Apparently the residents of Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but those of Abu Dhabi do.
Don’t worry, I’m getting my coat.
Apparently the residents of Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but those of Abu Dhabi do.
Don’t worry, I’m getting my coat.
Now you've got me started-
Tonto sees The Lone Ranger riding along with a couple of binbags slung across his saddle. 'Where are you going, kemosahbee?' he asks. The Lone Ranger replies 'To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump'.
Where does the Pink Panther come from?
Durham.
Durham,
Durham, Durham, Durham,
Durham, Durham,
Durham.
Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
One turns to the other and asks "do you smell fish?"
I was feeling a bit down the other day, but my mate did his best to cheer me up.
“It could be worse,” he said, “you could be down a big hole in the ground with water at the bottom.”
I know he means well.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
Badum tish! Thank you very much, I'm here all week.
Cheers,
Plug
Two snowmen together....
One says to the other.....
Can you smell carrots?
What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-NAAA.
A bartender says "we don't serve time-travelers here".
Two time-travelers walk into a bar.
Last edited by Mr Tetley; 29th June 2019 at 18:57.
Actually spat my cake out at that, very good.Originally Posted by CardShark
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea.
Brilliant!
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
That reminds me of the old Latin joke all schoolboys learn about the Roman soldier garrisoned on Hadrian's Wall who walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The barman says "Don't you mean a Martini?" The soldier replies, "When I want a double I'll ask for it".
9 posts earlierbut you told it better
No need to make comparisons on joke telling abilities. I’m deeply offended9 posts earlier
Horse walks into a bar. The barman asks ‘why the long face?’
Two nuns are in the bath.
Nun 1: Where's the soap?
Nun 2: It does, doesn’t it.
Fas est ab hoste doceri
A man goes to see the doctor and tells him he can't pronounce his F's, T's and H's.
The doctor says, "Well, you can't say fairer than that then".
A good pal of mine’s just got engaged to a pencil.
He couldn’t wait to introduce me to his bride 2B
Two monkeys in the bath
First monkey: ooh aah ooh ooh aah
Second monkey: well put some more cold in then!
Polar Bear walks into a bar and says - "please can i have a .................................................. .................................................. ......................pint of bitter?"
Barman says, "why the big paws?"
Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
One looks at the other and goes Mooooooo
They other looks back and say “you b@st@rd I was going to say that”.
William Shakespeare walks into a bar.
The barman yells get out you’re Bard !!!
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Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
A person in another room said, "How do you know?" The first patient said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony.
Public notice on the local church hall.
"Time travellers club:
Next meeting, last Thursday"
The lone Ranger and Tonto are surrounded by a scouting party of Cherokees
"how are we going to get out of this one?" says the Lone Ranger
"What do you mean we? paleface" replies Tonto
What do you call a 3 legged Donkey ? A Wonky.....
What do you call a bloke with a rabbit up his ar$e?
Warren
What do you call a lady with Slate on her head?
Ruth
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I once tried to make a belt out of watches all linked together, but it turned out to be a waist of time.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.
"Pint of lager please and ten pints for the giraffe."
He sups his pint while the giraffe slurps down his ten pints in record time and slumps to the floor.
The man turns to leave and the barman says, "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!"
The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
Last edited by thefatboy; 2nd July 2019 at 09:56.
Two oranges walk in a bar, one says to the other, 'your round.'
What do you call a lady with one leg longer than the other?
Eileen
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills.................
Bernadette
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the barman asks. The Roman replies, "Slow down there! I'll let you know when I want more."
Two bits of string walk into a bar, the Landlord throws them out immediately saying we don't serve string in here.
They go outside and one piece of string says to the other "quick tie yourself up and we'll try again".
The two bits of string walk back in and the barman immediately says "aren't you that piece of string I threw out a minute ago"?
The string replies "No, I'm A frayed knot"
Life is like a box of chocolates . Both don't last long if you're a lard arse.
Jewish dilemma = Free pork.
A man gets in to a taxi and says, "King Arthur's Close".
Taxi driver replies, " Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights".
Funny? No, just shameful.
King of dad jokes:
https://youtu.be/PdcNfDhCukI
As told to me by a fully fledged Rabbi. So you know what you can do with your outrage.
A man with a car on his head?
Jack.
with a gull?
Cliff.
An anti-Semite walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by with kippa, tzitzis, and payos. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So he shouts over to the bartender so everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there.This infuriates him and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jew. But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, "Thank you."
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, he notices that the Jewish guy is smiling, and waves to him and says, "Thank you."
So the guy says to the bartender, "What's the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except him, and all he does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
Fas est ab hoste doceri
A Third Rate Comedian, a Racist and a Fat Bald Guy walk into a pub ...
The Barman says "what can I get you Mr Djalili" ?
What do you call a man standing in between 2 houses?
Ally
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Two Muffins in the oven one says to the other "flipping hot in here isn't it" the other one says "holy crap a talking Muffin"
I love that joke. My kids hated it until I was in Abu Dhabi recently and it was the first message they sent me
What do you call a Jordanian Elvis Presley impersonator?
Hamal Shookup
Sent through the ether by magic
Google Gilbert Gottfried's 'The Aristocrats' for the most terrible disgusting joke ever. It's so awful I won't even include a link.
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