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Thread: Grieving.....It's a process.

  1. #1

    Grieving.....It's a process.

    Hi

    My Father passed away suddenly 15/06/20 aged 84yrs ( centre ).

    Picture: My youngest son's 18th ( very ) late last year.

    Me ( right ). Brother ( left ). My son's ( back ).

    Cheers Dad !


    Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

  2. #2
    Master Skier's Avatar
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    My condolences to you and yours. Whilst understanding your situation I hope you are able to concentrate on and remember the good times. I completely understand your pain having recently called an ambulance on arriving at my (also) 84 year old father's around 10 days ago (Parkinson's Disease diagnosed). We've just persuaded him to move in with my sister before we complete on a new house for him close to my sister and only 18 miles from me. He seems to have picked up with the increased social interaction and my niece (14) and nephew (13 tomorrow) have really taken to the additional responsibilities.

  3. #3
    Journeyman
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    Iím sorry to hear your terrible news.

    My dad passed away suddenly in 2011, it took me a long time to come to terms with it. If I can offer any advice it would be donít keep your feelings inside, try to talk about it with someone who can support you.

    My condolences to you and your family.

  4. #4
    Craftsman
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    Sorry to hear that. 84 is an excellent age and long life.

    Both my parents are in old age now and it is always in the back of my mind that they only have so much time left now.

  5. #5
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I could give you a way to ease the pain but I don't think it's possible. Losing my parents were the two worst things that have ever happened to me. I can only say that the good memories you have are so important, and don't be afraid to remember those.
    Cuidich 'n Righ

  6. #6
    Very sorry to hear of your loss. That looks like a fantastic photo of a great memory.

  7. #7
    Master
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    Neil, I am very sorry to hear of your great loss. I totally know how it feels as my Dad died very suddenly three years ago, at 86. Grieving is certainly a process and a sudden passing is a great shock. I took a lot of comfort from the fact that my Dad enjoyed life and good health, as it appears yours also did. Cherish the good memories and your family. All the best in the days ahead. Tom

  8. #8
    Master AlphaOmega's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    Great photo.

    But probably one that is quite difficult for you to look at right now.

    Apparently there are stages of grief.

    1. Denial
    2. Anger
    3. Bargaining
    4. Depression
    5. Acceptance.

    IME, that could be improved. It makes it look as if you spend equal time in Stages 1 to 4, before you hit Stage 5.

    IME, it's also quite possible to move forwards and backwards between stages.

    If you do this, don't beat yourself up. Other members of the family may hit some stages before you. And after you.

  9. #9
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    So sorry to hear of your loss, there is never a good time. We buried my brother in law yesterday (coronovirus), and it was the saddest funeral I've had to attend, and there has been a few bad ones. Very strange also with social distancing. Currently wavering between 4 and 5 on AlphaOmega's well thoughtout list.

    Sent from my SM-A105FN using Tapatalk

  10. #10
    Sorry for your loss, it's a hard time.

    In 2012, while my wife was pregnant with our 2nd child, a difficult pregnancy, my mum passed away suddenly at just 64. Dad was 150 miles away, so difficult to spend too much time with him what with the weekly scans back home. 2 months after mum died, just 2 weeks before our daughter was born, my dad took his own life. Had to rush to sort a funeral and stuff out, then the baby came. Don't think i ever got a chance to fully grieve through all that
    Last edited by Brighty; 1st July 2020 at 09:02.

  11. #11
    Master watch-nut's Avatar
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    Little comfort at this moment i know, 84 years is a full long life, does that make it any easier to accept ? perhaps, perhaps not. Loss of someone you respect and love at any age is hard, choose to rely on the happiest and proudest of memories, don't dwell on the what could have been. Remember him for all of the wonderful things that made you proud to cal him dad, don't be afraid to talk about him because it's upsetting and one day instead of sadness in his passing that comes to mind when you think of him, a smile will appear instead.

    I wish you well on your journey and I am so sorry for your loss.

  12. #12
    Grand Master learningtofly's Avatar
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    Condolences, Neil - it's always difficult losing a parent, and it requires a kind of realignment of everything as we come to terms with the loss due to the void that it leaves. The photo's lovely.

  13. #13
    My condolences on the loss of your father. As others have said, 84 is a very good age.

    If I may add, after seeing my father become more and more ill over his last five years, he died in December 2019, passing away suddenly, while of course a terrible shock, is in many ways a blessing.

    Grieving is a process and there will be good days and bad days. I hope, eventually, there are more of the former.

