Everything TZ-UK Hates: in 1 watch

[Lostintime]

One man’s rubbish another man’s treasure..

[JPE]

All men's diamond watches are bold. There are people who like to wear them and that's absolutely cool.

Leopard Daytona is horrible though... and I would never, ever wear anything like that.

But it's nothing compared to this 18 million dollar piece of frozen dog turd.



https://luxatic.com/the-dazzling-jac...over-18000000/

I love Cristiano Ronaldo... what an amazing player and man. But he wears tasteless garbage like this. Probably goes well with his Bugatti/Lamborghini Batmobile. Well nobody's perfect.

[JPE]

Blasphemy I know but most Oris dive watches look awful to me. Massive watches that must have a tiny movement inside and big thick chunky bracelets they remind me of that old "Its a heavy watch so it must be quality" I do like some of the Oris line up but it seems they have read a few online comments and bumped the prices accordingly. Still look like big lumps of uglyness to me though.

I agree. Never liked Oris watches.

They are like poor man's Breitlings.

Breitling makes those huge watches (SteelFish, Super Avenger, Skyland, Seawolf etc). And while SA and Skyland are oversized and way too thick to use, at least they're great looking in their own "Breitlingsque" way. They are overboard but somehow that design works.

Rolex new cases looked a lot more like the old Breitling SteelFish by the way. Those thick lugs and boxy fat crown guards. I think they're good looking watches but Rolex lost a lot of their identity with the new cases. To me, they don't look like Rolex anymore. Gone are the beautiful elegant lines and those "spiky" crown guards. I'm happy that I never warmed up to them so I didn't have to go the ridiculous waiting lists.

PS: Here's my old SD 16600 along with my old SteelFish. Look at the SteelFish case and crown guards. Very "new Rolex-like".

[ryanb741]

One man’s rubbish another man’s treasure..

Great phrase to describe watches, terrible phrase to describe adoption.

[earlofsodbury]

Oris definitely doesn't belong in this thread - I understand it's not for everyone, but they make the opposite of 'A Watch To Hate For All Reasons', if I was going to criticise them, it would be for making nothing outstanding. I've owned one though, and its quality of build and finish were easily as good as my Omega, just with a mundane movement. Now they do in-house calibres with 10 year guarantees - they justify the prices for me.



Breitling - definitely 'Marmite', but they're popular on the forum, and I don't think they make a single watch that unites everyone in hatred.

That said, the new SuperOceans did upset a fair few people, iirc:

[RobDad]

Oris definitely doesn't belong in this thread - I understand it's not for everyone, but they make the opposite of 'A Watch To Hate For All Reasons', if I was going to criticise them, it would be for making nothing outstanding. I've owned one though, and its quality of build and finish were easily as good as my Omega, just with a mundane movement. Now they do in-house calibres with 10 year guarantees - they justify the prices for me.



Breitling - definitely 'Marmite', but they're popular on the forum, and I don't think they make a single watch that unites everyone in hatred.

That said, the new SuperOceans did upset a fair few people, iirc:

I don’t think you can include whole brands! - I actually agree that the Oris Aquis range - their best sellers apparently - are godawful ( although they have plenty of fans on the forum), however the pointer date is imho a thing of beauty at a reasonable price point. My personal dislike is anything ‘too fancy looking’ as I am a big fan of watches but not jewellery. I wear a plain white gold wedding ring but you won’t even find a charity wrist band on my wrist - just kit a fan of adornment. A lot of the watches on this thread are clearly designed as jewellery that happens to tell the time, so no wonder I find them ghastly!


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[LordLucan]

Hey guys, we don't have room for the usual 12 line essay we put on the dial.
No problem, let's just put the name on the bezel in giant letters!

...and we had better add 'Swiss Made' twice....just because.

[bokbok]

The bi metal is just as bad and the price ouch

Ah... this one!

I have been attacked so many times on various forums for saying how hideous this watch is... im glad that, over time, it seems people are generally in agreement.

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[TKH]

[Itsguy]

Oris = Poor man’s Breitling sums it up perfectly (although not so mid priced these days)

Given the economic crisis, perhaps the phrase "poor man's" should be replaced by "fool's". As in, a Breitling is a fool's Oris.

