Reply With QuoteMy view and it might sound rather blunt but the bottle probably means more to you than her? Might be something you might consider a few months down the line but not right now?
A good friend of mine got married two days ago. All well and good it seems. However, it wasn't in the best of circumstances. He'd been suffering with a shortness of breath for a few weeks and was told last week that it was secondary lung cancer, it had spread everywhere and he had a matter of weeks to live.
He married his wife from his hospital bed on Wednesday. He passed away yesterday. He was due to turn 39 next week.
Now the dilemma. When I spoke to his cousin on Weds night for an update, and was told he'd married that day, the wife and I opened a bottle of champagne to toast the couple. Obviously not in the next few weeks but I thought it might be a nice keepsake to have the bottle / cork mounted in some way and give it to his widow. I don't suppose there was the time for much in the way of traditional wedding activity on the day.
I'm asking opinions; is this something that will cause more upset than good?
What would you do?
Thanks in advance.
Last edited by Dave O'Sullivan; 13th September 2019 at 10:39.
My view and it might sound rather blunt but the bottle probably means more to you than her? Might be something you might consider a few months down the line but not right now?
Wouldn't bother TBH. Doubt that that cork will have much significance to his widow - even if mounted surely just put in a cupboard anyway. Must have plenty of their own photos/mementos to display.Originally Posted by Dave O'Sullivan
Maybe I'm over cynical...
Also being blunt, it sounds like a terrible idea. Why on earth would she want a cork and empty bottle that wasn't consumed by her? I'm can't see what the significance of it would be?
To add, it's a truly tragic story and I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what she must be going through so love and support is probably what she needs most now.
Yep, with the others here - just don't do it.
A celebratory bottle opened by someone else as a gift just isn't right at all, especially in the circumstances
Thinking on, if you've been friends long time do you have many photos together/with mates etc.? Maybe make an album and give it to her (in time).
Thanks everyone. I'm getting to slight impression it's a bad idea!
This. If it had been the bottle he toasted his marriage then that would be different.
I would agree with this.
The best thing you can do for her is always be there...
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
A bloody awful idea, just be there if needed.
Agree with the general consensus Dave and so sorry to hear about your mate, truly tragic.
Thanks for all the good wishes and as said, duly noted on the idea.
In my head, I guess I just wanted to do something nice but something niggled me. Glad I asked the question!
Im sorry to be judgemental in such awful circumstances, but did it not occur to you how you would feel if you’d just lost the love of your life in tragic circumstances and someone sent you a reminder of how they’d celebrated part of that tragic event?
Sorry, but words fail me.
Last edited by Cynar; 15th September 2019 at 00:21.
You always think perfectly clearly do you, even when you've lost a dear friend? Obviously Dave wasn't convinced about his idea thus his question. At least you're being consistent with your username.
I don’t always think ‘perfectly clearly’ but neither do I think perfectly unclearly.
C’mon peeps He wants our advice not be torn a new one on the forum.
Yes it did occur to me. That's why I asked for some advice. Which I've taken.
The album idea is a good one at the right time. I created one of these for my eldest son’s first birthday and had a few copies made for grandparents and myself.
https://www.photobox.co.uk/shop/photo-books
And reading your post back, I take it you think I was completely wrong to 'celebrate' the marriage in the circumstances?
We weren't getting tanked up and dancing around the living room dancing to The Birdy Song mate. It was a toast to their, obviously his, continued health and a prayer to give him the strength to fight as long as he wanted. Which I believe he did.
Sorry if that offends.
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I'll have a look, thanks.
FWIW Dave, I think you were right to celebrate their marriage, it is a special occasion after all.
I don’t think that presenting her with the bottle or cork is a good idea though, it may be viewed the wrong way.
i see and agree with the collective wisdom as far as giving this to your friend's widow
however if you do want your momento of his tragic passing for yourself, I'd recommend these guys
https://midton.com/acrylics/embedment
no relation to them, but we recently used them for a memorial for a retiring exec at our firm and the quality was exceptional
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