When you have a baby...

[M4tt]

I was just reminded of how little warning most people get that having a baby really does change everything. With that in mind, I thought it might be interesting and instructive to have a thread in which people can share their experiences of the best and worst of having kids. This might not take off, but it seems to me that a thread like this would be in the best traditions of TZ-UK and might help new dads (and mums) to prepare for a life in which the thing on their wrist is more likely to be dried vomit than a new watch and they are never sure if the face in the mirror will be grinning inanely or red eyed.

I'm not sure whether to start with sex, sleep or smells.

Sleep is, for me, the big one. There's a sporting chance that you can just forget it, you are not going to get any for the next six to nine months. Every so often I hear of parents who have a perfect babe who sleeps through. I'm sure it happens, but the bags under their eyes seem no smaller than mine and it's good to learn early that a lot of people inexplicably lie about how things are going.

There will be the occasional time when both of you will lay awake comfortably sharing the noise and smell of a happy baby noshing down. Which is a very fine thing to do. However, more often you will both be exhausted and it just makes pragmatic sense to take turns - buy an effective and comfortable way of getting milk out of mum and start using it early - get the child used to dad feeding and mum used to getting a break. Mum really is at the heart of this, the happier and more rested she is, the easiest it is for everyone. Comfortable safe mums are the basis of comfortable safe babes - at least to start with. Even then, you will always get colic, redness, reflux and other minor ailments that make life less than fun for a while.

That's a start. Your turn...

[Brian]

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery.


Here are 12 simple tasks for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help him- self. Then go to the supermarket.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter ontothe sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the playgroup committee.

7. Forget the 2+2 sports and buy a people carrier. Don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a 50p piece. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate biscuits. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Weetabix and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane. Continue until half the Weetabix is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "Postman Pat" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.


Been there - got the T Shirt.

:-)

B

[Stuno1]

First 18 months are like being in the trenches, it’s a a fight to get sleep, it’s a fight not to fight with the wife due to lack of sleep and it’s a fight to get to grips with being a parent and all it involves. There are some epic moment in there of course but it’s a chore! From 2 onwards it has become more and more of a joy and now ours is 4 it’s a privilege to be her dad. Having a little person that can go to the loo, eat, speak, has a wicked personality and is cheeky is an absolute pleasure.

Main things we learned...
- people lie, they say their babies eat everything, sleep through, walk early etc etc it is invariably lies. Many many times the mums say these things only for me to have the Dad say the opposite! Not sure why mums do this but it breeds a fear like emotion among mums that they are not good enough compared to other mums.
- you WILL be knackered for the first 18 months or longer. That’s just a fact.
- it does get better, much better. It’s a privilege to have a child not a right so treat it as such.
- don’t read all the baby books they will only make you worry. Natural parenting instincts will kick in.
- if you can establish a routine and stick to it then do it! Babies thrive on routine.
- if you want to keep letting your child sleep in your bed and have no routine be prepared to deal with the consequences!
- don’t feel like you are a bad parent hopefully you are doing the best you can. We said we would never use a dummy but my got we tried so many to get our daughter to relax.

Try and enjoy it. It’s a real blessing.

Stu

[Agd47]

Great info here and crazy accurate to my own experiences thus far. Dad of a soon to be 1 year old girl.

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[M4tt]

First 18 months are like being in the trenches, it’s a a fight to get sleep, it’s a fight not to fight with the wife due to lack of sleep and it’s a fight to get to grips with being a parent and all it involves. There are some epic moment in there of course but it’s a chore! From 2 onwards it has become more and more of a joy and now ours is 4 it’s a privilege to be her dad. Having a little person that can go to the loo, eat, speak, has a wicked personality and is cheeky is an absolute pleasure.