There are some strong contenders on this thread, but that will take some beating. If only it had an onion crown and a date at 4, then it would be game over.

[MacDeath]

There are some strong contenders on this thread, but that will take some beating. If only it had an onion crown and a date at 4, then it would be game over.

And made of brass, with green mould 'patina' some rave about.

[kk]

Need a sticky on this, most entertaining thread in years, a proper 'slow down and look at the car crash' vibe.

[scooby]

Brave man very brave man


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[Davidd]

Brave man very brave man


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A hand grenade with a dial.

[earlofsodbury]

A hand grenade with a dial.

You rang, sir?







...aaaand to further alienate WIS - I actually rather like those Grahams, though admit they are crass, vulgar and unwearable, still, my inner-8YO likes them.

I recall some poor soul buying one in the last few years and posting it in the 'Incoming' thread - it all went a bit tumbleweedy for a bit...

[Davidd]

You rang, sir?







...aaaand to further alienate WIS - I actually rather like those Grahams, though admit they are crass, vulgar and unwearable, still, my inner-8YO likes them.

I recall some poor soul buying one in the last few years and posting it in the 'Incoming' thread - it all went a bit tumbleweedy for a bit...

Crass, vulgar and unwearable, the watch isn’t very nice either.😂

[markrlondon]

So far all the watches seem to have been on the expensive side, so here's one that I think ticks all the boxes but isn't so expensive.



Lovely, isn't it. That's a gold leaf dial and those are "real" diamonds at 12 and 6.

Quartz. At least it doesn't proclaim "Quartz" on the dial.

I got this as part of a job lot with some other watches I wanted (honest!). And later sold it to an inmate of a secure mental health unit (I kid you not).

[Raffe]

I only just found this thread and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it in the bathtub at 7 o'clock in the morning.

And the winner is.... (everybody knows which one).

[earlofsodbury]

So far all the watches seem to have been on the expensive side, so here's one that I think ticks all the boxes but isn't so expensive. ...

Lovely, isn't it. That's a gold leaf dial and those are "real" diamonds at 12 and 6.

Quartz. At least it doesn't proclaim "Quartz" on the dial.

I got this as part of a job lot with some other watches I wanted (honest!). And later sold it to an inmate of a secure mental health unit (I kid you not).

It is awful - there is mucho Rongness™ going-on, but against the established competition...?

You do, however, win the Anecdote section!

[Idontgram]

Date at 4:30 and a diamond shaped crown to nicely dig into your hand is the real winner

Oh that and a case that fixes the strap to it with screws so you need a special tool to change the strap.

And the cherry on top? A display case back of a massive watch with a tiny movement inside.

It also needs to have a wide gap between the case and the spring bar lugholes, have a non-standard lugwidth (let’s say 17mm) and be simultaneously too big and too small to stay on the wrong side of all TZers.

[earlofsodbury]

It would be easy to populate this thread with China's unceasing output of absolute horrors - novelty designs intended to be sold cheaply on market stalls and in bazaars the world over, ebay, Amazon and Ali Express are crawling with them...



This abomination however, comes from the shame-wracked stable of Swiss 'horrorologists', Corum, and was not their idea alone - Rolls-Royce's actually officially licenses it, and it somehow persisted from the shag-carpeted '70s, all the way to the 1990s. Various versions exist, some with even more 'ice', some with nasty-ass precious metal bracelets, and some that you can even see what time it is!

I kind of admire Corum for somehow making a commercial success of churning-out so many godawful-ugly mutant wrist-carbuncles over many, many decades - not least because the exact same factory full of deranged acid-casualties somehow manages to produce the elegant, minimalist gem that is the Golden Bridge!




...albeit, iirc, the movement wasn't actually their innovation, just licensed by them...

Confused much?!

[markrlondon]

This abomination however, comes from the shame-wracked stable of Swiss 'horrorologists', Corum, and was not their idea alone - Rolls-Royce's actually officially licenses it, and it somehow persisted from the shag-carpeted '70s, all the way to the 1990s. Various versions exist, some with even more 'ice', some with nasty-ass precious metal bracelets, and some that you can even see what time it is!

