Hi Ryan you seem pretty sure you’re going to be divorcing your wife before you retire what are your reasons for this if you don’t mind me asking? Does she have an inkling that this is in the cards? Or was it tongue in cheek?Originally Posted by ryanb741
Keeping it short, having a profoundly autistic son with very challenging behavioural difficulties has meant the marriage has broken down and has for some time. My wife is staying here until he becomes a young adult and moves into assisted accomodation to gain his independence. Then we can both re-start our lives again, but separately.
Does your wife know this ??
Asking for a friend ...?
The post above seems to indicate so, but is described rather oddly (rather than "we are divorcing").
The housing market has dropped the last couple of years due to interest rates etc, so if you’re ever going to move up, it makes more sense in a market like this, as pro rata it will cost less than it would have. As regards to you only live once - so true. I’m a believer in you’re more likely to regret the things you didn’t do, than did do. Plus you could always downsize later on.
Sorry to hear about your marriage Ryan. With Regards to property, each to their own, but I’d always want to own my home as who knows what the future holds. So many things can change and you may want or need to return in the future. Rentals may rocket in the future, even in Asia and you may eventually be outpriced. Lots of variables can happen. I’d personally want the security.
Well I'm going to keep specific details private but topline summary none of this will come as a surprise to her when it happens, let's put it that way.
She's stated on several occasions when it does end she wants to leave with nothing and return to her home country - I'll make sure she's well looked after financially so aim is to make it as amicable as possible.
As am I, and I fully understand why he's keeping it together for the lad for the time being.
Regarding renting, like you I want the security of owning and knowing I can't be booted out of my home (unless I do something really stupid), although I also see the logic in renting instead.
A couple of chaps I know rent a very nice detached house in a fairly expensive seaside village. They both have decent pensions, one pension pays the few grand a month rent, the others pension pays for bills, food, and beers out, holidays etc. They lead a simple but happy life together in a lovely house in a lovely area they could never have afforded to buy, and they don't have to worry about repair and maintenance costs either.
In their position I'd always be worried about being given my notice, but it works for them and I can see why Ryan may think the same.
Yeah makes sense. One option would be to 'downsize' the property by value (not by size!) and purchase another cheaper place that I keep as a base in the UK but rent out. Another thing I didn't mention because it's a bit morbid and I hope it doesn't happen for a long time but my mum owns a detached house near the Sandbanks area of Poole and myself and my sister would be the inheritors of that. Even if she went into the best care home for a long time she'd have to go some to exhaust the value locked into that place. Like I said, a bit morbid and hopefully a long time before this becomes a reality but there is always that to factor in.
Anyway I've got a way to go before any of this happens and plenty of time to figure it out.
Have I got this right - you're both intending to move to Asia (separately) and your son will be in assisted living. Would that be in this country?
So long as it doesn’t put you down to something like a 25% deposit I always would.
Correct. He'll be an adult then.
Hi Ryan, but what’s stopping her getting lawyered up and taking you for half?
As long as you're in this country, nothing at all (unless a watertight prenup is in place).
Oh and that "half" also includes pensions. Where pension provisions are unequal, UK courts will divvy that up too.
Sorry to hear of this, and I sincerely hope it really is an amicable split for you Ryan.
Nothing, but she won't. Not in her interests to do that if she wanted to make a fast return to her country and also to protect her assets in her country (house, plots of land etc). Aim is to keep it amicable but also relatively lucrative for her without it getting silly either. Plus a UK court would never giver her half if they know she's returning to Thailand, they'll figure out cost of living, the fact she already has a home there, division of labour in the marriage (I've basically been a full time carer for my disabled son as well as holding down a job), some other stuff which the authorities will have on file but which I'm not going to disclose publically here.
My word Ryan...don´t envy your situation, one question though you mention no need to pass an inheritance on, how can you be so certain, what about your son whose needs you seem to assume will always be adequately-well met by the state? You´re not going to financially, physically abandon him at maturity are you?
And the wife, sheesh, bad luck, my sympathies fella you chose a real winner there huh.
One more general observation, never assume you´ve got decades of healthy life left even with ´´early retirement´´...assumptions can be unreliable, dangerous things.
Last edited by Passenger; 9th August 2024 at 11:53.
By the sounds of what's been written in the past, not financially just maybe geographically...
Can´t speak for Ryan but from this and his prev posts is I think what he means.
Aye maybe.
He'll go into assisted accomodation at age 18 where he can live an independent life alongside other similarly disabled adults.
I'd move abroad but come back to the UK to visit him every 3 months and also take him with me on holidays as well. I'd probably see him more than 80% of parents whose kids live within 100 miles of them!
Re the finances, the basic needs (the assited accomodation and medical on site care) are met by the state. I'd also finance things like his clothes, holidays, excursions etc. Re an inheritance there's something called a Disabled Person's Trust which I'd set up for him and any inheritance would pass down to that. It would be financial as opposed to property and non taxable.
