Like the title? I should have been a red top journo.

Right, down to business.

We've had loads of false widow threads but I've scanned them briefly and I don't think we've covered getting tough with them.

First things first.

Make yourself a drink. If you're having a cup of tea then do help yourself to a biscuit. You deserve it. If you're having coffee, I hope it's decaff as you should be winding down seeing as it's Sunday evening as I write this. If you're having some white wine or a beer, then I recommend chilling the glass first. If you're having red then let it breathe for a day beforehand.

Some background. I love spiders. Not the way they look - which let's face it is challenging. But what they do. They dislike flies as much as I do. They're industrious and their silk is like kevlar. So far, so good.

After reading a few of the false widow threads, I have been managing them in and around my garage. On a few occasions I've brushed one off and I'm not particularly keen to test the theory that the bite is similar to a wasp. I have been squirting them with a vinegar mixture and keeping the place clean. But, I think they're not as worried about me as they used to be.

I know this as last time I squirted them, the largest stood its ground and sparked up a tiny cigarette. I watched as it eyed me steadily and blew a small amount of smoke in my face. When it then flicked the stub at me, I decided some stronger action was needed.

I'd like to persuade them to move elsewhere for good. Any thoughts appreciated.