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Thread: Mum

  1. #1

    Mum

    I lost my mum 2 years ago today after a short illness., she was 84. Over the last 7 years she had become a frequent visitor to the doctors and hospital with minor ailments but sadly it seemed she suffered in silence for the last 6 months of her life which was a contributory factor in her death.
    Whilst she looked frail in reality she was tough- probably tougher than I'll ever be.
    Other than your child I guess losing your parents are probably one of the most traumatic times in your life....thankfully your body goes in to auto-pilot and the processing of information at that time isn't that great. It's amazing how your body copes with virtually no sleep, routines completely out of kilter, emotional levels through the roof and very poor food intake.
    She is missed but missed in ways that aren't instantly noticeable,
    Other than the physical loss, I miss being able to simply pick up the phone or drop round to her.
    Tell her a piece of gossip, something about my lads, tell her about work and holidays and just general rubbish.
    My eldest boy and I are off tomorrow to take flowers to the grave, grab a spot lunch and sink a few pints of Waddies 6X in her memory at her favourite pub.


  2. #2
    Grand Master oldoakknives's Avatar
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    Everything you said there is real to me.

  3. #3
    Your post, well. It's just right isn't it.
    Thank you.

  4. #4
    Grand Master seikopath's Avatar
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    Dear FFF
    Still miss mine, nearly 5 years on.
    What can you do?
    All the best
    HdO
    Good luck everybody. Have a good one.

  5. #5
    Master raptor's Avatar
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    Still miss mine just over two years ago
    Sad as hell
    She was my anchor of life, my non judgmental friend ,my soul and my friend
    Last edited by raptor; 16th November 2018 at 07:45.

  6. #6
    Makes me sad reading this thread. Only recently I realised my parents are getting old. ☹️

  7. #7
    Master
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    Mum

    I lost my mum to dementia 4 years ago, sheís in a nursing home, she doesnít remember me, I have to try and make friends again every time I visit.

    Sometimes we do.






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  8. #8
    Master inspector gadget's Avatar
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    My mum died in 1980, my dad kept her ashes in an oak box he made, when he died in 2005 we gave him a green burial up near Alford and mums box went in with him, there is a silver birch tree that has really grown well and I often go up there for a chat. Many things I wanted to ask but never did, still miss them both.

    Enjoy the beer FFF, I hope you have a pleasant day.

    gadge

  9. #9
    Grand Master
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    You sometimes need to look on the bright side, at least you had a good loving mum, I have seen mine for around 5 hours in total since I was 15 (I am 47 now) and always wondered what it would have been like with a strong family.


    mike

  10. #10
    Grand Master learningtofly's Avatar
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    That post resonates with me a lot. four years for me, and I still yearn to pick up the phone and share the titbits of life with her.

    Mind you, she'd hate that I have a motor bike again!

  11. #11
    We lost my mother-in-law on the 14 Nov 2017. She was one of the most beautiful people, I felt privileged to have had Babs in our lives. My wife is feeling it big time as she was closest to her being her carer for the last couple of years.

    Babs helped lots of children & pregnant mothers with ailments as she was an aromatherapist. She was always there for everyone. It’s very sad to have such a gaping void in all of our lifes after many years.

    Sorry for your loss FFF.
    Last edited by Snoodles; 16th November 2018 at 10:11.

  12. #12
    Craftsman
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    I lost my mum 3 weeks ago. The funeral is on Wednesday. She was 81 and we had no warning. She dropped dead in the street one Sunday evening outside a house she was dropping some keys back to. Itís still very raw but she lived her life on her terms, gardening and doing her allotment, running events at the village hall. We asked her to slow down but that just wasnít her. I lost my dad 12 years ago and although Iím not a big believer, she was, so I just hope they are both together now.

  13. #13
    I thankfully had time to process the fact she was going to die as the doctors told her there was little they could do, I had time to be with her, talk with her and to be there when she passed.
    it always saddens me to hear of people who's loved ones die and they didn't get the chance to say goodbye. Very sorry for your loss Julian.

  14. #14
    Master
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    Condolences too all involved. My mother died about 2 years ago and a thought still pops in to my head each Sunday to remind me I haven't rang her! My biological father died 5 years ago- I hadn't seen or heard from him for 46 years so that was a bit surreal. I was indifferent but kept wondering whether I should have experienced at least some reaction?