There were people buying these. Somehow the slab-fronted Rolls Royce grill looks so good on the car; it looks less good on a watch.

the elegant, minimalist gem that is the Golden Bridge!

I used to be deeply impressed by this but then I discovered that you can buy a bare movement that, to be brutally honest, does not look significantly different to this for £55 on eBay. And there are Chinese vendors selling complete watches for not a lot more .

To my horror, I've just noticed that Invicta has put this movement in a Submariner-style case.

[markrlondon]

Just saw this classy work of art for £1300...

Gucci Mens Dive Gold Plated Snake Dial Black Rubber Strap Watch YA136219

[Raffe]

^ Those hands ....

[Scepticalist]

^ Those hands ....

Imagine the design meeting:

"No no guys, we can't use the mercedes handset, someone might mistake it for a Rolex"

[Sinnlover]

You could mod it to look like a Seiko!

[verv]

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

[sish101]

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

Just checking it wasn't the 1st April. That is just horrific.

Sent through the ether by diddling with radio waves

[Wallasey Runner]

Just checking it wasn't the 1st April. That is just horrific.

Sent through the ether by diddling with radio waves

Might have potential if you could heat your house from it

[earlofsodbury]

I used to be deeply impressed by this but then I discovered that you can buy a bare movement that, to be brutally honest, does not look significantly different to this for £55 on eBay. And there are Chinese vendors selling complete watches for not a lot more .

To my horror, I've just noticed that Invicta has put this movement in a Submariner-style case.

That is so very Rong™ it's in danger of meeting itself coming back and actually being good.

That Gucci however... My first thought was "Oh god, Not another Invicta straight after the last one..."!

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

I just KNEW you had something nastier up your sleeve (not literally of course... At least, not now the fried-eggs are for sale... )

It's kinda tragic that so much skill and craftsmanship has gone into creating such a horror - an absolute nodding-donkey of a watch!

[Davidd]

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

Bot eye-wateringly grim and expensive.

[Sinnlover]

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

Perfect for the newly minted Beverly Hillbillies.

[ChronoPantera]

Because why wouldn't TZ want a 50mm automaton of a texan oil pump.



https://jacobandco.com/timepieces/gr...llon-rose-gold

That's the ugliest time piece that even it's mother couldn't love.

Maybe ok in Dallas if you own an oil company AND are blind

[50kopek]

To my horror, I've just noticed that Invicta has put this movement in a Submariner-style case.

This comes dangerously close to being so horrible that I actually want one...

[TheTigerUK]

This one's a puzzler - I mean, the watch is right up there with the most gratuitously nasty, vulgar and ostentatious displays of wealth that can be crammed onto the limited space of the human wrist, then we notice details like the crusted filth right around the bezel, and the broken button on Cage's sports jacket... I'm not terribly familiar with his oeuvre - was he in-character for this shot? Or does he routinely prance-about in such carefully-contrived déshabillé?

I bet he hadent changed his under wear that day either !!

ps: Well spotted.

[ChronoPantera]

I bet he hadent changed his under wear that day either !!

ps: Well spotted.

It's Nick Cage ...

surely he goes commando !!

[julian2002]

Montegrappa respectfully asks those above to hold its beer.



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[50kopek]

Montegrappa respectfully asks those above to hold its beer.



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We’ll use roman numerals. That makes it classy, right?

[Filterlab]

Please stop, before I go off this hobby for good.

[ChronoPantera]

Montegrappa respectfully asks those above to hold its beer.



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WOW that's terrible,

but I think not as bad as the Jacob & Co. oil drilling watch a few posts ago.

[pacifichrono]

The majority of Invicta brand watchs:

[ChronoPantera]

The majority of Invicta brand watchs:

Like the wire rope around the case

Classy

[Jon Kenney]

I've handled this beauty!

The majority of Invicta brand watchs:

[Wandril]

I've handled this beauty!

Nice to see brands going the extra mile, not cutting corners on their design team!
The tilted date window is the icing on a very very sweet cake already

[emgee]

Re Cecil -

I wonder if it's 'Sessil' or 'Seasil'? The latter, I suspect.

