Reply With QuoteNo it’s totally out of order and for that matter no one knows at age 6 who is going to be the next messi. Which of course doesn’t matter at all. Outrageous.
I came home today to a voicemail from the manager of my sons Sunday league football team. For context, my lad is 6 and has “played” for his local team since he was 4.
Up until this year playing consisted of training once a week and now he’s 6 they have started to play matches against other local teams in addition to the training.
Upon ringing him back I was astounded when he informed me that my lad wasn’t good enough for the team and that he thought it would be best if he found another team more suited to his ability. He gave me the option of allowing him to continue to train with the team but he wouldn’t be allowed to play in the matches as the other lads are at a much higher level than him. He’s 6, how the hell has the world come to this?
I’m aware that my lad isn’t the next messi or Ronaldo but he turns up every week with a smile on his face, loves seeing his friends and runs his little heart out for an hour. He’s not hopeless, engages with the drills and can dribble, tackle and shoot. I’m aware parents have rose tinted glasses but he’s a great lad who loves being involved.
Annoyed is an understatement. The manager is an fa coach and I am just lost for words how he can take this approach. I’m going to be the one who has to break it to my lad that instead of going to training on Wednesday night we’ll be staying home.
Apologies for the rant but am I being biased with my views or is the above totally out of order?
No it’s totally out of order and for that matter no one knows at age 6 who is going to be the next messi. Which of course doesn’t matter at all. Outrageous.
That is disgraceful. At least you have seen the coach and clubs true colours and I am sure there are other clubs that will welcome your son.
Thats terrible. I would be ringing the FA and giving them a piece of my mind. At that age the kids involvement and well being should be more important than any kind of competitiveness between teams. Your son might not be the next Ronaldo but I'm willing to bet this coach 'aint the next Guardiola either. To be honest I find it pretty sad.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
That’s terrible. My girls play football at the local club (u11, u9 and u6) and the whole ethos of the club is to develop players. Some are better than others, but they all get to play and have fun, and they are all improving.
When your lad is playing for England I look forward to hearing you recall this story!
Edit: I agree about raising it with the local FA rep.
Last edited by Kirk280; 13th October 2020 at 00:23.
Sounds like the manager has an overinflated ego and misguided sense of his own importance. What a cock!
You are absolutely right, and he is absolutely wrong. I’d be reporting him to the FA for failing in his duty to encourage and develop young players. How is any child supposed to progress if they’re being told they can’t cut it at age 6 FFS? Stupid doesn’t come close to describing it.
That's absolutely shocking!
The 'spineless excuse' has conveniently body-swerved his responsibility as a Manager i.e. having that conversation with the both of you.
Perhaps you could turn this situation around in respect to suggesting to your son that you feel the club isn't the best for his development, and that maybe you should both start looking at other clubs? It's a very sensitive and difficult time, good luck mate.
Failing that, mini rugby starts at 6 years of age. He'll certainly learn respect, something clearly not afforded to you both in this experience.
Unless your son is playing for man united, Liverpool, Chelsea etc etc then that is very harsh indeed. I feel sorry for him, you and the sad state of grass roots football.
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Ridiculous- I’ve had a stand up argument with one manager and a disagreement with another over not just how one of my sons was being treated but how a number of players were. At that age it shouldn’t be about winning it should be about enjoyment, engagement and having a good time. Both sons are/were heavily involved in football, one a professional (and holds coaching badges) and ones a qualified ref, coaches and plays for uni team. I’ve watch thousands of grass roots matches and there are many managers that shouldn’t be anywhere near young kids. Saying that a lot of parents need to look at themselves too!!
Can you try and find another team with a different ethos? My younger son moved a couple of times because of stuff like this.
My son played for various teams from 6 through to 14 the day he stopped i breathed a sigh of relief.
The entire atmosphere of kids football is toxic, from the failed prima donna managers/coaches to the awful parents the whole experience is terrible.
