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Thread: Separation.

  1. #1
    Journeyman
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    Separation.

    I've not really been in the right mind to post anything up here for a while, and I do apologise for this !
    Things at home have been . . . . . Well , difficult to say the least.

    My wife suffers from bi-polar disorder, things were ok for a while but the last three or four years have been a living hell for me.
    I hadn't noticed things were so bad until someone pointed them out to me.
    I'm now out of it, I can't go into details but she no longer lives with me and I'm starting to get things back in order, soon I'll be back down the watch shed and messing about with watches.

  2. #2
    Sorry to hear of your problems.

    Onwards & upwards.


    R
    Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.

  3. #3
    Journeyman
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    Time to get living Your life now.

  4. #4
    Sorry to read that itís been a challenge for you fella. I hope there is a clear and more pleasant route ahead of you now.

  5. #5
    Craftsman
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    Although my ex is firmly in denial I believe this is what she suffered with, I managed years but finally had to be out, I feel your pain and I wish things pick up for you and many many watches are tinkered with


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  6. #6
    Master
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    As the others said. Onwards and upwards.

    I divorced after living for 8 years with the ex's depression. I was struggling and I didn't even notice. My family noticed 6 months before I did that it was probably over.

    Anyway, 3 years on, new house, new partner, couldn't be happier (well a lottery win would help).

    Time heals all. Stay strong.

  7. #7
    Master
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    Good luck with everything, it's the beginning of the rest of your life!

  8. #8
    Master pacifichrono's Avatar
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    Take care of your priorities first, Paul.

  9. #9
    Master
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    My wife's mother is bi-polar, and her poor suffering husband has endured it for 40 years, and will never leave her.

    Poor man will suffer until he drops dead. I've seen how it has aged him in the time I've been with my wife (17 years)

    You've done the right thing leaving.

  10. #10
    Master
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    Mmm, not sure about the sentiments posted here so far.

    If you guys have suffered what about your partner's who have to live with and endure the conditions they have?

    Partnership used to mean commitment. Remember " in sickness and health"?

    While you may bale out and get a new life what will that do to your ex and their condition?

    Some inward looking needs to be done here IMO

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by redmonaco View Post
    Mmm, not sure about the sentiments posted here so far.

    If you guys have suffered what about your partner's who have to live with and endure the conditions they have?

    Partnership used to mean commitment. Remember " in sickness and health"?

    While you may bale out and get a new life what will that do to your ex and their condition?

    Some inward looking needs to be done here IMO
    So the OP should suck it up and suffer a living hell ?

  12. #12
    Master
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    sorry to hear this- ive recently separated from my wife of 27 years- I'm living with my folks as for me I think its the 'right thing' to do- it was her decision
    I must admit I'm not coping too well - its been over 6 months now- we see each other weekly and text but her 'feelings have changed'
    I hope it all pans out good for you.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by lewie View Post
    sorry to hear this- ive recently separated from my wife of 27 years- I'm living with my folks as for me I think its the 'right thing' to do- it was her decision
    I must admit I'm not coping too well - its been over 6 months now- we see each other weekly and text but her 'feelings have changed'
    I hope it all pans out good for you.
    Mate seeing an ex is like keeping an empty beer bottle in the fridge.You will get nothing from it and it takes space up for something better.Sounds like itís time to move on and good luck Sir!

  14. #14
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redmonaco View Post
    Mmm, not sure about the sentiments posted here so far.

    If you guys have suffered what about your partner's who have to live with and endure the conditions they have?

    Partnership used to mean commitment. Remember " in sickness and health"?

    While you may bale out and get a new life what will that do to your ex and their condition?

    Some inward looking needs to be done here IMO
    Plus there is no saying mental illness will not creep in on a new relationship.
    Sent from my ANE-LX1 using Tapatalk
    Last edited by bond; 11th March 2019 at 17:08.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by bond View Post
    Plus there is no saying mental illness will not creep in on a new relationship.
    Sent from my ANE-LX1 using Tapatalk
    My car keeps breaking down and I am unable to fix it. But if I buy a new car it might break down in the future too, and who knows if I will be able to fix that one. Ergo, I should just stick with this broken car and walk to work.


