No, you didn't misread it, I really would like advice from people who may have the same minor problem as myself.
Firstly a few notes:
*This isn't the Bear Pit so keep it as clean as is possible given the subject.
*For those who complain that men don't talk about their health problems as much as they should - be careful what you wish for.
*You may think that I am opening myself up (scuse the pun) for witty and ascerbic comment. Please feel free.
My problem is that I am a slave to my bowels. I am not constipated; in fact I go regularly. It's just that my bowels and my work schedule don't align.
Although I have a Portapotti in my man cave (4 miles distant from my house) I try to avoid using it except in emergencies; therefore I tend not to depart from home until I consider myself internally cleansed. Rarely do I achieve this state of bliss until 11am.
Can anyone suggest ways to confine the crapping to earlier in the day? Ideally from after I am guaranteed to be out of bed (7-30, or 8am if after a session in the local or at home on the apple juice) and maybe 10am when I feel that my working day should begin.
So far I am considering drinking more water /tea/coffee during the day ( I rarely drink when at the man cave - no potable water) and trying senna tablets taken the night before. Since selling the business I don't have an HMRC tax bill to look at - that always worked.
All suggestions gratefully received and possibly considered.
Last edited by unclealec; 30th September 2024 at 12:45.
Vitamin C is known to be a laxative. You can either buy it for that purpose or as vitamin supplement such as a desolving tablet in a glass of water. Try one of those in the evening and hopefully you will be ready to go in the morning.
Alternately get a job in the Civil Service, because when I was there you had to book an appointment to get in the bogs first thing in the morning
Thanks; worth looking into. I eat healthily, roughage, not that much red meat, plenty of veg, very little processed stuff, so I may have to consider if it is possible to have Vitamin C overload, but I will certainly check up on it.
I used to be like you; my bowels needed time to be "ready". However a tip I've learnt and one that now perhaps my body has adjusted to, is to drink a large glass of warm water in the morning soon after getting out of bed. This seems to kickstart my system into action within 10-15 minutes.
a lot of people swear by a strong proper coffee first thing; I've some friends that you can literally set a stopwatch from the time they empty the mug to filling the bowl and it's almost always spot on.
not a problem I have thankfully, but also work from home so wouldn't notice anyway.
I’m pretty regular, and go at pretty much the same time everyday. The key for me is physical movement. If I get up and lounge around, nothing happens.
But if I get up, and start moving around, empty the bin, have a shower, have a bit of a tidy up etc, that’s all it takes for me to then need the loo.
Take up jogging...you can be assured after 10 mins you'll get an 'uh oh' moment
2-3 cups of strong tea in the morning works for me. I usually enjoy a full evacuation between 8 and 8.30
Early morning Coffee usually works for me…
but then, I’d also likely go around 11 as well lol
It's just a matter of time...
When I lived in France (& smoked… a lot) I found a hot black coffee and a Marlboro were very effective.
So much so that the coffee often wasn’t finished before the turtle’s head made an appearance.
I’m not advocating taking up smoking BTW. Maybe start with a strong, hot coffee.
(I’ve heard somewhere that the heat that gets blood flowing to the digestive system and gets things moving.)
z
A double espresso first thing, then walk the dog. Follow that up with fresh pineapple for breakfast.
Works a treat.
Prunes, lots of em.
Best Regards - Peter
I'd hate to be with you when you're on your own.
When would you take them?Originally Posted by Griswold
Neck a pint of water with my various vitamins. It's that's not got things going then a cup of tea soon after normally does the trick
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Supper time to be 'going' by morning. Added to breakfast cereal to retain efficiency.
Best Regards - Peter
I'd hate to be with you when you're on your own.
Cheers guys, lots to think about there, including stealing a dog.
Thinking back, I think this started when age withered me; sadly this rules out jogging, but up and active earlier is worth a try.
Prunes I dislike with a passion, even though they are the standard answer to my problem.
