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Thread: Age concern-befriend / phone service

  1. #1

    Age concern-befriend / phone service

    I registered for this back in October and I'm about 2 weeks away with being matched to someone. I'm just waiting for a final phone interview with Age concern then have to wait for an appropriate match.
    Does anyone else do this....if so was wondering how you got on?

  2. #2
    Master
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    Please do update on this. Not something I’ve done but have considered it.

    We have an elderly neighbour who’s son I’ve worked with in the past, regularly have coffee together & invite over for dinner, lost his wife last year.

    He’s a joy to spend time with, and often is more busy than we are.

    Whenever the smoker goes on, I throw some pork or ribs in extra for him to eat as & when.

    Love the thought of being on the phone for someone also, and guess with ageing parents hope someone will reciprocate at some point in the future too - like him, they aren’t truly alone, but possibly not as surrounded as they might like in future years.


    Sent from my iPhone using TZ-UK mobile app

  3. #3
    Master Wolfie's Avatar
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    What a wonderful thing to do…. Would like to know how you get on…

    Good for you!

  4. #4
    Grand Master thieuster's Avatar
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    A local, 90+ y/old engineer Bill visits the workshop a few times a week. He always finds things to do: repairing an old steam engine model (I posted pics here), installing a crankshaft into a Jag engine. That sort of things. Always with a fag on his lip. (Totally against H&S, but I don't care). He is more than welcome to lend a hand!

    His wife passed away a few years ago and he has no other family anymore. So the 'motley crew of classic car enthusiasts' take care of him. We make sure that his fridge is filled and a well-to-do local classic car owner sends a lady housekeeper to his home to cook meals a few times/week and clean his house.

    Last Summer, Bill mentioned that he once went to Austria with his wife, back in the 60s. He talked about the mountains, his wife, his memories. A local builder -who happened to be in the workshop- took him with his brand new S-Class Merc on a 5 day trip to the Alps a few days later. Smoking cigars all 5 days long, blasting along the Autobahn. Brilliant!

    Last week, we realised that none of us in the shop have parents anymore. Perhaps we're taking care of Bill as some sort of surrogate dad!

    So yes, this phone service is a great initiative and it will give a lot of satisfaction: using skills for other people!

    M

  5. #5
    Craftsman
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    Quote Originally Posted by thieuster View Post
    A local, 90+ y/old engineer Bill visits the workshop a few times a week. He always finds things to do: repairing an old steam engine model (I posted pics here), installing a crankshaft into a Jag engine. That sort of things. Always with a fag on his lip. (Totally against H&S, but I don't care). He is more than welcome to lend a hand!

    His wife passed away a few years ago and he has no other family anymore. So the 'motley crew of classic car enthusiasts' take care of him. We make sure that his fridge is filled and a well-to-do local classic car owner sends a lady housekeeper to his home to cook meals a few times/week and clean his house.

    Last Summer, Bill mentioned that he once went to Austria with his wife, back in the 60s. He talked about the mountains, his wife, his memories. A local builder -who happened to be in the workshop- took him with his brand new S-Class Merc on a 5 day trip to the Alps a few days later. Smoking cigars all 5 days long, blasting along the Autobahn. Brilliant!

    Last week, we realised that none of us in the shop have parents anymore. Perhaps we're taking care of Bill as some sort of surrogate dad!

    So yes, this phone service is a great initiative and it will give a lot of satisfaction: using skills for other people!

    M
    What a great story. You and your friends should be very proud of yourselves.

  6. #6
    Craftsman
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    I too would like to know how you get on. I'm now retired and my "day job" was a social worker so know that contact with others is a really big thing for older people, yes care and meals are important but nothing as therapeutic as a good natter, something paid workers no longer have time to do. great thing to do..Cheers, John B4

  7. #7
    Never knew about this it sounds great, my dad passed away a few years ago, I knew some days he’d sit at home and not see or speak to anyone all day, there was only so much my wife and I could do, so this would have been great for him.

  8. #8
    Master
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    An old man on his own once said :

    29/02/2016 "All these statistics are meaningless if you have lost your partner in life.
    I planned my career to allow me to retire at 60 with the intention of travelling and enjoying our leisure years.
    Sadly, strokes and other problems took their toll and my life is now empty and my travelling is
    largely confined to walking to the paper shop in the morning.
    I realised years ago that women form friendships within groups very quickly and very few have any need of
    male companionship when they are widowed.
    Elderly men on their own are really just a bit of a nuisance."


