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Thread: Aspergers anyone?

  1. #1
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    Aspergers anyone?

    Well having suffered with anxiety for every day that I can remember (I’m 56) and never feeling ‘like other people appear to’ I’ve been recently well informed that I’m on ‘the autistic spectrum’ and a high functioning Aspergers, affectionately known as an Aspi, I’m told.

    Having done my research (as you do) I’m surprised it’s never been picked up before but gives little solace as apparently ‘that’s me’ and there is ‘no cure’

    Well educated, high achiever at work and sport but totally crap at relationships and socially (if I feel like people need me or expect me to conform) and behave like a fish out of water if not living (read trapped) in my bubble of routine and rigidity.

    Anyone else a member of the club?

  2. #2
    I’m sure a lot of us fit within the classification.

    At least you haven’t been classified as a high functioning psychopath.
    It's just a matter of time...

  3. #3
    Master AlphaOmega's Avatar
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    What are the characteristics?

    From your description, that sounds fairly normal to me.

    Hang on...

  4. #4
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    Just in case anyone is sitting on the fence........

    SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF PSYCHOPATHY

    The signs and symptoms of psychopathy are identified most commonly in scientific studies by Hare's 20-item Psychopathy Checklist-Revised.

    This checklist identifies the following as the symptoms and signs of psychopathy:

    Superficial charm and glibness
    Inflated sense of self-worth
    Constant need for stimulation
    Lying pathologically
    Conning others; being manipulative
    Lack of remorse or guilt
    Shallow emotions
    Callousness; lack of empathy
    Using others (a parasitic lifestyle)
    Poor control over behavior
    Promiscuous sexual behavior
    Behavioral problems early in life
    Lack of realistic, long-term goals
    Being impulsive
    Being irresponsible
    Blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility
    Having several marital relationships
    Delinquency when young
    Revocation of conditional release
    Criminal acts in several realms (criminal versatility)

  5. #5
    Maybe.

    I listened to a guy on the radio who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Everything he described was me to a tee.

    I then did some online tests which can give you an indication and my scores highly recommend getting checked.

    I'm not going to bother though, as a diagnosis can only be given if it severely impacts your life, which my weirdness don't. It's more likely that my obsession for detailed knowledge and the coping strategies I've subconsciously created for my day to day life have actually helped my career.

    I am a serial hobbyist who know buckets loads about photography, musical instruments, watches, all kinds of fishing, kayaking, cycling, golf and IT. However, even though I have the gear, I almost never do any of the hobbies as I get bored too quickly. It's the learning that appeals and actually following through with something is unlikely to happen.

    My wife has to pay all the bills, I never get round to it. Before I got married I had dozens of CCJs for bills I wanted to pay but kept putting off. I always do things at the last minute if I do them at all.

    I have a PA and won't do a job without one. I will get a reminder for a meeting on my phone or computer 10 minutes before and I have to press snooze otherwise I'll forget. I can tie 100 different fishing flies from memory and can strip and rebuild a unitas 6497 but can't hold my concentration for 10 minutes to attend my next meeting.

    So what's good about me? I have hyper focus when I'm interested or need to be. I don't get stressed in any crisis or incident. I have learned to focus my focus in areas that aren't naturally interesting to me so I get given the tough transformation jobs everywhere I've worked. I day dream and think big.

    Like I say, I'm probably slightly ADHD. I was much worse as a kid and I've just learned to live with it as an adult. At school I sat on a table on my own from the age of 9 until I left high school.

    I am hugely impulsive. My car got a two year service the other day and needed new brakes earlier than I thought, so I traded it in a year earlier than planned. It seemed like the right thing to do a month ago when I did it, but I'm a bit confused by my actions today. Nice new car though.

    Anyway, I've never talked about it to anyone. So this was fun.

    All the best on you journey.

  6. #6
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    ASPERGERS - Here are the main characteristics in adults although not all will be present:

    Poor Empathy

    Adults with Aspergers have difficulty comprehending or communicating feelings. It’s not that they are incapable of emotions; in fact, Hans Asperger, the Austrian pediatrician who first studied this condition, believed those with Aspergers were capable of very strong feelings. It is more a problem of being cut off from emotional experiences.

