Mental health. My struggle.

[pastrana72]

I suffered in the same way when my Mother passed out of the blue at 56. I battled through it on my own, but have never been the same since. I no longer have the anxiety attacks I just don’t care anymore if I live or die, which seems pretty weird. I just live my life without a thought and care really, not ideal, but I am well insured so the kids will be provided for should anything happen and the wife is leaving for another bloke, so all in all I just don’t care anymore.

My anxiety attacks lessened as I took the attitude that I do not care anymore, but I like you had for a while had the thought’s that I am well insured and the kids will be provided for when I want it all to stop.

But you need to dig deep and get help. Your children need you not insurance money and you need to start to care for yourself. I have a inner voice that says, you can not do this anymore and I have had to get a louder one inside to tell me, I can and I will be there for my children whatever.

My children now know mum is leaving today and our relationship as husband and wife is over, but we will always be mum and dad. I have had no sleep really all night worrying what am I going to do and how am I going to cope.

However I have accepted my wife needs to do what is best for her and move out to gain space to remove her self from stress, the kids are staying with me.

I have been dealing with issues for years, modifying my behaviour and taking ownership of my faults and problems.

I am in a better place in the way my wife and I can discuss this, we are parting as friends and loving parents, it is going to be hard. She feared my reaction when she told me, but we have discussed though it. I do not want her to go but accept this is what she needs to do.

I do not have a support network of friends and most people I know, do not know I have had mental health issues as I have hidden them from all the people I come into contact with, but the people I love have had a hell of a ride.

Mainly mood swings, silences and panic attacks that are a struggle and the fear of a attack has limited me in my personal life, but I have fought through it in my professional life as I need to hold down a role and get paid.

It does not help that my job is very stressful and as part of it I work with a group of people who are very ill with terminal illness, I get close to them as part of my work,and when they pass away, I know it should not but it affects me and as a result I took these feelings home. This was and still is a regular occurrence in my job, A profession I have had for over 20 years. It was not getting any easier, so I have had try to find away of leaving my emotional baggage at work and not taking it home.

This is still a work in progress, I was too late to save my marriage because my wife was scared or did not feel she could communicate with me, to be fair she was correct when I was in that dark place. We communicate now and building trust.

The marriage has been over for a number of years, I just did not notice or want to acknowledge it as my life revolves around my profession, well not a life, I exist.

The Reason for me seeking to change my behaviour, my attitude and the way I deal with my mental Health, is our first son has always been like a mini me, just like his dad.

As he has got older and for the last few years, he has the same stressed way of dealing with things, the same anxiety and the same attitude. It scares me, he scares me.

I started my change to help support him and be that person that I never had, and support my other son as well.

Children may not always appreciate it but they need their Dad for more than just a pay check.

Two people in my profession, both the nicest guys ever, life and soul of the room, caring individuals, professionals on top of there game, both took their lives in the last few years, complete shock to everyone.

That was my wake up call as well, there family’s were deverstated, insurance money does not fix that.

It is a struggle but please hang in there buddy.

Things could be worse, life is precious and I have watched people dying and the devastating effects left behind, brings this home.

We had 4 People pass away in same week that we were working with recently and my friend who was seemingly fit and healthy but with a understanding of our shared mental health struggles dropped dead from a heart problem. It caused me to go quiet at home and blip in my behaviour so caused my family concern that I was going to relapse into moodiness and short temper. I had to dig deep. But the trust with my wife is broken and she never knew I am going to bounce in my happy self or shut down in to a mood.



I never post this kind of stuff on a forum and do not discuss my life with people, but if this helps somebody here, get help and find a better way of dealing with there situation, then it was worth it.

Speak to someone, connect to someone.

OP, you have done a very good thing by starting this thread, I wish you well and everyone else here who has posted there experiences.

Who knew a interest in watches, would lead us to a place where people could share and help each other.

Take care.

One day at a time.

[Liner33]

Agreed, lack of sleep doesn`t help. Being able to switch off your mind at the end of the day also helps, but many people find that difficult. Tha analogy I draw is pulling up the stumps at the end of a cricket match, that day's over and there's nothing to be gained by lying in bed thinking and worrying, just switch off and go to sleep. Going to bed too early is a mistake, it sometimes helps to wait till you're tired. I used to do my thinking before going to bed, it worked for me.

