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Thread: Fretting too much?

  1. #1

    Fretting too much?

    Just a bit of self reflection and curious on the thoughts of others.

    Iíve always been quite particular with looking after my stuff and like things to be well looked after and in best condition. This is a theme that follows through my life and across all types of things from watches to wooden floors and everything in between.

    Anyway, I recently bought a nice car. Nothing amazing but the best car Iíve ever owned. When I leave it I worry about damage, people or kids scraping along it or whatever. I feel compelled to park it out of harms way, keep an eye it. It just doesnít feel healthy.

    So it got me thinking. Is this a wealth thing? in other words is it because I know what it would cost me to sort the damage and I donít want that or perhaps because the purchase price was more than I normally spend? Or is it something more than that - is it just because I care about stuff and that wouldnít change irrespective of relative value/bank balance?

    I donít know, what are your thoughts? I can rationalise it and know itís just stuff and if it gets used it wonít stay new and in the scheme of things and life it really doesnít matter a bit. But despite knowing that I still worry. Are people who care about such things people who care no matter what, or does this change with age, wealth, therapy, or other factors?

  2. #2
    Master Christian's Avatar
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    I think it's just your nature. I care about my stuff, even my crappy Ford Fiesta. I like to try and keep stuff in 'as new' condition, particularly watches.

    In the past with cars, I found it can be liberating running a banger that isn't possible to make it 'as new'.

  3. #3
    Master
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    Quick answer. I don’t get worked up about stuff. I take good care of my watches and have never scratched, bashed or scratched them. Likewise, I take good care of my specs because the lenses are complex and expensive. I don’t have a car. I don’t fret about money, but maybe I should?

    But I fret about the welfare of loved ones, friends, things that could happen to them. But I’m sure you’re just the same in that respect.

  4. #4
    I found having kids helped me with thisÖ

  5. #5
    Master TKH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tz-uk73 View Post
    Just a bit of self reflection and curious on the thoughts of others.

    Iíve always been quite particular with looking after my stuff and like things to be well looked after and in best condition. This is a theme that follows through my life and across all types of things from watches to wooden floors and everything in between.

    Anyway, I recently bought a nice car. Nothing amazing but the best car Iíve ever owned. When I leave it I worry about damage, people or kids scraping along it or whatever. I feel compelled to park it out of harms way, keep an eye it. It just doesnít feel healthy.

    So it got me thinking. Is this a wealth thing? in other words is it because I know what it would cost me to sort the damage and I donít want that or perhaps because the purchase price was more than I normally spend? Or is it something more than that - is it just because I care about stuff and that wouldnít change irrespective of relative value/bank balance?

    I donít know, what are your thoughts? I can rationalise it and know itís just stuff and if it gets used it wonít stay new and in the scheme of things and life it really doesnít matter a bit. But despite knowing that I still worry. Are people who care about such things people who care no matter what, or does this change with age, wealth, therapy, or other factors?

    At last I have found my long lost twin...hahaha.

    I am exactly the same with everything coming from a background of cars I like to make sure nothing happens to any of my possessions be that a car or watches or even stupid stuff that others don't give a second thought too....I park away from other cars and clean any watch I have worn before putting away tiniest marks have to be addressed if not I obsess about them...

    Is it a disease ?..probably ...does it get better ?...I have become more relaxed about stuff (not much)..

    I don't think its value driven whatsoever I fret about menial stuff as much as I do cars and watches..

    I just like stuff looked after.....damn I need to get myself checked in....

  6. #6
    Yes I am the same, thoughI have been clinically confirmed as having mild to moderate OCD. Maybe you and others on here have some form of OCD.

  7. #7
    Craftsman
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    Iím the same,donít like my things spoilt.

  8. #8
    Craftsman
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    do you have children?

    they will soon put an end to you giving a shit about trivial things :)

    but all joking aside, as above it sounds more like anxiety or something if its causing you problems.

  9. #9
    Master
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    The more value the more you want to protect something.

    Its natural and only the wealthy dont give a darn because it was easy come, easy go for them.

  10. #10
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xellos99 View Post
    The more value the more you want to protect something.

    Its natural and only the wealthy dont give a darn because it was easy come, easy go for them.
    Is the correct answer.

    I see it in the watch world all the time. Spend big money on a watch and then afraid to wear it.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

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  11. #11
    Grand Master
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    Sounds like you're possibly somewhere on the OCD spectrum as regards your stuff. Lots of folks have a touch of something or other. Only an 'issue' if it starts interfering with your life.
    Last edited by Passenger; 1st June 2021 at 12:55.

