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Last edited by Aramis9; 16th October 2022 at 20:37.
A friend used them recently. It all worked very well. There had been lots of bad feelings in some family members. Step children, expectations at what some will receive in the Will etc. He just wanted to get the ashes and take them along with certain family members and scatter them because He knew some were incapable of behaving at a funeral and probably a wake after a few drinks.Also the deceased had no religious beliefs.I can certainly see it being right for some.
I’ve listed this as a wish in my will,not keen for my family to spend silly amounts of money on a fancy funeral.
Would be perfect if ashes weren't returned either. My sister caused all sorts of issues with my father's ashes.
You can pre-pay for it so they don’t need to spend for the funeral part. If they want to make a party and celebrate your life it is then their choice.Originally Posted by Bonzodog
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
It's interesting to note that 'Soylent Green' is set in 2022.
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
My recently-deceased dad must have opted for this in his will because according to my step mum, there's no service, wake, gathering or anything. She asked if we wanted some of the ashes but I politely declined. I can't see the point personally.
I suspect he did it to avoid any unpleasant confrontations that might have arisen due to my step mum being off her tits. Seems like a sound choice to my mind.
Are you referring to a particular company or a process?
I have just arranged a direct cremation for my aunt using a local funeral directors.
The costs are similar to what you have quoted.
This was her wishes. There will be no funeral or wake.
I believe this is becoming more common.
We will go for celebratory meal on the day of the cremation. You are not allowed to attend the cremation.
David Bowie had the right idea on this subject - insert 'Ashes to Ashes' joke - no fuss, i hate crematoriums anyway bloody awful places. Why are they so dreadful looking..
I would feel guilty if I had a skimpy send off for my wife. She is a devout Christian and a church service would be essential for her.
It's all down to different strokes for different people.
Sounds great to me, I'm not religious in the slightest and if it saves a bit of cash from the seeming exorbitant funeral costs then all the better.
My wife died last summer. Initially, I was going to have a short ceremony for myself alone - my wife was at least nominally Catholic, and this would have been her choice. But funerals aren't for the dead, are they?
In the end, we had a small family affair with about 12 people there, then a big party with about 120 people, and I think I struck a good balance.
When my maternal grandmother died she was cremated before we all knew it, and there was some money in the will for a party with champagne and fish'n'chips a year later. Again, a good balance. I think this was what inspired my wife, and told her that all these things are possible.
I have the ashes still, and will do something fun with them - fireworks, pencils or diamonds. In keeping with my wife's personality, I think!
Well put, and sorry for the loss of your wife.
My parents have pre-paid a simple cremation (I think it may be a cardboard box they take their final journey in!). They don't want a ceremony or fuss - I believe they are thinking of us primarily as the thought of having to deliver a eulogy terrifies me - but they like the idea of us hosting an informal get together after the fact.
I've been to a couple of humanist funerals, and have to say they were very good (as funerals go), but my wife and I also agree that as and when we go, we have no desire for hearses, flowers, or ceremony. Would rather the money be spent on our family going away for a bit of a holiday, make new memories and hopefully raising a glass to us.
OK guys some of you know i am a retired Funeral Director and was the business owner and my will states a simple cremation without fuss what we in the trade call an “early doors” cheap as possible and my son who is also an FD will do the job and hopefully charge his step mum as little as possible.
We as a company had a large portfolio of pre paid funeral plans but in all honesty a cheap as chips life insurance policy will do just as well.
As with everything if you have a choice then go for the options.
I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE
Interesting.
Currently going through all this after my mother passed away a couple of weeks ago, quite suddenly, with cancer.
There’s 5 of us siblings, and could quite easily come up with 5 different funerals…
It’s a difficult time as it is, let alone with bickering and substantial disagreements between some members.
My father made some provision in way of a death policy, and that should be more than sufficient to cover all costs. Whether or not he will get to the funeral is another matter as he’s currently in hospital 臘
Did this recently for my Nan, that was her wish. £750 in Edinburgh, no attendance, no fuss but handled very professionally.
Everybody is different TBH.
We had a very simple service at the crematorium (mum was a very simple person who liked no fuss). Nice car, staff and flowers, ashes in the garden of remembrance. £2.7k.
We had a 'celebrant' (never heard of such a thing before now) who did a lovely reading and tribute.
When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........
My elderly mother has arranged one of these direct funerals with the Co-op, I understand it cost in the region of £1500 and that the ashes will be returned to me as NoK after a cremation has taken place with no attendees. Not 100% sure how i feel about it TBH, neither she or I have any religious beliefs and my mother is estranged from my brother who is not aware of the arrangement.
When she raised the matter with me my thoughts were it was entirely up to her, which is still my main belief. However as her health has deteriorated recently and events have brought the subject more into focus I am wondering if I should have possibly put up some counter points of view, such as how other family members would feel at there not being a service, a service would be a chance for old friends to say goodbye etc etc.
