Reply With QuoteHeartbreaking these stories they really are.
Lots of people who cared about him and still it's like a runaway train that can't be stopped.
Very sorry for you and the family.
I'm sure you will be there for his wife and kids.
I find this very difficult to write, but please bear with me.
I am a modest person and prefer to keep my personal life private, but I feel the need to share my family's current experience in the remote hope that we all reflect, and that in doing so we might notice someone who might need our help or support.
In the week just gone my only brother took his life. It is truly devastating. He was 50. Divorced, but with a settled partner. Two young children, one 13 and one 11. He was successful in work, although shared that he didn't enjoy his work any more but felt unable to consider an alternative because of his financial commitments. Our/my parents are 83 and 81.
We knew he was struggling. He had been for some time. But, he was receiving support through work, was seeing a counsellor, also his GP, and was supported by a strong network of close friends.
Despite all this we find ourselves as a family in the position we are in now.
We have thought about the "what if's", and "buts", and "if only's" but the reality is that we cannot apply rational thought or reason to someone whose state of mind was as it was. And there will be many who are like this.
He leaves a lot of people whose lives will never be the same, but i cannot be critical of him or his actions. I can only hope that he truly is at peace.
So, please do look out for those you love, know and work with. We can never know what challenges others are dealing with, but I suspect all have something or somethings that are on their mind. Most cope, but some cannot.
Take care all and be kind.
H
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Heartbreaking these stories they really are.
Lots of people who cared about him and still it's like a runaway train that can't be stopped.
Very sorry for you and the family.
I'm sure you will be there for his wife and kids.
There's nothing any of us can say that will make a difference but that's dreadful at every level.
It takes balls to write what you did so I hope you can let time do its work and, in due course, look back on the good times.
There's a few of us in wilts so if you need break or a beer just shout, you can't be that far away.
How terrible, especially for your parents. At their ages they should be at peace to enjoy the rest of their lives.
Mental health can be fatal. It needs awareness by all and priority by the various agencies who may be involved with those afflicted.
You have my deepest sympathy.
I'm so sorry to hear this, and hope that everybody impacted can find some sort of peace. Many thanks for sharing and taking the opportunity to raise awareness, it must have been incredibly difficult to write. Take care. M
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
This is very sad to read, I think it helps you to share.
I offer my sympathy on your bereavement .
Very sorry to hear this too but credit to you for sharing. Thoughts are with you at what must be a difficult time.
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Thank you for sharing, H. I am so sorry - my condolences to you all. Your support will be invaluable to your brother's partner and children.
Suicide can be difficult to comprehend, and so painful for those left behind. I wish you all peace and healing in the months ahead.
I don't imagine this forum offers much respite or support to those with mental health issues - given the constant in-fighting, bullying and aggressiveness. Not to mention the regular displays of ostentatious wealth.
Look after yourself too, OP.
Last edited by jukeboxs; 14th November 2022 at 00:20. Reason: Addition
I’m so sorry…. Take care x
My heartfelt condolences, I cant imagine what you must be going through.
Cheers..
Jase
So sorry for you and your family's loss.
I am reminded of the phrase :
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle".
B
Kudos to you for speaking out H. At a time when it must be so raw. I’m so sorry, and I hope you all deal with it as well as you can and find a way to move on. Plus, thanks to you, I bet all of us out here will be checking in on loved ones and friends now.
I am sorry for your, and your family's, loss. It will be a very hard time, especially for all.
One thing that should be accepted though it that there should be no personal recriminations. Your Brother was obviously suffering too much and decided to end it on his terms. It is my belief that in those circumstances, there would have been nothing that would have made any difference in the final outcome.
Depression is an extremely complicated subject and, unless caused by circumstances that can be changed, is something that seems to have to be endured...or not.
It is, of course, the impact on those that are living that is so devastating, so this should not be added to by worrying that more could have be done
I'm so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking.
As someone whop has also been directly impacted by a similar loss within my immediate family, I can only share your conviction that we need to be vigilant and to communicate, especially if we're aware that those we love are facing any kind of undue pressure/stress. Not everyone finds it easy to talk, but we can take the initiative when it feels right or necessary to do so.
How absolutely devasting for you. Condolences. I have a little experience of this and it does seem that men are particularly at risk because of the societal expectation that they 'man up', which results in them underplaying how they're really feeling. This seems to be changing, but not soon enough.
Its a terrible time and I really feel for you, one of our nephews (31) lived in Perth (Australia) took his own life three weeks ago and family and friends are devastated, especially bad times for close family and friends.
I so sorry to read this sad tale. The last post really brought things home to me, as our son is 31 and he’s showing signs of some mental issues. We’re trying hard to get him to seek professional help, even just to talk but he insists he’s “fine” but he’s far from it. It’s a very scary place to be when you know something isn’t right but the person doesn’t see it.
So sad to read your post. A shocking time for all concerned, my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Sorry to hear this. Condolences to you all. You never truly know what is going on inside others, even those close to you.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and the circumstances around it - credit to you for sharing and helping raise awareness.
What a horrible tale.