  12. #12
    Master TKH's Avatar
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    Too add...its not just my own stuff ...

    I was in a restaurant in Mallorca and the lady on the table next to me was wearing a Gold Daytona with every link in it so 7.5 ins on her sub 6 inch wrist like a bracelet watch underneath her wrist and every time she moved her arm eating she clanked it on the table...it was getting hammered ...I was cringing as if it were my own...

    and if i see somebody at a car meet sat on a front wing or elbows on a roof I also cringe at the lack of care..

    so whilst I think it is sometimes specific to our own stuff and values equally it can a have a wider reach...

  13. #13
    I think with some of us it is a age thing as we older guys were not brought up in this throw away society, we had too look after our stuff as we knew we couldent easily replace it and would repair as well rather than throw away.
    Last edited by TheTigerUK; 1st June 2021 at 13:21.

  14. #14
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TKH View Post
    Too add...its not just my own stuff ...

    I was in a restaurant in Mallorca and the lady on the table next to me was wearing a Gold Daytona with every link in it so 7.5 ins on her sub 6 inch wrist like a bracelet watch underneath her wrist and every time she moved her arm eating she clanked it on the table...it was getting hammered ...I was cringing as if it were my own...

    and if i see somebody at a car meet sat on a front wing or elbows on a roof I also cringe at the lack of care..

    so whilst I think it is sometimes specific to our own stuff and values equally it can a have a wider reach...
    That's not normal.

    I can understand worrying about looking after your own stuff - but other peoples???

    You must be permanently traumatised.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

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  15. #15
    Grand Master 100thmonkey's Avatar
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    Itís a common thing but it takes away from a lot of pleasure, why worry, Itís just a trinket, who cares, should you find out you have days or weeks to live you wont give a shit about a scratch or dent so enjoy the amazing gift of life you have and dont complicate it with worrying about shit that really doesnít matter
    "When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,
    For Their Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today"

  16. #16
    100th is right. I try and think, when I get really worked up, what my late father in law, who passed away a week last Friday used to say: "You're not going to take it with you when you are gone." They'll all be out of your hands then and most people won't handle them how you'd want them to.

  17. #17
    Master TKH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    That's not normal.

    I can understand worrying about looking after your own stuff - but other peoples???

    You must be permanently traumatised.
    no I am ok Neil...haha....(but agree with you....stuff it it's not mine).....

    I think having spent so much time polishing paintwork (another thread) and restoring things people have 'abused' for want of a better word it just grates with me how anyone can be so careless with lovely objects / stuff..

    I haven't started wearing a wrist / squash sweat band over my watch yet !

    but OP at least you now don't feel like the odd one out.......

  18. #18
    Grand Master
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    Its low level anxiety and perhaps a smidgeon of OCD in the mix, but many people claim OCD when they have actually nothing like but just like to keep their watches mint.

    Being at the point where youre keeping a check on a parked car for fear of marks is unhealthy, it cant be doing you any good and certainly isnt giving you pleasure (ditto watch damage concerns)

    There is the possibility that youre anxious about something under the surface and its leeching out into car worries as thats something you feel you can monitor and control.
    Covid has been doing that to a lot of people this past year, so its possibly a response to environmental factors increasing general worry but the one youre noticing is the car.

    Its not going to help but no matter how hard you babysit it, its going to get stone chips and bug splats from driving anyway.

  19. #19
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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    I'm pretty much the opposite. If something gets damaged, I can be annoyed for a short while, but I don't dwell on it. When I get a new car, I am mildly relieved when the first small bit of damage happens - it means I can stop worrying. I do care about the important things, but view relatively few things as properly important.

    This attitude extends throughout my life, not just for the physical condition of material objects. For unimportant stuff, I very much have a 'why put off till tomorrow, what you can leave till the day after' attitude.


    We're all different though, and as said above, it's only a problem if it's bothering you.

  20. #20
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    I'm the same as the OP.

    I've often pondered this subject and for me I think I am this way because I was raised by my parents to look after my things. I've never had huge amount of money and everything I purchase I have to plan and save for so when I finally get my grubby mitts on my latest desire I do cherish and look after it.

    My kids (x4) are the same so I guess my behaviour must have rubbed off on them.