    I can't recall who he was or where he said it (it may have been during my helping out at the cancer unit) but I wrote it down anyway


    There is a need for what you are proposing to do FFF - press on - you won't regret it I am sure.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by thieuster View Post
    A local, 90+ y/old engineer Bill visits the workshop a few times a week. He always finds things to do: repairing an old steam engine model (I posted pics here), installing a crankshaft into a Jag engine. That sort of things. Always with a fag on his lip. (Totally against H&S, but I don't care). He is more than welcome to lend a hand!

    His wife passed away a few years ago and he has no other family anymore. So the 'motley crew of classic car enthusiasts' take care of him. We make sure that his fridge is filled and a well-to-do local classic car owner sends a lady housekeeper to his home to cook meals a few times/week and clean his house.

    Last Summer, Bill mentioned that he once went to Austria with his wife, back in the 60s. He talked about the mountains, his wife, his memories. A local builder -who happened to be in the workshop- took him with his brand new S-Class Merc on a 5 day trip to the Alps a few days later. Smoking cigars all 5 days long, blasting along the Autobahn. Brilliant!

    Last week, we realised that none of us in the shop have parents anymore. Perhaps we're taking care of Bill as some sort of surrogate dad!

    So yes, this phone service is a great initiative and it will give a lot of satisfaction: using skills for other people!

    M
    Great stuff, it must be terribly lonely without family, particularly when society seems to see you as a burden 👍🏻

  10. #10
    Grand Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Here's Bill, explaining the wonderful wonders of the Ford Model-T's under-dash coil-box.


    Bill restored his many years ago. His summer's day driver (on other days he would drives a small Kia)


    And, tbh, when you live in our rural part of the country and you're an old man, a pair of clogs /wooden shoes is never far away!

  11. #11
    The thought of loneliness in old age is one of my fears, likewise the thought of losing my wife in later life and coping with the after-effects is something I can't even comprehend.
    Im 46, in 20-30 years time it could be me, I would hope that I would have people around me but you never know what's around the corner.
    Its 30 minutes of my life once a week which could make such a difference to someone.
    I will update this thread to all those who have showed an interest.

  12. #12
    Craftsman
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    Great stories and something I'd never thought even existed, likewise look forward to updates along the way FFF

  13. #13
    Master Templogin's Avatar
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    A very noble deed indeed. I am sure that it will be mutually rewarding. We should all do more for our parents.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Franky Four Fingers View Post
    I registered for this back in October and I'm about 2 weeks away with being matched to someone. I'm just waiting for a final phone interview with Age concern then have to wait for an appropriate match.
    Does anyone else do this....if so was wondering how you got on?
    Having read this I decided to look into it, contacted Age Concern who run this in my area and got paired up with a 72 year old called Joe. Met him for the first time today, picked him up and took him to Starbucks, thought it might be good start on neutral ground. I’ll be honest it was a lot harder than I thought it would be, I’m the sort of person who will stand next to a person in a bus queue and ten minutes later know where they were born and where they went on holiday last year. Started my life as a hairdresser and now work as a sales man so I’m used to talking and listening but Joe was hard work which is why I guess he’s lonely. He’s had a few problems with people taking advantage of him and the police have been involved, all this is out of my safe family bubble.

    Don’t feel I was matched with him as much as I was allocated him and I’m a bit unsure about it, Plan is to just take is as it comes and see if we can find some common ground.

  15. #15
    Master Templogin's Avatar
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    Does Joe have family?

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Templogin View Post
    Does Joe have family?
    Yes a brother and sister (no children) hasn’t seen his sister for over a year but sees his brother every few months.

  17. #17
    Master Templogin's Avatar
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    A friend of mine was befriending a man of similar age. His family are close but aren't interested in him. I think they both got a lot out of it, although it took a while for things to settle down.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by justin44 View Post
    Having read this I decided to look into it, contacted Age Concern who run this in my area and got paired up with a 72 year old called Joe. Met him for the first time today, picked him up and took him to Starbucks, thought it might be good start on neutral ground. I’ll be honest it was a lot harder than I thought it would be, I’m the sort of person who will stand next to a person in a bus queue and ten minutes later know where they were born and where they went on holiday last year. Started my life as a hairdresser and now work as a sales man so I’m used to talking and listening but Joe was hard work which is why I guess he’s lonely. He’s had a few problems with people taking advantage of him and the police have been involved, all this is out of my safe family bubble.