    Adults with Aspergers have trouble distinguishing feelings from thoughts, and because they find it hard to recognize their own feelings, they focus on what they do recognize: reasoning.

    This difficulty with identifying feelings makes it hard for someone with Aspergers to relate to others. The ability to recognize what other people mean to say by their gestures is either absent or poorly developed, making it easy for someone with Aspergers to misunderstand others.

    Social Isolation

    People with Aspergers tend to focus on their own personal interests, without seeing the needs and wishes of others. This often causes them to lead isolated lives.

    Others see this behavior as self-centered or insensitive, but what causes people with Aspergers to focus on themselves are their difficulties with reading body language and facial expressions as well as the challenges they experience in picking up the rules of conversation.

    This is not to imply that people with Aspergers don’t desire social contact. In many cases, they crave company and stick close to others.

    Intellectualization

    Because adults with Aspergers tend to be cut off from their feelings, they acquire facts and information without understanding how those facts can be applied to real-world situations.

    They are detail oriented, often missing the overall picture, and they apply the same level of detail to every situation whether appropriate or not.

    Individuals with Aspergers often have an intense interest in one or two narrow topics, bordering on obsession. Stamp collecting, song lyrics, and computer puzzles can become focal points in their need to collect and organize facts, which is comforting to people with Aspergers.

    Because of their focus on reasoning and intellect, many adults with Aspergers make great intellectual contributions. Recent reports of highly successful professionals in Silicon Valley suggest that a high proportion of them have tendencies that lie within the Aspergers range.

  7. #7
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    Anyone else a member of the club?
    Yes thank you.

    I’m fortunate to have had a lot of exposure to interacting with other Homo sapiens, and have learned coping strategies to deal with a variety of situations. I’m a similar age to the OP and I do think that the lack of formal “diagnosis” (not that it’s an illness or disability so I don’t like that word) has been a benefit to many members of our generation who were expected to get on with life instead of being saddled with a label.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    Yes thank you.

    I’m fortunate to have had a lot of exposure to interacting with other Homo sapiens, and have learned coping strategies to deal with a variety of situations. I’m a similar age to the OP and I do think that the lack of formal “diagnosis” (not that it’s an illness or disability so I don’t like that word) has been a benefit to many members of our generation who were expected to get on with life instead of being saddled with a label.
    Yes, it’s just a certain personality, why it has to be give a label and be on a ‘spectrum’ I don’t know.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    I do think that the lack of formal “diagnosis” (not that it’s an illness or disability so I don’t like that word) has been a benefit to many members of our generation who were expected to get on with life instead of being saddled with a label.
    Interesting....

    After diagnosis I was asked if I felt ‘better now’ as apparently most people do as it helps them understand why they think and feel differently to the majority of people (commonly referred to as neurotypicals or NT’s as I have since found out).

    I didn’t feel ‘better now’ as I was after help with my anxiety and despair and not a label.

    I was told that once I communicated my Aspergers to family, friends and colleagues that their expectations of me (particularly in certain social settings) would diminish and instead of continuing to think that I am a total selfish, inflexible, non compliant, arrogant W***ER, they would now have a greater understanding and compassion for my plight?
    Last edited by GIB984; 13th June 2018 at 23:04.

  10. #10
    Grand Master seikopath's Avatar
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    You come across as completely reasonable on here, and you were a great help to me personally when i asked your advice about certain matters a few years back.

    Whereas there are some people on here who probably don't have any form of diagnosis such as aspergers, but instead just behave like complete cnuts :)))

    Ps. I'm certainly not a neurotypical, as anyone who frequents the bear pit can attest :)
    Most of the time—and this includes naps—I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air, and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

  11. #11
    Grand Master Velorum's Avatar
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    I used to be a Clinical Nurse Specialist for ASC and I agree with the above comments about labelling. We label too many things these days.

    When I first worked with ASC in the 70's thinking was that it was a different state of being that was pretty much fixed and not amenable to change. As time has gone its now viewed as a developmental disorder so can change over time and empathy, understanding and social skills can be developed further.

    We all exhibit autistic traits at times so its not such an alien state of being as is popularly though.