    The old adage of, 'At least you've got your health' is a good leveller but when someone dinks your 'old' but, to you, cherished car, watch, bicycle, or whatever possession it get to me big time.....................!!

    If you are a 'car person' (and I am) I would agree about owning a 'bangernomics' car. I've owned a couple and it is liberating. I still take care and look after it but if it gets damaged or goes wrong I really don't care - just buy another one!

  21. #21
    Really interesting to see the spread of views and I’m glad I’m not the only one. I wouldn’t say it’s an issue for me but it is something I have to resist. Kids have definitely taken the worst of it out of me because you just have to accept they’ll break and damage things. I still shudder when recalling the moment my partners new Rolex was whacked with a garden trowel by an energetic three year old, denting and scratching the bezel. Kids just don’t care in the same way.

    Luckily I still have my old faithful car that has served me well for 13 years. I tend to use this for shopping runs etc. But now I have something shiny and new and expensive to repair it definitely raises the ‘what could happen’ anxiety. This morning some toddler was waving a 12 ft stick around near the car, and I just kept thinking if a panel gets scratched that’s £800 of paintwork and I just don’t need that. It didn’t bother me to the extent I had to intervene, but I did think why near my car, go play near your daddies car.

    I have friends who couldn’t give a toss, and over a few years their once new cars look like they’ve been through a tumble drier. In some ways I look and admire their relaxed and liberal approaches and wish I could be the same, but I just don’t want to spend that money and drive a car that looks scratched, dented and unloved. Probably need to aim for the area in the middle ground that makes me happy and settle there. I do think even that requires strong will.

  22. #22
    Grand Master TheFlyingBanana's Avatar
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    I realised a long time ago that some things really matter (a minority), and most things really donít.

    Worrying about stuff unduly rarely changes anything at all, and most problems either sort themselves out, or I have faith enough in myself to know Iíll deal with whatever gets hurled in my direction.

    Iím a Headteacher of two schools at the moment, and if I worried continuously I would end up with ulcers, or a breakdown or a heart attack as so many colleagues do.

    The secret is to compartmentalise and get a healthy dose of perspective - over the past couple of years my family has had to deal with some awful and tragic situations, but I see so many kids and families with absolutely dreadful lives that I have constant reminders of how fortunate I am.

    I will end with this - if you find yourself continuously fretting, anxious or worrying, get some help. Our lives are too short to spend them unnecessarily miserable or unhappy.

    Oh, and stuff really is just stuff. It doesnít really matter in the grand scheme of things.

  23. #23
    I am the same as the OP. I have an ageing Golf which despite 13 years old is in good shape. I am really careful where I park and I do a quick circuit to find an end space.

    I like keeping things as new. This stems from looking after things when I was growing up. Money was tight and therefore you had to look after everything. But I think I over done it and almost obsessed over things.

    I think it is dealing with the headache of fixing things and the cost which is a waste of money.

    I collected a new bike and took it out on a family day out. I rode it in an area that was not suitable. I just enjoyed myself. I think I rode through dog muck but convinced myself it was only mud, the bike fell over thanks to my daughter, it was parked up wherever and at one point on rubble and rocks and packed away in the car at the end of the day. I did not look for any scratches, marks etc. Very surprising for me.

  24. #24
    Grand Master RustyBin5's Avatar
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    Insure it then drive it like you stole it

  25. #25
    Grand Master snowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RustyBin5 View Post
    Insure it with a very low excess and protected NCB then drive it like you stole it
    Fixed.

    My elderly mother worries about everything, it's debilitating and incredibly stressful for her and everyone around her.

    The current COVID situation (and the media and government's eagerness to portray the virus as a modern day Black Death) has only aggravated things - I think the handling of the situation is likely to create a massive mental health problem over the next few years, but I digress...

    If you're already fretting about things, try really hard to find ways not to because it will probably only get worse.

    M
    Last edited by snowman; 1st June 2021 at 15:57.
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  26. #26
    Grand Master
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    The only thing Iím fastidious about is my watches, I wear them all in rotation but Iím v. careful not to mark or scratch them. This applies even more to the stuff Iíve restored and refinished myself, even though I could rectify any minor damage should it occur. In some ways Iím even worse with watches Iíve refinished, I hate to damage my own work, particularly the contrasting grained/ polished surfaces that are tricky to get right again.

    I look after things fairly carefully but I donít take it to extremes, I stopped fretting about cars long ago and Iíll never understand the Ďdetailingí fad.