It often seems that people who are doing OK financially are often the most sensitive, you only have to look at the story of the footballer Gary Speed.
I really feel for you OP, your poor parents and mostly his partner and children.
I guess in most respects it is impossible to help or deal with somebody bent on ending it all.
Cheers,
Neil.
Really upsetting to read and I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree fully we all need to talk more about our feelings and not let things build up inside us; but it is always easier to say than necessarily do.
Stay strong, but please chat with anyone you need to and don’t try to bottle it all up. If you try to be the strong pillar for everyone and don’t show emotion, it will bite you down the road.
Take care.
Such an awful situation, you have my deepest sympathy. As with others, I have some experience in this area, both professionally and personally. It is extremely hard/ impossible to be rational when the dark thoughts are upon you.
Still so much stigma around mental health, which means people suffering (especially men) tend to hide/ suppress what's going on. Talking is the most important thing.
Just some resources that might be helpful for understanding/ preventing.
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
https://www.samaritans.org/
And this one for those who've suffered a loss.
https://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/
Alot of workplaces can offer this now, too. I've been trained.
https://mhfaengland.org/
That's such a worrying situation. Keep trying different things that might encourage him to open up - as well as the excellent resources highlighted by apm101 there's Andy's Man Club: https://andysmanclub.co.uk/Originally Posted by alanm_3
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
Thanks for the support, we most certainly won’t be giving up on him and will keep a very close eye on him.
Very sorry for your family’s loss, and wishing you all peace in time.
Thank you for taking the time to share this too. I have a brother of a similar age who suffers with depression. You’ve motivated me to call him and I’m going to visit him this weekend.
Take care
I share your pain. My brother in law at 53 hung himself at home last year to be found by his two children. The youngest one was committed this year following a psychotic break as a result of the trauma.
It is impossible to rationalise the action as suicide itself is irrational.
All I can recommend, from bitter experience, is to focus on the family left behind and support as much is practicable.
What most of us don’t have is the skills to manage the consequential mental health impact on the widow and children. I would strongly advise they register for counselling now as the wait lists are long and the journey of grief is long and arduous.
I am very sorry to hear this news.
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This is terrible. I’m very sorry for your loss.
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So sorry for your loss but kudos to you for sharing I had a friend take his own life last year and the impact it has is horrendous for all concerned - I truly hope your words help and sending you and yours my very best wishes at such a tragic time
sincere condolences; a very tragic thing and so hard for all of the family to deal with.
wishing you and all of the family the very best as you try to come to terms with the loss.
There is nothing more I can add. I am so sorry for you and yours and my thoughts are with all of you. I hope your brother found some peace.
Doctor Who: “There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.”
Condolences to you and your family OP. I can understand some of the questions / emotions you are confronted with. No easy answers but remembering the good times can help. There were several suicides in my extended family some years ago including four in one family following a terrorist murder. Now years later we still remember the tragedies and the consequences but have good memories of those who passed and their achievements and contributions. Bereavement counselling can be helpful as can positive thinking. Everyone approaches bereavement differently. Communicating and sharing our thoughts and feelings with our nearest and dearest can be the most helpful. Attention to diet can also help i.e., continue to eat well and don't avoid good food. Wishing you well OP and understand the big effort you made to share your grief. We are all thinking of you. BW, dunk
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
So sorry to read and condolences to all your family, stay strong.
Thanks for sharing and I do hope it highlights mental health issues and helps people to talk to somebody, as believe me that is the key!
As someone who a few years ago used to say "people should shake their feathers" to now totally getting it.
Take care, and best wishes to you and all your family.
A very generous and courageous thing to post here. Thoughts with you and your family.
So sorry to hear this news. Your brother and his loved ones will be in my prayers.Tom
Very sad indeed. My condolences to you and your family - I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
Thank you all for your kind words, and to those who have messaged. The kindness of people has been amazing.
It has been a tough week, culminating yesterday in travelling to my brother's house to go through his papers. Before that came many calls to the Police and Coroner's Officer. We also had to wait for a full biohazard clean before the property was handed back. It has been emotionally and physically exhausting.
Trying to recharge over the weekend before starting to sort things out next week, which I know will be difficult and time consuming.
Thank you again.
Take care.
Huw
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If you haven’t already, contact Papyrus.
https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
They do excellent work. We supported an event celebrating organisations and individuals doing excellent work in the mental health area just yesterday at the Kendal mountain festival. I hadn’t previously heard of Papyrus, but there were very moving stories from several people who’d lost their children to suicide. They are lobbying for suicide prevention to become compulsory in the national curriculum, among other projects.
How awful for you all, and bewildering, trying to understand. I applaud your selflessness, thinking of others at this time.
My heartfelt sympathy OP. Supportive family and friends make all the difference as well as appropriate professional help. So sad for you and your family. It is irrational and so heart wrenching on both sides of the fence it is unbearable.
Take care of yourself, I am sure your brother knew you loved him and he loved you.
Last edited by MartynJC (UK); 20th November 2022 at 22:50.
“ Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.” HHGTTG
I sympathize with you and understand, I went through it myself.
Last edited by bobocat; 23rd December 2022 at 17:57.
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