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Thread: Covid19 funnies

  1. #151
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  2. #152
    wasn’t sure whether to post here or in show us your dogs.

  3. #153
    Master
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    Say what you like about social distancing but since it started I’ve not had a single virus on my MicroSoft Windows Computer BT Broadband Internets...

  4. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by TBKBABAB View Post
    wasn’t sure whether to post here or in show us your dogs.
    Excellent really tickled me


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  5. #155
    Master Incredible Sulk's Avatar
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    What do these three have in common?


  6. #156
    Quote Originally Posted by Incredible Sulk View Post
    What do these three have in common?

    Was going to post about PP this morning. Almost forgotten she's HS.

  7. #157
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  8. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by Incredible Sulk View Post
    What do these three have in common?

    Lord Lucan was spotted riding Shergar...............so presumably he's now riding Priti

  9. #159
    Grand Master WORKSIMON's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TBKBABAB View Post
    wasn’t sure whether to post here or in show us your dogs.
    Superb ! Spat IrnBru all over my keyboard
    Cheers

    Simon



    Ralph Waldo Emerson: We ask for long life, but 'tis deep life, or noble moments that signify. Let the measure of time be spiritual, not mechanical.

  10. #160
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    Not a funny ,more of an appropriate song.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VJTaFQLx_go

  11. #161
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    And one for social distancing
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

    Appropriately enough by The Police
    Last edited by Dr.f; 11th April 2020 at 15:30.

  12. #162
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    Lost in translation:-
    An isolated cannibalistic tribe with bitemarks in their bottoms have said that arsehole eating has not stopped the spread of the virus!

  13. #163
    Master Caruso's Avatar
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    According to my wife's hairdresser, due to coronavirus we could lose 88% of blondes over the next 12 weeks.

  14. #164
    Quote Originally Posted by TBKBABAB View Post
    wasn’t sure whether to post here or in show us your dogs.

    We need more stuff like this!
    Although no trees were harmed during the creation of this post, a large number of electrons were greatly inconvenienced.

  15. #165
    Master MakeColdplayHistory's Avatar
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  16. #166
    Grand Master zelig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MakeColdplayHistory View Post
    Excellent & stolen

    z

  17. #167
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  18. #168
    Master Wolfie's Avatar
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  19. #169
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Good follow on from the previous post. Must admit wondered how people in large blocks of flats coped with the lifts and social distancing.

  20. #170
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    Our "refuse disposal operator" crew is now two manning as they can't social distance in the lorry. They actually finished quicker with just two! How are the "two up" police crews coping and how do you detain a crim now? Long stick with a noose on the end?

  21. #171

  22. #172
    Grand Master Raffe's Avatar
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  23. #173
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  24. #174

  25. #175

  26. #176
    Master arthurDALEY's Avatar
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  27. #177
    Grand Master number2's Avatar
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    Only this today
    "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."

    'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.

  28. #178
    Grand Master Andyg's Avatar
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    Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
    Friedrich Nietzsche


  29. #179
    Grand Master zelig's Avatar
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    Covid19 funnies

    Saw these on FB







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  30. #180
    Master MakeColdplayHistory's Avatar
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  31. #181
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  32. #182
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  33. #183
    Grand Master number2's Avatar
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    This is so true.
    "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."

    'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.

  34. #184
    Master Ruggertech's Avatar
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  35. #185
    Grand Master sundial's Avatar
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    "Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"

  36. #186
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  37. #187
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    If you're going to make a mask out of an old bra,remember to use the left cup or you'll look a right tit.
    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  38. #188
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  39. #189
    Grand Master Saint-Just's Avatar
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    'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.

  40. #190
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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  41. #191
    Master IAmATeaf's Avatar
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    Covid19 funnies

    Quote Originally Posted by Saint-Just View Post
    Snip ...
    Demand a recount! Would have thought it would be a lot higher?

  42. #192
    Grand Master zelig's Avatar
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  43. #193
    Quote Originally Posted by Saint-Just View Post
    A repurposed Tommy Cooper classic.

  44. #194
    Lockdown rules...probably.

    1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house

    2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not

    3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open

    4. You must not go to work. Unless you have to because you can’t work at home. Then it’s ok unless your business doesn’t want you to. Then you must stay home or you can get another job and go to work

    5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there

    6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster

    7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not

    8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out if you need to. But only for essentials. Or exercise. Or to pick up paint.

    9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some

    10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it affects

    11. Animals are not affected, but there was a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

    12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)

    13. You will have many symptoms if you get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...it's a sort of lucky/unlucky dip

    14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go to the shops, unless you need toilet roll or a fence panel

    15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic, unless you've had a long walk, which you are/aren't allowed to do if you're old or pregnant

    16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication so you can visit them then

    17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out. But if you aren’t better don’t go out till later.

    18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including frozen pizza...

    19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver

    20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance

    21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours...or six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic

    22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores within their education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am

    23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am

    24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t or will be counted but maybe not. Hospital staff that catch it or die don’t count in the figures because we clapped for them.

    25. We should stay in lock down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected

    26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music whilst also having a party which you are allowed to call the police about

    27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus

  45. #195
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    very good :)

  46. #196
    Master yumma's Avatar
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    During lockdown I’ve been far too amused by some of the stuff on YouTube, especially the Dancing Coffin memes.

    Here is the Covid 19 edition:-

    https://youtu.be/pI2rZ4YnIaI

    Enjoy (needs sound)

  47. #197

  48. #198
    Master MakeColdplayHistory's Avatar
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  49. #199
    Master yumma's Avatar
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    This compliments the above post nicely.

  50. #200
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint-Just View Post
    Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.

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