I wish you all the best and maybe a move to another team will help, I definitely wouldn't be putting in the effort if they are not even going to play him.
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That's rubbish. I can't offer any advice (my son isn't even five and has just started playing) but please let us know how this pans out.
"A man of little significance"
Find him a local rugby club
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Doesn’t surprise me TBH and I doubt this club is unusual. Years ago one of my sons was told similar because he wasn’t good enough.
Unfortunately kid’s football can be very competitive, often driven by the parents, not just the coach. The good kids stand out, even at that age and it’s hard for the below average (or even average) ones who just want to have some fun doing their best at the w/e.
Even if he was the next Messi, you should find another team with a coach like this. This man absolutely lacks the basic skills a good coach needs.
Point is, with the coach's toxic attitude, he will focus (negatively) on your son's 'lack of performance' every time the team looses. So, go. Within a year, the majority of the team members will be gone. When your son is gone, there's another player "who's not up to the level..." And so on.
(Apart from the question if these are the FA's guidelines, there's also the question if this is a one-man action or is this according to the club's guidelines?).
Not football related but still: two years ago my oldest son made it into the Dutch National Sailing Squad. That was a long road. 10 yrs, every Saturday and Sunday on the water. Even during the winter. Every weekend I asked him: "Do you still want to go on?" He always answered with "Yes!". He wasn't the best sailor of his year. When he was younger, he didn't even manage to sail himself into the Dutch Optimist Squad.. Now, nearly 20 y/o., he's sailing with the guys who were 40 spots above him when he was 10, including national champion twice.
Covid and the Uni have come between him and his Olympic goal. Nowadays, he's focussing on coaching. And he loves it. Last weekend he had 6 young kids in their Optimist sailing a long stretch from marina A to marina B near Amsterdam on Lake IJsselmeer. Infamous for its nasty high waves. He showed me a video of that training, hearing him shout from the RIB: "Good job! Keep going, you're doing great!" But, this small girl wasn't really doing great... I asked him about it. His answer: "There are so many reasons why I tell her this. Why telling her that she's too slow when she still has 4 miles to sail in these conditions. It will demotivate her. Now, she finished and was oh so proud. And... they always told me that I was going great. Even when I wasn't. Look what the result is! What I've achieved." He is right about that.
Good idea about how to suggest other clubs, and mini-rugby is also a good call.Originally Posted by halfpasttwothirty
I see both sides to it. My an FA coach and run my lads U10s team and it’s been an absolutely slog the last few years.
The original coach ended up having a melt down and saying he couldn’t cope with running it anymore so I stepped in. We had 16 kids for 30 min 5 a side games and it was unmanageable. Even the training session with that many kids when they are young is incredibly difficult. Add into the mix at 5 now you have kids that can really play and I mean really play ( at clubs ) and then you’ve got kids who genuinely struggle to kick the ball.
I ended up struggling along for 2 months then came to the decision the 16 needed to be cut to 8 to give the lads enough game time but to also make it easier on myself in terms of the coaching and the running. ( I was running it single handed ).
So I text the group explain the situation it was unmanageable and not fair for the kids to be getting 2 mins each an asked if anyone would step in and we can form two teams - nobody volunteered. So I then said I was cutting it to 8 and to make it easier on myself I was keeping the best 8 players. Explained it was nothing personal against any child but I was a volunteer and giving up my own time and wanted to make it as easy as possible for myself and my son to play.
I was met with dogs abuse mainly off the mums calling me a c*nt etc and a heartless b*stard. I got into one exchange with a mum were I explained it wasn’t personal etc and could her husband step in and we could all train together but we split the teams so take 8 each for games. I was told her husband was far too busy to be wasting his time with kids footy.
Anyway FF a few years we are now at U10s and play 7 a side and we have a squad of 12 players. Our starting 7 is incredibly strong and we have a few kids at clubs. However 3 of our team are well below the rest of the team and the lads are getting to the age we’re they know the 3 are struggling. We are in a very competitive league ( they split them based on results ) and when I make a sub and one of the 3 players go on we concede within a couple of mins every time.