BTW, I find every Purnell watch that I've seen equally gopping. Technically interesting perhaps, but fugly!

"Gopping" now, that's not an expression I've heard since leaving the Army! :) Will have to re-add it back into my vocabulary.

[kk]

Drawn into this thread against my will and probably against my better judgment, like watching the aftermath of a car crash on the other side of the motorway!

This humble submission falls well short of standards already set, but I find it hard to think of a less suitable watch type for the tourbillon treatment - what on earth were they thinking - did someone actually ask them to make this?:

[earlofsodbury]

Drawn into this thread against my will and probably against my better judgment, like watching the aftermath of a car crash on the other side of the motorway!

This humble submission falls well short of standards already set, but I find it hard to think of a less suitable watch type for the tourbillon treatment - what on earth were they thinking - did someone actually ask them to make this?:

At Zenith, earlier:

Designer: "How big do you want the crown?"

Zenith: "We want the watch to look like one of those poor b*****ds in black and white photos whose testes have swollen so big they have to carry them around in a wheelbarrow!"

Designer: "Why do you want that?!"

Zenith:

[StuartGR]

I'm going to go out on a (controversial) limb here, and suggest Bremont's limited edition Wright Flyer model:
https://www.bremont.com/products/wf-ss

My experience of the good people of this parish has shown that you all have a finely-tuned nose for BS.

While this watch isn't remotely offensive to look at, I'm sure we all remember the controversy over the brand's 'first ever in-house movement' claim. That classic 'caught with your pants down' moment coupled with Bremont's already-distinctly-whiffy brand origin story was essentially a public relations bin fire for the brand. Add in the scrap of historical sack-cloth stuck in the watch case-back and the £17K price tag, and the end result is weapons-grade fertiliser.

SGR

[kace]

The majority of Invicta brand watchs:

Looks like something a contestant on forged in fire might be given to make their signature blade from.

[kk]

I'm going to go out on a (controversial) limb here, and suggest Bremont's limited edition Wright Flyer model:
https://www.bremont.com/products/wf-ss

My experience of the good people of this parish has shown that you all have a finely-tuned nose for BS.

While this watch isn't remotely offensive to look at, I'm sure we all remember the controversy over the brand's 'first ever in-house movement' claim. That classic 'caught with your pants down' moment coupled with Bremont's already-distinctly-whiffy brand origin story was essentially a public relations bin fire for the brand. Add in the scrap of historical sack-cloth stuck in the watch case-back and the £17K price tag, and the end result is weapons-grade fertiliser.

SGR

Agree 100%.

My issue with Bremont isn't so much the marketing BS - irritating though it is, and seriously offputting when it comes to ownership. It's like they want to skip the hard yards of actual watch-making, and jump straight to premium pricing. (How British!). Hence all the sponsorship deals etc, the marketing operation being far more impressive than any of their actual watches. (Hence also Bremont's comedy resale values - list pricing being seriously divorced from market reality, though they aren't necessarily alone in that!).

Rather, what irritates me is the complete absence of a strong brand identity or consistent look. Of course companies all have watch ranges that differ from one another - thats kind of the point - but Bremont's designs seem to have little commonality from one piece to another over time, with far too many ranges, variants, special runs etc etc, with little consistency as an actual brand.

Though perhaps it is possible to identify one common characteristic: the overuse of different typefaces, reminiscent of the early, amateur days of what used to be known, rather quaintly, as desktop publishing. Even Invicta manage to have a strong brand identity.

Another 'new' watch brand, only slightly older than Bremont, is Nomos. What a contrast - it took them years to make an in-house movement (their original lines being based on a Peseux handwound), but it's a superb one, genuinely in-house, and more than capable of being the basis for variants in many future directions. Their design aesthetic is consistent and never compromised. And by and large they have avoided premium pricing (with the exception of the Lambda range, which came quite late in the day and is not heavily marketed) in favour of building, slowly, an ownership base built on the brand's quality and accessibility.

Bremont are pretty much the opposite of Nomos in every respect. And not in a good way.