Main things we learned...
- people lie, they say their babies eat everything, sleep through, walk early etc etc it is invariably lies. Many many times the mums say these things only for me to have the Dad say the opposite! Not sure why mums do this but it breeds a fear like emotion among mums that they are not good enough compared to other mums.
- you WILL be knackered for the first 18 months or longer. That’s just a fact.
- it does get better, much better. It’s a privilege to have a child not a right so treat it as such.
- don’t read all the baby books they will only make you worry. Natural parenting instincts will kick in.
- if you can establish a routine and stick to it then do it! Babies thrive on routine.
- if you want to keep letting your child sleep in your bed and have no routine be prepared to deal with the consequences!
- don’t feel like you are a bad parent hopefully you are doing the best you can. We said we would never use a dummy but my got we tried so many to get our daughter to relax.

Try and enjoy it. It’s a real blessing.

Stu

I've always used my left little finger - keep the nail trimmed to the point of bleeding and wash it all the time.

- - - Updated - - -

Great info here and crazy accurate to my own experiences thus far. Dad of a soon to be 1 year old girl.

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This is what I was hoping for. Keep it up chaps!

[M4tt]

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery.


Here are 12 simple tasks for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help him- self. Then go to the supermarket.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter ontothe sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the playgroup committee.

7. Forget the 2+2 sports and buy a people carrier. Don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a 50p piece. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate biscuits. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Weetabix and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an aeroplane. Continue until half the Weetabix is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "Postman Pat" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.


Been there - got the T Shirt.

:-)

B

Painfully true - and I wish I could type as fast as you!

[Rod]

Let them get dirty! Babies need to develop their 'eco' systems in their gut. Parents are far too clean which has seen an explosion in allergies, asthma, etc.
My D in L is a trained midwife she had twins last November, has never steralized a thing and lets them just play on the floor. They are as healthy as can be. She still breast feeds them too.

Stop wasting money on designer gear just to impress people, who really cares what they wear ( the babies won't) as long as they are clean and comfortable.

[Griswold]

Let them get dirty! Babies need to develop their 'eco' systems in their gut. Parents are far too clean which has seen an explosion in allergies, asthma, etc.
My D in L is a trained midwife she had twins last November, has never steralized a thing and lets them just play on the floor. They are as healthy as can be. She still breast feeds them too.

Stop wasting money on designer gear just to impress people, who really cares what they wear ( the babies won't) as long as they are clean and comfortable.

Wise words.

[thieuster]

It's been a while since I had the pleasure(...) but it looks like things haven't changed.

A few bright notes:

• your second WILL re-use clothes your eldest was wearing. Despite your vow that you don't want him/her to dress in worn stuff
• the second child doesn't mean that you're doubling the workload. You've had a steep learning curve when taking care of #1: you are experienced now
• cunning tricks that ease your life /'life hacks' are featured like Einstein's best thoughts (we put the oldest in his bath in the kitchen - the end of the drain hose was in the dishwasher. When I pulled the plug, the automatic flood control inside the dishwasher kicked in and pumped the water away!) *still proud

Menno

[Onelasttime]

When they get past the age of 10 and get into music, try and find the correct CD in its correct case, or even the correct cover insert in the correct case would be a start. I don't even listen to CDs anymore but I can't explain how much this bugs the pi55 out of me. They are not, under any circumstances, allowed near the vinyl or the turntable.

And to make a general point, anything that happened before the age of 10 will be fondly remembered as if it was a pleasant family holiday. It all catches up with you really quickly. That said, I wouldn't change a thing.

[M4tt]

I just want to amplify this one:

- people lie, they say their babies eat everything, sleep through, walk early etc etc it is invariably lies. Many many times the mums say these things only for me to have the Dad say the opposite! Not sure why mums do this but it breeds a fear like emotion among mums that they are not good enough compared to other mums.

It's just odd that they do, but with every child I've had, this one has remained a strange fact. Not everyone, but enough.

[wombleh]

Found the Nct course handy to know what's coming and meet like-minded folk in the same boat.

Freecycle and Facebook selling groups are good to pick up toys and clothes being passed on by others for free or very little.