  15. #15
    Your post has touched my heart. I lost my mum this year in Malta. I want to give her a ring or drop her a text and it feels a bit silly to think that she is no longer here. I'm still not sure when it will properly sink in.

  16. #16
    Journeyman
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    You'll always miss her; and the closer you were the tougher it is.

    I've always thought that bereavement is the common thread that binds us all together; either you have been, or you will be.

    Enjoy the beers; and the memories, FFF.

  17. #17
    Grand Master Daddelvirks's Avatar
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    Beautifully put and very true.

    I count myself lucky I can still pull up a chair and have a cosy Christmas with mum's home cooked food.
    Never take it for granted, just enjoy.
    Got a new watch, divers watch it is, had to drown the bastard to get it!

  18. #18
    Sorry for your loss FFF and Julian.

    I regard TZ as an escape from reality but when reading posts like this, it is reality and a reminder how important life and family is.

  19. #19
    Grand Master JasonM's Avatar
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    6 years for me, like you say, it still creeps up on you, when her Grandchildren reach a milestone you want to share or just a chat. Then you remember you can't.
    Cheers..
    Jase

  20. #20
    Master wildheart's Avatar
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    Mum

    I miss my Dad over two years since he passed. Doubt that will ever change. I have a grandson now I tend to lean towards him, my old Mum is still going strong at 90!IMG_1796.JPG
    Last edited by wildheart; 16th November 2018 at 11:44.

  21. #21
    Craftsman
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    4 years sine my mum died, I still miss her everyday and myself and my sister spend time filling the gap for each other.

  22. #22
    Grand Master GraniteQuarry's Avatar
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    Lost mine suddenly in 2010.

    I think the mum is usually the absolute centre of the family, the glue keeping the ship on course, when they go a lot can fall apart.

  23. #23
    Master
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    Very nice mate. Christmas eve 2018 is the 1 year anniversary of my mothers' death. I think about her every day. I think about the things she did for me, the sacrifices she made, her laughter, her energy and her commitment to her family. I also think about all the things that I could have and should have done in return.

  24. #24
    I lost my father not much more than 11 years ago, thankfully my mother is still with us though she's had a couple of scares in the last 8 years or so, first cancer (my father passed away of a cancer related condition so that was particularly worrying) and relatively recently a stroke.

    Two Christmases ago I stayed over at my mother's for a few days, I was up early on the 28th having breakfast when she came into the kitchen in some distress. She was holding her right arm, appeared to be slightly disorientated and was having difficulty with her speech, we both knew what had happened though it was never said. Thankfully she lives within a 10 min drive of a major hospital so I drove her up to A&E pronto. Other than my father going through the lows of his cancer suffering have I never witnessed someone so angry, frustrated, helpless and, ultimately, scared as to what might be - to put some context to this, a great friend of my mother had passed away that October after suffering a life debilitating stroke 5 years before, those last 5 years were spent in a care home.

    Two years on and thankfully you'd never know she'd had a stroke. She (genuinely!) has a better social life than me with her tai chi classes, coffee clubs, Cats Protection League events and so on, she looks after my two nieces once a week and is most probably out with a friend of hers today as she is every Friday.

    I love my mum. Christ, it's dusty in here.

  25. #25
    My Dad was recently admitted to a nursing home, as he now needs 24-hour care. He's 94, and suffering from dementia. Mum is 90, and remains at home, she too suffers from dementia, although hers isn't as advanced as Dad's, and my sister and I find that we are doing more and more to help them and they have become increasingly reliant upon us.

    We all change as we become older, but the older we become, the faster the rate of change.
    Although no trees were harmed during the creation of this post, a large number of electrons were greatly inconvenienced.

  26. #26
    3 years since my mum died.

    I still think "I'll tell mum that" & then remember she's now gone.

    Seems odd to think my mum is just now a photograph & a memory.

  27. #27
    Grand Master
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    Coming up to three years since mine passed and itís two almost to the day since my wifeís mums also left us. They were both 85. Still fairly raw for both of us at certain times and places. I saw my mums old house for the first time since we sold it recently and that felt really weird.
    ktmog6uk
    marchingontogether!



  28. #28
    I lost my mum just over 3 years ago, all very sudden and whilst I was on holiday, I never got the chance to say goodbye but I often raise a glass to her... she was only 66 and I thought she would outlive me.

    Enjoy your beers FFF... and the memories


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  29. #29
    I lost my father in April this year after a long fight to cancer. I miss him terribly and think of him each day.