  16. #16
    Other side of the coin...

    My wife of 14 years gave me the boot finally, she had enough of me. Which, to be perfectly honest, I consider more than long enough, she deserves a medal. I often cannot cope with 'me' either! I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, OCD etc a LONG time ago and living with it is a nightmare, but someone else living with me, with it, must be purgatory!

    After a bit of a crisis recently, I saw other MHS and have been re-diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder (emotionally unstable personality disorder) which, upon reading about it, really helps. It also helps to understand the watch 'thing' as well!

    Mental health is a sadly misunderstood illness (in whatever form it takes) and often is denied because of the 'stigma' attached to having it. Get help for yourself and anyone you love BEFORE it reaches the point of no return. If help is refused then you have no option but to get the hell out of there, other peoples mental illness will wear you out and wear you down until you doubt yourself and your own sanity.

  17. #17
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammond View Post
    My car keeps breaking down and I am unable to fix it. But if I buy a new car it might break down in the future too, and who knows if I will be able to fix that one. Ergo, I should just stick with this broken car and walk to work.

    Depends how much you like the first car and want to maintain it

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  18. #18
    Grand Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by DA56 View Post
    So the OP should suck it up and suffer a living hell ?
    No, thatís not what he said and if you stop to think youíll realise it!

  19. #19
    Craftsman Maysie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammond View Post
    My car keeps breaking down and I am unable to fix it. But if I buy a new car it might break down in the future too, and who knows if I will be able to fix that one. Ergo, I should just stick with this broken car and walk to work.

    Are you seriously comparing a relationship with a life-partner to that of a car?
    Wow.

  20. #20
    Master
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    Separation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maysie View Post
    Are you seriously comparing a relationship with a life-partner to that of a car?
    Wow.
    It is an analogy to highlight that not doing something about the situation because it might happen again in the future is a ridiculous reason to maintain the less desirable status quo.

  21. #21
    Craftsman Maysie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammond View Post
    It is an analogy to highlight that not doing something about the situation because it might happen again in the future is a ridiculous reason to maintain the less desirable status quo.
    Understood.
    I initially read your post as emotionless, but looking at the context of its original reply that makes more sense now.

    Its a tough one this. As someone who is 'not easy to live with' themselves, I would be utterly devastated if my wife left me, but I would not find it at all surprising or blame her at all if she did.

  22. #22
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammond View Post
    It is an analogy to highlight that not doing something about the situation because it might happen again in the future is a ridiculous reason to maintain the less desirable status quo.
    Yes I agree that people can view staying in such a relationship as compared to flogging a dead horse. It's down to the individual the desire to stay . It's a tough decision either way and I guess both choices deserve respect for the guts to do either.

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    Last edited by bond; 12th March 2019 at 10:56.

  23. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by redmonaco View Post
    Mmm, not sure about the sentiments posted here so far.

    If you guys have suffered what about your partner's who have to live with and endure the conditions they have?

    Partnership used to mean commitment. Remember " in sickness and health"?

    While you may bale out and get a new life what will that do to your ex and their condition?

    Some inward looking needs to be done here IMO
    Tend to agree with this. If partner suffered physical disability (say in car crash) would everyone bale out?

  24. #24
    Master Xantiagib's Avatar
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    above all disabilities and kids, etc... isn't it better to be functional human beings apart from eachother than dysfunctional while being together ?

  25. #25
    Journeyman
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    In my relationship there were a number of reasons for me ending it, i'm not going to go into detail here.
    One reason was attempting to kill me whilst I slept, the police were involved and I could not put myself back into that situation ever again.