Get them sodding well vaccinated. If you have questions then go speak with someone who works in A&E and has to pick up the pieces of children's ruined lives from illnesses we can avoid.

[M4tt]

I used to know where all my watches are. Since youngest girl learned to tell the time I just know where they were. I found a rather fragile silver Borgel strapped around the neck of a teddy the other day.

[golf]

Getting one of these is a must!! A bottle ready at perfect temperature in under a minute 😁😁. God send for nighttime feeds.



https://www.johnlewis.com/tommee-tip...E&gclsrc=aw.ds

[woodacre1983]

As a Dad of 5 age ranging from 1-14 I have learnt a few things!

We have had good babies that was no real issue sleep wise, but we have also had babies that have tormented us with lack of sleep for the first 12 month! I can safely say no two are the same!

We have found that with the first we was mega clean, wipes mega clean surfaces and baby never dirty in any way, the more you have the more you relax in some ways. Let them get dirty, let them play. They build up an immune system.

Hand me downs from siblings are a god sent! Regardless of you you say at the start without deep deep pockets you will use hand me downs on future siblings.

This one may surprise it’s always does my mates. But the 2 is easier than 1 and 5 is a damn sight easier than 2! They entertain one another and the older ones crave responsibility and want to help. Let them!

LASTLY. complain and moan let it all out but remember these are the best times you will ever have! ENJOY THEM!


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[Gyp]

It's ridiculously easy to waste money on children; that moses basket may only get used for a week, if that, and they will grow out of all those clothes before you've got them home. Because people tend to want to buy stuff for children, lots of stuff is expensive to buy and worth virtually nothing used. I gave in to Mrs Gyp's demands for a particular pram for our newborn and it set me back about £300 (21 years ago). I think we used it twice as the free one we'd been given was far more practical, and it sold on eBay for £1.

Some people will spend money on £100 bottle warmers, when simply knowing that 40 seconds in the microwave that they already have, followed by a good shake of the bottle and testing the temperature on their wrist achieves the same outcome ;-)

It's difficult not to spend big on kids though as women are biologically programmed to nest and men are just stupid (as demonstrated by us justifying watch purchases).

I'm not sure at what point they stop being expensive. School uniforms seemed expensive as did the ever increasing cost of the school bus, but those costs are nothing compared to sending the boy to university.

Anyway, my biggest thought/tip is to make the most of the time with your child/children as the time really does fly by and then, in an instant, they're gone. Get them outdoors and do stuff. Some of my best memories are from taking a month off work and taking the lad on a motorcycle road trip to Naples when he was 13. And a road trip camping to Cape Wrath the year after (when, on the way, we spontaneously climbed Ben Nevis together).

Actually, all of the best memories are being out and about doing stuff, cycling, flying kites, camping. It's easy in the house to get into a cycle of breakfast, school, dinner, homework, bath, bed, rinse, repeat. Spend time with your child and enjoy them. It's pointless having them otherwise.

[seikopath]

As a Dad of 5 age ranging from 1-14 I have learnt a few things!

We have had good babies that was no real issue sleep wise, but we have also had babies that have tormented us with lack of sleep for the first 12 month! I can safely say no two are the same!

We have found that with the first we was mega clean, wipes mega clean surfaces and baby never dirty in any way, the more you have the more you relax in some ways. Let them get dirty, let them play. They build up an immune system.

Hand me downs from siblings are a god sent! Regardless of you you say at the start without deep deep pockets you will use hand me downs on future siblings.

This one may surprise it’s always does my mates. But the 2 is easier than 1 and 5 is a damn sight easier than 2! They entertain one another and the older ones crave responsibility and want to help. Let them!

LASTLY. complain and moan let it all out but remember these are the best times you will ever have! ENJOY THEM!


