Reply With QuoteHope this hasn’t been posted before.
Originally Posted by petethegeek
So, so pithy!
So clever my foot fell off.
Hope this hasn’t been posted before.
Hope this hasn’t been posted before.
To be fair, it's a probably a while since (s)he's seen anything in the vicinity of her feet.
Guess the pigeon can’t see its feet either.
I saw him live in an Edinburgh comedy club. He was amazing.
Ha ha ha! Works for me. 😂
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
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'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
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Continuing the Polis theme, from the latest edition of Private Eye...
Very good
Lockdown lingo - are you fully conversant with the new terminology?
*Coronacoaster*
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
*Quarantinis*
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.
*Le Creuset wrist*
It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.
*Coronials*
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.
*Furlough Merlot*
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
*Coronadose*
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.
*The elephant in the Zoom*
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.
*Quentin Quarantino*
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
*Covidiot* or *Wuhan-ker*
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.
*Goutbreak*
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.
*Antisocial distancing*
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
*Coughin’ dodger*
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.
*Mask-ara*
Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.
*Covid-10*
The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”
^^^ like that ^^^
...stolen
z
Indeed very good
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
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Brilliant! And stolen.
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Very Viz - and stolen!
Day 46, run out of jigsaws so.......
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
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HOW COUNTRIES ARE REACTING TO COVID-19 FROM ACTOR/COMEDIAN JOHN CLEESE:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Sent through the ether by diddling with radio waves
It had to happen
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B
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Made me chuckle
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Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Hard to argue with that.
I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE
Made you a better quality, grammatically correct verison:
Last edited by Xantiagib; 3rd May 2020 at 17:10.
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He'll get dizzy wearing that.
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Out in the fresh air.
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
An unusual spelling of quarantine though...Made you a better quality, grammatically correct verison:
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
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Andre Young is Dr Dre, that’s the only one I know
I thought everybody knew Trapper John.
In fairness he can be a bit reluctant to reveal his identity at times.
Fantastic film and TV show
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Supplied by Toyota for the 1980 Corollavirus!
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Credit where credit is due!!!!!
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