I sit here writing this knowing that medically nothing has changed since Tuesday yet I am feeling 400% better. I’m hoping that by sharing my experience it may help some in here or some on here’s relatives to speak up.

My story

Ok we will start in December 2016. Completely out of the blue I lost my mum to a heart attack. No warnings. Fit and active for here age (71). She was amazing and a huge part of mine and my family’s life. She would have the children overnight with my dad and allow me and my wife to go out for an evening. She was my rock just always there!

After this happened we pushed on grief was there but I can see looking back I never really stopped to actually grieve. I noticed very little difference in myself until our holiday last year when (we won’t fly (one of Mums lasting influences on me)) the week before we was going to board the coach to Spain the whole week I spent quietly petrified as I was certain the coach would crash and kill us. I slept none of the trip 24hour trip! This started again the day before we returned home. Completely certain the coach would kill us.

Then there are other circumstances since Mum that really affect me. Simple things like a pain or headache or tightness of chest for no reason I am certain it’s serious. This is not me!

This all came together for this holiday when I finally told my wife how I was feeling! I was reassured by her but still didn’t feel anymore happy over it. Went on holiday this last week and same all over again! I sat one day on holiday my chest tight feeling completely boxed in. Convinced this was the day I would die. I slept none that night for fear of not waking up! Yet again the journey there and back I was awake for the full 24hour.

So roll on to Tuesday morning this week. The day after we are home off holiday. I ring my doctors for an emergency appointment to discuss my fears. I’ve always rung early morning and been able to get an appointment same day no problem. I probably attend my doctors 2 tines a year so I am by no means a regular! Yet this time when I ring I was told I can’t get an appointment until I explain to the receptionist what I need it for!!!! This sent me so close to not going. And not getting help!! This was the first thing I went over with the doctor! He was not happy!

I sat there to the doctor explaining everything! I felt amazing as he just listened smiled and told me I am normal and it is normal to suffer anxiety after what happened. He sat and explained my options and gave me loads of information... no medication just options and his ear. I left there smiling. With a follow up appointment and an idea of how to move forward!

If anyone is feeling like this a doctors visit can be huge! Yet the thought of talking about it can be a huge no no. Just do it! Take the plunge. I found as soon as I started I told everything!

I’m not cured am no different. I just feel better and know I am not dealing with this alone.


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