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Thread: The unified toilet roll in the supermarket thread

  1. #1
    Master
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    The unified toilet roll in the supermarket thread

    Couple of packs of Izal in the Tesco Metro on Stockport Road.

  2. #2
    Apprentice
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    I saw plenty earlier. PM for details.









    (for the avoidance of doubt, I'm not being serious)

  3. #3
    Master RustyBin5's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Grand Master Carlton-Browne's Avatar
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    Die Zeit verwandelt uns nicht, sie entfaltet uns nur.

  5. #5
    Master Lampoc's Avatar
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    You can't get bog roll for love nor money round here so I've done the next best thing and panic bought a year's supply of immodium.

  6. #6
    Maybe time to revisit the Roman past with a sponge on a stick?

    ...or maybe a second life for the old wheel cleaning brush?

  7. #7
    Grand Master Wallasey Runner's Avatar
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    I got the call today from my local supermarket, apparently I'm now top of the list for some bog rolls, but I completely spent up on hand sanitizer last week so if anyone wants my place in the queue get in touch.

    I cannot name the Supermarket because it's a state secret

  8. #8
    Every toilet in our house has one of these attached. Might have to learn how to use them now!

  9. #9
    My AD has me at the top of their list but that’s only because I have spent thousands on other items first!


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  10. #10
    Master
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    Toilet roll update - Just back from Tesco, loads of toilet rolls, no food but toilet rolls in abundance.

  11. #11
    Grand Master TheFlyingBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wileeeeeey View Post
    Every toilet in our house has one of these attached. Might have to learn how to use them now!

    I think you are going to have to relax quite a bit before inserting that...
    So clever my foot fell off.

  12. #12
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    All is still in stock here in Holland: food, handsoap, toilet rolls. No hysterical buyers raiding the aisles. Business as usual.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by bobdog View Post
    Toilet roll update - Just back from Tesco, loads of toilet rolls, no food but toilet rolls in abundance.
    The good news being there’ll be no need to wipe your arse if you cannot eat.

  14. #14
    Craftsman
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    Not another toilet Rollex shortage thread.

  15. #15
    Grand Master Griswold's Avatar
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    You don't need toilet paper. As a Boy Scout we learned that all you needed was a bus ticket.

    Method....

    Fold bus ticket in half.
    Fold in half again in the opposite direction.
    Now tear off the corner where there is no lose edge.
    Next, and this stage is VITALLY IMPORTANT, grip the corner you've ripped off between your teeth. DO NOT OMIT THIS STAGE!
    Now unfold the bus ticket and you'll find it has a hole in the middle.
    Insert the middle finger of your left hand through this hole.
    Push middle finger completely up your anus and rotate back and forth to wipe anus.
    Remove finger from anus.
    With your right hand, slowly pull down the bus ticket to clean your finger.
    I hope you didn't forget to grip that corner you ripped off between your teeth.......
    Take this corner from your teeth with your right hand and use it to scrape the shit from under your left middle finger nail.

    Sorted.
    Best Regards - Peter

    I hate being bipolar, its brilliant.

  16. #16
    Master ryanb741's Avatar
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    I've been offered a 9 pack of Andrex but will need to buy 100 bottles of bleach with it. PM me if you are interested.

  17. #17
    Craftsman
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    NEWS FLASH : Thief`s broke into several bog roll warehouses overnight to corner the market of this now highly demanded item.

  18. #18
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by xellos99 View Post
    NEWS FLASH : Thief`s broke into several bog roll warehouses overnight to corner the market of this now highly demanded item.
    Did they make a clean getaway?

    Police will think it was a flash in the pan.

  19. #19

    The unified toilet roll in the supermarket thread

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    Last edited by notenoughwrists; 9th March 2020 at 13:58.

  20. #20
    PSA - there are a couple of tidy looking bidets for sale in SC at the moment. Would sort your TP shortage right out.
    More Eco too. ;)


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  21. #21
    Journeyman turbomolwi's Avatar
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    Ordered from fb market . 5 packs of 36 rolls for £20 and home delivered 😂

  22. #22
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    Read it and wipe.

    Cuidich 'n Righ

  23. #23
    I'm good mates with the manager of the local AD, I've bunged him a few quid over the years, he says I can have as many as I want, at retail!

  24. #24
    Master Routers's Avatar
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    It seems even secondhand rolls are hard to get hold of....