This is making then better players frustrated and also frustrated they are being subbed for players that they know are far below them in terms of ability.
I’ve also go parent of the kids below the level asking why their kids get less game time than the starting 7 etc.
It genuinely is an incredibly difficult juggling act to try and keep everyone happy whilst trying to win games and stay competitive. I’ve seen many teams fold because they try and give their whole squad equal minutes and ended up getting smacked and then the kids end up not wanting to get beat every week and don’t play.
What I really struggle with though is parents have tuned up for 4 years and it must be obvious boy X can’t kick a ball properly and that’s where his issue lies. But they make no attempt at getting him better at it.
My lad wasnt great and was in the lower end of the team ability wise so i realised I needed to work with him. Every night we would do 500 passes, then moved onto taking the ball on the half turn etc. Within 6 months he was transformed and is now one of the strongest in the team.
I disagree with the coach asking your lad to leave at 6 that’s too early for me. Kids can improve dramatically within a few months at that age. All you can do now is try and get him a team where he will play games and work with him in the garden.
Hopefully meet the team down the line and your lad shows them what he’s become.
Sorry to hear this OP, Football at this age should really be all inclusive regardless of skill or ability. Winning games isn't important but allowing the kids to express themselves without fear or favour is important.
Competitiveness at this age is a joke. I am heavily involved in a kids football academy (both as founder and trainer) and i currently train U8's and U6's, and our ethos at that age is to just let the kids play (sure we have a structure of drills etc that will teach the basic skills) - but we have no league structure at that age and they play some blitz's against other clubs, but we ensure all kids get the same amount of game time. It doesn't matter if they win 10-0 or lose 10-0 .. it isnt important.
Is it the ethos of the individual trainer that says he wants kids of a certain ability or is it that of the club ? If it is solely down to the trainer then speak with the child welfare officer within the club, if it is teh clubs ethos then seek a different all inclusive club .. there are plenty out there that would warmly greet your kid..
It’s good to hear the other side but I take issue with your last few paragraphs about kicking a ball.
I’m hopeless, can’t kick a ball properly myself and doubt could help my son with that - must be many like me who aren’t at all sporty but their children would like to play. Stuff like this would be better taught at schools rather than just having a game in the lesson every week.
There are good and bad coaches - yours is a bad one. At 6, it should be all about inclusion and fun not competitive football.
Have a look on the FA website and find a Futsal club near you. The focus at Futsal is on close control of the ball and your lad will really enjoy it.
There’s also a free online course on the FA website called the FA Playmaker course which you can do and it will give you some tools to train your son yourself.
I hope you find a better environment for your lad to enjoy his football.
Utterly ridiculous!!! All kids progress at different stages.....the coach needs a good look at himself!
I run an Under 10s team, and we are fortunate to have a good team (despite losing four of our players to professional clubs, which is great for the kids and something we want to happen if it helps the kids progress). However, as with any grassroots team, there will be weaker players. We have them, and we ensure they get the same game time as the rest.
We’ve seen it first hand the weaker players at age 6 aren’t necessarily the weaker at aged 10 (and vice versa).
Sounds to me the coach as done your son a favour.....he’s not someone you want coaching your son. Quite clearly it’s all about winning (for his own ego!!!!!!).
“It genuinely is an incredibly difficult juggling act to try and keep everyone happy whilst trying to win games and stay competitive.”
Sounds like the kind of thing a premiership manager should be saying not a kids football coach tbh.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
We've had the opposite with the team my lad plays for (U11). The manager is all about getting the kids to play, understand the game and enjoy themselves. A couple of the dads don't like that, they felt the kids should be pushed and the not so good players should move elsewhere.
The manager and a few of the parents have said its probably a better idea to move your kids to a more suitable club instead, which they have.
