Reply With QuoteA Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the barman asks. The Roman replies, "Slow down there! I'll let you know when I want more."
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills.................Originally Posted by yumma
Bernadette
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean martini?" the barman asks. The Roman replies, "Slow down there! I'll let you know when I want more."
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea.
Two Muffins in the oven one says to the other "flipping hot in here isn't it" the other one says "holy crap a talking Muffin"
I love that joke. My kids hated it until I was in Abu Dhabi recently and it was the first message they sent me
"Mummy, Mummy, there's a man with a bill at the door!"
"Nonsense Dear, it's probably a duck with a hat on."
I got mugged by six dwarfs last night...
Not Happy.
My pet mouse Elvis passed away last night.
He was caught in a trap.
That reminds me of the old Latin joke all schoolboys learn about the Roman soldier garrisoned on Hadrian's Wall who walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The barman says "Don't you mean a Martini?" The soldier replies, "When I want a double I'll ask for it".
9 posts earlierbut you told it better
No need to make comparisons on joke telling abilities. I’m deeply offended9 posts earlier
Deeply offended is very topical - applause.No need to make comparisons on joke telling abilities. I’m deeply offended
If someone posted a Birkin for sale on SC at 5am, would it be handbags at dawn?
No, handbags at dawn is reserved almost exclusively for any Rolex post in SC of any kind.
Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common ?' 'Well, It's Not Unusual.
Entered a Marathon the other day. Never again!
Got a peanut stuck in my Japs eye.
Therapist - "Your wife tells me that you've never bought her flowers. Is that true?"
Me - "Well, to be honest, I didn't know she sold them"
My mate's wife went fishing with him and five of his friends, she came home with a Red Snapper!
What do you call a man with 4 wooden heads?
I don't know either, but Edwood Woodwood would.
Why is having sex with a pensioner like eating a pork pie ?
You have to get through the crust and jelly before you get to the meat.
I still have no idea how to embed videos after about ten years on the forum, but here's Lenny Henry singing some bad jokes.
ok, it's 4 minutes of your life you won't get back but this is pretty funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8q6WOvERlU
If you want to hear this one told brilliantly, check out www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-MJy7w69EU
What do you call a Jordanian Elvis Presley impersonator?
Hamal Shookup
Sent through the ether by magic
Google Gilbert Gottfried's 'The Aristocrats' for the most terrible disgusting joke ever. It's so awful I won't even include a link.
I dropped my watch at a party last week. After a bit I saw a guy standing on it, whilst he was sexually harassing a young female. I walked over and smacked the fella on the nose. No one does that to a girl,
Not on my watch.
Stuart
According to an Ipsos Mori survey nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape
Customer in an Army store. Where are your Camouflage jackets
Assistant Over there in the corner
Customer Where, I can’t see them
Assistant. I know, they good aren’t they
Last edited by hilly10; 5th July 2019 at 14:25.
What do you call a girl balancing a pint of beer on her head while playing snooker
Beatrix Potter
I was out with my daughter yesterday and I ran into an old friend.
I said, "Hi Dave, this is Beth".
"What's Beth short for?" he asked.
"Because she's three".
Hear the one about the Chinese Godfather?
They made an offer he couldn't understand
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You’ve all heard of the french chap who invented sandals - Felipe Felop?
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Why did the baker have brown fingers......?
Because he kneeded a poo
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An anti-Semite walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by with kippa, tzitzis, and payos. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So he shouts over to the bartender so everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there.This infuriates him and in a loud voice, he once again orders drinks for everyone except the Jew. But as before, this does not seem to worry the Jewish guy who continues to smile, and again says, "Thank you."
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, he notices that the Jewish guy is smiling, and waves to him and says, "Thank you."
So the guy says to the bartender, "What's the matter with that Jew? I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except him, and all he does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
Fas est ab hoste doceri
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