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Thread: Any Family Lawyers/Solicitors about?

  1. #1
    Master ditchvisitor's Avatar
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    Any Family Lawyers/Solicitors about?

    Unfortunately looks like Iím going to be separating from my Wife and could do with chatting through some bits with someone who is clued up on such unpleasantries.
    Cheers
    Mike

  2. #2
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    Can't help I'm afraid but I genuinely wish you all the best!

    The only people who come out on top are the lawyers. If you can reach an amicable arrangement with your partner beforehand it will help you in the long run

    All the best buddy.

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  3. #3
    Master ditchvisitor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Estoril-5 View Post
    Can't help I'm afraid but I genuinely wish you all the best!

    The only people who come out on top are the lawyers. If you can reach an amicable arrangement with your partner beforehand it will help you in the long run

    All the best buddy.

    Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk
    Thanks mate appreciate it, unfortunately she has some good friends who are solicitors/barristers and are helping her for free so Iím probably screwed. Donít want to see her off but also donít want to have my pants pulled down, fortunately we donít have kids which is a massive win.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by ditchvisitor View Post
    Thanks mate appreciate it, unfortunately she has some good friends who are solicitors/barristers and are helping her for free so Iím probably screwed. Donít want to see her off but also donít want to have my pants pulled down, fortunately we donít have kids which is a massive win.
    If it going to get messy you have two choices

    a) lock horns and fight for whatever you have and be financially worse off.
    b) let her have whatever she wants and have it over and done with sooner (and probably be financially worse off).

    Either way it will cost you. I know people who have given up everything from the start so they can start their new (and considerably happier) life sooner.

    Remember you can't take your money to the grave.

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  5. #5
    Grand Master learningtofly's Avatar
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    Keep your chin up, Mike. Try to manage it like a project, if that makes sense, and let your solicitor take the strain as much as possible.

    Iím twice divorced, so know how difficult it can be. Without children, though, youíll end up with a nice clean break and you can move on.

  6. #6
    Master ditchvisitor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by learningtofly View Post
    Keep your chin up, Mike. Try to manage it like a project, if that makes sense, and let your solicitor take the strain as much as possible.

    Iím twice divorced, so know how difficult it can be. Without children, though, youíll end up with a nice clean break and you can move on.
    Thanks mate appreciate it, am away a lot this year with work (St Anton/Lebanon/ 2 months in California/6 months in Afghanistan) so hopefully that will help, who knows. Will be gutted if I have to get rid of the GT3.

  7. #7
    Having gone through a fairly messy divorce, I'd say getting a decent solicitor is the way forward, along with a clean break.
    Hope it all works out for you.



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  8. #8
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    All depends on how amicable the split can be my best mate is going through it at the moment, the advice he was given was offer 50/50 split right down the line in writing and remain as reasonable as possible only sort things out via email etc so thereís a written record of agreements between yourselves. Any sticking points think about how much its worth fighting over ie solicitors costs vs value of car for example. Donít try and be clever hiding money or assets because if caught you will be bummed dry apparently, seeing what heís gone through the solicitors bills and hassle/arguments if it was me Iíd be inclined to offer an extremely fair split ie more benefit to her to get it over an done with. I can always earn more money type view

  9. #9
    Master ditchvisitor's Avatar
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    At the moment she wants monthly payments for 3 years (currently studying for a Doctorate) and that’s it, hasn’t mentioned a lump sum, the Porsche or my pension....

  10. #10
    Journeyman
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    Iíve messaged my contact details. Happy to talk through things when Iím back in the office tomorrow.


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  11. #11
    Master ditchvisitor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Troubled_Joe View Post
    Iíve messaged my contact details. Happy to talk through things when Iím back in the office tomorrow.


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    Thanks really appreciate it.

    Mike

  12. #12
    Craftsman
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    With no children I would have thought a 50/50 split on property and assets is the likely outcome.All the best.

  13. #13
    Grand Master Chris_in_the_UK's Avatar
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    Been through it twice before Mike, happy to chat over the phone if it helps?
    When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........

  14. #14
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by ditchvisitor View Post
    At the moment she wants monthly payments for 3 years (currently studying for a Doctorate) and thatís it, hasnít mentioned a lump sum, the Porsche or my pension....
    As Mssr Barnier said - nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.


