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Thread: Tales from the Front Line of Retail : Lessons for Thick Criminals

  1. #1
    Master
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    Tales from the Front Line of Retail : Lessons for Thick Criminals

    1. When taking delivery of a box of high level fake Rolex, remove your real name and home address before distribution.



    2. When rumbled by a handsome jeweller and being followed by his team, be clear when you tell your associate to "Get rid of the the box." It is embarrassing to confess under interview that the idiot was meant to get rid of just the box, not the incriminating contents as well.

    3. When ditching a box of knock-off Rolex with your details on it, try not to do so right in front of an off-duty policeman.

    4. When waddling through the streets of Chester in the slowest and most farcical pursuit ever, do not try to lose your pursuers by jumping over the side of a canal bridge. As you fall and hurt your leg on the inclined bank of the canal, they may not be entirely sympathetic as they saunter down the handy steps adjacent.

    5. Do not declare that you "have the best brief in Liverpool" and state that as a result you will never be fingered, lest both you and he look silly when you subsequently are.

    6. Do not ask solicitor to write to the jeweller and demand your passport back, claiming it had been taken from you, when you yourself left it behind in your panic to scarper before the police arrived. It will by that time be in the safe hands of Cheshire Constabulary.

    7. Do not call your hapless buddies in the getaway Jaguar to arrange urgent transport if the pursuing team are right behind you. They will thus be party to the arrangements and ready to photograph both accomplices and vehicle upon arrival.

    Two have pleaded guilty, one behind bars as I write.
    Last edited by Haywood_Milton; 21st May 2021 at 00:05.

  2. #2
    Master
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    Nice result
    How good were the fakes?

  3. #3
    Master
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    Most exciting thing to happen to Chester since Hollyoaks :)

    Edit: If you ever decide to write a book about your experiences then put me down for a copy!
    Last edited by gcleminson; 21st May 2021 at 07:58.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post
    Nice result
    How good were the fakes?
    They were SuperFakes circa 2019 generation, with a well-known hand on the fake warranty card. Have seen better since, but this type fooled many at the time and still probably would fool many today.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haywood_Milton View Post
    They were SuperFakes circa 2019 generation, with a well-known hand on the fake warranty card. Have seen better since, but this type fooled many at the time and still probably would fool many today.
    I'm looking at the gold writing on the wallet and am thinking it looks a bit dubious.
    Not sure if that is just wishful thinking on my part.

    Are the super-fakes all 6 digit stuff or did they ever master the 5 digit watches?
    Last edited by Hood; 21st May 2021 at 00:23.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post
    I'm looking at the gold writing on the wallet and am thinking it looks a bit dubious.
    Not sure if that is just wishful thinking on my part.
    No, the accessories were indeed of mixed quality. Each set was different, clearly cobbled together --- but that is not unusual with both fakes and genuine watches.

  7. #7
    Haha interesting story Haywood and nicely written too appreciate you sharing it!
    Dan

  8. #8
    Nice result.

    Do they ever get violent or threatening when rumbled and before the police arrive? Can’t help but think you put yourself and staff at a bit of risk by holding them/their passport or whatever else until police rock up, noble though may it be.

    Maybe I just have the wrong image of these people and they are more simpletons than hardened criminals/organised crime types.

    Anyways, well done.

  9. #9
    Dear God

    They do look good in the pics but do I see non engraved rehauts on supposedly ceramic bezel watches? Impossible?

  10. #10
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    Great story.
    You will have to write a sit com one day. Call it "Tom Foolery", pitch it as a high street jeweler called Tom dealing with WIS types and dumb crooks.

  11. #11
    Master
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    Yep, well done again and good to hear they were successfully prosecuted.
    People often refer to financial crimes as victimless but they really are not.

  12. #12
    I always enjoy reading of these escapades HM. Have you optioned the rights yet?

  13. #13
    Grand Master 100thmonkey's Avatar
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    Always good to publish this level of detail as it helps future criminals avoid such pitfalls!
    "When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,
    For Their Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today"

  14. #14
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    LOL!! Excellent result!

  15. #15
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    Well, the brighter criminals don’t feature here.....because they are brighter. Sort of criminal evolution really.....

  16. #16
    Craftsman
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    Great result!

  17. #17
    Craftsman
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    Nice one, very amusing!

  18. #18
    Grand Master SimonK's Avatar
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    Rather like the film 'The Sixth Sense' or the Netflix series 'Behind Her Eyes' when I arrived at the end of your tale, item 7, I had to rethink the entire story. The mention of a getaway Jaguar made me think of a Mk. 2 and I immediately imagined everything in black and white like an episode of Gideon's Way or a Boulting Brothers film.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by 100thmonkey View Post
    Always good to publish this level of detail as it helps future criminals avoid such pitfalls!
    Not sure if this is tongue in cheek, but unless the surviving Chuckle Brothers turn bad ("F me, F you"), I don't think there is any lesson here which would be useful or not already bloomin' obvious to the bent horde.

    There is so much more to this story which I haven't relayed exactly because that content could be useful to the baddies.
    Last edited by Haywood_Milton; 21st May 2021 at 10:11.

  20. #20
    Grand Master AlphaOmega's Avatar
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    I can recommend playing the Benny Hill music while reading HM's post.

  21. #21
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    Nigel Farage? He’s getting desperate!

    Well done Haywood. Enjoyable post as always

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimonK View Post
    Rather like the film 'The Sixth Sense' or the Netflix series 'Behind Her Eyes' when I arrived at the end of your tale, item 7, I had to rethink the entire story. The mention of a getaway Jaguar made me think of a Mk. 2 and I immediately imagined everything in black and white like an episode of Gideon's Way or a Boulting Brothers film.
    Modern XJ just doesn't cut it... and they stopped on double yellows as well, the absolute scumbags!


