Reply With QuoteSounds like one for the Police before someone gets even more seriously hurt, if the school can´t, won´t handle it.Originally Posted by Peter franks
Hi if anyone has any advice on how to persuade a school to deal with and accept they have severe bullying issues.
Brief description
My daughter and friend group roughly 7 in total have experienced bullying for approximately 6 months.
School have not really done anything despite video evidence, social media posts etc and witnessed by teachers etc.
It has been escalating for a while now and we are at the point where most parents are keeping their children at home (us included) unfortunately yesterday a member of the group who was on their own was attacked verbally by a baying mob of upto 25 people and physically attacked by at least 5 .. this ended up with a trip to A&E
I have seen the video and quite frankly it was horrific..
I have meetings scheduled with the school next week but want to be as prepared as possible as I get the impression they will want to sweep it under the carpet.
Currently I am unwilling to send my child to school as I don't think the school can guarantee their safety.
Any insights would be appreciated if anyone has experience with this type of situation.
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Sounds like one for the Police before someone gets even more seriously hurt, if the school can´t, won´t handle it.
Surely the police should be involved for starters?
I'd stand by the above and take it to the police.
Then I'd inform the school that this was the course of action I deemed necessary.
You have given the school plenty of opportunities to sort this and deal with it. I wouldn’t wait until next week, personally I would get the police involved straight away and then next week they school has actions they will have to deal with.
What a shame it’s come to this but, I bet it’s doing the rounds on bloody tictok already.
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I would also send a copy of the video to the local/national TV news ?
If someone has been assaulted and ended up in A&E it’s a Police matter.
In my experience the school will not act unless someone is hospitalised, which has now happened.
My lad’s school refused to accept there was a problem until we pulled the disability discrimination card. That moved things on somewhat but it took a council investigation and three resignations to finish it.
We got the feeling that the school were trying to wish it away because accepting the problem has repercussions at inspection time.
As others say, it’s time for the police to get involved.
Contact the school via email and cc in the governors, the council and your local MP. Do this every time you have to reply to them so all parties can build a picture of what’s happening.
It’s a horrible situation to be in and kids can be evil in a pack. It’s important that the parents get involved as well. They probably won’t have a clue what their offspring are up to.
This would be my suggestion along with a timeline stating when the issues occurred along with when the school was notified of each incident.
Short answer now, larger answer later this afternoon:
Assess the possibility of suing the school or even individuals in the school organization. That's what is most feared by the teaching community.
Assume your kid has to go (mandatory) to an unsafe playground every day. You point out to the owner that his playground is unsafe, but that you're not allowed to keep your kid at home. The owner doesn't act. What would you do when an accident happens? Sue the owner.
More info later.
As above, the police should be involved. But also seek out a shark solicitor who loves demolishing public services. If not to accomplish anything other than scaring the pants off the school to actually do something about it.
And give Offsted a call too and advise them of the situation.
Also worth writing to the chair of the board of governors as an official complaint as it then has to be investigated
This is what we ended up doing.
[QUOTE=mk2driver;6165793]Also worth writing to the chair of the board of governors as an official complaint as it then has to be investigated[/QUOTE
A headmaster once told me he was powerless to do anything when someone reported school children misbehaving whilst on a bus outside school hours - as chair of governors I advised him that just because he couldn’t discipline those children I would expect him to provide words of advice and displeasure to likely culprits
The police are already involved regarding previous instances, this incident has also been reported to the police.
The school seem to be avoiding the problems and have done little to protect the children involved, apart from segregation at lunchtime which is almost like hiding them away but then not providing protection when the bullies arrive after actively searching for them.
For clarity the age group is 14/15 and its not an inner city slum school like Grange Hill, although thats what it feels like now.
I have asked for the bullying procedures and the complaints procedure prior to the meeting and I have been exploring contacting local authorities and ofsted etc
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Seems odd that given all the media outrage about bullying in schools they don't seem willing to do anything about it. Almost as if the bullies are untouchable, or special, for some reason.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Right, more time for more info.Short answer now, larger answer later this afternoon:
Assess the possibility of suing the school or even individuals in the school organization. That's what is most feared by the teaching community.
Assume your kid has to go (mandatory) to an unsafe playground every day. You point out to the owner that his playground is unsafe, but that you're not allowed to keep your kid at home. The owner doesn't act. What would you do when an accident happens? Sue the owner.
More info later.
i've worked the last 7 years of my (40+) yrs in schools as a teacher and later vice principal as a specialist against school bullying. Added to that, my oldest son was beaten up when he was 12 by a bully (outside school!), resulting in a broken nose and a concussion. I wrote about that here on the forum many years ago. So, I do have some experience.
As said: a teacher/principal fears the moment he's facing a lawsuit. Not only if he's right or wrong, but also because the board of that school will 'drop' him/her like a stone. And there's your leverage. But before we come to this...
First: whatever you do. Never, never think or say: "You should act differently, this triggers bullies." The moment you think or say something like that is the moment you take sides with the bully!
Bullying is something a school cannot prevent. Well, not always. But often they can. Especially girls have done a lot of catching up when it comes to bullying. Mostly is done online. And that should only be possible outside school hours. In school, kids need to pay attention to their teacher. And there's your first building brick for a law suit! Bullying is often done by using social media. Snap, WhatsAppo, TikTok and Insta are the main media for that. Check carefully if your kid is bullied via social media. Who did it and when: time/date. When during school hours, you can state that the teacher in front of the class has not stopped it. "I cannot see if they are on their phones!" is not an escape. You should, being a teacher. In that case: have all the phones collected and handed back after class. Target that teacher for 'endorsement of bullying' or how it's called in the UK. Even if it don't stick, you'll rattle some chains and worry teachers who want to be backed up by their management!