    David

  14. #14
    My condolences.

    What a wonderful picture - cheers indeed

  15. #15
    So sorry to hear about your loss. That picture is lovely though, thereís a genuine familial warmth there which is a wonderful legacy.

    It will be a long road ahead. Take care of yourself and talk plenty. It wonít always feel bearable, but it is.

  16. #16
    Master vagabond's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear of your loss, it's never easy losing a parent. Looks like you and your children have some great memories to look back on.

  17. #17
    Master Xantiagib's Avatar
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    My Dad passed away (also at 84) last year, wasn't sudden as he'd been in decline for various medical reasons, but we kept his quality of life up as best we could until the end.

    I thought, as we'd been expecting and preparing him and ourselves for the inevitable, that I would not be as affected as I was - but boy was I wrong.... I mean it wasn't as hard hitting as when we lost our mother-in-law suddenly at a very young age, but
    It hit me way harder than I thought it would and its been a complex process, but it does become more manageable with time...

    Christmas, birthdays, Father's day etc... will always be hard but its also a chance to celebrate and pull up an empty chair wherever you are and toast to the missing.

  18. #18
    Master John Wall's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss Neil...

    You look like your Dad

  19. #19
    Master Chinnock's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss.

    Lost my mother to cancer a few years back and as AO has pointed out above, the stages of grief for me were spot on. Something we all have to go through in order to mentally deal with who we have lost, get perspective on our own mortality and to finally accept.

    Embracing and understanding the process of grief will make things a little easier at times too.

  20. #20
    Master
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    Sorry to hear of your loss. Both of my parents are still alive, 78 and 80 yo, and I dread the time that they are no longer with me.
    Your photo reminds me of one taken at my father's 75th birthday, with my brother and nephew along with my dad, and it is a picture I will always treasure.
    I hope that time is a healer for you.

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  21. #21
    Master
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    Both my parents have passed, my Father had many medical issues and deteriorated over a number of years, it was heartbreaking to watch, when he eventually passed away it felt like a relief and that I'd already mourned him, this caused me a lot of guilt as I felt nothing even though I loved him dearly.
    My mother dropped dead on the street completely unexpectedly, dropping some keys off to a neighbor. The grief was much sharper and initially harder to deal with but the initial pain has now gone leaving only good memories and no guilt over self judging muddled emotions.
    In the end I've come to peace with the loss of both but the process has been a lot shorter with my mothers death. Make of that what you will.

  22. #22
    Grand Master Griswold's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear of your loss. Having lost both my Mum, My Dad and a close Cousin over the last few years I know how you must be feeling. Remembering all the good time will help with the grieving process, and talking of them will also help.

    Take care.
    Best Regards - Peter

    I hate being bipolar, its brilliant.

  23. #23
    Grand Master Neil.C's Avatar
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    What a lovely picture.

    It must be shocking to lose a parent quickly but take comfort from the fact it is far better for the sadly departed than a long lingering death.
    Cheers,
    Neil.

    My Speedmaster website:

    http://www.freewebs.com/neil271052

  24. #24
    Master PreacherCain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neil.C View Post
    What a lovely picture.

    It must be shocking to lose a parent quickly but take comfort from the fact it is far better for the sadly departed than a long lingering death.
    All of this - having watched my dad take months to die of cancer, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Although the end, when it came, was more a relief than a shock.

    I'm sorry to read of your loss, flame - I believe grief is indeed best viewed as a continuum, and one's progress through it rarely straightforward or rapid. Time is the best healer, as long as you can find someone to talk to about how you're feeling when hings get bad. Good luck!

  25. #25
    Master Zephyr's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and the family.

  26. #26
    Master Tony's Avatar
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    My father died of cancer at 52. I wish he had died suddenly in his 80s.

  27. #27
    Master amnesia's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry to hear of your loss...

    My father died in hospital in January 2019 after a number of weeks in hospital going rapidly downhill with lung cancer and eventually septicaemia.
    I don't regret much in my life, but I fell out with my dad 20+ years ago over something stupid and selfishly only visited him a few times in hospital when I knew he wasn't likely to be coming out.
    I now wish I'd spent more time with him because I miss him more than I can tell anyone... just typing this is difficult through the tears.

    Hindsight is a cruel mistress.


    If you haven't seen it, watch Afterlife on Netflix... if you're anything like me you will ball your eyes out through the whole lot, but I found that to be therapeutic and helped me process how I have (or rather, haven't) dealt with the single most painful thing in my life so far.