  12. #12
    My youngest was diagnosed with Asperger when he was 6 or 7. A highly intelligent Asperger with (for maths related performal tests) the highest achievable score on the WISC test. He's not a genius. Only weirdly gifted when it comes to maths.

    After years of struggle and tantrums. Now, older, he cannot be classified as anti-social, or 'besides the world' (translated expression from Dutch). He realises what's his problem and has found a way to cope with that: a few friends who forgive him for his clumsiness when it comes to relations and discussions (often a black/white point of view). He's very quiet but can be talking too much at times. His friends tell him to stop talking so much - in a friendly way and he tells them: "Oh, that's Aspi inside me, he wants to get out from time to time, but I keep him on a short line." He has learned himself that helping people (with maths) pays off in the end. He helps kids with maths without any condition or hesitation and in return, he asks no favour. My wife summed it up: "He is in the process of re-inventing himself!"

    Everything he does or tackles is translated into maths. Even every day's simple things are mathematised. It is his way of coping with it. Added to that a friendly face and reasonable looks helps him a lot. On the other hand: despite his maths skills he is not capable of finding his way in our own neighbourhood. Going to the neighbourhood supermarket? No way! Can't find a thing. Totally stressed and he's not going in. Buying clothing with mom? Not happening: the noise, the colours is all too much. Web shops are a godsend for him.

    An anecdote: he and a girl from school were working on an English project and presentation. The girl (lets call her J.) is very eager to perform and is very bright. But also noisy and directive. Somehow that worked perfectly: with him around, she toned down and was more mellow and the project result was far better than he would have achieved on his own. They worked at our house one day and the other day at her house. Her father is an airline pilot and "...lives in an all female environment with a wife and three daughters..." according to J. "So, my father does all those crazy happy stuff when there are boys in our house - I've seen him doing that!" "So, I told my dad that Th [my son] is different and that he's not supposed to do his stupid act!" A few days later, after my son had worked on the project at her house, I asked her: "And, how was your dad?" She replied "Oh totally normal and mature, like he should do to all boys coming over!"
    Last edited by thieuster; 14th June 2018 at 06:23.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by guinea View Post
    Maybe.

    I listened to a guy on the radio who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Everything he described was me to a tee.

    I then did some online tests which can give you an indication and my scores highly recommend getting checked.

    I'm not going to bother though, as a diagnosis can only be given if it severely impacts your life, which my weirdness don't. It's more likely that my obsession for detailed knowledge and the coping strategies I've subconsciously created for my day to day life have actually helped my career.

    I am a serial hobbyist who know buckets loads about photography, musical instruments, watches, all kinds of fishing, kayaking, cycling, golf and IT. However, even though I have the gear, I almost never do any of the hobbies as I get bored too quickly. It's the learning that appeals and actually following through with something is unlikely to happen.

    My wife has to pay all the bills, I never get round to it. Before I got married I had dozens of CCJs for bills I wanted to pay but kept putting off. I always do things at the last minute if I do them at all.

    I have a PA and won't do a job without one. I will get a reminder for a meeting on my phone or computer 10 minutes before and I have to press snooze otherwise I'll forget. I can tie 100 different fishing flies from memory and can strip and rebuild a unitas 6497 but can't hold my concentration for 10 minutes to attend my next meeting.

    So what's good about me? I have hyper focus when I'm interested or need to be. I don't get stressed in any crisis or incident. I have learned to focus my focus in areas that aren't naturally interesting to me so I get given the tough transformation jobs everywhere I've worked. I day dream and think big.

    Like I say, I'm probably slightly ADHD. I was much worse as a kid and I've just learned to live with it as an adult. At school I sat on a table on my own from the age of 9 until I left high school.

    I am hugely impulsive. My car got a two year service the other day and needed new brakes earlier than I thought, so I traded it in a year earlier than planned. It seemed like the right thing to do a month ago when I did it, but I'm a bit confused by my actions today. Nice new car though.

    Anyway, I've never talked about it to anyone. So this was fun.

    All the best on you journey.
    I think there must be a few of us like this on here (given the Watch hobby/obsession thing). A lot of what you say is exactly me but I don’t believe in labels. What’s right or wrong anyway? I think it’s the others that are the weird ones haha.

  14. #14
    Grand Master Raffe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    Yes thank you.

