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Thread: Noisy neighbours

  1. #1
    Craftsman
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    Noisy neighbours

    My brother has Asperger's and has lots of anxiety issues ,it was very bad over the summer ,particularly at night ,but seems to have calmed down now .There is now an issue with downstairs neighbour he needs advice on .She is a middle aged neighbour women ,generally quiet looks after the place and says hello ,however when her boyfriend comes over they get drunk and playing music till 2/3 am and often end up shouting and swearing away at each other ,my brother gets very upset and anxious about this
    it used to be just the odd time but now he comes over 3/4 days a week .I had a word with her a while ago about this and she was apologetic and said it would not happen again ,but sun and Mon night there was the same issues and my brother is getting very upset and anxious about things .Any ideas about how to deal with this and move things forward ,obviously I want to keep the peace between everyone ,but want to stop this behaviour soon as possible

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  2. #2
    Master Rod's Avatar
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    Record the noise and report to the council if it's happening frequently. It's anti social behaviour.

  3. #3
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    There is no easy way to solve it and keep the peace in my experience. You can go down the council route but they'll probably find out or guess it was you and no doubt turn nasty. Or confront them and they'll probably turn nasty.

    Trouble is the kind of people who are inconsiderate enough to do it, aren't usually the kind of people who will be reasonable. How much hassle are you prepared to put up with?
    ďThe more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.Ē

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Rod View Post
    Record the noise and report to the council if it's happening frequently. It's anti social behaviour.
    I think thatís the only option. You have advised the neighbour, who seems to have acknowledged it at the time. A reminder might work, but otherwise let some who knows what they are doing tackle it, once theyíve been provided with all the information and background.

    One other thing though is that, although it would be the right/nice thing to do, they are not responsible if your brother is much more susceptible to noise to other people (both my missus and father are too), but you would hope some consideration would be given by a neighbour.
    It's just a matter of time...

  5. #5
    Master Kirk280's Avatar
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    Do they have a letterbox?

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rod View Post
    Record the noise and report to the council if it's happening frequently. It's anti social behaviour.
    As a policeman do you really think a lot will get done? From what Iíve seen thereís generally months of hoops to jump threw before even the most basic steps are taken.

  7. #7
    Possible Covid -19 violation ?

  8. #8
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rod View Post
    Record the noise and report to the council if it's happening frequently. It's anti social behaviour.
    As a policeman do you really think a lot will get done? From what Iíve seen thereís generally months of hoops to jump threw before even the most basic steps are taken.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jega View Post
    Possible Covid -19 violation ?
    Good point.

    OP - given that the neighbour appeared reasonable when you spoke to her before I'd be tempted to approach her again and see if that works before escalating it further.

  10. #10
    Master Alansmithee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodder View Post
    As a policeman do you really think a lot will get done? From what Iíve seen thereís generally months of hoops to jump threw before even the most basic steps are taken.
    When it happened to me with some dogs, the council took action the next week and the problem was solved.

  11. #11
    Master
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    I would continue to try and resolve as amicably as you can before involving a 3rd party.
    If sheís apologised already she sounds half reasonable so work on that to begin with, appeal to her reasonable side.

  12. #12
    Craftsman
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    Thanks for the advice will try and catch her over the weekend during the day

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  13. #13
    Grand Master WORKSIMON's Avatar
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    As a short term solution get him some wireless headphones that he can watch the tv or listen to the radio to cover the noise and distract him until you can get a more permanent solution sorted. I bought a sonos system that I could play music and the TV through the whole house at a volume where it only just drowned out the neighbours and gave me some relief until we moved. Being honest with her about the consequences of her actions and trying to appeal to her better side again is the first step, if that does not work then as Rod said get the council involved.
    Cheers

    Simon



    Ralph Waldo Emerson: We ask for long life, but 'tis deep life, or noble moments that signify. Let the measure of time be spiritual, not mechanical.

  14. #14
    Master
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    Remind her about the previous conversation and be firm that she has to comply.

    Then if she doesn't, get your brother to stomp around at 4AM and let the bath overflow, far more latitude to be a bad neighbour upstairs than down.....

  15. #15
    Master Rod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodder View Post
    As a policeman do you really think a lot will get done? From what Iíve seen thereís generally months of hoops to jump threw before even the most basic steps are taken.
    It's a civil matter not a police issue unless there's violence, threats, or intimidation.
    I think you'll find the council helpful.

  16. #16
    Master
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    Thatís good to know, noise can be a real nuisance.

  17. #17
    Master blackal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodder View Post
    As a policeman do you really think a lot will get done? From what Iíve seen thereís generally months of hoops to jump threw before even the most basic steps are taken.
    In 3 months' time - he may wish he had.

