Reply With QuoteReally glad to hear its working out!
Moving house can be stressful at the best of times.
Good luck!
I've told it before: my youngest son has Asperger. He's 17, an absolute ace when it comes to maths and science He has learned people skills and normally he also aware of the fact that he has a different 'view' on things. But moving house is a new chapter...
We moved into our current house when he was 10 months old. And now, at the age of 17, he has to move "again!" Despite a few visits to the house, he was in total denial. Last Thursday I took him to the new and empty house. There I witnessed something I hadn't seen in years. The tactile aspect of his Asperger. E v e r y drawer was opened, closed, opened, closed then the next, the next, the next. Next up, all light-switches, all taps, all door handles - even the walls were touched like he was in a trance. His way of 'getting his head around' the new place. Exactly what he did when he was 3 y/o.
Back home, he kept his bedroom door closed, did everything for school (brilliant results after the first test). But we (my wife and I) started packing weeks ago and we made sure that we discussed all details during dinnertime. Making sure that he was aware of the world around him - certainly after visiting the new house.
We came up with a plan. Saturday morning, my wife announced that my son had to start packing - we're moving this Friday. So we decided to 'help' him: rolling his self-picked carpet. That was shock #1. Then my wife came up with a brilliant plan. Armed with a roll of brown paper and tape, she ordered my son to start measuring his bed, couch, table etc. And she turned the papers into real-size items for a floorpan. That was shock #2. They got in the car with the carpet and drove the 3 miles north to the new house. The carpet was un-rolled and the measuring with the brown paper started. Shock #3. After returning home, he started packing!! Yes!
Next hurdle is the absence of wifi for the next weeks... We're about to live in a remote location and it took us a long time and lot of money to get fiber-optic internet for our new location. Unfortunately, the modem has
not been delivered yet. That will take 5 -10 days before a specialist comes over for the installation of the modem. I told my son to download a ton of films for the upcoming period, including an 'off the grid' message for his friends. Must say, he took it like a man...
Somehow, we're glad we're going through this phase. Within 18 months, he'll be off to the uni. Living on his own etc. This is a good rehearsal.
Last edited by thieuster; 23rd November 2020 at 19:02.
Really glad to hear its working out!
Moving house can be stressful at the best of times.
Good luck!
Good to hear that you and your wife have found a way to get him on-side in what must be a difficult time for him.
Re the lack of wi-fi - is it worth getting a PAYG SIM with a large allowance and using that as a hotspot as an interim measure?
Thanks for the wifi suggestion. My wife will look into it tomorrow. And she's pretty 'internet-savvy' so she will come up with something. I'm thinking about a system like we see during events, campings etc. Short period, strong internet/wifi.Originally Posted by bambam
We went a different route. After much training in household chores, and cooking, including the sunday roast, he went into something akin to a sheltered living arrangement; a flat in a block. It took a long time to get him to that stage, and then many years of working with him to take the next step into living independently. He still has a support worker call on him once a week, which I don't think he needs, but I don't need to tell you about routine. After all those years of talks and gentle persuasion I had to smile when the other half asked if he wanted to stay the night in his old room, and he declined the offer, preferring to be in his own house. A proud moment indeed, so I appreciate how you feel. Well done to that young man of yours.
It's obvious that there are different levels of autism and Asperger's. My son is - in most cases- able to comment on his own behavior. As if he's leaving his mind and body to observe himself. But this whole moving house situation is stressful for him. He's even 'cranky' and moody from time to time. Which is very unfamiliar for him. Or he seeks mum's comfort. Since I do the daily cooking during the week, I've decided to cook 'recognizable' meals. Nothing new, nothing unexpected. Normally he's into experimenting and will try everything out of curiosity. But not this week. I'll keep a 'low profile'.
Next move on the chessboard... I didn't know what my wife had done it during the day, but she came up with a brilliant move today:
As said we rolled his carpet and took it to the new house. We were happy with that, until my wife realised that it could be bettered... We have large collection of (antique) Persian rugs. Mostly spread on all floors in the house. One of the rugs was my son's absolute favorite when he was a little boy. The patterns, the colours, the look and feel of the wool. It always made him happy. Again, the tactile part of it used to be very important. In the present day, the rug is in my wife's office. He sometimes comes in and comments on the rug.