Think your kids manager sounds like a prize A tw@t and it's probably done you a favour to find him a better team to play for. Alternatively, as already suggested, get him into rugby. Much better atmosphere in the rugby crowd compared to football.
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I’d say being a kids football coach is harder. You don’t get paid for it !
It's a genuinely difficult situation. I feel for you and your son, I really do. I volunteered to coach my daughter's (then) U10 team as the coach is a neighbour and was struggling for coaches and to be honest, I really enjoyed what little bits I'd done to help. I went through my DBS check and started coaching on a Monday evening. I knew the ethos was 'development first' but I quickly started to become frustrated at the lack of desire to win at the club. Every other team in our league were more organised and played like they wanted to win and were capable of winning.
The kids told me they loved my training sessions and a few of them looked like they were pretty decent little players but when they were playing league games with their 'proper' coach on a Saturday they were getting battered every game. And I mean battered; 24-0 is burned into my memory along with the horizontal icy rain that day. I was asked if I could take the game one Saturday as the proper coach couldn't make it and I thought right, let's see how good we can be. I did things properly, working out who was going to play each quarter to ensure every girl got equal game time.
What was different that week was we had tactics. Stick with me, I'm on a roll :)
Everyone knew their job and you could see their enjoyment and confidence grow as we finished the second quarter at 0-0. Remember, we lost 24-0 the week before. They were all buzzing at how well they were playing.
Third quarter we go 1-0 up. Fourth quarter we're playing really well and I should bring on a sub to make sure she got equal game time. This kid always had the worst attitude I've ever seen in a kid. The parents were the same - feral. She'd turned up late that week and refused to take her turn in goal - we didn't have a proper keeper so we took turns. So I did what I felt was right for the team and I didn't bring her on for the last ten minutes. We won 1-0 and you should have seen the girls....absolute elation.
At the end of the game the parents confronted me and gave me dog's abuse on the pitch. They also took to Facebook and Whatsapp to sully my name with insults and all kinds of bad language. I didn't retaliate, preferring to remain an adult in the situation.
My reflections on the experience:
- I'm giving my time up in all weathers to do this
- The club acknowledged why I did what I did but....equal game time is the priority
- Coaching means being a coach, parent and social worker
- My inbuilt need to win or at least be competitive is still very strong
I immediately retired from coaching with a 100% record that I'm very proud of.
Last season was excellent. We barely had enough players to make a team each week and never had any subs but that resulted in us being a much better team all season. This season we have four new girls who have never kicked a ball before and it's resulted in us being garbage and getting beat every week. Again, the other teams in our league are improving and bringing in players who improve the team but we take anyone who wants to play and are therefore sh*te.
I guess what I'm saying is that coaching kids football is hard and it's understandable that people want to get something out of it and be competitive. I simply don't understand the mentality of our club and coaches where they're happy to constantly get beat at every age group and both genders.
When I was a kid, if you weren't good enough for a particular team you were told that and you moved elsewhere. Why can't that be right now? Because we've bred a generation of kids who can't handle that? Maybe?
You also knew which teams you weren't good enough to play for. There's a pecking order in sport, as in life. However I believe six is too young for that kind of action.
My daughter is sick and tired of getting beat every week and I can't blame her for that. I've explained that she either tries another team or continues to play for fun with her mates at this club. The choice is hers and she'll always have my support 100%.
Last edited by TaketheCannoli; 13th October 2020 at 09:35.
Maybe try another sport there's many other good ones, sounds like Football has a tendency to bring out the worst in people/parents.
You might just be right. Football has been my passion for as long as I can remember but I think you might just be right :(
By 11 I’d be starting the best kids and dropping the ones with lesser ability in as and when I could.
The better kids will end up frustrated and will leave if they don’t get the game time or if they keep getting beaten.
By 11 it’s turned into competitive sport.