    Even then , It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but I had to make it.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulM View Post
    In my relationship there were a number of reasons for me ending it, i'm not going to go into detail here.
    One reason was attempting to kill me whilst I slept, the police were involved and I could not put myself back into that situation ever again.

    Even then , It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but I had to make it.
    Wow, hopefully that revelation will stop anyone further trying to burden your conscience.

    I wish you luck finding a new, saner, partner to spend the rest of your life with.

  27. #27

    Separation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Xantiagib View Post
    above all disabilities and kids, etc... isn't it better to be functional human beings apart from eachother than dysfunctional while being together ?
    Well said. Itís a very hard thing to discuss here without a deeper knowledge of the individuals, and thereís no right or wrong in what an individual chooses to do in their personal circumstances.

    I chose to leave a 12 year relationship 2 years ago, and had to accept me no longer living with my young Son (8 at the time) and it still breaks my heart every day - but I was developing a toxic relationship with him as a result of my troubles with her..... so I left for his and my sake.
    I see him once or twice weekly, he stays with me 3 nights every other weekend, we talk in the phone plenty, and we have a good strong relationship now. I do not know if that would be the same had I stayed.
    I still support her financially, but write this off as supporting him. Itís difficult, but itís better than it was - I think I would have lost the plot if I stayed.

    We plan (he and I) to have him living with me 50% of the time once he moves up to secondary school. We holiday together, and really enjoy eachotherís company - I think leaving has saved us long term, and there is only so long you can go on living in a relationship where you are profoundly unhappy each day. She has her problems, i dedicated myself to her and to improve her wellbeing, which I did to some extent - but it was costing me my soul.

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    Last edited by notenoughwrists; 13th March 2019 at 13:24.

  28. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by lewie View Post
    sorry to hear this- ive recently separated from my wife of 27 years- I'm living with my folks as for me I think its the 'right thing' to do- it was her decision
    I must admit I'm not coping too well - its been over 6 months now- we see each other weekly and text but her 'feelings have changed'
    I hope it all pans out good for you.
    Mate they all get egged on by their friends that are divorced. Social media makes them think there is a better life waiting for them elsewhere. Reality is for 10% that might be the case, the rest just end up regretting the whole thing and become bitter and sour.

    I split with my ex 18 months ago and now divorced. She took half and had another bloke. He dumped her when Absolute came through. Because she thought she was going with him she accepted no spousal. 😂😂. Now she lives with her Aunty who is charging her rent and is hunting for a small three bed house, so I have had the kids full time for now 4-5 months. Does she regret it? oh she does, will she tell me she does? No, Do I even care? No

    Funny thing is all her mates from her experience have gone and grabbed their husbands for fear of the same outcome. Sometimes a dose of reality is what these women need to get them to wake up. I am super happy have rented a place with an indoor pool, sauna, games room, bar, 5 beds etc. My kids are very happy living with me and Connor even care if they see her or not.

  29. #29
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hammond View Post
    My car keeps breaking down and I am unable to fix it. But if I buy a new car it might break down in the future too, and who knows if I will be able to fix that one. Ergo, I should just stick with this broken car and walk to work.

    Last edited by redmonaco; 14th March 2019 at 10:48.

  30. #30
    Craftsman
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    A question if I may, for those of you with young children who live with you. How do you manage to continue working full time and care for your children. In house nanny, family help or other?

    Just curious

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  31. #31
    Master wildheart's Avatar
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    Some good honest advice here. I split up with my ex 6 years ago, (you can find my detailed diary of events in the Bear Pit). It was one of the most painful events in my life and there have been a few! As was told to me at the time (by TZers) you do come out the other side. But any type of separation can be very traumatic. My ex and I had been blissfully together for 12 years, we have not spoken since the divorce and never will. I gave up looking for answers many years ago, and concentrated on my own mental health. Take one day at a time and never look back.
    Airing my situation on TZ really helped me through a very tough time, I don't regret the sharing. Keep talking, keep your head up, eat well, exercise it will pass!

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