My seven year old has to bring in an read a joke at school as part of her homework.
Thought I'd give her a few choices.
Let's hear 'em gents...
My seven year old has to bring in an read a joke at school as part of her homework.
Thought I'd give her a few choices.
Let's hear 'em gents...
What was born to succeed?
A budgie with a blunt beak.
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer and a packet of crisps.
The barman says, sorry, we don't serve food in here.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because it wasn't peeling very well.
How many ears does Spock have?
3 - left ear, right ear and final frontier...
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Why don't cannibals eat clowns ?
Because they taste funny.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense ?
I'll tell you next week.
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Where do fish keep their savings?
In the riverbank.....
Why did the Skelton not go to the dance?
He had no body to go with....
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
Beat me to it... that’s my favourite!Originally Posted by Gyp
I had Wookiee for tea.It was chewy
What's the strongest animal in the world?
A snail because it can carry it's house on it's back.
My Granddaughters.....
What does a Cow go on holiday in?.
A Cowavan.
“What do you call a three legged donkey”.....
“Wonkey”
😐
What’s red and white on the outside and grey and white on the inside?
Campbell’s Cream of Elephant soup.
Best Regards - Peter
I'd hate to be with you when you're on your own.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Because they arrrrrr
How did Mr. Cheese paint his wife?
He Double Gloucester.
Yes, very good. Still chuckling.
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A book fell on my head last night: I suppose I've only got my-shelf to blame.
[My nearly 7 year old loves this one]
Daughter: Knock Knock
Class: Who's there?
Daughter: The interupting cow
Class: The inter..
Daughter: [INTERRUPTING] MOOOOOoooo
Knock Knock
Who's there
Eye done up
Eye Done up who?
I thought you smelled funny.
What's a Pirate's favourite letter of the alphabet?
You'd think it'd be aRrrrrrr... but it's actually the Ccccc...
What’s E.T short for?
Because he’s only got wee legs.
Definitely one from the Sean Connery joke book.
One in prep for Halloween
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
It's only me no need to cry about it!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ach
Ach who?
Bless you, now open the door!
What's brown and sticky?
A bear covered in honey!
What's black and white and read all over?
A sunburnt penguin!
Statistically six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Last edited by JeremyO; 9th October 2019 at 20:56.
What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?
You can't dip an elephant in your tea!
Best Regards - Peter
I'd hate to be with you when you're on your own.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
2 fish swimming next to each other, one smacks in to a brick wall.....he looks at his mate and says 'dam'
Whats yellow and deadly ?
Shark infested custard !!!!!
How did the pig get to hospital?
In a hambulance.
Cheers..
Jase
Why did the baker's hands smell?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why won’t a bicycle stand up? It’s too tired.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?...a stick.
What's pink and hard?...a pig with a flick knife
Probably not the ideal joke for a 7 yo!!!
What’s pink, wrinkly and hangs out your underwear?
Your grannie
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How do you get 2 whales in a mini?....across the Severn bridge.
Two fish in a tank
One says to the other
‘How do you drive this thing?’
Two parrots on a perch
One says to the other
‘Can you smell fish?’
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea
There's a third part to that one...
Haha true.. but won't qualify the 'clean' part for this thread.
Whats a three legged donkey called?... a wonky.
I named my goldfish 'one' and 'two'... if one dies you still have two!
What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror? Halloumi
Some crackers so far!
This is my current favourite.
How do you knew w that you have an elephant in the fridge? There’s a footprint in the butter.
Why did the toilet paper, roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
Why is the sand wet?
Because the seaweed.
Two snowmen standing in the garden. One says to the other "can you smell carrots?".
What cheese is MADE backwards?
EDAM!
Sorry, I know that was really cheesy! 😉
Why did the lion go in the wardrobe?
Narnia business
I like that one
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