Thats very true , I battled with a medical condition most of 2017 which started mid 2016, a couple of things really but worst of all was regular migraines 5 or so per week , sometimes lasting for days , by Feb 2017 I hadn't slept for more than 3 or 4 hours a night for over 3 months, I was depressed and more, my GP wasn't a great deal of help and prescribed me sleeping tablets but it was good to talk it out as my family would have been upset to hear how I was feeling. In some ways I'm lucky the underlying condition worsened as it became obvious the headaches were a symptom not a cause, some easy lifestyle changes has seen the end to the headaches. I'm now sleeping 7 or 8 hours per night (Often with a break in between) but most importantly not waking up with a crippling headache every day so my mental state is greatly improved and I can cope so much better with everything else

Sleep is something we take for granted but lack of it is devastating

Something I found really useful was a Dodow device , it projects blue led lights onto the ceiling which you can focus on to regulate your breathing and help you to go to sleep , really good for when you have all those things going around in your head and you cant relax

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dodow-150-0...eep+aid+device

[raptor]

You dont really want to give a suicide in the family and leave your kids with lots of money. Thats bs
Current studies say that mental health and suicide might run in families
Your kids will have their whole life dealing with your death amd thinking that suicide might be an option
Its harder to stay there and fight

[Jimmcb]

Respect!

[pastrana72]

You dont really want to give a suicide in the family and leave your kids with lots of money. Thats bs
Current studies say that mental health and suicide might run in families
Your kids will have their whole life dealing with your death amd thinking that suicide might be an option
Its harder to stay there and fight

It is harder to stay and fight, but it is worth it.

Good advice,

When you start thinking that a way out is a option, I have to focus on something positive and push those thoughts away.

I agree I have first hand experience, suicide and mental health does run in my side of the family, I pay for the experience of my past and the way I am seemed to be wired to think.

I am attempting to break the cycle and help my sons, who seem to have inherited the same make up as me and show them through positive example and patience there is a way to deal with the dark times.

You can make changes for the better, it is not easy, I know I am living it.

But you need to get help. I need to take my own advice as I have tried to do everything on my own and it does not work. You hurt the ones close to you. The effect of a suicide or repeated attempted suicide of a parent is devastating for the children in my experience.

[langdalematt]

I just wanted to say I am not contemplating suicide, I just don’t take of myself as well as I should and you are right, I need to modify that attitude. Especially as my ex found a lump in her breast and is now going to be going through the tests to determine what it is. That really shook me up and made me look at myself and how much the kids need me.

This thread is great therapy in realising you are not alone and that this is a common issue suffered by millions of people. I wish everyone the best in fighting this, I am taking my first positive steps today to kick myself up the behind and I intend to be a better and hopefully healthier person for it.

[pastrana72]

I just wanted to say I am not contemplating suicide, I just don’t take of myself as well as I should and you are right, I need to modify that attitude. Especially as my ex found a lump in her breast and is now going to be going through the tests to determine what it is. That really shook me up and made me look at myself and how much the kids need me.

This thread is great therapy in realising you are not alone and that this is a common issue suffered by millions of people. I wish everyone the best in fighting this, I am taking my first positive steps today to kick myself up the behind and I intend to be a better and hopefully healthier person for it.

Good on you my friend, I hope all goes well.

I went through that with my wife, I hope everything is going to be ok.

[raptor]

I just wanted to say I am not contemplating suicide, I just don’t take of myself as well as I should and you are right, I need to modify that attitude. Especially as my ex found a lump in her breast and is now going to be going through the tests to determine what it is. That really shook me up and made me look at myself and how much the kids need me.

This thread is great therapy in realising you are not alone and that this is a common issue suffered by millions of people. I wish everyone the best in fighting this, I am taking my first positive steps today to kick myself up the behind and I intend to be a better and hopefully healthier person for it.

Thats the way
Keep it up pal
People i know use alcohol or food to get closer to what they believe redemption or salvation.
We passed on the stage most of us that we use material fact to cover basic needs.
We need to go back to basics and enjoy the right to live and be happy or blessed with the basic needs fullfillment.
We buy so many material belongings in order to fill in our emotional gaps.Including watches


Easier said that done but we owe it to our kids and loved ones.

[Franky Four Fingers]

Yeh this certainly is a thread which shows the other side of the forum.