    I'd also advise fitting a recording cctv camera at the front and back. Even if it is one that just sits on the windowsill

  18. #18
    Master reggie747's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alansmithee View Post
    When it happened to me with some dogs, the council took action the next week and the problem was solved.
    Did you make yourself known to them and front the dog owners before calling the council and do you also have Aspergers ?






    No, didn't think so.

  19. #19
    Master reggie747's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WORKSIMON View Post
    As a short term solution get him some wireless headphones that he can watch the tv or listen to the radio to cover the noise and distract him until you can get a more permanent solution sorted. I bought a sonos system that I could play music and the TV through the whole house at a volume where it only just drowned out the neighbours and gave me some relief until we moved.
    Possibly not ideal til 2 and 3 in the morning

  20. #20
    Craftsman
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    I have had nightmare neighbours, luckily we were able to move but it blighted our lives, so I have every sympathy. To coin a phrase, you have no authority here, it sounds like they really don't care so you're wasting your time because you can't enforce anything. So that really leaves the council. If you don't report it, and something else happens, the council will only be able to act on that. Report it now and things will begin to stack up as it carries on.

  21. #21
    Craftsman
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    Are you an owner or renter? If an owner, going doing the Council complaint route means you'd have to disclose a dispute if you wanted to sell which would be a red-flag to some buyers.

    If you rent, complain or move.

  22. #22
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    It isnít ideal at all.

    The OPís brother may well be conflicted - on the one hand the anti social behaviour and interrupted sleep, and on the other hand the stress caused by confrontation.

    Weighing up what will be the lesser evil in such situations, with self preservation and meltdown avoidance uppermost as priorities, is a fact of life for high functioning autistic people. Itís made worse because it involves an intrusion into his private space and time which, if heís anything like me and most other aspies, he will be keen to protect as that is key to his ability to recharge.

    In my case Iím lucky that noise doesnít especially bother me but I like the idea of noise cancelling headphones or possibly earplugs. If he can tolerate wearing them it would be worth exploring.

  23. #23
    Craftsman Go Big's Avatar
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    Silicone earplugs like these work a treat.

    https://www.allearplugs.com/collecti...-white-6-pairs

  24. #24
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by J J Carter View Post
    Are you an owner or renter? If an owner, going doing the Council complaint route means you'd have to disclose a dispute if you wanted to sell which would be a red-flag to some buyers.

    If you rent, complain or move.
    Absolutely this, do not make it formal dispute, it will make it impossible to sell.

  25. #25
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    I think that the fact that her first response was apologetic as opposed to aggressive leaves the door open to another conversation, just to alert her to the fact that it's an ongoing issue. Some people are remarkably naive about how noisy they're being. The second conversation can be a firmer one but you might consider both sweetening the pill, and making her feel more self-conscious, by expressing some concern for her and asking if she is alright: "some of the neighbours are worried and wonder if you are the victim of abuse" etc. That would switch the attention from your brother and his complaints and make her think about the spectacle she's creating.

  26. #26
    Craftsman
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    The flat is rented ,landlord owns all 8 flats in the tenement and others elsewhere ,they used to be pretty decent about things according to my brother ,but seem to have vanished and be almost uncontactable during covid .I will talk to neighbour on my brother's behalf hopefully Monday when boyfriend not around and explain situation ,as I said she is generally pretty decent and normal according to my brother ,just changes when boyfriend over and drunk ,maybe she doesn't realise how much the sound travels ,probably very little sound proofing ,though the flats are in reasonable condition and landlord follows rules and regulations and repaired things quickly


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  27. #27
    Master
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    Stopping payment of the rent would focus the attention of the landlord.

  28. #28
    Master
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    I'll assume your a guy and when you go to confront the neighbor, a woman, she most likely will feel intimidated by you and apologize. I think your better off talking to her when the boyfriend is around because she will be more honest to you and if the boyfriend s reasonable he will be more understanding.

    If you find they really don't care about their neighbor, your brother, buy him a drum set and tell him anytime the noise bothers him to take his frustration out on the drums.

  29. #29

    Noisy neighbours

    My wife and I had a bad experience with the first flat we bought nearly 30 years ago. A young woman rented the flat upstairs and the same thing would happen, as well as lots of banging and crashing at the weekends when her rather unpleasant looking boyfriend came over. We asked her to keep it down a few times, until one Sunday morning an ambulance showed up - heíd been beating her black and blue, and she was hospitalised for a few days - my wife and I felt absolutely dreadful we hadnít contacted the police (although he was the sort who probably would have picked a fight with me on any suspicion that weíd reported them and also looked like a really nasty piece of work I just wish Iíd confronted him). Even worse was when the owner of the flat showed me the damage, it looked like sheíd been thrown through doors, plaster walls had been punched through, just awful to think about . She never came back to the flat, and shortly after we sold up and bought our first house, it really shook us up.


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    Last edited by RobDad; 14th February 2021 at 11:38.

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