And so far all helpful replies; no faescetious comments.
No new advice to offer (other than seconding the strong coffee) but wanted to write that the OP made me laugh
I used to work with someone who'd eat 3 fig rolls and half an hour later would be off to visit the porcelain throne. It worked every time for him. Maybe worth a try with your morning cuppa, as long as you like figs I guess.
Cheers,
Gary
Whilst I have nothing against fig rolls, or figs in general for that matter, I don't think digestion works like that.
Perhaps if he ate 3 fig rolls every day, then that might explain it.
The mind is a powerful thing - it might be worth exploring the mental side of things. ie if you think you can't possibly leave without going to the toilet first because you'll need it once out, you probably will need to go, as you've already told yourself that. On the days where you stay at home does your routine change?
Try sitting on the throne (at your desired time) every day.
Eventually, your body will think ‘Ah, this is the time we lay a cable’ and bend to your will.
Possibly.
I find the morning coffee helps before my walk.
Curious as to this man cave thats 4 miles from home
A shed in the woods (be a bear). A rented storage locker
Reading this thread has worked for me, I never normally get the urge at 6:38am!
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If all suggestions fail and desperation threatens, carry a rubber mallet and a bag of corks!
Thanks for the head start Alec, and don't worry folks, this image will be long forgotten by the time the Duro lands on SC
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Warm water with fresh Lemon 🍋 always works
There’s something very liberating about a de-robed evacuation!Thanks for the head start Alec, and don't worry folks, this image will be long forgotten by the time the Duro lands on SC
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I love seeing watches being used for the purpose they were designed for!Thanks for the head start Alec, and don't worry folks, this image will be long forgotten by the time the Duro lands on SC
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Surely a chronograph is needed?
Although it got me banned from my local bathroom shop.
Damn, I forgot to set the bezel to time this one!
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Maybe these?
Mix of a few things but many already mentioned
Try not to eat four hours before bed
Warm water with or without lemon or coffee in the morning
Some kind of physical movement always helps
Nothing terribly hard to digest at night
It’s always a good day when I go first thing in the morning before I get in the shower. A rare treat.
If you ever want to make it happen two double espressos and three satsumas. You will need grab handles on your toilet.
Agree, a post shower poop doesn't leave you feeling the freshest.
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I'm already into these after The Case of the Exploding Gonads. To be honest I am just finding the confidence to leave home without them, so avoiding that route would be great.Maybe these?
I can vouch for this - doing a contract for the employment services and was amazed at just how many people spent the first hour in the bog doing the crosswords et al.
Alternately get a job in the Civil Service, because when I was there you had to book an appointment to get in the bogs first thing in the morning
B
Alec has a little more taste, I was thinking these?Maybe these?
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If that is the view from the back, you may be onto something.Alec has a little more taste, I was thinking these?
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hahaha
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Excess Vitamin C is expelled in our urine, is of no benefit, can cause kidney stones, and in common with most vitamin supplements is a chemical, mass produced in China - to satisfy unwarranted demand by vitamin obsessed western nations' peoples.Vitamin C is known to be a laxative. You can either buy it for that purpose or as vitamin supplement such as a desolving tablet in a glass of water. Try one of those in the evening and hopefully you will be ready to go in the morning.
Alternately get a job in the Civil Service, because when I was there you had to book an appointment to get in the bogs first thing in the morning
Most people do not need any vitamin supplements. A varied diet and sunshine supplies all the vitamins we require.
The colour of your urine after sucking / swallowing a vitamin C tablet proves how our bodies reject excess vitamin C.
dunk
Last edited by sundial; 2nd October 2024 at 11:06.
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
Consider Dr Will Bulsiewicz's advice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkjyuEWR1cw
https://theplantfedgut.com/book/
– he's a leading gastroenterologist and one of the ZOE team.
Senna is not the answer. Senna and other laxatives are habit forming and should be unnecessary unless a person lives on donuts and burgers.