  25. #25
    Grand Master GraniteQuarry's Avatar
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    Apparently there's some stuck on Uranus.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wallasey Runner View Post
    I
    I completely spent up on hand sanitizer last week
    Is that for use in lieu of big roll?

  27. #27
    Craftsman
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    Quote Originally Posted by wileeeeeey View Post
    Every toilet in our house has one of these attached. Might have to learn how to use them now!
    Same here. Certainly wakes you up in the morning.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by thieuster View Post
    All is still in stock here in Holland: food, handsoap, toilet rolls. No hysterical buyers raiding the aisles. Business as usual.
    Ferry and van booked. Thanks for the heads up!

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by higham5 View Post
    Did they make a clean getaway?

    Police will think it was a flash in the pan.
    Apparently police have got nothing to go on...

    Sent from my CLT-L09 using Tapatalk

  30. #30
    Master Onelasttime's Avatar
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    I've bought the family one of these:



    Clean as a whistle

  31. #31
    I managed to buy a pack of four but the AD insisted in keeping the cardboard tube and will give it to me in 12 months time. They also took the wrapping off in front of me before I left.

  32. #32
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kungfupanda View Post
    I managed to buy a pack of four but the AD insisted in keeping the cardboard tube and will give it to me in 12 months time. They also took the wrapping off in front of me before I left.
    I've seen rolls (white gold version) advertised on the back of the Economist and National Geographic. So yes, they're still out there - one must try harder to find them.

  33. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by kungfupanda View Post
    I managed to buy a pack of four but the AD insisted in keeping the cardboard tube and will give it to me in 12 months time. They also took the wrapping off in front of me before I left.

  34. #34
    Grand Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by thieuster View Post
    All is still in stock here in Holland: food, handsoap, toilet rolls. No hysterical buyers raiding the aisles. Business as usual.
    I live in Hull, we have ferries, we are coming for your loo rolls.....
    ktmog6uk
    marchingontogether!



  35. #35
    Master TKH's Avatar
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    This is our Tesco’s half an hour ago
    Bonkers what are they going to use it all for?

  36. #36
    Master mickylall's Avatar
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    Went into Sainsbury’s this morning, all the Andrex was gone - every roll. But there were shelves full of their own brand, weirdos

  37. #37
    Journeyman
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    Genuinely blows my mind how adults can react like this, bunch of braindead sheep.

  38. #38
    Master
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    I am lucky, my ex neighbour was a wholesaler and I bought about 5 years stock off him a couple of years ago.

  39. #39
    Journeyman
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    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by Mick P View Post
    I am lucky, my ex neighbour was a wholesaler and I bought about 5 years stock off him a couple of years ago.
    Time to sell, bit profits to be had there

  40. #40
    Journeyman SteveM112's Avatar
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    The unified toilet roll in the supermarket thread

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  41. #41
    Master
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    Who needs loo rolls or tissues anyway? No runs, no drips no way!
    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Assorted-...0AAOSwZqZaH8RP

  42. #42
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by chriskibbledj View Post
    Time to sell, bit profits to be had there
    The cleanliness of my rectum comes before vulgar profit.

  43. #43
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mick P View Post
    The cleanliness of my rectum comes before vulgar profit.
    I have to admit that made me chuckle Mick!

  44. #44
    Grand Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mick P View Post
    The cleanliness of my rectum comes before vulgar profit.

    Not sure how you get the paper into your rectum without tearing it?

  45. #45
    Quote Originally Posted by Argee1977 View Post
    Not sure how you get the paper into your rectum without tearing it?
    +1

    Mick, if you get to your rectum you've gone too far. Also, if you get that far up I hope you're wearing gloves.

  46. #46
    Master RustyBin5's Avatar
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    Rectum? Damn near killed him.

  47. #47
    Master Lampoc's Avatar
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    TZUK does it again... I sold these at the price I paid on the forum then this happens:





    I'm now no longer able to buy Charmin from Waitrose. Only own-brand toilet tissue.

  48. #48
    Hahahaha

  49. #49
    Craftsman
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    Fantastic... I'm on the list for the next delivery, apparently, I have a good relationship with my supermarket. :-)

  50. #50
    Apparently the supermarkets local to me are offering free condoms to every customer bulk buying bog roll.

    The theory is that it'll stop them breeding.

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