Ive suffered from Heath anxiety since 2009, before that I never considered myself to have suffered from stress or any kind of anxiety.
In 2008 my wife and I found out that my eldest son (10 at the time) was being sexually assaulted by an older friend. We were friends with the boys parents and to some extent it was going on under our noses without us knowing. I struggled with this part for ages, as a father I should have spotted the signs but I never did. It was a clear cut case but due to the judge not wanting to stick the boys through it ( he was also abusing a neighbours son aswell) he summised that the charge of rape would not add anything else to the conviction and placed the boy on a 3 year supervision order.
I spent the following year to 18 months trying to over turn the judges decision as we felt that after 3 years the lad in question could simply get on with his life.....and indeed he did, 10 years later and only very recently we found out he was working within a college.

Shortly after I was encased with doom, any minor symptoms was a serious condition and that's when the palpatations started. To lay in bed at 2am in the morning with your heart pounding out of your chest is probably the worst thing I've ever experienced.
One Xmas during a kids church service I rememebr looking up in to the roof, heart pounding and thinking that literally I would have done anything to stop feeling the way I did.
I seeked help, tablets worked and today i still suffer but only mildly.
You learn to cope with the feelings and sometimes the odd palpatation knocks you back in to reality and the bad thoughts come back......however keeping family close, keeping busy is a great help.
Breathing techniques help, several basic techniques to help sleep were also good for me but I know it's not for everyone.

Kudos to to everyone on here for opening up, I know we're a bunch of anonymous names and it's just a bunch of words but I'm sure it's of great comfort for others to know that they're not alone in the way they're feeling.
Genuinley wish everyone all the best who has posted on here with their experiences,

FFF

[wildheart]

Great thread with some sincere honesty posted. I've lived with PTSD for 18 years, limb loss, near death and intensive care (coma for 15 days) left me in tatters. Great counselors... loads of drugs got me at least thinking sort of straight. Hurled myself into retraining, university and a new career and marriage.
For many years momentum in life kept me buoyant, the PTSD was there but managed, using alternative methods & no drugs or alcohol.
In 2013 the wheels started to come off when my marriage collapsed over night, the next 18 months were very tough during a long and painful legal battle with the divorce.

Life settle down again, with a new partner and hurling myself into playing golf when ever I had a spare moment. I also sang in three choirs which helped immensely.
In 2016 my Father pasted away after a long illness, the same week I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I wobbled, work supported me in sending me to crisis counselling which stopped the rot. I kept away from the Dr's as I was dealing with them with the cancer. I was enrolled on 6 months of CBT which I found infuriating and useless for PTSD, so I looked for alternatives.
Luckily I found Paul Mckenna and followed his work on living with PTSD. I booked on a course last September to learn Havening. I'm now 9 months down the line and coping. No medication other than high blood pressure tablets. The Havening allows me to address my own issues, and I work with a support practitioner when i feel I need to top up.
I realise this is a life long battle I'm facing. The PTSD is always there but I can live with it, its harder for others around me.
I still have cancer but its not aggressive as yet, so we go on.
I'm 60 next week and am very lucky to have got to this age, I'm thankful to all of those who have supported me in getting thus far.

Life is not easy, we have to learn to be resilient, mindful and compassionate. The state of our own mental health is in our own hands, and its very fragile. Use any means you can to stay happy and vigilant...but keep going forward.

Keep on keeping on

Paul

[hops]

For some time there was a stigma with conditions like anxiety etc and something my daughter is going through currently. Thankfully nothing too serious at present but there seems to be a greater acceptance and understanding of illnesses that present no external symptoms. I am happy to hear you’ve taken the most important step which to is raise your head above the parapet and recognise you need some assistance and truly hope it all works out for you soon.

[GIB984]

I've started a few threads on the topic in the past as I have struggled with anxiety ALL of my life and have spent every day looking for that solution that would 'fix me' and help me feel what other people felt - safe, happiness, love, peace, intimacy, relaxed, etc....

I've used alcohol all my life to numb the pain and help take the edge off - never to excess or so that i couldn't function - just a few drinks every night to help me calm down a little.

4 years ago, and with the extra catalyst of my 4 year old son, I decided to try again to see what help the NHS could offer and since then I've done CBT, a year or more of RODBT (Radically Open-Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and tried every SSRI and anti depressant under the sun - nothing has helped really....

I was referred to a shrink at the start of the year (if I wanted to) as my GP had ran out of his medicines he could prescribe and it looked like I needed top shelf!

After the first session he asked whether I had ever been told I was on the autistic spectrum and was a high functioning Aspergers? I hadn't and wondered why it had took 56 years for it to be picked up?