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  15. #15
    Master blackal's Avatar
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    Have a look for a book on Matrimonial Law (England). It could give you some good information that you can refer back to. I did that for Scottish Law and found it most useful.

  16. #16
    Master
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    Spousal allowance thatís something being bandied about in my mates divorce depends on the difference in earning etc apparently. Iíd get some professional advice mate best of luck with it

  17. #17
    Master Onelasttime's Avatar
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    I might be naive but is it not possible to discuss it between the two of you without engaging lawyers first? Is it not feasible for two adults to come to an agreement on who gets what and then draw up the legal papers?

    I don't know, maybe I've got lucky but I can't imagine ever having to get lawyers involved if my wife and I split. But then I can't imagine splitting anyway.

  18. #18
    Push hard for a 50/50 clean break. The courts are starting to give men a much fairer ride nowadays. For example, your wife nowadays cannot expect to dine out on you for the rest of her life. If she is intelligent and educated then the courts would likely think three years of support should see her through to being able to stand on her own two feet. Without kids it will be much easier too. Push her for a straight 50/50 and she gets nothing else. Then work from there.

  19. #19
    Master
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    Wikivorce gave me a lot of advice when I was going through mine, good luck...


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  20. #20
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ditchvisitor View Post
    At the moment she wants monthly payments for 3 years (currently studying for a Doctorate) and thatís it, hasnít mentioned a lump sum, the Porsche or my pension....
    Someone will start whispering that in her ear is my experience (divorced in 96, no kids). It started all in harmony. Then she changed her mind. Long story short: I nearly went bankrupt - I even had to ask my parents for money to get to the end of the month(s)! It turned out alright in the end.

    Bootneck's suggestion is a good one. Try to act reasonable and 'speak softly'. Over the years, several couples around me had loud and nasty divorces, costing them money, time, their health and a few years making their lives hell. No kids is a massive win indeed. It saves you a lot of aggrivation. Furthermore, when it's all over, it is really all over. With kids between parents, you still have to deal with 'the other'.

  21. #21
    Master blackal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onelasttime View Post
    I might be naive but is it not possible to discuss it between the two of you without engaging lawyers first? Is it not feasible for two adults to come to an agreement on who gets what and then draw up the legal papers?

    I don't know, maybe I've got lucky but I can't imagine ever having to get lawyers involved if my wife and I split. But then I can't imagine splitting anyway.
    A lot of the negotiations can be, but in order to get a binding agreement - each party will need representation to make it stick, so to speak.

  22. #22
    Master
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    Hi Mike, sorry to hear of your woes mate, Iím in the same boat unfortunately. PM me or call me ( if you still have my number after we spoke about minis and cars in general a year or so ago). Iíve engaged an oxford based solicitor based on family recommendations and so far sheís been fantastic, not cheap but good ones wonít be as you already know.

  23. #23
    Master Plake's Avatar
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    Good luck Mike.

    You have a number of options, having been going through the same thing.

    My initial advice would be to try to keep amicable lines of communication open. Email probably best re a paper trail. Itís also much nicer to receive an email from your ex than a shitty solicitorís letter.

    You are doing the right thing to get legal advice. But try to agree on and work towards a 50/50 split of assets (which is what the law requires) and agree early that any legal fees incurred come from your joint assets. It is then in both of your best interests to keep that particular money pit as shallow as possible.

    All the best mate

  24. #24
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    My mate B. got involved in a nasty divorce. He was financially stripped clean by his ex and her (female) lawyer. When he and his lawyer opposed, they found themselves in front of a female judge time and time again, ruling in favour of his ex. He asked for another revision - without any hope. But then, the judge didn't come to work (ill) and the big chief (Here in Holland: 'president of the court') did the case. He listened, got off his chair and walked out, saying: "I and waisting my time on this: you can call the bailiff outside the door when you have an agreement that's more positive for this gentleman. You're not allowed to leave this room. Not even to go to the bathroom! Even if it takes 48 or more hrs. I don't care!" It took them 7 hrs...

  25. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Onelasttime View Post
    I might be naive but is it not possible to discuss it between the two of you without engaging lawyers first? Is it not feasible for two adults to come to an agreement on who gets what and then draw up the legal papers?