A proper school should have files about incidents that happen during school hours and let's say 30 mins before or after. (UK rules or jurisprudence may be clear on that). It also happens in the changing rooms before and after PE lessons (or how that's called in the UK). The excuse: "I am a man, I cannot step into the girls' room is correct. BUT when the school is aware of that, they should have a female authority ready to step in when there are signals of bullying. She should not be in there all the time, but let the school come up with a plan for that. If there's clear evidence of bullying in and around school, during school hours, but there's no file about that, target the counsellor or vice principal for 'neglect'. Again, it may not stick, I'm not familiar with UK laws, but it will worry them.
Check your kid's social media. Do it carefully and thoroughly. Make screen shots of anything that looks like bullying, etc. Save those and start a file for the authorities. Bullies think that they're free, because no-one catches them and they often outsmart their parents and their teachers. I needed the help of my tech-savvy youngsters at home to get on top of it! But it was successful. I've learned how to save 'snaps' and how to recognise fake insta accounts. And with the help of my kids I even learned to recognise who's behind anonymous insta accounts. PM me if you want to know more.
Best thing to do is to tell your daughter to stay away from social media. She will feel as if she's 'caged'. You can agree on having her make up a list of 'trusty' social media friends. But I've learned that some friends are a sort of double agents who are still in connection with the bullies. And, really really keep on checking. Especially in weekends and holidays. Bullies don't have many friends (gosh) and get bored. So they seek a thrill by starting (again) bullying during a holiday.
Not a pleasant subject now, but I need to write this: check for 'grooming' and sexual footage. Often younger girls are pressed into sending pics of themselves (you can imagine what kind of) to bullies or their allies. It's all a power game. But the really bad thing is that some receivers of those pics sell them to very shady characters on the dark web. And someone (other than the person self who took them of herself) with pics of that kind on his/her phone is carrying child pornography and that's a very big crime. Also check if your kid has received unwanted pics like this. Those are categorized as sexual assault here in the Netherlands. Most minors/underaged are not aware of the fact that they're committing a crime when 'carrying' those pics on phones. That's another reason to call the police. This is a unpleasant subject, sadly I've had a couple of cases like that. I always asked a female teacher or counselor to have a look if there were pics of that sort. I wouldn't be associated with looking at this sort of pics of girls in my school. Again, inform the police.
As I wrote: bullies are essentially sad people. Often bullied by others in the past. They're afraid of being alone. So they 'tie' people to them. With gifts, with threats. And those 'allies' are the key to bully's success. Never underestimate the sneaky acts of the ally. However... when you've targeted the ally, things can change. Without allies, without people looking up to the bully, a bully is a sad and lonely person. Peeling off the layers of allies leaves a bully on its own.
Allies are easily changed: by targeting their parents. ('Your kid is not a bully, but endorses the bully's behaviour') is something most parents do not want to hear, but is happy at the same time that their kid is not the bully! Those parents are often very willing to cooperate.
Then the parents of the bully: some are unaware. But often a fake statement. They are basically unable to stop it. Time to call in child services and counseling. And some even know it but throw the problem over the wall into the school's 'garden'. Those are the worst. And you can only think that their child is genetically challenged... The term 'Speak slowly but carry a big stick' helps. My son was beaten up. The boy who did it was in court and convicted we didn't seek contact with the boy and his parents. Until he was convicted. That was the moment we started suing the parents. As a parent of a kid under 15 y/o (here in the Netherlands) you're responsible for the kid's action, even when the parent is not around. We won. Honestly, I always told parents of bullies this story. In most cases, it landed.
I started with 'sue individuals';
The current group of bullies sees the school, their parents etc. as the allies. No one corrects them. And no correction/reaction = approval. Start by taking out the allies. Individually. When you take on an institute like the school board... well that won't help. But targeting individual member of the allies, will set things in motion. Seek for criminal offenses and get the police into motion. No success? Lawyer up, write your MP, get the local newspaper in. In fact, they need to think that you're the biggest bully of them all - within the law!
Last edited by thieuster; 25th February 2023 at 18:16.
Excellent post thieuster
The cure is not the answer to the wider problem, the school will,can do nothing that will be effective. Words will never solve this age old problem,there is but one answer. I was scholarly,overweight, always the new kid as i went to 14 different schools, we were on meal tickets,old shoes, moved from England to scotland, then back. The one answer that will absolutely work is to issue such physicality to the Bullies that they will look to weaker individuals.
I was remorselessly bullied for my entire school career,the school made the noises,spoke to, issued detention to the perps,spoke with parents but all that happens is the issues get worse. Teachers have no control over an individual or group of this mindset. So i started to give it to them blow by blow, they got what they wanted and after a while they went away.
This is wrong on every level but it got me the peace i wanted.
This seems to have reached the point of poiice involvement a while ago.
I'm a proponant for snaring people/authorities on their lack of action when alerted - it's only when they see their jobs in jeopardy (or prosecution) that they get their asses into gear.
On posting videos to social media - Initially it can be of great benefit, but the parents of the bullies may then enter the fray. The police will ultimately tell you to take the videos down I think.
Bullies these days (with social media) are a lot more dangerous than in my day - that is for sure.
I'd go with a report to the police. Document everything and make as much noise (emails and such) to the school, governors etc.
Approach it as if you are building a case, write everything down and expect and demand action.
Harrass and harrass until it becomes easier to deal with the bullies than you. Though obviously keep the tone completely professional at all atimes. Don't give them an excuse to blacklist you as a vexatious parent. You're not that at all, you just want your child to be safe.
Get copies of their policies on safeguarding, bullying, behaviour, out of school conduct and quote them back to them mercilessly.
If it would be illegal in the real world it's illegal in school.
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