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Surprised to hear 5 is easier than 2!
When you get to five a side football team status it would all be about the logistics i guess.
Maybe the increased apparent ease is more to do with the other thing you highlighted, a shift in parental attitudes, being more laid back etc.??
The first one can be a very stressful time, because you don't know what you are doing and you are therefore always thinking 'am i doing it right' etc...... When there often is no 'right', but just whatever works best at the time.
I reckon most people's 'training' as a parent has come from when they were little. That's why you turn into your parents....

[woodacre1983]

Surprised to hear 5 is easier than 2!
When you get to five a side football team status it would all be about the logistics i guess.
Maybe the increased apparent ease is more to do with the other thing you highlighted, a shift in parental attitudes, being more laid back etc.??
The first one can be a very stressful time, because you don't know what you are doing and you are therefore always thinking 'am i doing it right' etc...... When there often is no 'right', but just whatever works best at the time.
I reckon most people's 'training' as a parent has come from when they were little. That's why you turn into your parents....

No honestly 5 is easier. They all help each other out. Even if it is just playing with each other.

I guess organisation plays a part. But with 5 we get more sleep and time with just the wife than we did with just 2.


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[seikopath]

No honestly 5 is easier. They all help each other out. Even if it is just playing with each other.

I guess organisation plays a part. But with 5 we get more sleep and time with just the wife than we did with just 2.


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I have a couple of friends who are siblings in a large family (13 kids)

They say when they were little, the parents would often forget their names!

It sounds obvious, but to have more than 4 for example, i think you have to be a 'good' parent, (whatever that is)

Maybe it just means you (mum and dad) both have to be 'up' for parenting and enjoy it.. It's not easy, full time job and all that.


I just wish someone had started a thread about how to handle teenagers a couple of years ago - that would have made things easier!

[woodacre1983]

I have a couple of friends who are siblings in a large family (13)

They say when they were little, the parents would often forget their names!

Haha! Maybe we don’t forget the names but trust me quite often when I am rushing around and need a child or the wife to do something they may get called any number of names from the other children the cats or the dog! I get there eventually though!!


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[seikopath]

Haha! Maybe we don’t forget the names but trust me quite often when I am rushing around and need a child or the wife to do something they may get called any number of names from the other children the cats or the dog! I get there eventually though!!


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My dad used to mix the names up and he only had three!

[village]

When you have a baby.....

You discover that the day is actually far longer than you thought and appears to have more than 24 hours

Baby wipes are your best friend

You will be tired permanently (probably for the next 15 years)

You don't need to buy expensive stuff,for instance baby clothing from Tesco/Sainsbury's/Asda etc is perfectly ok....all that's going to happen is that baby will grow out of them at an accelerated rate whilst puking and pooing all over them.

Dont be all prissy about hygiene....let baby stick pretty much anything in their mouth including food that has been on the floor.

You will discover a whole new range of smells and 'interesting' substances.

For God's sake wind them properly or the world will end.

No,you haven the been the subject of a cyber crime. Your bank account really is that empty.

[KNog]

Be prepared to live in a warzone. Cornflakes? You mean floor sprinkles.

Never threaten a punishment you won't follow through on but at the same time give them time to process the command. Our second is a spirited individual (nightmare), he responds to a 5 seconds countdown after a lot of work on our part. His brother was a fraction of the effort.

Throw away any felt tips, they are the work of the devil. Crayons or pencils only.

We're lucky enough to have an adult room (more 50 winks than 50 shades) but dedicating a room to their toys worked wonders for sectioning off the insanity.

That convertible you wanted is a Kia Sedona for the foreseeable.

Appreciate the little victories, potty training is the big turning point. You have no idea the difference them being able to click in a seatbelt makes.

We had our third yesterday so the countdown has reset.

IMG_20180527_084655.jpg

[Fraz01]

My kids are 4 and 7 and probably the best piece of advice I can give is to establish a strict bedtime routine from the beginning. It's hard work and will take a good few months but, in the long term it's worth it more than you'll believe.

Resist the urge to let them just sleep in your bed when they pad through at 2 in the morning, getting out of bed to put them back is the hardest thing to do but pays off in the long run.