  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowdon View Post
    Dear God

    They do look good in the pics but do I see non engraved rehauts on supposedly ceramic bezel watches? Impossible?
    I'm sorry to confirm that they did have engraved rehauts, with numbers matching the cards.


  24. #24
    ‘The handsome jeweller’- hahaha
    HM in great form.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post

    Are the super-fakes all 6 digit stuff or did they ever master the 5 digit watches?
    The six digit models are by far the most common, but I've seen some five digit.

    It seems always to be professional models in stainless steel, perhaps as they brings greatest reward without the complication of needing to reproduce precious metals --- and buyers may be too eager to check them carefully and see what is wrong.
    Last edited by Haywood_Milton; 21st May 2021 at 11:03.

  26. #26
    Master Lampoc's Avatar
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    I love reading stuff like this. You really need to write a big compilation of all your favourite fake watch/dodgy crim stories.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlphaOmega View Post
    I can recommend playing the Benny Hill music while reading HM's post.
    I am sorry to report that Merseyside Police for some time and possibly to this day retained CCTV footage of what they described as a Benny Hill chase across Liverpool city centre featuring the same handsome jeweller and a wanted, would-be seller of fake gold rings.

    Identified in store, the latter was asked to wait for the arrival of police but chose instead to exit stage left.

    Approximately twenty paces from the store, not realising that Basil Fawlty was following, he bent to adjust something in his sock, at which point a dozen or so identical, gold-coloured rings sprang across the pavement. Unable to contain his excitement, a wide-eyed Fawlty exclaimed in a triumphant pitch that was higher than most men would consider appropriate "AH-HAH!", inadvertently alerting the crook to his presence.

    The crook darted and a breakneck sprint along Church Street began......only to slow to walking pace about 300 yards later, as both unfit perp. and bloated pursuer had reached the limit of their explosive energies. A slow chase, literally at walking pace, then played out across the city, at one point the leader getting into one door of a taxi before exiting the other as Fawlty followed him in. That part especially seemed to amuse the coppers.

    One more conviction realised, while the jeweller decided it was time to resume competitive tennis.
    Last edited by Haywood_Milton; 21st May 2021 at 11:17.

  28. #28
    Master Yorkshiremadmick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlphaOmega View Post
    I can recommend playing the Benny Hill music while reading HM's post.
    Just wet myself


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  29. #29
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    Fascinating, thanks for sharing this. The date not quite being in place at 20:17 is a bit of a giveaway, isn't it?

  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Haywood_Milton View Post
    I am sorry to report that Merseyside Police for some time and possibly to this day retained CCTV footage of what they described as a Benny Hill chase across Liverpool city centre featuring the same handsome jeweller and a wanted, would-be seller of fake gold rings.

    Identified in store, the latter was asked to wait for the arrival of police but chose instead to exit stage left.

    Approximately twenty paces from the store, not realising that Basil Fawlty was following, he bent to adjust something in his sock, at which point a dozen or so identical gold-coloured rings sprang across the pavement. Unable to contain his excitement, a wide-eyed Fawlty exclaimed in a pitch that was higher than most men would consider appropriate "AH-HAH!", inadvertently alerting the crook to his presence.

    The crook darted and a breakneck sprint along Church Street began......only to slow to walking pace about 300 yards later, as both unfit perp. and bloated pursuer had reached the limit of their explosive energies. A slow chase, literally at walking pace, then played out across the city, at one point the leader getting into one door of a taxi and then exiting the other as Fawlty followed him in.

    One more conviction realised, while the jeweller decided it was time to resume competitive tennis.
    As an outside observer I can’t help but feel that pursuing a criminal while both maintain no more than a brisk walking pace seems terribly English.
    That might be my bias shining through though I admit.


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  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdmiralNilsson View Post
    As an outside observer I can’t help but feel that pursuing a criminal while both maintain no more than a brisk walking pace seems terribly English.
    That might be my bias shining through though I admit.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    The fugitive may have been forgiven for thinking that Fawlty's cheery greetings to fellow shop-keepers while in luke warm pursuit was probably taking the p155.

  32. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by Haywood_Milton View Post
    The fugitive may have been forgiven for thinking that Fawlty's cheery greetings to fellow shop-keepers while in luke warm pursuit was probably taking the p155.
    For that but not anything else presumably.
    It does sound very respectable though.


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  33. #33
    Grand Master Wallasey Runner's Avatar
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    Why would scumbag seller of fake Rolex decide to take them to a Rolex specialist. Can't help thinking something is missing in their planning here and one assumes that there are softer targets on the High Street.

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wallasey Runner View Post
    Why would scumbag seller of fake Rolex decide to take them to a Rolex specialist. Can't help thinking something is missing in their planning here and one assumes that there are softer targets on the High Street.
    They probably think Chisholm Hunter are the local experts < smacks forehead >

  35. #35
    Grand Master Griswold's Avatar
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    That brightened up my day and gave me a good laugh. I have to admit though, that I read 'Lesson 5' with a Scouser accent; which added to the hilarity.

    Well done H.
    Best Regards - Peter

    I hate being bipolar, its brilliant.

  36. #36
    Grand Master number2's Avatar
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    Brilliantly funny episode, reminds us to stay vigilant as there's still tons of fakers out on the streets.

    Thanks for posting.
    "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."

  37. #37
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    Glol- that said the quality of these replicas is scary good.

  38. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by Wallasey Runner View Post
    Why would scumbag seller of fake Rolex decide to take them to a Rolex specialist. Can't help thinking something is missing in their planning here and one assumes that there are softer targets on the High Street.
    Yeah great point can’t have done their homework at all

  39. #39
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    The common denominator seems to be that crooks aren't very bright.
    “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

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