    I don't know, maybe I've got lucky but I can't imagine ever having to get lawyers involved if my wife and I split. But then I can't imagine splitting anyway.
    Apparently, you can go through mediation which is considerably cheaper than Solicitors, then when agreement has been reached then you involve solicitors. The mediator(s) document everything and it worked a treat with a friend (wife had an affair and they have 4 kids). The mediators sorted out access rights and how to split the finances. It made the court and solicitors process quicker and a lot, lot cheaper.

  26. #26
    Master IVK's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this Mike. Iíve just been through it and although pretty amicable itís obviously not a pleasant process.

    I tried to keep it as simple and friendly as possible as we have two young ish children. This has meant Iím probably much worse off financially then I could have been, but that was the price I paid so that it didnít get nasty.

    I feel for you. Drop me a WhatsApp if you want to chat or vent.

    Ian

  27. #27
    Craftsman
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    Good luck and all the best Mike

  28. #28
    Master
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    Been through with this with my ex, I have two girls and it was clean and messy. Bottom line In my case was I wanted to get out of it as soon as possible. I was away with work in Afghan, exercise etc did not help. She has not touched my pension but I gave her the homes and settled all bills for a year till she got established. Now I just pay maintenance and see my girls when she will allow me to.

    Hindsite: I wish I had been more cold and calculating about it and detailed everything down. The threats from my ex against me and suggested blackmail if I did not agree to her terms.

    It is pants especially with going away; as others have said if you can discuss it and note everything down. Just keep your cool no matter what and like others have said god nothing and try and be firm. You will get through it! Things can be replaced again.

  29. #29
    Master blackal's Avatar
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    We all know that e-mails can inflame a situation - I'd recommend face to face for discussions or at worst - phone.

  30. #30
    We did mediation. Recommend it.

    A friend told me they couldnít agree on the CD collection, cost them an extra £1000 to sort that out. Iíll never forget his advice, ďyou can buy a lot of CDs for a thousandĒ.

    My non-expert view, hand over the Porsche, keep the pension.

    All the best with it.

  31. #31
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    Do get lawyered up. Donít stop talking as the more you iron out the settlement between you, the less it costs. Been there, time is a great healer.

  32. #32
    Master
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    Thankfully I cannot give any advice from experience. However I do wish you all the best in what will undoubtably be a sad and difficult time.
    It's very easy to make assumptions on how these things pan out, but surely a lot depends on how long you were married, who brought what to the partnership initially etc etc. If your wife is suggesting a package of support for 3 years, to enable her to complete her doctorate, it sounds like she is keen to move on and start afresh. That doesn't sound too grasping to me. Hopefully it all works out for both of you in 2020 and beyond.

  33. #33
    Craftsman RichUK's Avatar
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    Mike, sorry to see this. Ping me a WhatsApp if you want a chat at any point.

  34. #34
    Having done this twice mediation is the best and most cost effective.

    Solicitors made many aspects worse and their letters were very blunt and factual and often inflamed the situation. Without kids it should not be as bad, as that weapon is removed.

    My best mate had a similar spousal v Claim when he split up. She was the receptionist at his company, but when they got together she left work to do a degree and look after the home. They wanted him to pay her fees and an amount to support her while she studied. He said ok if I do that, I want a percentage of the difference between receptionist salary and new salary for 10 years. He said he was happy to support her studying but obviously should get some of the upside from her doing it. As without his support she would not be doing it. A lump some was agreed at 50/50. He also discussed when they arrived in the relationship he was worth xxx and her nothing in fact she was £20k in Debt. When they split they were worth a combined xxxxx so the 50% was based on the difference and not the the whole.

    He documented the lot to her and the offer he was prepared to make. But also worked out how much a lawyer would cost her and how much him. He then offered her half his legal fees as a bonus if she agreed and she did. He said it save him £30k in fees and wasted time. He was just happy to move on. This was all done in mediation.

  35. #35
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndyMilts View Post
    Having done this twice mediation is the best and most cost effective.

    Solicitors made many aspects worse and their letters were very blunt and factual and often inflamed the situation. Without kids it should not be as bad, as that weapon is removed.

    My best mate had a similar spousal v Claim when he split up. She was the receptionist at his company, but when they got together she left work to do a degree and look after the home. They wanted him to pay her fees and an amount to support her while she studied. He said ok if I do that, I want a percentage of the difference between receptionist salary and new salary for 10 years. He said he was happy to support her studying but obviously should get some of the upside from her doing it. As without his support she would not be doing it. A lump some was agreed at 50/50. He also discussed when they arrived in the relationship he was worth xxx and her nothing in fact she was £20k in Debt. When they split they were worth a combined xxxxx so the 50% was based on the difference and not the the whole.