I now understand my behaviour patterns, the impact they have on my social relationships and my wife (in particular) and regrettably, that this is who I am and the way i feel will never go away - not the best.

My life at work is fine and to most people looking in, it would appear I have the perfect life - good job, no money issues, beautiful wife and son, etc.....

My anxiety however is permanently through the roof and the energy it takes to continue to 'just function' in normal society - or amongst neuro-typicals (NT's) - is just totally unimaginable.

I'm gabbling on now so I'll stop but as others have said - talking to friends and anyone you can is really important and you'll be surprised how many other people suffer in exactly the same way!

Remember Bob Hoskins..... "Its good to talk!"

[verv]

I lost my mother suddenly-ish in Jan 2014.
The circumstances were fairly horrific and involved a dash from Scotland to SW France after being told by hosp I had 24h if I wanted to see her alive. New years day. This came after I became suspicious of my dad's obstructive "she's on the mend, stay away as you're getting over a chest infection" schtick.
I got there in time and she died that night.

I organised funeral and sorted all arrangements and paperwork as my dad doesn't speak French. Took the time off work and got harassed by my boss to go back asap. I did 2 days after her funeral and my first job was going to support a client to go to her aunts cremation.
I remember sitting at this unknown woman's funeral with a bawling client and feeling something in my head just sort of snap. It was so strange.
Nowadays when I explain it I say that it's like if my head was a filing cabinet and someone dipped in and took a ton of files out. After the snap it felt like being underwater and hearing/seeing life go on around me but couldn't focus on anything. The underwater sensation cleared after a few months but my memory is effed 4 plus years later and I can't see it coming back.
I can't remember my teens. Can't remember my mother apart from the last time I saw her which was in a state I'd rather forget. Can remember walking under the hospital in a service tunnel to sign death certs in the morgue and refusing to give her eyes to science as they were all I could recognise. Can't remember the funeral. Can't remember holidays, timelines, gifts ive given, all sorts. It's just gone, which initially was really alarming because I used to have a photographic memory and was really sharp. Now I tend to live by calendar alerts and leaving notes for myself. I do fine with "to do lists" and daily functioning and I'm on the ball, but start asking me what I did a couple of weeks ago, or if I remember this that or the other then I'm done. No idea.

I got sent to see a counsellor through work a month after I went back but it was useless as I was confronted with some Kleenex, a glass of water and asked "How did i feel?"
Problem is I didn't feel anything. I never really have so feelings such as depression and anxiety have never affected me, and reading this thread I'm grateful for it. But I do understand that grief can really screw you up and I'm glad that people are talking about it.

[woodacre1983]

Ok guys. Bit of an update.

Touch wood at this time I’m doing very well. I’ve found some coping mechanisms to deal with things and I am learning to see things coming and learning to understand myself more.

I’ve taken to writing. I write a bit of a journal so to speak and I also write a lot of memories mainly of my childhood and time with Mum. I find when I am anxious or down this is a great boost for me and a massive help.

I’ve also taken steps to cure another big issue in my life. The overwhelming fear of flying. I’m currently about to have my second session of NLP and I can see it has had a big effect on my fear.

I think in all honesty things are looking up for me and that is down to me speaking up about it, but also having a great doctor to actually listen, a fantastic wife and family. And also this forum has been a massive help because sometimes speaking out to an audience that has never met you can be a great release especially when it starts a thread like this!


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[Wolfie]

Good for you mate…. It’s really positive the way you’ve gone about it…. Refreshing!

[dizz]

Excellent!....got to deal with this stuff because it won’t go away on its own, my doctor told me two out of three patients that he sees are suffering with stress related mental issues, it’s so common and just not openly talked about.
I got very depressed and like you had a down to earth chat with my great GP, after a short course of meditation I came through it ok (I think) I’m still over thinking things and money/work is dire but your not alone as thread proves.


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[verv]

Good on you!
I very much hope that the upward trajectory continues.

[Franco]

Good to hear you are in good hands. Went through something similar in 1999, when my mother died prematurely. It took to me five years to fully recover, and when talking to a colleague in Psichiatry I was told that this was close to PTSD. And should have been treated like PTSD straight away, with or without medications. It was too late for me, but please look into it because it could be good timing for you

BWs

Franco, Sheffield

[Maysie]

The Curse of the Strong, by Tim Cantopher,
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-...+of+the+strong,


And don't be afraid of medication, a plaster cast will help a broken arm, in the same way medication can help the mind to heal.
But do get help.