That said I do believe it is her wishes that are paramount in this and it is relatively easy to arrange a memorial service, whether it is a religious or secular affair, though I doubt that I would as that currently feels like it would be against her wishes. I suppose only time can tell on that front but I do currently feel any remembrance event will be more than likely a simple family & friends meal out. I strongly suspect that my feelings of discomfort about the arrangement are probably my guilt at not "sending off" my mother in style with all the family present.
My mother seems to be very satisfied with the arrangement and was pleased with the pricing and the fact it is all in place, even though she knows that cost wasn't really an issue for me / the family she did / does seem determined to pay for her "final journey" and is content that she has arranged every aspect of it. Though as it has turned out there will not be many aspects to the event after all.
My mother died earlier this year, had always wanted to be cremated and was clear where she wanted her ashes scattered. Looked at 2 or 3 different companies, all basically the same deal though options were available to attend/have a service/and iirc a 'nice' location on their grounds for ashes. We has a simple cremation and ashes delivery for ~£1200. The appropriate statutory fee(s) were included in that.
Very simple and generally handled well by the company concerned, I'd have little problem recommending them based on my experience.
The only possible negative was that they are a bit pushy on payment compared to what I've experienced with a traditional funeral director. Demanded payment within 5 days of instructing them and were pretty clear penalties would kick in in the event of delays. At the time I just recall feeling that they were rather...hmmm, mercenary is perhaps the word. It just felt a little uncomfortable but perhaps I was being overly sensitive at a tough time. I imagine for the price I paid it's volume that drives decent profit on fairly thin margins so can understand their desire to tie up incoming payments asap.
Not all of them. My mum was cremated at Whitley Bay crematorium which is a lovely little place, a bit like a little chapel set in well-kept gardens. We had a simple humanist service, then we all went to a nice pub on the sea front. Then a few weeks later my brothers and I gave the ashes a shallow burial in the sand near the lighthouse, while the tide was out. She used to play there as a child.
Great to hear there are pleasant ones, sounds like a wonderful tribute.
My Dad had what I’d consider to be a “normal” send-off at the local crematorium; functional rather than showy and (for me at least) felt more like the disposal of remains rather than an emotional filleting.
We buried his ashes in a lovely plot in a cemetery on a hillside, and planted a crabapple tree. I went up there the other week and the tree was covered in beautiful fruit, which would’ve made him very happy. Now that was emotional. We are all different, I guess.
Personally, I was so traumatised by that scene in “Diamonds are Forever” that I’ve specified burial. Ideally as fast as possible, in a readily biodegradable container, after the spare parts people have had whatever they can salvage. I’d like to be buried in woodland, ideally. Some form of immortality in the recycling of my elements, I reckon.
Its FREE if you donate yourself to medical / science research. You die and they come to collect your body.
I know that sounds really grim but so is being turned to a black ash.
That is what my mate says anyway, i have not looked into myself but i assume it is true.
Last edited by xellos99; 14th October 2022 at 10:32.
I could not give a monkeys what someone does with me when I am dead.
Throw me into a skip for all I care, so if someone wants to salvage a few bits and bobs that is fine by me - I wont miss them!
The issue comes more from allowing your family to deal with what has happened though, so as much as I would be very happy for anyone to salvage anything worth having from my own carcass, I suspect my wife (and/or family) may be a bit upset by the prospect of me ending up like one of Jeff Dahmers 'experiments'.
Everyone will feel differently about it and certainly not for most people.
The big difference though is you would assume they would use you in a productive way such as testing new medical tools before using on live people to try to save their life.
Do you have any idea how that option coordinates with being a signed up Organ Donor?
I totally agree with this. I’m keen to be an organ donor, I’d love for someone else to get some use out of bits I’m finished with. I’m indifferent to what happens to the rest of me*. Mrs Cain is adamant that the spare parts bin can have anything useful except my corneas - and in the event that she’s still alive I am totally happy with this. She’s the one who’s got to live with the memories, and if she decides I need a full-on ceremonial funeral etc etc then ultimately it won’t bother me.
* except dislike of the prospect of cremation outlined above, obv.
[Edit: as an aside, I heartily recommend Prof Sue Black’s books - some fascinating insights into the things which bodies willed to medical science can teach people from medical students to forensic scientists.]
Last edited by PreacherCain; 14th October 2022 at 12:32.
I'm another that doesn't care what happens once I've gone, like others registered as a donor.
My wife on the other hand has very specific requests around what happens to get.
I know a few people who have requested the basic cremation,
No idea at all sorry, it is my mate who is signed up to it all so i dont know many details.
I have not decided how i want to go yet.
I’ve asked that I’m wrapped in heavy chains, put in a rubber dinghy inflated with propane which is then pushed offshore with a flare being fired at it when sufficient far enough away. I’d rather have people laughing.
Guys just keep in mind organ donation doesn’t always work out. You need a plan B. If You have been given certain meds in Your last days for instance .
Are you terminally ill or just thinking ahead?
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