    He documented the lot to her and the offer he was prepared to make. But also worked out how much a lawyer would cost her and how much him. He then offered her half his legal fees as a bonus if she agreed and she did. He said it save him £30k in fees and wasted time. He was just happy to move on. This was all done in mediation.
    A collection of good and detailed tips. I like the 'percentage part' of it. Something I wouldn't have thought about! Like the 'Porsche vs Pension' advice a few postings above. At the time of my divorce, I had to sell my classic car as well. Then a big loss, in hindsight the best thing to do. Best to start with a clean slate.

    I kept the house, so I had to buy her part of the house. She moved out and I remortgaged the house. Not knowing that there was a property madness-hausse waiting around the corner. Two years later, I sold the house and made a really healthy profit. That was the end of my nearly-bankruptcy-period.

  36. #36
    Master
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    Sorry to hear this, I went through it a long time ago and my son revisited the same pastures last year. She or her solicitors went after his 911 and Clio V6 plus any pension rights plus any future inheritance he was due. No children thankfully but it cost him a lot, managed to keep his cars but I would shop around for a low sensible valuation on the GT3. Good luck and as been said try and keep it amicable.

  37. #37
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobdog View Post
    Sorry to hear this, I went through it a long time ago and my son revisited the same pastures last year. She or her solicitors went after his 911 and Clio V6 plus any pension rights plus any future inheritance he was due. No children thankfully but it cost him a lot, managed to keep his cars but I would shop around for a low sensible valuation on the GT3. Good luck and as been said try and keep it amicable.
    Hi Bob
    How can they go after future inheritance?
    Surely you can't tell whom a person will leave money to or if say you had made a will leaving it to your son you would be within your rights to change that.
    I have no experience of it so just wondering on that one.

  38. #38
    I recently had a high value divorce in my family and most of the legal fees went on the usual game of ping pong of accusatory letters between solicitors, which gained nothing, and establishing the value and extent of the assets.

    Typically both sides had unrealistic expectations of what they would receive. They settled at the FDR hearing once a judge, not the one assigned to their case, gave them the brutal unvarnished truth.

    My advice would be to head for mediation at the earliest chance you get, and try your best sound ameliorative to take the heat out of it all. Then be open-minded about settling.

    Bear this in mind: Nobody wins. Nobody gets retribution. Once you understand that it might be easier.

    Best of luck.

  39. #39
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post
    Hi Bob
    How can they go after future inheritance?
    Surely you can't tell whom a person will leave money to or if say you had made a will leaving it to your son you would be within your rights to change that.
    I have no experience of it so just wondering on that one.
    Hi Jim, I had never heard of it before, but I only have my son to leave anything to or the local cats home, failing that it would get passed to distant relatives which his ex was obviously aware of. Certainly worth looking into for anyone it could effect.

  40. #40
    Master
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    My friend who is a family lawyer(deals in a lot of divorces) says that one of the hardest thing with women wanting a divorce settlement is getting them to realise that they won't be able to have the size of house and lifestyle they had as a married couple.

  41. #41
    Master amnesia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post
    My friend who is a family lawyer(deals in a lot of divorces) says that one of the hardest thing with women wanting a divorce settlement is getting them to realise that they won't be able to have the size of house and lifestyle they had as a married couple.

    Mine did...

    at least I kept all of my pensions.

    OP - good luck. Only advice I can give is pull your pants down and get it over with as quickly as possible so that you can move on.

  42. #42
    Quote Originally Posted by ditchvisitor View Post
    Thanks mate appreciate it, am away a lot this year with work (St Anton/Lebanon/ 2 months in California/6 months in Afghanistan) so hopefully that will help, who knows. Will be gutted if I have to get rid of the GT3.
    Thatís a very tough work schedule you have, and Iím sure that would test even the strongest of relationships.

    Best of luck for an amicable outcome.

  43. #43
    Master steptoe's Avatar
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    Seek legal advice. Take no notice of examples and advice given by friends etc, no matter how well meaning.

    Every single case has it's own unique set of circumstances, none will be the same as your own.

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