I read that book a couple of years back after hearing the author speaking about it on the radio. Well worth a read.
I had no idea depression was associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain until that time.

There are some thoroughly moving and open-hearted stories on here and it makes us all realise how common this mind-mess stuff really is and how utterly devastating it can also be.

[catch21]

Nice one, good to hear. Something quite innocuous like bird-watching can really help. There's many aspects to it that help. You get out in the fresh air in some beautiful places, that's uplifting in itself. You can set yourself achievable targets (e.g. see a kingfisher, a peregrine). Research how and where, go online for some help. You're learning about the birds, where they live, what they do. You get something to look forward to, and hopefully a lot of the time you can succeed and it feels marvellous. You get to talk to others while you're out and about (sit down in the nearest bird hide and you'll see what I mean).

I took a work colleague out to spot kingfishers. The weather wasn't great but we included lunch. We spotted one kingfisher on a branch, diving into the water, back to the branch with a fish, then flew off. All over in about 5 seconds but she loved it and still talks about it.

If you're down this way (East Dorset, near the coast) and you'd like to spend a couple of hours out and about with binoculars then get in touch!

[Neil.C]

So glad you are feeling better Woody.

All the best.

[Complex]

Thank you for sharing and the others posters who have too. It's given me a greater understanding of what my close friend is going through - lost her boyfriend suddenly at age 23, has been fraught with panic attacks, guilt, depression and anxiety since and it's taking a long time to get any better for her. Even though I have spent my entire adult life being treated for MH issues, as they're of a very different nature, I haven't been able to be as empathetic as I'd like - posts like these shed a bit more light on it.

[woodacre1983]

Ok next update.

I’m posting this one feeling lower than I have in a while. Certainly since I started this thread. Things have been going well improving and then 2 things in 5 days hit me hard. A family visit to my old holiday destination on the east coast. A place where some of Mums ashes are. A place that holds so many memories hit me harder than the thought. But then the second one was so simple and easy. Never thought I would of hit hard.

Last night me and the wife went out for a meal. My dad looked after the oldest 4 children overnight something due to his physical and mental health he hasn’t been able to do since we lost Mum. Though this was only a one off and certainly not a return to the weekly stay over. My wife’s mum had the youngest and me and the wife enjoyed a meal and some quality time to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.

That hit me harder than mums ashes visit. The realisation of again of what we have lost and how it effects daily lives and routines not just for me my wife and the kids but my dads routines. The realisation again of how much Mum was looking forward to meeting my youngest Zachary. Everything slammed Home again. Despite a wonderful night I cried myself to sleep last night and today I feel the lowest in a while.

There are some positives though! I am recognising my feelings and what caused them. I am not bottling it up. Even this post though crying as I write it is helping me. I am low very low but I have a belief that’s his low is a temporary one and I can overcome the feeling. So today is gonna be a me day I’m gonna speak to the wife and bury myself in something I enjoy. I’m gonna have lots of my favourite coffee and prepare a SOTC, followed by a lengthy stint with my journal.

I WILL OVERCOME THIS! next months update hopefully will be a positive one!


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[Boss13]

Really positive of you to share, and the fact that you are opening up surely it will improve. I am sure many of us have similar challenges, but just not brave enough to share.

Very much looking forward to your SOTC.

[Ventura]

One day at a time. Try the meditation and relaxation stuff on YouTube.

I have clinically confirmed OCD and a long history of depression as well as other things, I was considering doing this to help with OCD and it's "supposed" to help with other mental illnesses etc to a degree:

https://www.verywellmind.com/ocd-and...lation-2510634

[sundial]

There is hardly a day goes by when BBC Radio 4 programmes do not mention 'microbiome' and how it affects the body's metabolism, immune system and our ability to cope with everyday life. Well worth investigating with a view to improving both physical and emotional functionality … but improving / tuning up your personal microbiome cannot be achieved overnight … requires careful planning and a steady / strict dietary regime. Please consider Googling 'microbiome and depression and anxiety' for more information … e.g. https://www.viome.com/blog/anxiety-d...crobiome-blame Anyone born via caesarean section has a higher propensity to developing a weak microbiome with resultant inefficient / weakened immune system … but it can be improved / boosted. Unfortunately 'microbiome science' is not on everyone's radar and is liable to be ignored / dismissed by GPs who are ignorant of current research into the subject.

dunk

[woodacre1983]

Thank you for those suggestions I will certainly look into them more! Tough day but fighting through.