The thing about this though, and for obvious reasons I don't want to open up too much about it, is that his life expectancy isn't expected to to be the same as a non-disabled child (maybe he'd get to his 40s) so the money I spend on him and bequeath to him will basically be used to ensure he has as good a time as possible. He's no need of a deposit for a property etc, that's not a life path he'll take.
Re my wife's situation, I'd basically provide for her an annual amount that's the equivalent of a surgeon's salary in Thailand, plus cash enough to buy a luxury 4 bed house with pool etc. Plus she can keep her existing property, I'd top up her NI so she gets full UK state pension (which goes a long way in Thailand). Her standard of living would be higher than mine!
Last edited by ryanb741; 9th August 2024 at 12:04.
Sounds like a plan, kudos. All the best.
Re the to be ex wife...words fail me.
Last edited by Passenger; 9th August 2024 at 12:10.
She's not a bad person, but having a child with some extreme behavioural difficulties has basically destroyed her mentally. She loves him and the only reason she's still here is so she can spend time with him and help him get to the stage where he's able to live as independent a life as possible (with medical support). Aside from that she absolutely hates being here so as parents we have to do our duty to get him through to the time where he can live a fulfilling, independent-ish life and after that time comes it's a reset for us and we can start living our own lives again. It'll just be apart from each other that's all.
I totally get the additional stresses and strains of a child with extra challenges, we have our own...But there´s part of me thinks IF she absolutely hates where she is that´s bad all round, it´s going to bleed through...I DESPISED my job towards the end, takes a lot to authentically compartmentalise, I could only do it because the ´´plan´´ required it and CRUCIALLY I could see the finish line getting closer in real time, plus I could ´´beat up´´ on weak managers, so left the anguish in the office...The money you spunk on the wife who hates her environment- situation might well be better spent on a professional aid who truly wants to be there??? Aside, parentings better when it´s not always, mostly feeling like duty.
Still, you can´t tell anyone anything in this life. Best of luck, again, seems you´´ve made the best of a bad situation.
Ryan, this all sounds a hellish situation with your son and your wife but you seem to be on top of it and hopefully the outcome will be as you have planned, if in the future I can be of assistance looking after any of your watches while you are commuting between countries please don't hesitate to ask :)
Hey Ryan, you've had your run ins with many on here regarding your spending on watches, takeaways, etc, plus some of your political views. But none of us has gone through what you have done and are doing so. I can't imagine it, some may have an inkling, but only you know.
For what it's worth and from the little I can understand your plans are as perfect as the situation allows. Your wife has been through basically the same as you, so you will see her comfortable and secure, your conscience will be as clear as possible in that regard. Your son will need more physical help and care than you can give him as you yourself grow older, so you are making very good provisions for him also. At the same time you have a life plan for yourself that makes the most of what you have left after you have ensured that your wife and son are cared for.
Of course your relative wealth makes these plans physically possible, but you yourself are making the choices of how to use it, and I salute you sir.
No reaction so far to your post, but I fully agree, past the age to care about status symbols and just a comfy life and some money for deserving relatives and I’m done. Sadly the option isn’t really there at the moment, but I still can’t complain.
Got a new watch, divers watch it is, had to drown the bastard to get it!
I have this set up for my son already. He is 12. I was advised to stop putting any money in his name unless it goes into this trust, so I have stopped paying into his junior ISA. The risk being that when he turns 18, someone could take advantage of him and any assets he has in his name, whereas the trust assets would be controlled by the trustees.
My son is also has severe autism, learning difficulties, non verbal, no awareness of danger etc etc etc. I am two years down the line in a messy divorce awaiting the outcome of a final hearing having blown a shed load on solicitors. No fun at all
Cheers D, thought you'd be of a similar mindset. Can look after myself and Mrs.R fine now, but the deserving relatives will currently have to wait until I drop off my perch.
Hookers and coke.
You forgot the hookers and coke.
Ain’t that the truth P.
Got a new watch, divers watch it is, had to drown the bastard to get it!
Aye, we never know what's around the next corner.
I'm no longer interested in buying stuff, but am very interested in retiring as soon as is financially possible, so that £10k would definitely be my ticket away from the hamster wheel.
A fair chunk of it would also accumulate with a view to helping the kids get on the property ladder.
The odds are quite a bit better than the regular lottery, still about 15m/1 but against 45m/1 and a higher ticket price...
I'd be pretty happy to win it, wife could pack up work, no mortgage so that amount of money would provide a lot of choices.
Better than a poke in the eye.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
I have a go on line occasionally and I received this email today !! :)
I have a go on line occasionally and I received this email today !! :)
Soooo…..what did you win, £5?
Correct but it was a nice feeling for a moment :)
I always feel a bit worried when I win a fiver on "Set For Life" - Do they know something about my life expectancy that I don't?
M
Breitling Cosmonaute 809 - What's not to like?
On a roll :)
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