Reply With QuoteToo young?Originally Posted by Iain73
No, not one I had come across. I googled the others, and the last one had me chuckling!
Too young?
.
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I think so!Too young?
Sorry, last one...
<oops - too sweary for the G&D>
‘Lockdown lingo’ are you fully conversant with the new terminology?
Here are a few terms to get you in the groove:
Coronacoaster
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
Quarantinis
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.
Blue Skype thinking
A work brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. Naturally, they are to be avoided if at all possible.
Le Creuset wrist
It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.
Coronials
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.
Furlough Merlot
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Coronadose
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic”.
Getting on your Wicks
Vexing noise levels from neighbours doing their daily workout with Joe Wicks, the Body Coach. Star jumps and burpees sound like a stampeding herd of buffalo.
Miley/Billy Ray
Rhyming slang for coronavirus, as in popstrel Miley Cyrus (ie ‘virus’) or her country crooner father Billy Ray. Sample usage: “I’m suffering with a touch of the Mileys” or “I’m achy-breaky and displaying Billy Ray symptoms”. Which one you use is a useful indicator of your age.
Claphazard
Someone so enthusiastic about saluting our care workers that they forget all social distancing guidelines, start hugging their neighbours and high-fiving passing pedestrians.
The elephant in the Zoom
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.
Doughverkill
One’s social media feed being dominated by smug photos of home-made sourdough or banana bread. If making sourdough is so great, how come you'd never done it before March?
Quentin Quarantino
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
Covidiot
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.
Space invader
Someone who routinely comes closer to you than the recommended two metres and who you’d like to zap like in an arcade game.
Goutbreak
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.
Caught between a shop and a hoard place
The dilemma of needing to purchase basics but not wanting to be accused of stockpiling. I'm not stockpiling, I usually buy this many tins of beans.
Zumping
The recent phenomenon of ending a romantic relationship via video call. Depending on the platform used for the break-up, it can also be known as
“FaceTumped” or “Housepumped”.
Antisocial distancing
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
Dinfluencer
Someone so proud of their new-found cooking ability that they artfully photograph every supper to boast about it on social media.
Quaranteam
The people and/or pets you’re in lockdown with are your “quaranteam”. This era’s equivalent of #squadgoals.
Coughin’ dodger
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.
Tandemic
A sun-kissed glow acquired from sitting in one’s garden or (gasp!) flouting the rules on park sunbathing.
Mask-ara
Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.
Doom ’n’ Zoom
The feeling spread by the most miserable or pessimistic participant in a videoconference, aka the “Zoommonger” or “lockdowner”.
Co-runner virus
An infection potentially spread by selfish fitness fanatics taking up an entire path by jogging two abreast.
Covid-10
The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.
…and finally, finally:
One sentence to sum up 2020, so far: At one point last month, 1 loo roll was worth more than a barrel of crude oil!
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Say what you like about Shipman, he was a bloody grafter.
And he might have been selected to be a part of the SAGE team...
- - - Updated - - -
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
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From today, you can play football, but only with members of your own family.
Norwich v Ipswich kicks off at 8pm.
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
He was my GP for about 18months!!!
Thankfully I was 18, but Kathleen Grundy, his final victim, was our neighbour.
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'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
Thank god for Garden Center’s...
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One of the most awful things about lockdown is the emotional baggage.
I've just had to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
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If anyone’s thinking of splitting up with their misses make sure you pack her bags and book the taxi for 8 o’clock on a Thursday night then it looks like the whole street is glad to see the back of her
Too sad to be funny - or perhaps the other way around...
For months we've been told by our government and the Dutch CDC that mouth masks do not offer (extra) protection for those who wear 'm in public. Now, with the re-opening of public transport on June 2, every passenger MUST wear a mask when boarding and traveling by bus, metro, tram or train. If you don't, you'll be fined: 95 euros.
And no-one, not the newspapers, not the public and not the politicians, asks questions.
There's some kind of tragic humor is in this one.