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[Volvomanuk]

I lost my father in 2016 not suddenly very slowly over 12 months to cancer, I lost my mother the year before to dementia, although still here in body if not spirit.

I had to do all the things my mother should have done, like dress wounds hold the bottle while he had a piss, comfort the man who had always been there for me right to the very end, just watching him diminish right in front of my eyes, my mother did not have a clue (bless her)

My old man was brought up by his Victorian grandparents in the 30’s as a kid I can never remember holding his hand it was something that just wasn’t done, he was strict fare honest and tough.

Sometimes you get thrown into the deepend, sink or swim that’s the choice treading water is not an option, I could have crumbled into a heap, I felt like it some days as the world still turns unrepentantly around you it’s cruel sometimes.

I’d lost him I’d seen my father as never before but he taught me to carry on for my family, he said his job was done when I think of my father it’s with happiness and laughter even though he was a miserable old git, we all miss him but always end with a laugh.

I still look after my mum although not hands on.

When someone’s taken suddenly it’s hard to get closure, in reality that will only come if you allow it, but life will never be the same again, that’s when we have to pick ours self up and carry on.

I think your doing great talking about it, sometimes it’s good to share.

All the best.




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[100thmonkey]

A video and words that resonate with me daily

https://youtu.be/9YRjX3A_8cM

[TaketheCannoli]

A video and words that resonate with me daily

https://youtu.be/9YRjX3A_8cM

Kerry that is brilliant! Knowing what I do of you through this forum I think this mantra sums you up perfectly. It's certainly a way of thinking that I aspire to. Thanks for sharing.

[pastrana72]

Woodacre1983.

You hang in there, stay strong and you will overcome this.

You will have bad days but you will fight through to the good days.

I live with a similar struggle but taking ownership and control of it, means things are getting better.

Take care, we got your back.

[Neil.C]

So sorry to hear you had a bit of downer but glad to hear you realise that this is only temporary and the feelings will lessen as time passes.

Your last paragraph shows how far you have come....

"There are some positives though! I am recognising my feelings and what caused them. I am not bottling it up. Even this post though crying as I write it is helping me. I am low very low but I have a belief that’s his low is a temporary one and I can overcome the feeling. So today is gonna be a me day I’m gonna speak to the wife and bury myself in something I enjoy. I’m gonna have lots of my favourite coffee and prepare a SOTC, followed by a lengthy stint with my journal."

All the very best.

Neil.

[Ontological]

Hang in there man. Good on you for discussing it. Lean on your support network, they're there for you.

[alfat33]

From my experience, recognising what you are feeling when it happens then talking to someone about it (even us lot) is a brilliant step forward, even if you still feel crap. The more I practiced the easier it got and the less bad I felt, for less time.

Good luck to you.

[Boss13]

A video and words that resonate with me daily

https://youtu.be/9YRjX3A_8cM

That is fantastic. A monk who I follow and has great material with philosophy behind it. Thanks for posting in this forum.

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[Mj2k]

Not bottling it up, recognising the triggers and understanding your reactions are critical. You’ve been through a lot, and it can be easy to see the worst some days; you’ve got an inner strength shining through. It will improve, and there will be rubbish days that make you feel terrible.

I suffered from depression recently with no significant change in my life to trigger it, or any rationale. I have loving family all around me, a loving wife, a nice house, good incomes, everything you’d think made me happy from the outside.

Yet somehow I fell into depression & nothing to really base it on as to why. Work & my team then threw me under a bus & I left, despite them knowing what I was suffering with. Nothing like what you’ve had to go through.

2yrs on, i am glad to say it’s behind me & although there are things that make me well up a bit, vs being a bit more disconnected to my feelings, I feel I’m back to myself. I do however pay attention to what I’m feeling.

I found time for myself, meditation (which I used to scoff at), and just taking time when I know I need it have helped me tremendously on the journey. Also my friends, some left me alone & others really came in close to me & helped me through, even some long lost ones - as a result my friends are now very different.

It will take time, celebrate the good days and put the bad ones behind you. If you ever want to just chat or reach out for support, I’m happy to be that person. Drop me a pm and can give you my number.

Keep your head up, you will be fine.