Aim to consume at least 30 different plant foods every week as per ZOE recommendations
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olKsStenYug
https://zoe.com/learn/30-plants-per-week#. .... but ref the Zoe 30+ supplement sold by Waitrose, it's cheaper to mix your own.
Regular plant food consumption cultivates a healthy gut microbiome which will assist regular bowel movements.
Regarding pooping at the same time every morning, i.e., at a very regular time:
Consider adopting regular sleeping hours if not already part of a your lifestyle.
Before nodding off to sleep, set aside 5 minutes or longer relaxation time with deep breathing and feel your whole body relax. Say / think to yourself whilst deep-ish breathing:
"My legs are relaxing .... my arms are relaxing .... my shoulders are relaxing ...." etc etc. You'll likely experience the feeling of your blood circulating through your limbs and other body parts as you 'sink' into a more relaxed state of mind.
In this 'more relaxed' frame of mind, it's possible to 'auto-suggest' to yourself, any aims and targets and positive thoughts – and thus 'achieve' same.
Try suggesting, "I'm gonna have a very relaxed night's sleep and wnen I wake at 7am, I'll have a coffee and breakfast – and my gut will be ready for a its regular poop movement .... my gut will ready for its regular poop .... my gut will ready for its regular poop .... my gut will ready for its regular poop ..."
The repetitive auto-suggestion will likely work for you and you can reinforce same by saying / thinking to yourself .... " .... and it's gonna work for me .... it's gonna work for me ... it's gonna work for me ... "
Auto-suggestion, positive thinking , self-hypnosis .... call it whatever you wish.
BW, dunk
Last edited by sundial; 2nd October 2024 at 11:10.
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
Wow, dunk, that's a bit left field for an old fogey like me, but well worth considering. I will have a dabble and report back.
What I do like the sound of s the programmable aspect; I have to catch an early train in December (for me early = before midday) and so am crapping myself at the thought of not crapping early enough.
See, it's working already!
....and @Matt68 - if wearing those kecks I would be too worried about a gang targetting me, mugging me, and ripping them off before disappearing on an e-bike. Mind you, there would be a trail to follow.....
Regarding the 'ergonomics' of pooping:
One fact which many GPs fail to recognise is that humans have evolved over thousands of years to poop in a squatting position – which promotes easier bowel evacuation. Western culture has resulted in our use of water closets (w.c.'s) for pooping – whereby we do not necessarily adopt a sufficiently squatting position – especially if we do not use a low level w.c.. Defecation can be eased by using a foot support whilst sitting on the loo - easy to make same using piece of board with four short 2" to 3" legs .... height depends on personal preference but will assist in adopting more of a squatting position. Can be beneficial for anyone who's had bowel / rectal surgery which can compromise normal bowel sphincter action.
BW, dunk
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
Out of bed
Downstairs
Double Espresso
Straight back upstairs.
On with the day.
Thread has 2500 views in 48 hours ... possibly indicative of more than a few members seeking advice / remedies? If so, please consider viewing relevant 'FREE' ZOE podcasts https://zoe.com/learn/category/podcasts.
e.g., https://zoe.com/learn/podcast-the-ul...-constipation#
BW, dunk
Last edited by sundial; 2nd October 2024 at 13:29.
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
Top tip if you take this advice. Make sure you set your alarm for 6.30, and not 7.30… or a lie in may become a laying in.
Or a “cock-doodle-poo” as Roger Mellie described it in his profanisaurus.
z
This was quite common at my corporate as well.
"I like being paid to have a number two" was typically the most popular explanation LOL
Get up.
Move around. A few yoga moves if necessary.
Cup of tea or other warm drink. Doesn’t need to be coffee.
Squat.
Job done.
The movement and yoga bits being more relevant than the drinking something bit.
I find that works for me - strong coffee, then 10-30mins later I have to almost rush to the loo to drop one.
“ Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.” HHGTTG
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