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  30. #30
    Craftsman
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    My wife lost her Dad n I lost my Mum within the space of 4 months both to Cancer, been a tough few years for us both.
    Been just over a year n half since I lost my Mum and it's been hard! Lost my Dad many years ago so Mum was both parents to me from being young.
    Feel your pain, take care.

  31. #31
    Grand Master Andyg's Avatar
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    What a nice, but sad thread.

    I cannot empathize as I am very lucky to still have both my parents, Mum 82 and Dad 86, and both fighting fit and still going strong. Despite my dad having a triple by-pass 6 years ago and treatment for cancer (now in remission).

    Alas I know the time will come one day, but sincerely hope it that it will not be anytime soon and get to enjoy them both for many more years.

    Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
    Friedrich Nietzsche


  32. #32
    Master jukeboxs's Avatar
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    Lost my Mum way back in 1994, not long after getting my first job. I can still see her walking slowly to bus station (the last I saw her conscious), having come to visit me in Edinburgh for the weekend - but I was too busy with my then-girlfriend to spend much time with her. I regret that still after all these years. My Mum (a nurse / health visitor) didn't tell me then she was dying of cancer - I only found out when the hospital rang a few weeks later to tell me she was in a coma. I managed to get to Northallerton just in time before she died.

    Sorry for your loss.

  33. #33
    Craftsman
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    Sorry for your loss. Four years for me. and twenty years since my dad died.

  34. #34
    Master
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    Mum

    Sorry for your loss.
    Last edited by EJL25; 17th November 2018 at 07:30.

  35. #35
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    My Dad passed back in March this year. I miss him terribly and suspect I always will. He was a good man and a great Dad.

    Thankfully we still have my Mum, sheís strong and doing incredibly well.

  36. #36
    My mum would have been 90 today. She passed 12 years ago.

    First thing this morning I looked at the photo I have of her on the lounge wall and wished her a happy birthday.

  37. #37
    Thanks for sharing. Lost mum 8 years ago and dad 19. I knew it was coming both times but still wish I had been there more than I was. One of my only real regrets in life. I think I was just too scared to face it.
    Enjoy your pint and remember the good times

    Andy

  38. #38
    Craftsman
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    Quote Originally Posted by seadog1408 View Post
    You sometimes need to look on the bright side, at least you had a good loving mum, I have seen mine for around 5 hours in total since I was 15 (I am 47 now) and always wondered what it would have been like with a strong family.


    mike
    Same here, I can't remember what how my Mother looked. Always been envious of those with close family and often wondered how life would have turned out had I had support and advice.

  39. #39
    Master
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    Filling up reading through this thread. I feel deeply blessed to still have both my parents, at 88 and 86 (Both visited with me today for my eldest daughters birthday party, 7yo.) and was raised in a very close and loving extended family. We really don't see enough of family, and I am now minded to be more aware of time passing.
    Thank you FFF for starting this thread, and my thoughts with you and everyone else who has shared their loss here.
    Rob.

  40. #40
    Craftsman
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    Lost my dad at 15 then my mum at 18, it was hard, the worst for me was I really miss the opportunity to have got to of known them better and had the chance to give something back. Time is a slow healer but you never forget

    Thanks for sharing

  41. #41
    Master
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    Following on from my earlier reply about the loss of my mother last year. Whilst it is difficult and I think of her every day. I realise that life must go on and the death of a parent is an natural course of events in life.

    Some people cannot deal with it. One of my lifelong friends who I have known since 1975 when we were 10 years old took his life a couple of years ago. He lost his mother about 5 years ago and after he lost his father, the took his own life 3 months later.

  42. #42
    Journeyman
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    What a poignant and thought provoking thread. I lost my Mum on the 31/05, at a young 76, she had fought secondary cancer of the Bowel for three years until they withdrew treatment just before last Christmas. I always had a bit of an 'arms length' relationship with her, but she doted on my wife and really helped us with our youngest when she came along unexpectedly.

    Weirdly her passing didn't affect me too much back then, I guess I buried myself in my work, but now it's starting to hit home with Christmas approaching and my mind strays to the things I wish I'd said to her.

  43. #43
    Master bond's Avatar
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    To the OP , it must be hard around Christmas and with children as I have the reminder is constant


    I too raptor , Iíve been thinking about my mum (and dad) myself . Pondering the daunting question what will it be like without them . All of a sudden they arenít the spring chickens they once were.