Matt




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[woodacre1983]

Ok time for another update. Since the last post I made on this I’ve done a lot of thinking and a lot of experimenting with things to see what works when I get down.

I’ve had a strange month and one that I think although not a great month for a friend of mine his troubles have helped me deal with mine more. Let me explain.

A friend of mine, we was great friends for a good 14 years then drifted apart not seeing or texting much. On my part it was just life our schedules wasn’t compatible for meeting up etc. So 3 years with minimal contact then 3 Sunday’s ago I’m finally putting the finishing touches to the SOTC and cleaning out the watch drawer when I notice 4 missed calls of him in 3 minutes.. then his wife rings me.. I answer and am told she has walked out and took the kids as he is not fit to see them. She explains his mental state has ‘gone off the charts’ and she has had enough. Off to his house i went and once he let me in he broke down and sobbed telling me everything that had gone wrong all his problems he blamed on others leading to him drinking way too much and leading to his current problem.. I opened up back to him and shared my problems and what I found helped me. After 3 hours I got him to agree to walk across to our local A&E and speak with the mental health team there. As I was not comfortable leaving him. Cut a long evening short he was finally seen and let home with a better understanding of what he needs and a promise to me and the mental health nurse he will visit his GP again. He is now on medication and slowly beginning to feel better in himself. More important he is not drinking and has his wife back for now!

That day taught me a lot. Taught me I can deal with my problems and I am lucky. I have a wife that is with me and won’t let me do this alone. It forced me to speak out more about my issues and made me listen to others. It made me realise my problems have enabled me to help him as I was able to relate to him.

Sorry if I am rambling! The end of this month will be hard as it is mums birthday but I am determined to celebrate it not mourn it like I did last year!

It’s strange but I find this thread to a bunch of great people but still people I am very unlikely to meet very therapeutic. Thank you for reading this guys!



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[Mr Curta]

Thank you for the moving update. It is good to hear that you were there when your friend needed you, and still are.

It is fitting that you should post this today, which is World Mental Health Day.

The mental health charity, MIND, has a wealth of information and advice on all aspects of mental health problems.
Their A-Z is here: https://www.mind.org.uk/a-z?ctaId=/g...alth-problems/

[woodacre1983]

Thank you for the moving update. It is good to hear that you were there when your friend needed you, and still are.

It is fitting that you should post this today, which is World Mental Health Day.

The mental health charity, MIND, has a wealth of information and advice on all aspects of mental health problems.
Their A-Z is here: https://www.mind.org.uk/a-z?ctaId=/g...alth-problems/

I heard it was world mental health day on the radio about 45 minutes after I posted!


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[Slamdoor]

This is a wonderful forum. There will always be people here willing to give you strength and comfort.

[Mr Tetley]

Thank you for your initial post and for the update OP. It’s great that you have support around you and that you have been able to reciprocate that to a friend in need. I don’t think it’s too much to suggest that you may have helped save a marriage and who knows, even a life.

We need to be asking our mates about their mental health and well being more often. It can be a great help to just to be there for someone and to lend an ear.

[AlphaOmega]

Thought you might find this useful.

He begins to talk about depression around 13 minutes in.

[woodacre1983]

This thread has become more and more relevant to me. As much progress as I was making is going to be tested beyond all in the coming months As on the 5th November my dad passed away suddenly after a short weekend illness.
All my mind is flooding back to losing my mum and how it got me. I’m determined to grieve and help my family through this as well as myself but I am scared that this will tip me back to my darker days.

I will update this regularly now as a way to keep myself on track and realise I can get
Through this! Sorry to ramble and keep this going but it is a real help!


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[jwillans]

This thread has become more and more relevant to me. As much progress as I was making is going to be tested beyond all in the coming months As on the 5th November my dad passed away suddenly after a short weekend illness.
All my mind is flooding back to losing my mum and how it got me. I’m determined to grieve and help my family through this as well as myself but I am scared that this will tip me back to my darker days.

I will update this regularly now as a way to keep myself on track and realise I can get
Through this! Sorry to ramble and keep this going but it is a real help!


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The very best of luck. Be strong and know that you have friends on the forum for support.

[Wolfie]

This thread has become more and more relevant to me. As much progress as I was making is going to be tested beyond all in the coming months As on the 5th November my dad passed away suddenly after a short weekend illness.
All my mind is flooding back to losing my mum and how it got me. I’m determined to grieve and help my family through this as well as myself but I am scared that this will tip me back to my darker days.