    Don’t feel I was matched with him as much as I was allocated him and I’m a bit unsure about it, Plan is to just take is as it comes and see if we can find some common ground.
    I'm registered with Age UK, with them it is phone contact only and there is strict rules never to meet with the person. I'm assuming the Age Concern thing is very different?

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Franky Four Fingers View Post
    I'm registered with Age UK, with them it is phone contact only and there is strict rules never to meet with the person. I'm assuming the Age Concern thing is very different?
    I think each area is different depending on if they have funding, I looked at the phone service but Chelmsford wanted me to commit to a set two hours a week calling from their office, Monday to Friday 9-5 and I could be that scheduled.

    I’d be interested to hear how you get on, please pm me your thoughts when you start.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by justin44 View Post
    I think each area is different depending on if they have funding, I looked at the phone service but Chelmsford wanted me to commit to a set two hours a week calling from their office, Monday to Friday 9-5 and I could be that scheduled.

    I’d be interested to hear how you get on, please pm me your thoughts when you start.
    Of course, will do.

  21. #21
    Master
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    Well done to the OP for putting himself out there and getting involed with this, and to thieuster for letting Bill do some work in his garage which must give him a lot of pleasure to feel useful and less isolated.
    Interesting to read of the different approach between Age Concern & Age UK. I would have thought the 'phone contact only' approach would actually make conversation and interaction far harder as talking on the phone can be so much more stilted and difficult compared to face to face contact, as we pick up so much more than just verbal communication when we are face to face..

  22. #22
    Master
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    That's a great thing, well done. The world needs more people like you.
    I looked a being a dementia buddy a few years back it's something I will go back and do at some point. In the end I just couldn't commit to the time it needed as I am self employed and things started picking up at work.

    I have a customer who goes to the hospital 4 days a week, he's a widower himself so was probably lonely too . He sits and chats with people who don't get visitors or have any family. He's a brilliant human being and all round good egg.

  23. #23
    So today I received notification that I've finally been matched, so to speak, with an elderly lady in Croydon.
    I have to phone age U.K. to get information about her before arranging the first call so hopefully we'll be chatting soon. I was rather surprised about the amount of time this has taken.
    I filled out the online form back in October 2017.

  24. #24
    That's a remarkably long time!
    For something that you're doing off your own back which is purely for the good...i don't understand it.
    Where there massive vetting procedures in place or something? It takes less time than that to get a job with MI5...

  25. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikee View Post
    That's a remarkably long time!
    For something that you're doing off your own back which is purely for the good...i don't understand it.
    Where there massive vetting procedures in place or something? It takes less time than that to get a job with MI5...
    The actual vetting side of it seem to be quite quick as the reference emails and then letters went out very quickly after the initial application. I think it was the pairing process that took time because I was giving the ok back in March last year.

  26. #26
    After a few false starts and the lady taking an opportunity to be taken out for fish and chips I finally had my first call today. I thought I’d initially struggle to keep the conversation going but I actually found it not too bad. So my phone friend has no immediate family with her partner dying several years ago, other than the carers that come 3 times a day she sees very few people.
    She joined voluntarily after she was passed the info by social services, so hopefully our 20-30 minute call a week may make all the difference

  27. #27
    Master mondie's Avatar
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    What a fantastic thing you are doing FFF, its selfless but also quite confronting I expect. I have thought about doing something similar but haven't got the courage up yet. I am a bit phone phobic and would much rather meet and help in person. The Cinnamon Club is one avenue I have thought about to help out the elderly in our society. Once you get registered you walk the dogs of people unable to do so themselves, a good way to brighten someones day and make for a happy pooch.

    Cheers

  28. #28
    Grand Master Carlton-Browne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mondie View Post
    The Cinnamon Club is one avenue I have thought about to help out the elderly in our society. Once you get registered you walk the dogs of people unable to do so themselves, a good way to brighten someones day and make for a happy pooch.

    Cheers
    Do you take the old person's dog out for a curry?
    In the Sotadic Zone, apparently.

  29. #29
    Master mondie's Avatar
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    Not a bad idea that, know of any curry restaurants that allow dogs?

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