    I’m fortunate to have had a lot of exposure to interacting with other Homo sapiens, and have learned coping strategies to deal with a variety of situations. I’m a similar age to the OP and I do think that the lack of formal “diagnosis” (not that it’s an illness or disability so I don’t like that word) has been a benefit to many members of our generation who were expected to get on with life instead of being saddled with a label.
    Amen to that.

    We are all different, no need for drawers. Some have it more difficult than others and it's a good thing there is help available for them.
    #Basta

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    Just in case anyone is sitting on the fence........

    SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF PSYCHOPATHY

    The signs and symptoms of psychopathy are identified most commonly in scientific studies by Hare's 20-item Psychopathy Checklist-Revised.

    This checklist identifies the following as the symptoms and signs of psychopathy:

    Superficial charm and glibness
    Inflated sense of self-worth
    Constant need for stimulation
    Lying pathologically
    Conning others; being manipulative
    Lack of remorse or guilt
    Shallow emotions
    Callousness; lack of empathy
    Using others (a parasitic lifestyle)
    Poor control over behavior
    Promiscuous sexual behavior
    Behavioral problems early in life
    Lack of realistic, long-term goals
    Being impulsive
    Being irresponsible
    Blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility
    Having several marital relationships
    Delinquency when young
    Revocation of conditional release
    Criminal acts in several realms (criminal versatility)
    Maybe I just need to get back to my lair and work on some elaborate lies/cons and dastardly criminal acts that are otherwise lacking...
    It's just a matter of time...

  16. #16
    Craftsman
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    Yes. Been enjoying it all my life.

    Give me some electronics or complex all-consuming thing to think about over people anyday.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    Just in case anyone is sitting on the fence........

    SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF PSYCHOPATHY

    The signs and symptoms of psychopathy are identified most commonly in scientific studies by Hare's 20-item Psychopathy Checklist-Revised.

    This checklist identifies the following as the symptoms and signs of psychopathy:

    Superficial charm and glibness
    Inflated sense of self-worth
    Constant need for stimulation
    Lying pathologically
    Conning others; being manipulative
    Lack of remorse or guilt
    Shallow emotions
    Callousness; lack of empathy
    Using others (a parasitic lifestyle)
    Poor control over behavior
    Promiscuous sexual behavior
    Behavioral problems early in life
    Lack of realistic, long-term goals
    Being impulsive
    Being irresponsible
    Blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility
    Having several marital relationships
    Delinquency when young
    Revocation of conditional release
    Criminal acts in several realms (criminal versatility)

    It's like reading about narcistic behaviour and thinking that a young adult of 14 - 17 yr old is a narcistic thread to society. You shouldn't label and certainly not compare Asperger with psychopathy. It's like saying: "An old Deux Chevaux and a 2018 Porsche GT2 RS have a lot in common: a boxer engine..., so the Citroen is in essense a Porsche!"


    Try to read a synopsis of the DSM-5 and you'll experience that everybody here has a few symptoms of autism/Asperger's. We all recognise our behaviour! But don't apply to all symptoms at once.
    Last edited by thieuster; 14th June 2018 at 07:51.

  18. #18
    Master RustyBin5's Avatar
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    My son has. Seemingly it’s all about coping mechanisms and helping him to grow into the condition adopting good self management of situations as he matures. He’s a lively boy and great fun albeit a bit of a challenge sometimes.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    ...living (read trapped) in my bubble of routine and rigidity.
    What a great post. I recognise a lot of similarities. I wish I’d had the chance to learn this stuff as a teenager, not just the last few years.

    You aren’t trapped, any more than anyone else is. You personality and feelings aren’t good or bad, they are just you. Feelings, thoughts and behaviours are three different things. The only time its bad is if your behaviour has a really detrimental effect on you or people close to you. You are a nice, intelligent bloke so now you know a bit more about how your feelings trigger certain thoughts,
    you can manage your thinking and behaviour a bit more easily (takes practice).

    You already do it. Your post came across as totally warm, engaging and pleasant. I bet that isn’t how you felt being called an ‘Aspi’. Actually that’s a ridiculous label and probably just a bit of jargon used by a well meaning professional trying to put someone at their ease.