I will update this regularly now as a way to keep myself on track and realise I can get
Through this! Sorry to ramble and keep this going but it is a real help!


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Oh mate…. Im so sorry….

I’m really not sure what to say ☹️

[langdalematt]

Have been there mate. Lost my Mum when she was just 56 and my Dad at 70 both instantly. Time is the healer, but remind yourself one thing. Life is a rich tapestry of what you make it and how you shape it. We are all here for the shortest period and these life changing events make us who we are. Everyone will at some point be in the same boat as you and I and I can assure you many members will also have been in that sad position. This is your opportunity to grab life my the neck and make the most if it. That’s the attitude I have taken and I am back smiling now, life is never meant to be easy because no matter how much we have or who we are, these situations will come to try us all. Enjoy your life and make the people around you happy and you too will find inner peace and happiness. We are all hear to support, so post away.

This thread has become more and more relevant to me. As much progress as I was making is going to be tested beyond all in the coming months As on the 5th November my dad passed away suddenly after a short weekend illness.
All my mind is flooding back to losing my mum and how it got me. I’m determined to grieve and help my family through this as well as myself but I am scared that this will tip me back to my darker days.

I will update this regularly now as a way to keep myself on track and realise I can get
Through this! Sorry to ramble and keep this going but it is a real help!


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[EchoSevenNine]

What a great thread this has turned out to be.

After almost 20 years of anxiety and depression i can tell you that the recent discovery of a gentleman called Eckhart Tolle, has finally got me thinking differently about life.

Dont get me wrong, its not a cure but this man and his teachings has definately taken the edge off.

[Suds]

Apologies for dropping in late on this. Well done Mark and everyone else who have opened up about their problems. There is a very similar vein of posts on my car detailing site - it's only because people are being more open that society is recognising that mental health issues affect many people at some stage in their life. Thankfully the majority of people now recognise MH issues as being no different to any other visible health condition which needs treating/addressing.
Keep highlighting the issue so that politicians and the populace at large don't downgrade the importance of good MH. Most of all keep looking after yourselves in the ways you are comfortable with but also consider trying any recommendations from MH professionals.

[Senninha]

This has been a really fabulous thread, to see the things people share and try to help each other. I think almost everyone will be touched with depression in the family somehow, and good to see awareness raised and helping each other.

It seems really multi-faceted, no one thing really being the cause. Of late at least two things I've been listening about depression really strike home.

Dr. Kelly Brogan talks about the modern diet and relation to depression. Serotonin is a key research area in depression, and with the majority of the body's serotonin being produced in the gut, it's plausible that diet plays a big role. The below podcast is very interesting.

http://undergroundwellness.com/podca...erotonin-myth/


Perhaps harder to action, but Johann Hari's book 'Lost connections' on depression (and his own depression) is fascinating. Talking about many factors which play into it, and indeed modern life and society itself - specifically our lost connection (much weaker social bonds) of the book title. He's been on Joe Rogan, and also Sam Harris.

https://samharris.org/podcasts/142-a...aningful-life/

https://podtail.com/podcast/the-joe-...7-johann-hari/

[woodacre1983]

Ok guys. So firstly I’ll apologise if this turns into a ramble. As much as I promised to keep this thread updated after my last post shortly after losing my dad I needed time to sort affairs out and get my head around things.

I have struggled and fought myself not to slip back. Losing my Dad has really hit hard it leaves me at 35 with only my dads brother as my own close family. My wife has been amazing taking control of the sorting of my dads house and prompting me to sort things. It’s incredible the memories that flood back sorting through 40 years of my parents possessions. I’ve managed not to fall back to the darker days as this time I’ve been upfront if I am down I tell my wife. If I need time I tell her and head out for a coffee and sit and write.

Christmas was the only time I ‘acted’ as no matter how I tried and what I did I was not in the least festive this year. But for the kids (5 of them!) I was normal and very much festive. But in honestly Christmas nearly broke me all the things normally done with mum and dad wasn’t in two years I’ve lost both.

I’m still fighting this and I’m more determined than ever not to let this beat me. My youngest daughter 7 made me cry the other night. She was playing up not going to sleep wanting to stay with us or so I thought it was only when I was tucking her in for the 5 or 6th time she said ‘I can’t sleep daddy what if you or mum isn’t there in the morning like with grandma or grandad’ I broke my heart and made me realise I need to beat this and be there for my kids as me falling backwards will destroy them.


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