Matt, you are in the 'unable to process' phase right now - lost 3 good mates and my mum over the last 15 months. Be upset, cry it out, blame yourself - do what feels right. For sure you will have good days and bad days. It's ok to feel lost, helpless etc. I still have the odd rough day since my mum passed (April) and it's ok.

PM if you want - happy to chat over the phone also.

Take care.