Last edited by Ivan Drago; 13th October 2020 at 09:42. Reason: Correction
I think you dodged a bullet there, that coach is a bellend. Find a club that's interested in developing the player, not winning games. Jeez at 6 they're basically still chasing the ball around like a swarm of bees!
I can sort of sympathise with the need to be 'competitive' and suchlike but in my limited experience (FA qualified coach, currently run an u10's team) it's usually the parents and coaches that are more obsessed with winning than the kids. If the first thing the kid gets from Dad after the game is 'did you win?', 'did you score?' then inevitably the game becomes about winning. Given that the leagues don't even release results or tables until u13 (I think) then at u6's it should have nothing to do with the result. We lost 7-1 at the weekend playing against a team who had 1 really talented player and they lumped it over the top to him again and again. However, we scored a really beautiful goal right at the end and the kids were buzzing about it. They'd long forgotten the previous 7!
The current FA courses (level 1 and 2 at least) focus on player development in 4 corners... technical, social, psychological and physical. Nowhere does it talk about winning games. The whole syllabus has been revamped in recent years so maybe coaches who've done the courses more recently are more aware of that approach?
At 6 my son was really uncoordinated, didn't have the confidence to dribble or tackle and was one of the weaker players. At 9 he's a rock in our defence (although I still have reservations about sticking players to positions even at u10). We still have a few players who aren't as strong or able as others but they all get equal game time (although that too is difficult... at 3-3 with 10 mins to play taking your best player off because he's played 40mins already isn't easy).
Don't dismiss football as completely toxic though... with the right coach and a good club that is more focused on development than results it's still a really healthy pursuit. My eldest played both football and rugby for a bit and the rugby club was way worse in terms of picking the best players... they were seeded into A, B, C etc from really early on so you get good and bad of both.
Last edited by Meesterbond; 13th October 2020 at 10:01.
The coach is wrong. He may be an "FA Coach" but at this level all this normally means is that he has attended a two day course at a local centre. The whole ethos of the FA at this age, indeed pretty much all the way up to u-13s and the transition to 11 a side games, is Development Football. It's governed by fairly strict rules prohibiting competitive football leagues and the publication of results. It is even prescriptive that all kids should get a minimum of game time in each match to avoid simply playing the stronger ones. The stated aim is to allow as many children to participate as much as possible in a pressure free environment. At some point sure you look to place kids in an environment which is at an appropriate skill level for them to preserve that enjoyment and participation but 6 is way too young for that. The coach and the club have a duty to develop and involve as many players as possible.
I've coached teams at that level and up to u-13s and I can tell you that the strongest kids at 6 and 7 (often the biggest ones, born in September and October) were only rarely the outstanding kids by the time we got to u-13 level. So your coach is being bone-headed as well as going against FA principles.
Last edited by IanK; 13th October 2020 at 10:27.
That is the situation I would hope to see.
One thing I will say about this is that no match at u-10 should be ending in a 24-0 result. Its absolutely the sort of thing that could make a kid give up football for ever. The local league/club should be matching teams of roughly similar ability. Our local league fixture secretaries go to a lot of trouble to ensure this happens. In the rare event that a totally lopsided match happens then its the responsibility of both team coaches to prevent an absolute massacre. I've been at games where its been 10-0 at half time and the coaches have agreed to swap some players or take a player off for the stronger team to give the weaker team a one or even two player advantage. Its in nobody's interest that an u10 team wins 24-0 and it really shouldn't happen.
I agree and I said that on the day. Neither team learned anything that day. They do split the league based on league position at Christmas however it's the same teams every season so all the massacres happen before Christmas!
Absolutely.
The league we're in has four 'divisions' and whilst they don't publish any results they'll juggle the teams around at the beginning of the season and again just after Christmas to try and keep teams as close as possible.
It's worth reading through the FA's ethos as this is what every FA coach should be coaching towards.
Completely agree that some kids have got more of a competitive streak and some are naturally better than others. So move along to a better club.
My brother used to change teams every season for this very reason.