    As Draftsmann said ‘diagnosis’ is the wrong word. You just have more insight into how your mind works and its up to you how you use that insight. Everyone, whatever their personality type, would benefit from that.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by RustyBin5 View Post
    My son has. Seemingly it’s all about coping mechanisms and helping him to grow into the condition adopting good self management of situations as he matures. He’s a lively boy and great fun albeit a bit of a challenge sometimes.
    Ditto !! Ours likes to be on his own and with animals. Obsessed about the weather and anything to do with facts and figures. No empathy at all which on many occasions had left my wife I'm tears on when she's decided to have a rant at him.
    On the plus side he got 11 A* GCSE's and 4 grade A levels and is now settled at Durham university (although we don't know how many friends he has made).
    The things we learnt. Our GP was great CAMS pathetic, one half hour appointment every two months??. It took two years to get a diagnosis. Luckily, the young Spanish locum was so hacked off with our wait he did it himself). Our son also takes anti anxiety tablets. And of course there have a been a few melt downs (luckily only a few).
    The documentary about Chris Packham was very typical Aspire behaviour ( although our son is very messy)

  21. #21
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    Proud dad of a boy who's on the spectrum. More on the Asperger's side. Affectionate and clever wee boy. Top chess player (in his age group) in Scotland, considering he only started last year. Loves maths, hates comprehension. Typical of Asperger's - has difficulty in socialising, despite wanting to and recognising social boundaries, can be very direct. Loves his routines and gets upset when routine is changed. I love him to bits.
    A good percentage of us will fulfil some criteria for ASD. A diagnosis later in life just helps a person in understanding why. That can be helpful/relieving for some. OP, you're none the worse because of late diagnosis.

  22. #22
    They say everyone is "on the spectrum" somewhere. That alone helped me understand why things that others find easy are a little difficult for me at times. I'm the way I am and that's it.

    As Peter Kay would say, "I am what I am".

  23. #23
    Master
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    We finally got an official diagnosis for our son yesterday after a couple of years waiting, although for the last 15 months we have had a letter saying treat as if, which has helped at school.
    What I though was nice was when we had it confirmed the Dr said congratulations your son has ASD and is in the Aspi end.

    Like others he excels in maths, loves chess and reading, dislikes people, noise and the unknown.
    This was a challenge at half term when he wanted to go interrailing around Europe, but we coped, it was a great father son binding experience and I learnt so much about his behaviour and tics that I hadnt understood properly before.

  24. #24
    Master RustyBin5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 72bpm View Post
    Proud dad of a boy who's on the spectrum. More on the Asperger's side. Affectionate and clever wee boy. Top chess player (in his age group) in Scotland, considering he only started last year. Loves maths, hates comprehension. Typical of Asperger's - has difficulty in socialising, despite wanting to and recognising social boundaries, can be very direct. Loves his routines and gets upset when routine is changed. I love him to bits.
    A good percentage of us will fulfil some criteria for ASD. A diagnosis later in life just helps a person in understanding why. That can be helpful/relieving for some. OP, you're none the worse because of late diagnosis.
    One thing our son found most difficult when faced with a group of new kids (example an invite to a birthday party) was breaking the ice. This caused him to get very worked up and anxious about it. What we found worked best for him was a prop. Something he could “open with”. For him it was a Rubik’s cube. He self taught himself how to do it within a week of Christmas which kind of blew me away at age 6, but now at age 10 if he’s invited to a birthday party where new kids he doesn’t know will be, he still takes his cube.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloater View Post
    This was a challenge at half term when he wanted to go interrailing around Europe, but we coped, it was a great father son binding experience and I learnt so much about his behaviour and tics that I hadnt understood properly before.
    Sounds like you had a great time!

  26. #26
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    By the way, the term for the trend of labelling things/people is nomendatus...... ;-)

  27. #27
    Master bond's Avatar
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    Aspergers anyone?

    I have some traits myself which are fixated on routine and ocd that renders me anxious . My young cousin is an Aspergers diagnosed person and my son displays tendencies although has been seen by specialists he is on the massive spectrum but extremely mildly . He is a very capable and intelligent boy. Sensitive is an understatement but not the most affectionate and when praised or shown love he kind of recoils in horror . Although that may be a young boys embarrassment. Once tasked with a challenge will refuse to stop though . Like a terminator !