When working at her desk this morning, my wife had the fantastic idea of sending my son a pic with: "I think that this one will look better in your new room, don't you think?" He replied with: "Really? Yes!" So... we've just returned from a short trip to the new house with the new rug in the back of the car. Straight up to his new room. Out with the 'old' one and in with the 'new' one (despite the fact that my parents already owned that rug when I was a toddler...). Things are clearing up. We unrolled the rug and there was this big smile on his face. Me: "Happy?" He: "Yes!"
Sort of bribing him? No, it's all about feeling comfortable and happy. When this helps, why not. On the way back a few minutes ago, it crossed my mind that the rug has to go with him when he's off to the uni. It will help, I suppose.
Really nice to hear ..it must be hard after he has only really known one home ...involving him and focusing on the planning and measuring is genius and heart warming....
Best of luck to you all and hope you / he settle in quickly...
Agree re wifi ...get a pre paid or contract mobile (dongle)...
I have a now 17 year old son who has Down’s and an element of Autism. He has a mental age of about 4 and needs pretty much constant attention. But he’s a happy and mischievous little chap who certainly keeps me, my wife amd his elder brother on our toes!
Anyhow, about 5 years ago we planned a move away from London and the owner of one house we looked round was great with our youngest son - he let him explore the house in his own way, had no problem with him touching the walls and the furnishings and couldn’t have been nicer or more accommodating. He remarked how tough it must be for us as parents amd how brave we were to be making such a move - not in a condescending manner, he was just genuinely nice.
So, we bought the house, and as it was a 150 mile move so we weren’t able to make repeat visits. When we arrived at our new house 3 or 4 months later - completely without our knowledge - the previous owner had left every single item that our son had shown a connection with - from the velvet cushion in the lounge, the double bed in the attic room and the pool table in the games room!
He had only moved locally so I had the opportunity to thank him for his generosity and just for being so genuinely sweet and thoughtful - and to offer to pay for the items, but he’d have nothing of it and said he just wanted to help make the transition for our son to his new house a little bit easier. It really moved me how kind a complete stranger could be, and every time we play pool on that table it makes me think how lucky we were - and our move has been a real success so best of luck!
Last edited by RobDad; 24th November 2020 at 11:43.
That seller: what a great guy! It makes you believe in the kindness of people. I can imagine how you must have been on deciding to move and how to handle the situation. 150 miles is something else than 3-5 kms (distance depends on the route: through the forest or the paved roads).
My son will keep on attending the same school and keeps on seeing his friends. That doesn't change. In fact, 2 of the students in his year live iive in the same hamlet as we. They already said: "Nice, so it's the three of us cycling beween home and school then!" I'm not worried about that. It will sort itself. (Apart from the fact that he gets lots very easily...). Knowing myself, I must avoid being a 'curling dad': the one who brushes away all obstacles on his path to maturity... I know that I will say: "Hop in the car, I'll drive you to school!" My wife will stop me when I'm leaning to that side.
M
It's heartening to hear stories where life isn't all about how much profit we can make out of someone on a "thing". A kindness large or small can go a long way.
The big day today. It all started with doom and gloom. The 5 men from the moving company arrived a 6:30 AM and started packing and stacking. My youngest was in total denial. Was laying on the sofa, waiting for the moment he could go to school. I thought he would escape the whole circus, but due to Covid (no teachers), he came back before noon! He sat in the pantry room on a footstool, watching Netflix.
When we were ready, I told him that he had to put on his shoes and coat for the small trip. But he insisted that he would go by bike. Luckily, it was the last item to be put in the lorry, so it was still available. Off he went. We drove in a convoy to the new house and due to shortcuts for cyclists, he had a big lead on us, so we passed him when we were close to the new home. When he spotted us, there was a grin from ear to ear.
In the new house, he immediately took off his coat and started helping my wife. She'd bought new tableware and cutlery (first complete and matching set for us - being together since the 90s) and he carefully unpacked all the boxes. He then put it all in the new cupboard and from there he started cutting all the obsolete boxes etc. I went back to the old house with a vacuum cleaner and when I returned, he'd already furnished his new room (thanks to my wife's floor plan idea).
When having dinner, I asked him why we noticed this change. His answer: "I know that I have Asperger, but I don't want it to control my life. I want to control my Asperger. Until now, I've always managed to deal with it. Moving house is another test. I think I've passed that one as well." I think he did.
It nearly brought tears to my eyes.
And he's not happy. Internet is up and running. My wife decided to rent a wifi-box from a company that rents them out for events: quick internet for a limited period. For us: a month. It works perfectly and is pretty fast!
Menno
Excellent news. I hope you have many happy years there together as he moves through life.
A few ups an downs but very pleased it all worked out Menno
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