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What an awful thing to have to deal with…. I had a similar situation with my son getting rejected by the team he’d been with with for a couple of years…. He was totally distraught
He ended up becoming the captain of his new team and winning player of the year…
I have come across two @reshole managers and they genuinely miss the point of what sport is all about - my lad wasn’t brilliant, but, competent enough and tried hard and listened…. A coaches job is to improve young players irrespective of ability….
The win at all costs mentality is only really applicable to those playing in the higher echelons and professionals…. Not a bloody 6 year old
These kind of things are so cruel and it makes my blood boil
That is absolutely shocking. I’d be reporting him to the FA because this guy clearly doesn’t get what sport is at that age. It has nothing to do with levels of ability at a young age, that is coached and trained by the very person that is tell you to move your son.
He shouldn’t be coaching. Fuming.
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Cheers for all your messages, they’re much appreciated. I’ve stewed all day on this at work and am amazed by how many of your that replied.
As an update, I’ve decided that I am going to touch base with the local FA and speak with them about it as I feel strongly that at my lads age it should all be about inclusion and not winning.
The coach believe it or not is actually the club chairman and so I can’t go any higher at club level. He’s tried to justify himself further by saying that he is wanting the best for my lad and it isnt fair for him to be playing in a team where people are significantly better than him. He offered to move him into another team at the same club which operates in the same year group. I told him thanks but no thanks.
I’ve really tried to bite my tongue in correspondence with him because I know he’s a volunteer etc but the focus on winning and being competitive is bonkers at 6 years old. He feels justified in his actions and apparently we’re not the only parents who got the phone call.
Personally, I think that it is a numbers issue as one of the replies above alluded to. I think he’s got too many players and he has decided to just keep the best and cast off the worse.
My lad is oblivious currently and already has his kit ready for tomorrow but I’m thinking that maybe a switch to something different may be the best way forward.
The worst bits about being a parent are those times right there. I feel your pain.
Try a kids rugby club, he might like that, and he can meet girls too, no sexist split there.
The FA won’t do anything Johnny.
The coach will say he’s offered to allow your lad to train with the current team or move him to a team at his level.
The FA will view it as the coach doing the right thing the same as when they move clubs into different leagues to play against their own level.
My advice is to move into a different team and get out in the garden every night with your lad and build from there.
Can’t stress enough how much of football is just the basics - pass, trap, shooting, playing on the half turn etc.
The kids that are advanced are only advanced because their dads have had them out in the gardens since they could walk knocking balls to them.
500 passes a night ( takes 15 mins ) by the end of the week he’s 3500 passes better. He will improve dramatically. Then move onto cones, 50 dribbles etc.
Skills all need to be done at home, 2 hours a week with the coaches isn’t based around the basics. It’s meant to be focus on transitional play etc.
When you’ve got kids who can all pass, trap and dribble properly you can put on proper sessions with the kids and improve their play. If the kids haven’t got these skills mastered the sessions are a waste of time for them.
Do the above and by Jan your lad will be transformed.
I remember watching a kids footy match. Must have been under 13s I would say, and the manager ran on the pitch and grabbed one of the little toe rags! Said toe rag deserved a telling off.
Some of the parents need taking a down a peg or two as well!
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FIND ANOTHER CLUB
Get the lad to try kids golf, most clubs have a junior section that can be joined for next to nothing. My club has kids playing off 54 all the way to the future pro who's off +4 and they can play competition or casual golf against each other without worrying about who's better than who, it's all about enjoyment.
They also don't grow up thinking that cheating is ok so long as the ref doesn't spot it.
At my Grandson's club they have four teams per age group and the kids are streamed on ability.
TBH even at six years old some players stand out and nobody wants to be beaten 20-0!
At my youngest Grandson's age group (under7's) if one side is winning by 6 clear goals or more they can bring on another player but one week my Grandson's team had 5 players against 7 in the opposition and still beat them 10-0. Most of the other boys were crying, that's no good for the boys confidence.