    Chin up, flame - the pain will never go away, but it does get easier. Having lots of good times to remember will help

    Daniel.

  28. #28
    Craftsman
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    Canít imagine what itís like. My father was given 3 to 6 months to live 3 years ago. Heís 62 now. We never know when our time is up and life is a beautiful thing as well as brutal. All the best and what a lovely picture

  29. #29
    Master raptor's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss
    Doesnt get any better i am afraid, it gets Ď differentí
    Remember the good times and yes you are allowed to talk to him
    I miss my mom every day and find it difficult to visit her grave
    Keep walking

  30. #30
    Master
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    Very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad suddenly just over 10 years ago and it hit me hard, once all of the reactive duties where dealt with. I remember the undertaker looking at me with a concerned expression and him taking me to one side to have a few quiet words. ďMake sure you talk to someoneĒ is what he said. My sincere advice is the same.

  31. #31
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iain73 View Post
    Iím sorry to hear your terrible news.

    My dad passed away suddenly in 2011, it took me a long time to come to terms with it. If I can offer any advice it would be donít keep your feelings inside, try to talk about it with someone who can support you.

    My condolences to you and your family.
    I canít echo this enough, been through it with my own dad in 2016 pm for my number if you ever need someone to listen or rant at. As odd as is sounds unloading onto a relative stranger was much easier for me.

  32. #32
    I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad your father had a long life.

    I am going through my own grieving process and the only thing I can add, is please be kind to yourself and yours.

  33. #33
    Master woodacre1983's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss.

    I lost my mum and dad both suddenly, mum sat down and just went, dad was in pain Saturday morning and died Monday. Both was in a 2 year period. The pain doesnít go, it changes, it goes from raw to an almost dull ache. The hardest times are the firsts. First Christmas without them there first birthday afterwards. Itís coming up 4 years in December since I lost mum and I still canít remember the good time and the fun without it bringing tears to my eyes.
    Talking helps, if you need anything PM me Iím happy to listen or talk or whatever you need.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  34. #34
    Master
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    My mum Who is 83 was taken in to hospital at the start of covid and after a fortnight we were told she was going to die it got on top of me very quickly when I heard the news And realised what I would have to sort out as I donít have any bothers or sisters, she miraculously recovered so I felt a lot better I donít think she will live a lot longer as she has a lot of health problems but I will make the most of my time with her

  35. #35
    Master wildheart's Avatar
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    My sincere condolences, lost my old man in 2016. He was 88, but riddled with dementia. I always think of him in his 40 & 50ís that was when he was my Dad, always remember the good times


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  36. #36
    Craftsman
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    Grieving.....It's a process.

    I lost my father very suddenly a few years ago aged 79.

    For a long time we didnít have much of a relationship - I was sent away to school aged 9 and never really lived at home after that. But in the last 5 years of his life we became very close.

    After his death I coped with it pretty well - although I missed him I wasnít distraught. My younger brother, who had never really made his peace with the old boy was totally in pieces.

    So my message to those with ageing parents is to make sure there is no unfinished business between you and make the best of what time youíve got left together.

  37. #37
    Master
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    Neil,
    Just seen this, sorry to hear that mate. Condolences to all of you. There is never a good time to loose a family member but in these strange times everything is exaggerated.
    My son still talks about when we met up, take care and if you feel the need to vent just get in touch.
    J

  38. #38
    Flame - I am sorry to hear of your loss. That is a lovely photo

    Brightly - really sorry for loss also.

    My dad died in an accident when I was 12 years old. I was having the perfect life and then one day it came to an abrupt end.

    The grief is always there in the background, even after all these years later.

    I have my dad's name tattooed on my arm. My son asked one day out of the blue what it said. I made an excuse that it was nearly bed time and I will explain another time. If I'm honest I didn't know what to say or how to say it.

    My kids would have adored my dad. I really miss my dad.

  39. #39
    That is indeed a lovely photo. :)

    Sorry for your loss and yes itís a process - you get through it day by day. Looks like you have a great family around you, so that is priceless.

    Donít be surprised if over the coming months and years, there will be days that you almost forget and then something happens and you suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of loss and grief. Itís normal - donít block it out. Take care...

    Quote Originally Posted by flame View Post
    Hi

    My Father passed away suddenly 15/06/20 aged 84yrs ( centre ).

    Picture: My youngest son's 18th ( very ) late last year.

    Me ( right ). Brother ( left ). My son's ( back ).

    Cheers Dad !


    Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

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