    I was shocked to read the article on the man who pioneered study and discovered the condition -

    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.i...181.html%3famp

    How true it was is another thing .


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Last edited by bond; 14th June 2018 at 11:00.

  28. #28
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    This is very timely for me.

    My son was diagnosed with ASD just over a year ago (he would be asperger's, but they've moved away from that as a diagnostic category as that tends to create expectations around intelligence that aren't always fulfilled).

    The diagnosis was really a double-edged sword for us. On the one hand, it was a great relief to have what I've thought of as a 'grand unified theory' of my son. it explained that was was properly different, and not just naughty, silly, immature and wierd! On the converse, we did grieve for the label he now has, and in particular for me the life experiences I had that he may well not. He is, however, still our little lad, and HE hasn't changed.

    I have been over the months identifying behaviours of his that mirror some of my own. One lunchtime, i decided, on a whim, to do an online aspie assessment. This was the AQ, which is a well-validated tool, and highly correlated with other key indicators of aspergers. I scored way past the threshold. I recently did another (the RAADS-R if you're interested), and once again scored way past the threshold. This came as a bit of a shock- I'd always thought of myself as neurotypical (the aspie word for what my son calls 'normies'). It does explain alot, though. I'm not wrestling with the dilemma of whether to go through the diagnostic process myself. For our son it took almost a year, and was quite a painful process in some ways. I'm not sure if it will help me in my career, but I also I think crave the certainty.

    FWIW, it's not labelling, as has be said, in my view. People on the spectrum possess brains that are wired differently- experiences are not the same, nor are thought processes.

  29. #29
    When I was teaching SEN children, a lot of them were diagnosed with autism or Asperger's. Some were difficult to follow (their mind) others proved not to be that difficult. It is different for every child. One girl with Asperger showed me this:



    And she explained: "I musn't try too hard to be normal. I used to be the snowman and I wanted to join in, but there was always an obstacle. And how harder I tried, the more things went pear-shaped. Nowadays, I know that I am happy to be on the same shelf, being seen by everybody for who I am."

    After her exam, she went to a vocational sort of education, for people who want to become graphic designers, who want to have their own painting restoration shop etc. She was more than talented when it comes to arts. Nowadays, she runs a nice tattoo-shop 30 kms to the east. Her dad does the book keeping. I asked her once how she copes with touching people (often a problem for kids with Asperger's or autism). She told me that she'd learned herself that the skin is a canvas that needs to be painted. Nothing else.

    I hadn't looked at it this way. Initially, I thought that her Pixar-metaphor was quite saddening. But she looked at it from a positive perspective: "I shouldn't try too hard!"

    Mwnno

  30. #30
    Master dickbrowne's Avatar
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    I work as a geek and most of the people I work with (and I mean most!) are on the spectrum - a notch or two higher than "normal" people.

    My own thinking is clear - the ability to focus entirely upon a problem until it's solved is a key skill for a geek and we are mostly quite good at it.

    The thing is, we're all well-paid individuals, rewarded for our "oddness" and pretty happy about that.

    We just never talk about it amongst ourselves. Or anything, for that matter...

  31. #31
    Grand Master
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    Yes. Although I've never arsed myself with an official diagnosis however both ex and friend (behavioural psych and psych nurse) have both pointed it out and various test sheets passed my way have put me firmly in the zone.
    Very detached and if it's emotional rather than logical I just cannot make sense of it and have little time for it either.
    Plus various rituals and routines that often make me the subject of pee taking.

    That said, an obsessive hobby that has baffled and irritated those around me has landed me where I am today so I'm not complaining.
    Vive la difference.

  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by alfat33 View Post
    What a great post. I recognise a lot of similarities. I wish I’d had the chance to learn this stuff as a teenager, not just the last few years.

    You aren’t trapped, any more than anyone else is. You personality and feelings aren’t good or bad, they are just you. Feelings, thoughts and behaviours are three different things. The only time its bad is if your behaviour has a really detrimental effect on you or people close to you. You are a nice, intelligent bloke so now you know a bit more about how your feelings trigger certain thoughts,
    you can manage your thinking and behaviour a bit more easily (takes practice).