There is nothing so dispiriting to kids to be thrashed every week and if it were one of my boys I would get them into a club/league more suited to their talents.
BTW people who say 6 year old football is all about fun, yes it is but you should see the boy's faces when they win!
My youngest Grandson is in the U-7's and played the best team in the area who are all signed by Fulham, wear the kits as well, at the weekend and won 7-6.
The boys loved it.
Football is a team game. If you had a child who loved running but was incredibly slow how long would they last at an athletic club?
Cheers,
Neil.
Wise words.
Cheers,
Neil.
I entirely agree with this - my son was fortunate enough to train at a club from the age of 4 with a very inclusive ethos with the focus on enjoyment rather than competition. Skills based training.
It all changed when he moved up to the next phase and the new coach essentially ran the setup like an academy; we both hated everything about the setup and surprise surprise my son decided it wasn’t for him and he focused on his rugby instead.
He’s talented but found the atmosphere toxic and it sucked all the fun out of it; we found it quite sad that a 10yr old could be put off a game he’d previously loved because of the attitudes of the adults, given that the vast majority won’t be anywhere near professional level there didn’t seem to be an option to play competitively without the expectation that it’s professional or nothing.
Last edited by Megatron; 13th October 2020 at 17:44.
I get the 'competitive/everyone is a winner' argument - but FFS- the lad is 6 !
I wonder if parents of kids playing rugby at those ages would be as pushy - or is it just that parents are scared that their offspring turn out to be hopeless dimwits in life, and a career in football might be their only salvation.
Take up dinghy sailing/racing - kids get exercise, competition, fresh air and (as far as I am aware) isn't infected with a55hole parents. It also introduces kids to adult interactions without coaches/parents ranting at them.
I think you'll find most athletic clubs cater for people of all abilities. Especially when it comes to running, with groups sorted according to their abilities not discarded.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
A word of warning: sailing is expensive. A boat is a hole in the water and you're throwing bucketloads of money in that hole. Like one of Holland's topcoaches put it: ...my kids don't go sailing. Too expensive. Swimming is what I have in mind and I'll even throw in golden swimming trunks. It will still be cheaper than sailing.
In fact, coaches and spectators on the water aren't allowed to say/shout anything during the races. It's awfully quiet on the water! Only when kids are young, the Race Commodore (often a parent) can and will allow 'coaching' by designated crews. Still, a lot of parents can give the coach a lot of 'flak' when they're under the impression that their Ben Ainsley / Ellen McArthur (...) isn't getting the proper coaching he/she deserves.
I remember a parent (a lawyer by profession!) cursing at his son when the lad returned from a day on the water: true, the boy under-performed that day. The man was yelling on the top of his lungs. Next day, Sunday, after the boats had launched for the race, we (3 fathers) invited him for a coffee in the clubhouse. At the table, we've told him politely and calmly what we'd noticed the day before and what our opinion was... He never raised his voice again in public.
My impression is that rugby (a small sport over here) and rugby parents are not allowing this gun-ho mentality by parents or wannabe top-coaches. Just like sailing.
My son played football from 4-6 (mostly at my insistence), but never really enjoyed it, mostly because his team kept getting beaten by better coached teams. At the same time he started Taekwondo.
At 7 I took him along to Salisbury Rugby club and after a few iffy seasons started to really enjoy it (especially the training) however when he got to 11 he realised that he wasn’t getting as much game time as some (we have a lot of private schools in the area whose pupils live rugby), so we moved to Warminster RFC and he enjoyed another 5 years there ending up as captain on their final tour of Wales having played second row, inside/outside, wing and full back in a single season - utility player. At the same time he achieved his junior and senior Black Belts, all his Swimming Life Saving awards, his open water scuba licence and has become a handy Badminton player and just completed his DoE gold.
He is now at Uni, he still plays Badminton and is looking at joining the Uni RFC (if they will have him 😀).
Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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