  27. #27
    It sounds like you may as some have mentioned a mild OCD

    You like your things ďjust soĒ are v observant and clearly think about things a lot

    Perhaps do some gentle reading on it and see what you find

    Regards the car....
    I recall buying a Porsche 911 ten years ago or more and wouldnít park it for weeks on the front of my then girlfriends house as she lived in a crap area

    I eventually gave in abd didnít worry - it never got damaged - it was insured after all too

    My sister hoovers about three times a day every day
    She doesnít know how to relax - sheís ocd
    But thatís just how she is - everybody is different and your approach to ďstuffĒ is not as unusual as you think

    Did you have much as a child? Weíre you taught to look after things? Keep things for best? It may have started then for some

    Deal with it how you feel is best - but try to enjoy your car


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  28. #28
    Master jukeboxs's Avatar
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    I used to be quite relaxed about my cars (e.g. years ago, when I found my 4yr old hitting the driver's door repeatedly with a rock, I was surprisingly calm). But, that was in the days when I bought my cars and kept them for 10 years. I'm now on my 2nd lease car, and I am much more precious about damage - as I know it will cost me in the not-too-distant future. I now just wash it less instead. Scratches on my watches annoy me, especially PCLs and other polished surfaces - but I imagine most feel this way.

  29. #29
    Grand Master JasonM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by southerner101 View Post
    do you have children?

    they will soon put an end to you giving a shit about trivial things :)

    but all joking aside, as above it sounds more like anxiety or something if its causing you problems.
    This.
    One of my favourite rants is to say in a loud voice Ďwhy canít I have anything niceí
    Cheers..
    Jase

  30. #30
    Yeah, that's me. I park as far as possible from the supermarket doors, usually on the end of an aisle (so only one person can park next to me ) and as far away from the adjacent bay as I can manage. I frequently have to climb out the passenger door.
    Then I invariably come back to find a snotter of a Transit parked within a hairs breadth of my (OK, Mrs. V's) car. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    And yes, it makes me sad when I see other people abusing their nice stuff. The world is full of people who don't care about their stuff, let alone other people's things. Guess it all began when their parents showed them how to drop their Maccy D's bag from their car window. This is a cheery thread isn't it?

  31. #31
    Master
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    I like to buy decent stuff and I look after my kit, I hate seeing stuff get needlessly trashed.

    But if things take a knock during use then I donít worry, I donít buy stuff to look at I buy it to use and accept that things pick up a few scrapes along the way.

    I will do things to try an avoid damage but not that impedes normal use.

    I think itís called patina these days ...

  32. #32
    Grand Master GraniteQuarry's Avatar
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    The best thing to do with a car is gently kerb it on Day 1.

    After that it's worry-free motoring!

  33. #33
    I became very OCD about watches - in fact it was/is the only thing that Iím OCD about. It really irritated me over the years that I couldnít enjoy watches as they werenít Ďperfectí - so after selling my last big brand Swiss watch I decided not to buy another and just buy cheapies that I wouldnít expect to be perfect. Worked a dream and tbh I havenít looked back - itís nice to not really care any more about something so daft and inconsequential. Plus at todayís prices itís saved me a fortune!


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  34. #34
    Grand Master TheFlyingBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GraniteQuarry View Post
    The best thing to do with a car is gently kerb it on Day 1.

    After that it's worry-free motoring!
    Iím guessing this is my wifeís strategy.

    If only I had read this post twenty years ago so much would have been clearer...

    😉
    So clever my foot fell off.

  35. #35
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    Before lockdown I had some nice cars (A4 sline Avant, X1 and X3 m sport, GLC merc, 3series Touring) on short term lease. I'd change them every 6 months but I was always fretting about them getting damaged at a gig or in the school car parks when I was teaching. When lockdown happened I immediately handed the car back and ended the lease contract. I'm now smoking around in my 2000 my Rav4 again soon to be replaced by my dad's mint 2010 Tiguan when his new Volvo arrives. There is definitely something very freeing about having a daily driver that you don't have to worry about too much.

  36. #36
    Craftsman ozzyb123's Avatar
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    Sounds a bit OCD but if your worries begin to change the way you behave it might be worth speaking to a therapist / psychiatrist / counsellor / psychologist. Perhaps a round of CBT might help reframe your thoughts and help you let go a bit? If thatís what you want of course


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  37. #37
    Master Onelasttime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dougair View Post
    I found having kids helped me with thisÖ
    Yep!

