't mind the children the days I work (also fit my own Job around hers which I tailored over the years to suit ) that I will be taking the roof from over the kids heads !
It is mate . Like a jail sentence that I can't see any end to . Plus were seperated (verbally by her) she could be seeing someone and what could I do ? It's harder going there every day seeing the home we built and the familiarity of it all. It's like a sick joke
- - - Updated - - -
It is mate . Like a jail sentence that I can't see any end to . Plus were seperated (verbally by her) she could be seeing someone and what could I do ? It's harder going there every day seeing the home we built and the familiarity of it all. It's like a sick joke