    You already do it. Your post came across as totally warm, engaging and pleasant. I bet that isn’t how you felt being called an ‘Aspi’. Actually that’s a ridiculous label and probably just a bit of jargon used by a well meaning professional trying to put someone at their ease.

    As Draftsmann said ‘diagnosis’ is the wrong word. You just have more insight into how your mind works and its up to you how you use that insight. Everyone, whatever their personality type, would benefit from that.
    ^^ This! As a side I was told I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic aged 46! I know I struggled with learning through school and university - was told by most of my teachers they expected better from me. None the worse for the delay!
    Now that know I'm dyslexic, I can deal with learning in a different way. It is hard to change the habits of a lifetime but at the end of the day it is a habit & habits can be changed. A 'diagnosis' is not meaningless but it is helpful in understanding how your mind works.

  33. #33
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    Aspergers anyone?

    I never met any interesting guy or girl in my whole life without any issues really
    We try and find perfection in material staff as we know that we all carry a flaw

  34. #34
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raptor View Post
    I never met any interesting guy or girl in my whole life without any issues really
    We try and find perfection in material staff as we know that we all carry a flaw
    I don’t have any flaws or issues. My ongoing journey of social rehabilitation has taught me to show greater tolerance for the shortcomings of the NT masses, even if that entails biting my tongue sometimes.

    Just to be clear, I “get” irony and find that a healthy dose of pisstaking, whether self-deprecatory or directed at anyone else within range, has stood me in good stead most of the time.

  35. #35
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by verv View Post
    That said, an obsessive hobby that has baffled and irritated those around me has landed me where I am today so I'm not complaining.
    Vive la difference.
    My father was an engineer and never understood how I could make a good living just from devising abstract constructs that essentially amounted to little more than words on a page. I’ve been very blessed to have spent my working life in a branch of geekery that has been lucrative as well as absorbing.

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    I don’t have any flaws or issues. My ongoing journey of social rehabilitation has taught me to show greater tolerance for the shortcomings of the NT masses, even if that entails biting my tongue sometimes.

    Just to be clear, I “get” irony and find that a healthy dose of pisstaking, whether self-deprecatory or directed at anyone else within range, has stood me in good stead most of the time.
    You got it right

  37. #37
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    Aspergers anyone?

    It makes my pee - smell

  38. #38
    Master raptor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackal View Post
    It makes my pee - smell
    Time for an oil change maybe? :)

  39. #39
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    Never been official diagnosed with anything but a few luminaries in the BP believe I am on the scale somewhere, so here is my self analysis.

    Superficial charm and glibness - not that I have noticed, although I do try to make an effort to be nice to people. At least until they disappoint me.
    Inflated sense of self-worth - not really. I have been quite successful in life, but accept that talk of this success can construed as bragging by some. Their problem not really mine. The facts are the facts.
    Constant need for stimulation. - I do like to be busy. I find doing nothing boring.
    Lying pathologically - No.
    Conning others; being manipulative - No. in fact I have been accused to the opposite in fact. Telling it exactly how it is. Warts and all.
    Lack of remorse or guilt - No. nothing to be remorseful or guilty of.
    Shallow emotions - perhaps but I did cry during Guardians of Galaxy 2
    Callousness; lack of empathy - Dependant upon the topic and who is seeking my sympathy/empathy.
    Using others (a parasitic lifestyle) - No - total self sufficient and self made. Something I am proud of.
    Poor control over behavior - Not that anyone has mentioned. Certainly not someone who rants (even when golfing)
    Promiscuous sexual behaviour - No, happily married for 32 years and still in love with the wife. Best friend.
    Behavioral problems early in life. Possibly - middle children with a much younger brother (10 years). My mum said she was quite worried about me between 12-16 simply because I used to come home from school and go straight to my bedroom to read and listen to music.
    Lack of realistic, long-term goals - No. Left school at 16 - now retired debt free at 57. Goal achieved.
    Being impulsive - No, infact the complete opposite. I have to research and plan everything I do. OCD in that respect.
    Being irresponsible - No, very boring (see above)
    Blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility. No, I was a senior manager and quickly worked out that blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility did nothing for your credibility or career. Do unto others, etc....
    Having several marital relationships - No. see above.
    Delinquency when young. A bit, but nothing to get me convicted
    Revocation of conditional release - ???? no idea what this means
    Criminal acts in several realms (criminal versatility). In the past 30 years just a bit of Speeding. To much fear of getting caught (my dad was a copper).