Keeping the old fella's happy on the ward
Masks are (and have always been) supposed to be a layer of protection for those around rather than the wearer. I can only welcome the arrival of mask-wearing in the Western culture -- I was disgusted by careless coughers and sneezers way before the COVID situation and a hand sanitiser was part of my carry way before the current madness, too.
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
Thinking about going back to work (at the office) ?
Be warned ....
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
Genuine laughed out loud!
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Stolen from Greasemonkey.........
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
A Dr David Young’s satirical Facebook post on the conspirators. :D
“A lot of people have been asking me what it's like being on the COVID ward.“
A lot of people have been asking me what it's like being on the COVID wards in the hospital, so I figured I'd share what a typical day looks like for me:
6am - Wake up. Roll off of my pile of money that Big Pharma gave me. Softly weep as it doesn’t put a dent in my medical school loans
6:30am - Make breakfast, using only foods from the diet that gives me everlasting life by avoiding all fats, sugars, carbs, and proteins. For details buy my book and check out my shop.
7am - Get to work, load up my syringes with coronavirus before rounds.
8am - See my patients for the day. Administer the medications that the government tells me to. Covertly rub essential oils on the ones I want to get better.
9:30am - Call Bill Gates to check how 5G tower construction is going, hoping for more coronavirus soon. He tells me they’re delayed due to repairs on the towers used to spread the Black Plague. Curse the fact that this is the most efficient way to spread infectious diseases.
10am - One patient tells me he knows “the truth” about coronavirus. I give him a Tdap booster. He becomes autistic in front of my eyes. He’ll never conspire against me again.
11am - Tend to the secret hospital garden of St. John’s wort and ginkgo leaves that we save for rich patients and donors.
12:30pm - Pick up my briefcase of money from payroll, my gift from Pfizer for the incomprehensible profits we make off of the free influenza vaccine given every year.
1pm - Conference call with Dr. Fauci and the lab in Wuhan responsible for manufacturing viruses. Tell them my idea about how an apocalypse-style zombie virus would be a cool one to try for the next batch.
2pm - A patient starts asking me about getting rid of toxins. I ask her if she has a liver and kidneys. She tells me she knows “the truth” about Big Anatomy and that the only way to detoxify herself is to eat nothing but lemon wedges and mayonnaise for weeks. I give her a Tdap booster.
2:45pm - Help the FBI, CIA, and CDC silence the masses. Lament the fact that I can only infringe on one or two of their rights. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.
4pm - One of my rich patients begins to crash. Laugh as I realize I’ve mismatched her spirit animal and zodiac moon sign. I switch out the Purple Amethyst above her bed for a Tiger’s Eye geode. She stabilizes. I throw some ginkgo leaves on her for good measure.
6pm - Go onto YouTube and see coronavirus conspiracy videos everywhere. Curse my all powerful government for how inept they are at keeping people from spreading “the truth”.
6:10pm - Go onto Amazon and see that a book about “the truth” is the #1 seller this week. Question the power of my all powerful government. Make a reminder to myself to get more Tdap boosters from the Surgeon General next time we talk.
7pm - Time to go home. Before I leave, sacrifice a goat to Dr. Fauci and say three Hippocratic Oaths.
9pm - Take a contented sigh as I snuggle under the covers made of the tinfoil hats of my enemies, realizing that my 4 years of medical school and 3 years of residency training have been put to good use today.
'Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain' - Schiller.
These appeared on my facebook this morning
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You can't touch my balls...
https://youtu.be/2AW1MaFlQBc
Someone's been having a laugh with the pub sign while it's been closed during lockdown.
Very good
Someone's had fun with the Wikipedia, too.
I've just delivered 50,000 ants to a professor in lowerstoft for research into CV19. Makes sense really with their little antibodies.
Cheers..
Jase
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
That reminds me of this for some reason 😂
https://youtu.be/Kfjyq_-dY-c
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R
Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.
One day you will look back on this and laugh!
Well, OK, not all of you!
Jimmy Carr
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