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[guinea]

While I love my kids very much and have moments of great joy, I think my life was better without them.

Same with the wife.

[Dave+63]

Haha! Maybe we don’t forget the names but trust me quite often when I am rushing around and need a child or the wife to do something they may get called any number of names from the other children the cats or the dog! I get there eventually though!!


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I’m one of five and remember my mum doing exactly the same!

[ArcofZen]

We’ve a five month old and she’s a joy, but definitely changed our lives! One thing that’s already been mentioned is the NCT course - well worth it. Also, and this is a biggy..

Don’t be bullied into breast feeding your child ‘regardless’. A mix of bottle and boob is fine, just make sure baby isn’t going hungry. I’m actually pretty annoyed with our midwifes for being so stubborn on this.

[Gyp]

Almost forgot.

When you want to start potty training, hire a villa in Spain for a fortnight. Entirely tiled floors are a godsend.

[Mr Nuttington]

As already said a strict bedtime routine does wonders. Kids are happier when they have boundaries to operate within and they do need plenty of sleep. My two are 10 and 7 and their routine is still in place, albeit with modified timings.

See all that baby stuff in the shops - you don't need 90% of it!

Perhaps a step too far for some but we used reusable nappies. The modern one are good for day use and they saved us a fortune.

Get them eating proper food (pureed) early and avoid the jars and pouches of processed muck from the supermarket.

And finally, beware of fruit shoot. It seems to have a similar effect on kids (mine at least) as a pint of red bull would on me!

[thieuster]

Be prepared to live in a warzone. Cornflakes? You mean floor sprinkles.

Never threaten a punishment you won't follow through on but at the same time give them time to process the command. Our second is a spirited individual (nightmare), he responds to a 5 seconds countdown after a lot of work on our part. His brother was a fraction of the effort.

Throw away any felt tips, they are the work of the devil. Crayons or pencils only.

We're lucky enough to have an adult room (more 50 winks than 50 shades) but dedicating a room to their toys worked wonders for sectioning off the insanity.

That convertible you wanted is a Kia Sedona for the foreseeable.

Appreciate the little victories, potty training is the big turning point. You have no idea the difference them being able to click in a seatbelt makes.

We had our third yesterday so the countdown has reset.

IMG_20180527_084655.jpg

Wow Congrats!

[thieuster]

Before my first one was born, a friend with 3 kids (then between 5 and 12) learned me a valuable lesson: plan your day/week ahead with enough ‘space’ between activities. When you start rushing things (“when I return from ... I can quickly go to ..., after that we can ...”) you will pay the price. One kid gets sick, swallows a marble, the other his finger between the door and the door post... And always, you look back with: “I shouldn’t have rushed things!” He was right I can tell you - only after finding out the hard way!

[TheFlyingBanana]

Brilliant thread.

I am reminded of so many of the joys of early parenthood.

One memory in particular that will never leave me is that of my 20month old son, standing out the front of our house, happily throwing handfuls of gravel at my 911...

[RobDad]

Hmm. I have 2 boys - 17 and 15. My youngest has Down’s Syndrome and is in equal measure the brightest light in my life and the greatest worry!
In comparison to friends and fellow parents with ‘normal’ children our lives are completely different. We are still in the ‘potty training and watch him like a hawk’ phase, and I really can’t see that ever changing! - my eldest has been a good lad and parenting him an absolute breeze compared to a child with a disability. I honestly think your average parenting experience is incredibly easy in comparison - we still can’t eat out, go on a regular holiday or even visit the cinema together. I’ve actually not left the uk in over 10 years as learning difficulties/mild autism and new places are not a workable situation for a holiday. It you know what? Wouldn’t change a thing (and as an aside we had not idea of any disability prior to birth - he wasn’t diagnosed until nearly 3 months old, so been a big surprise and learning curve!)