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  44. #44
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Volvomanuk View Post
    I lost my mum to dementia 4 years ago, sheís in a nursing home, she doesnít remember me, I have to try and make friends again every time I visit.

    Sometimes we do.






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    This my friend is sad to hear and you must be so heartbroken. I lost my nan to this and she had no clue who I was and I fear my mum will end up he same . Your username struck chord with me as the fond memories I have throughout my childhood being chauffeured around by my parents to schools, holidays in one of many Volvo 240 estates !

    Stay strong for your mum and yourself


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  45. #45
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by inspector gadget View Post
    My mum died in 1980, my dad kept her ashes in an oak box he made, when he died in 2005 we gave him a green burial up near Alford and mums box went in with him, there is a silver birch tree that has really grown well and I often go up there for a chat. Many things I wanted to ask but never did, still miss them both.

    Enjoy the beer FFF, I hope you have a pleasant day.

    gadge


    Thatís the thing when they are here you say to yourself Ď i must do this , make time with them for that Ď

    The things you never asked them- my I ask where they things you could just drop into everyday conversation or deep and meaningful and awkward to bring up .


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  46. #46
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by julian2002 View Post
    I lost my mum 3 weeks ago. The funeral is on Wednesday. She was 81 and we had no warning. She dropped dead in the street one Sunday evening outside a house she was dropping some keys back to. Itís still very raw but she lived her life on her terms, gardening and doing her allotment, running events at the village hall. We asked her to slow down but that just wasnít her. I lost my dad 12 years ago and although Iím not a big believer, she was, so I just hope they are both together now.
    So sorry to hear that Julian , she sounded like she lived a good long life but still as I would feel as you probably do itís never long enough - we expect our mums to live forever. Rip


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  47. #47
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ETCHY View Post
    3 years since my mum died.

    I still think "I'll tell mum that" & then remember she's now gone.

    Seems odd to think my mum is just now a photograph & a memory.


    Thatís really daunting and must be so hard to process .


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  48. #48
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Craizeehair View Post
    I lost my mum just over 3 years ago, all very sudden and whilst I was on holiday, I never got the chance to say goodbye but I often raise a glass to her... she was only 66 and I thought she would outlive me.

    Enjoy your beers FFF... and the memories


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    Too young that .


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  49. #49
    Master Skier's Avatar
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    I lost my mother when I was 7 and I have two younger sisters, 5 and 1 at the time. This may sound, and probably was at the time, extremely tough. However, I think kids deal with these things quite well as long as they still have support; I just got on with things and became extremely independent and almost self-sufficient at a very young age. I have few detailed memories of my mother. My father is now almost 83 and to see an extremely bright individual (studied two separate degrees simultaneously: Chemistry and Maths and gained a PhD in Chemistry) losing his mental faculties is very hard to witness. I'm finding this harder to deal with than I recall dealing with my mother's death though I freely admit than my recollections from 1972 may be lacking.

    Losing a loved one is never easy though losing one's parents is the natural way. Losing a child must be far harder as I know a few on this forum have experienced and others have come close to. Bottom line: make the most of every day that you have with family and those you love.

  50. #50
    Mum went 11 years ago. She'd been bed ridden and had dementia for about 10 years before.

    My father and I had struggled to keep her well and comfortable to the end and she died peacefully at home in her sleep. Whilst it was still a shock when she went, it wasn't unexpected and I'd effectively been saying goodbye to her for years.

    My father wanted no flowers at the funeral, but I pointed out that it was her funeral, not his and the place was as she would have wanted it.

    Dad went two years ago and that was more of a shock. He'd been in and out of hospital for a few ailments and on his last visit I thought he'd turned the corner and was on the verge of coming home. I was so confident that two days before he died, I'd done some work on his house to get it ready for his return and dyed my hair jet black (rather than err steel blonde) for a fancy dress party. I'd visited him in full Dennis the Menace outfit in hospital on the Saturday and he passed of a hospital-caught pneumonia 36 hours later.

    I'm sure he would have wet himself to see me calling round the family, the hospital, doctor and undertaker, whilst stripped to the waist, hair full of vicious chemicals and wrapped in a clingfilm turban. I attended the funeral with ginger hair.

    I respected father's no flowers wish at his funeral, and the only colour was his Arai crash helmet atop his coffin. The undertaker said he'd have to nail his helmet to the coffin lid. I told him that even though he was dead i was sure that would bring tears to his eyes.

    Talking of bringing tears to eyes...

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