    I do accept the charge of OCD, playing/practicing golf, doing the gardening, ironing, stuff generally however I view this as much as keep fit as much as anything else (Helped me lose 25kg). Plus it takes a load of the wife (who still works).


    My advice (not that I am qualified) is assess your behaviours and keep the bits you like and change the bit you and your love ones don't. Most importantly be happy and content.

    Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.
    Friedrich Nietzsche


  40. #40
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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    Does having a diagnosis have any effect on your life? Is it classed as a disability that you have to declare to insurance companies, for example?

  41. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by hogthrob View Post
    Does having a diagnosis have any effect on your life? Is it classed as a disability that you have to declare to insurance companies, for example?
    Basically, no - it enables you to have access to support and is recognised by some as useful in that it changes the perceptions of others (more tolerant) with regard to your (at times) strange behaviour. Strange to neurotypicals anyhow!

  42. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by hogthrob View Post
    Does having a diagnosis have any effect on your life? Is it classed as a disability that you have to declare to insurance companies, for example?
    You're not legally bound to disclose certain disabilities - dyslexia being one of them. But I chose to do it. If you disclose then employers are bound by law to help - I've got 2 screens & others.

  43. #43
    you dont have to disclose a disability to anyone such as a potential employer , however the whole area is a minefield if you have to take time off work because of an undisclosed disabilty .

    as for support for adults with a HFA diagnosis - there is little to non

  44. #44
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    Words like “disability” irritate me more than I can say and for me confirm my resolve never to get a formal “diagnosis”.

  45. #45
    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    Words like “disability” irritate me more than I can say and for me confirm my resolve never to get a formal “diagnosis”.
    That's the main reason I don't want to get assessed. I don't want the discrimination that will inevitably occur.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    Words like “disability” irritate me more than I can say and for me confirm my resolve never to get a formal “diagnosis”.
    That's the main reason I don't want to get assessed. I don't want the discrimination that will inevitably occur.

  46. #46
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    I'm not advocating formal assessment to anyone who doesn't want it but the result is confidential to you, you aren't classed as disabled and what you do with the knowledge gained is totally up to you.

    I can't see how you make the leap to the "inevitable discrimination that will occur"?

  47. #47
    Master draftsmann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    I'm not advocating formal assessment to anyone who doesn't want it but the result is confidential to you, you aren't classed as disabled and what you do with the knowledge gained is totally up to you.

    I can't see how you make the leap to the "inevitable discrimination that will occur"?
    Can you say with absolute certainty that a “diagnosis” will never in the future affect eligibility to pursue certain freedoms? Can you say with absolute certainty that a “diagnosis” will never in future be disclosable to insurance companies, prospective employers, government bodies?

    These things aren’t inevitable. But they are possible.

  48. #48
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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    A formal diagnosis is useful for children, as it can help get them appropriate schooling. Are there any benefits for adults?

  49. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIB984 View Post
    I'm not advocating formal assessment to anyone who doesn't want it but the result is confidential to you, you aren't classed as disabled and what you do with the knowledge gained is totally up to you.

    I can't see how you make the leap to the "inevitable discrimination that will occur"?
    Absolutely! Well said. I chose to disclose it as in my line of work it is better to disclose!

    Quote Originally Posted by draftsmann View Post
    Can you say with absolute certainty that a “diagnosis” will never in the future affect eligibility to pursue certain freedoms? Can you say with absolute certainty that a “diagnosis” will never in future be disclosable to insurance companies, prospective employers, government bodies?

    These things aren’t inevitable. But they are possible.
    YES. Society is moving forward, there are, obviously some jobs which needs certain abilities and if that is a disability for someone then that excludes them.

    Quote Originally Posted by hogthrob View Post
    A formal diagnosis is useful for children, as it can help get them appropriate schooling. Are there any benefits for adults?
    Correct! That was the only reason I agreed for an assessment for my son. My wife was dead against it - she too is not fond of labelling.

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