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[Gyp]

Hmm. I have 2 boys - 17 and 15. My youngest has Down’s Syndrome and is in equal measure the brightest light in my life and the greatest worry!
In comparison to friends and fellow parents with ‘normal’ children our lives are completely different. We are still in the ‘potty training and watch him like a hawk’ phase, and I really can’t see that ever changing! - my eldest has been a good lad and parenting him an absolute breeze compared to a child with a disability. I honestly think your average parenting experience is incredibly easy in comparison - we still can’t eat out, go on a regular holiday or even visit the cinema together. I’ve actually not left the uk in over 10 years as learning difficulties/mild autism and new places are not a workable situation for a holiday. It you know what? Wouldn’t change a thing (and as an aside we had not idea of any disability prior to birth - he wasn’t diagnosed until nearly 3 months old, so been a big surprise and learning curve!)


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I was going to say that you have my sympathy, but that's not right as by the sound of it you've got two great boys that you're incredibly proud of.

Instead, you have my admiration for getting stuck in and dealing with the challenges that life has thrown at you.

When Mrs Gyp was pregnant, she was offered the test as she was an older mother. The suggestion was that we'd then have the option to terminate, but for us it was more that if we were going to have a downs baby we just wanted to be prepared.

There was a lad with downs in our street, so when he was picked up each morning, there was a school bus full of the happiest children you could ever imagine going down the road.

There was no way we could have stopped that happy a life.

[Mr Curta]

My dad used to mix the names up and he only had three!

I do it with two. Then I ask, "Which one are you again?"

[Mr Curta]

If you are on a long haul flight and your baby is bawling its head off stick a bottle, boob or dummy in his or her gob. Calming them down has to be good for them and the other passengers will not hate you quite as much.

[Robsmck]

Some great stories on this thread.
I came to fatherhood late, my eldest is 6 and half and two others at 5 and 3. And I am 55.
My life was planned, retire at 55, sell up in UK apart from one small property, travel the world for a few years, and settle down to a comfortable relaxed life. That is now, of course, out of the window. Currently at Disney Paris with 3 nightmares who moan constantly and don't eat the incredibly expensive food here. "It tastes funny daddy". Car is now a land rover, seven seats and 5 doors, the boxsters are a distant memory. My house is always a dump. Totally. But.
I wouldn't change any of it. I totally love my kids, they have become everything to me, and are a (nearly) constant joy.
Ps I justify the watches by saying they are for them when I croak. And don't tell their mammy what they cost, or how many I have.

[wombleh]

If you are on a long haul flight and your baby is bawling its head off stick a bottle, boob or dummy in his or her gob. Calming them down has to be good for them and the other passengers will not hate you quite as much.

Force feeding chocolate buttons on take off and landing will help avoid ear problems that can cause much screaming! Also take a loads of toys and snacks, enough to cope with huge delays.

[Alansmithee]

I’m one of five and remember my mum doing exactly the same!

I'm one of five as well - I'm never quite sure if that's why I have no interest at all in children.

[prexelor]

Cinemas have weekend early showings of children's films and cartoons (fairly recent releases) for £2-£3ish for adults and children called movies for juniors. No ones cares if children misbehave as such and is good practice in trying to get your child to sit still. It is a cheap visit to the cinema for the family (if you manage to avoid their snacks and drinks).

[prexelor]

If you are on a long haul flight and your baby is bawling its head off stick a bottle, boob or dummy in his or her gob. Calming them down has to be good for them and the other passengers will not hate you quite as much.

A friend advised me to give Calpol just prior to boarding to help offset tiredness and aid sleep. It's works wonders. A lollipop helps and distracts from ear pressure when descending.

[Marco-T]

Grossery store, after an hour the cart is finally filled upto a pile since we were having a birthday planned the next day.
Whilest we're in the line of the checkout, the todler from hell picks up the carton of eggs and breaks all 20 on top of the grosseries.

I will never forget the proud smile on her face.