    There is no point in me worrying about a new sofa getting marked, or the car getting trashed from the inside out - it's a given, so I gave up worrying.

  38. #38
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onelasttime View Post
    Yep!

    There is no point in me worrying about a new sofa getting marked, or the car getting trashed from the inside out - it's a given, so I gave up worrying.
    Also, get a dog and forget about having a nice garden.

  39. #39
    Master studly's Avatar
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    Is it not the "peasant" mindset of someone who cannot afford to replace something?

    I have a friend who owns several supercars and he recently purchased a Ferrari Superfast. He told me that if he crashed it or if it randomly went on fire he would just go out and buy another one the same day.

  40. #40
    Craftsman
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    Are there parts of your life you don't feel in control of, so maybe you focus on the material things that you can maybe do something about?

    Or are you SO in control of everything, this one variable of ownership/cost/damage to your property sets you on edge because you cannot do anything about it?

    The person that said about kids is right but not just for their mentioned reasons (although very valid!). Children and loved ones (pets too) put things in perspective. I'd rather come out of the supermarket and see a scrape on a bumper than what could happen if one of my children was stood there. "Stuff" can be replaced. People can't.

  41. #41
    I have exactly the same behaviour but with one difference, I donít think of it as fretting, just practical. Iíll always park in the quiet, far side of the car park if I can, a large bay, a one-sided bay, etc. One thing I wonít be protective about is tools. I use them. Use the Leatherman wave to cut turf for example if necessary, tidy the blade back up when Iím home. I learnt that characteristic from my dad who was the opposite. I remember him looking after a workmate like it was a Chippendale table. No point buying it if youíre not going to use it because you donít want to scratch it or get paint on it.

  42. #42
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    [QUOTE=JasonM;5761727]This.
    One of my favourite rants is to say in a loud voice Ďwhy canít I have anything niceí[/QUOT

    THIS exactly...acceptance becomes the easier path, after they've repeatedly projectile vommed over you it's all one, the rant is for amusement...a reminder/ prayer that this to shall one day pass.

  43. #43
    Master TKH's Avatar
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    OOOF !

    This is why I get stressed out about where I park and park miles from anyone...



  44. #44
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    I remember dear old Derek Ziglar (RIP) owner of the Chronocentric forum who said something like, " enjoy your watch, wear it always. Worrying about possible damage will only spoil the pleasure of ownership. "

    As true today as it was twenty odd years ago.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

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  45. #45
    Grand Master magirus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    I remember dear old Derek Ziglar (RIP) owner of the Chronocentric forum who said something like, " enjoy your watch, wear it always. Worrying about possible damage will only spoil the pleasure of ownership. "

    As true today as it was twenty odd years ago.

    How very true Neil. Yet with the farcical values of some watches nowadays more and more will be getting increasingly less wear.

  46. #46
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by magirus View Post
    How very true Neil. Yet with the farcical values of some watches nowadays more and more will be getting increasingly less wear.
    This is the problem Bob, plus of course the many who just buy them for their flipping potential.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

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  47. #47
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    I think everyone has this to a certain degree. I've found that I'm willing to pay a bit extra to have a company car, where the cost is fixed and I don't need to worry about it at all. I do keep it nice and clean, but it's not mine so I don't have to worry about it.

    I bought my wife a nice TT datejust this spring. It must have more scratches now than my Sub had after nine years when it went in for service. It's not my watch, so... ;)

  48. #48
    Quote Originally Posted by TKH View Post
    OOOF !

    This is why I get stressed out about where I park and park miles from anyone...
    I saw this on Pistonheads I think. The bad parking thread is definitely one to keep away from if you worry about parking your car. Which I do and yet I always check out the parking thread.

  49. #49
    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    This is the problem Bob, plus of course the many who just buy them for their flipping potential.
    It this isnít necessarily about dinging it (though that may be a concern) itís the risk of real physical harm that has pushed me towards wearing my Garmin everyday.

  50. #50
    Grand Master Chris_in_the_UK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    I remember dear old Derek Ziglar (RIP) owner of the Chronocentric forum who said something like, " enjoy your watch, wear it always. Worrying about possible damage will only spoil the pleasure of ownership. "

    As true today as it was twenty odd years ago.
    I agree 100% Neil.

    I find the whole 'not worn/hardly worn' situation very strange.
    When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........

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