Reply With QuoteClassic Cooper. Effortless humour.Originally Posted by burnhardlanger
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6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
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Last edited by burnhardlanger; 18th August 2018 at 17:13.
Classic Cooper. Effortless humour.
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Went to the Doctor, told him when I do this it hurts, he said don't do it then.
Went to the Doctor, told him I think I'm a pair of curtains, he said pull yourself together.
Stupid jokes, but when delivered by Tommy he has you in stitches.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said "I want a skip outside my house."
He said "I'm not stopping you".
I managed to clumsily bash my leg twice whilst on holiday recently. I was absolutely delighted when I told my thirteen year old daughter that I had hurt my leg in two places and she immediately responded with, “well don’t go to those places any more.”
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
True story I believe... standing next to Jimmy Tarbuck, in a line after a Royal variety performance...
The Queen is making her way along the line greeting/thanking the stars...
Of course, you are not really allowed to speak/ask her things...
TC as he meets her says 'ma'am, can i ask you a question?"
The Queen , a little perplexed, and Tarbuck looking down thinking what on earth is he doing...
TC asks "ma'am, do you like football?"
Her reply along the lines of "not very much"
To which TC quips " Well, can I have your cup final tickets then?"
Mans a genius...
Last edited by deanlad; 18th August 2018 at 22:09.
You've got to be good to look this bad, one of TC's classics . . .
F.T.F.A.
I got into the back of a taxi the other day, and said to the driver "King Arthur's Close".
"Don't worry", he said, "We'll lose him at the next roundabout".
I met my wife at a dance. I thought that she was at home with the kids.
You can lead a horse to water but teach him to lie on his back and float and you've got something.
My dog doesn't eat meat
Whys that?
We don't give him any
Im on a whisky diet
Ive lost 3 days already
I wish that he was still with us
"Doctor, I keep singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Heard the one about two aerials meeting on a roof, falling in love, and getting married? The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant
Best story I heard about TC was told by Barry Cryer. After a taxi journey, Tom would stuff something in the driver's top shirt pocket saying 'Have a drink on me'. Of course, the driver would be chuffed to bits only later to discover a tea bag...
Last edited by Geralt; 19th August 2018 at 08:25.
Lol he was always doing that .. he kept them in his pocket.. He gave a colleague one once after his manager was looking for him.
Simple jokes but impeccable timing.
TC to Doctor : Doctor I’m really not very well sometimes I think I’m a ‘Tipi’ other times I think I’m a ‘Wigwam’
Doctor : I think your just too ‘tents’
http://www.mkccc.com/humour/t.htm
All the classics here.
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