[demonloop]

We were almost last in a large circle of friends to have a baby. Everyone else had perfect babies, ours had silent reflux and was quite unsettled. But it was amazing the stories that slowly crept out from our friends when we (honestly) said we were having a hard time with ours. So, believe nobody who says they have a good baby, would be my advice.

And be honest so that you can help someone else who may be struggling

Dad to Alice (11 months)

[Gyp]

Grossery store, after an hour the cart is finally filled upto a pile since we were having a birthday planned the next day.
Whilest we're in the line of the checkout, the todler from hell picks up the carton of eggs and breaks all 20 on top of the grosseries.

I will never forget the proud smile on her face.

Brilliant!

[Gyp]

The flying information reminded me of a trip that Mrs Gyp's best friend, P, did.

P was taking her two young children to America, and being a thoughtful and considerate mother, decided to buy a travel game to amuse the children during the flight (this was in the pre-iPad era).

Rather that leave it to chance, she went in to WHSmiths and was directed to the relevant section and bought something that claimed to be "Britain's most popular travel game".

She didn't want to get the game out too early, but instead decided to hold off until mid-Atlantic. By this stage, the kids, aware that their mother had a game, were desperate to play and were getting rather restless. P gave in and proudly handed the game packs to each of the children.

She didn't say how many British road signs the girls were able to tick off at 36,000 feet, but I suspect it wasn't that many...

[Fraz01]

Another tip that I've just been reminded of. Buy a set of kids headphones. Tablets/iPads/phones are allowed to be your friend despite the disapproving looks elder members of society may give you.

I genuinely don't see the difference in these and gameboys etc from when I was younger, it's just the newest generation. Both of ours have a Kindle Fire each and a batch of movies uploaded onto them for car journeys, flights etc. They're also allowed to watch things like YouTube provided we know what they're watching, there's some incredible content available as long as it's controlled.


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[thieuster]

Those Gameboys were a Godsend! I remember a 4 hr stop-over in Atlanta on our way to Florida (grandparents), the day before Christmas. The boys were 7 and 5 at that time. First thing when landed in Atlanta: scanning for a power socket somewhere in the wall. Within minutes, a bunch of kids were all quietly gaming. Parents were close-by but everything was quiet.

Same trip: when we approached Atlanta, the wind caught the plane, shaking it and there were a few 'air-pockets' as well. A rough ride. My youngest raised his hands to the ceiling, calling his brother: "Maurice, Maurice! Rollercoaster, raise your hands!" And in their fantasy, they had the ride of their lives. The other passengers thought something else...

A friend of the mrs went to Orlando with two small kids. Her father is a pharmacist and recommended a cough-medicine with a substance that would keep them quiet. I remember that we were not happy with this knowledge.

Car travels are really a problem. A 2.5 hr trip to our holiday home near Flushing always took 3.5 or more hours and we had to clean the carpets and seats (including the booster seats) from vomit residues.... Every time again. That's when we decided to tick the 'leather' option every time we bought a new car.

[MST]

A note regarding childbirth...

Standing by while your Wife, partner or significant other is in active labour is like watching your favourite pub burn down, and the short-midterm aftermath resembles a ripped out fireplace.

That is all.

[raptor]

All the above are great and easy as long as you have a healthy child
When kids are sick and i mean real sick is another story
So dont panic just yet reading

[thieuster]

A note regarding childbirth...

Standing by while your Wife, partner or significant other is in active labour is like watching your favourite pub burn down, and the short-midterm aftermath resembles a ripped out fireplace.

That is all.

A friend of us (nowadays an oncological surgeon, back then just graduated as a surgeon) and her husband had their first 5 months before our oldest was born. Their advice: "The first pics(...) are not really pleasant to look at. And do you want to share these with friends and relatives... At a certain moment, the baby bubble evaporates and you're stuck with a bunch of more or less explicit pics. Discuss if you want to take that sort of pics and if you do: try b/w pics..." That from a surgeon, made us think. We don't have 'first-minute pics' and we don't regret that. We never missed them as well.

M