Reply With QuoteIf they are using WiFi unplug the router and only have it on for an hour a night if they have done all their homework and chores .
We have been grappling with this issue for some time in the Mondie household. Our two eldest are 16 & 14 and are welded to their phones 24/7. Our attempts to point out their behaviours and discussions about balancing phone use with their school & family life fall on deaf ears. They acknowledge what we say but are unwilling or unable to limit their phone use to what may be considered reasonable. It has got to the point where more drastic action may be needed, well its either that, or we give up. I believe they are addicted in some form and so will not respond to our requests to manage their time and it makes me sad and disappointed for them. But is that my problem or theirs, am a luddite or a realist, to be honest I am not even sure myself. If our kids were 5 years older this would not even be a discussion because they would have missed the scourge of the Smartphone.
I am keen to hear from other members on how they have tackled this pox on modern society. Do you have strict rules? Is it a free for all? What strategies have worked in your household? Help !?
Friends have told me it’s pretty simple these days to setup a modem that allows you to control each users access either by data or time usage, or control access times. I am sorely tempted to go down this route but my wife thinks it maybe be a step too far. But what other options are there……
Cheers,
Simon
If they are using WiFi unplug the router and only have it on for an hour a night if they have done all their homework and chores .
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
Originally Posted by seikopath
I had to do this with my lad at school otherwise he couldn't get up in the morning.
Routers,laptops and phones off at 10pm
Good luck - I don't envy your time.
B
It’s the other way around in my house - the kids can’t get me off the phone
Seriously, I’d just have a curfew. Kids have to be in the house for a certain time. Why not turn off their phone and hand over to you at a certain time?
No reason they will need it in the middle of the night. No reason at all.
Take the phones from them at 2200hrs. And or turn the router off.
Our router has a 2.4G and a 5G network. The kids phones and tablets are banned from the 5G network (mac filtering). When I need to I either switch off the 2G network or change the passkey.
Also their phones and tablets are downstairs overnight.
Ideally I would only have the 2.4G network enabled between 8am and 8pm with the 5G always on but I can't find a way to do that with my router.
My wife and I have spent sometime this afternoon discussing this and I come to the realisation that I want them to take responsibility and manage their own useage. A curfew doesn't really let them learn the self control needed where as giving them a bank of hours/data would. A curfew is also messy as they work a few nights a week and if they want to use it after work I am ok with that provided they show responsibility. Its the lack of self control and responsibility that's at the core of my frustration.
Keep the comments coming, nobody has told me I am being OTT and is shaping up to be a common issue for many
Disable their access from your router thus forcing them to utilise their data allowance / free minutes / free texts. Then since you mention they have part time jobs then let them pay for their own phone usage (or you could just pay for a minumum contract for small amount of data / texts / voice).
That way if they spend a load of time on the phone they will be forced to pay for tops ups themselves.
Might keep them off the phone, teach them that it costs money and to budget, forces them to think about whether spending a lot of time on the phone is really good value for money and time.
Mr Stoat - all good advice but fortunately or maybe unfortunately for them we don't have any mobile coverage at home. I have the power
You're lucky then. You can limit the WiFi whenever you like.
I'd have the child protection filters turned up to 110% and the internet disabled after 9.30.
Good luck dealing with the inevitable fallout.
I'm fortunate in that my two, now 20 and 23, largely escaped into adulthood still receptive to some form of parental advice but I know of many cases where that's not the case and two families quite close (emotionally) to me have lost contact with one of their children who've abandoned home and family life. In both cases the cause is now acknowledged to have been over-control by the parents. It's a fine line.
The empty place at the dining table is a constant reminder that it all went wrong somewhere between 10 and 16. When it's years since you've been in contact "I'd just like to know they're alright" sadly often comes out during family occasions or other emotional times.
You're right of course, and it is not just kids that are affected. I'd leave them with the impression that it makes you sad they're not taking part in normal family social life. If you all eat together, putting all the mobile phones, turned off, in a basket off to one side is one idea (that's your phone too!).
Thats poignant advice and something I am very mindful of. We are certainly not controlling parents or the problem would probably not have to got this point but then I acknowledge we are the in the worst position to actually judge this. Hence I thought I would ask opinions of others and this thread has certainly helped to sense check our stance. Still not sure what we will do next thoughThe kids have responded to our chat yesterday where we clearly explained why its a problem but its only one day. My explanation that it makes us sad and sad for them, not because we are controlling but because they are missing out. A comment along the lines of if we didn't care we would simply buy them all iPad Pros and let them spend 24/7 surfing the net seemed to hit a nerve, Time will tell if they have the will and discipline to control their use (still looking into modem controls though)
Glad to hear others suffer similarly. We can't get our two (17 and 13) off their mobiles, during mealtimes, when sitting as a family in the morning room, etc. Mind you, my wife is almost as bad (on FB).. I would be hard-lined and remove their phones if it was up to me, trouble is I work away from home during the week and my wife is too weak (or kind) to enforce it - whilst suffering the fallout. So, it's an ongoing problem. My wife is now turning off the router at nighttime, but it has limited effect.
In my day, there's no way I even went out of my bedroom after 9pm. I also never once went into my parents' bedroom, and rarely went into their 'special' sitting room either. The wooden spoon also made an appearance fairly regularly. Back then, all I needed was a football, a street and a wall - hours of fun. Times were much simpler and (I think) happier back then...
Last edited by jukeboxs; 14th September 2015 at 23:35.
Substitute the back of dad´s hand for the wooden spoon and we´ve a lot in common.
Our lad´s only 5 so we´ve all this ahead of us.
Does anyone else think "social media" is an oxymoron?
I have two sons aged 10 and 7. They both have an iPod Touch and access to an iPad.
A couple of years ago we instituted a rule where alternate days are "screen days" and "no screen days"
It works wonderfully well. It is so heartening watching them play with lego, meccano and toy cars. Seeing them play hide and seek, riding their bikes and never even thinking of picking up an iPod.
I fear it will not last forever, but it is holding up pretty well at the moment. They both know that other families don't do this, but they still accept it as being good for them...
I would definitly do something! Never give up!
Try to create some phone-free time at night.... have dinner all together... something like that!
My daughter is 8 and we also have to take the phone sometimes away...
But never give up! I wouldn´t!
We have this to come as Peter is not yet 3.
At the very least I'd have thought no phones at the table is not unreasonable.
What do other parents think of these ideas on cognitive function and social development;
http://psychology.about.com/od/biops...-the-Brain.htm
This was in the news today.....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-34201905
My better half works in a school and kids falling asleep is not uncommon. Personally I believe it's an addiction. I get relatives kids 10 - 15 yr olds' who can't interact with us properly and have a decent conversation........ even affecting a lot of adults too.
A relevent article on the Grauniad site today:
http://www.theguardian.com/education...e-social-media
I think I'd be saying no devices (phones, tablets, laptops) in bedrooms and certainly not after bed time.
This, definitely.
We are confronting similar issues with our son who is 10. Its a tricky question because much of the social interaction with friends, as well as the organisation of homework, sport, overnighting, and so on, takes place via group messaging. Its a big social disadvantage to be excluded from this (but that's not to say it should be a 24 hour non-stop frenzy).
We're slowly discovering that providing alternatives (as suggested above, or getting the group of friends together for a bit of a laugh/movie/overnight) is important.
On the technical side, I flashed our router (Asus) with non-standard software (Advancedtomato) which gives much greater control over the router. I can set up rules specific to individual devices and restrict/allow access completely or for periods of time. We haven't used it... apart from turning everything off automatically overnight. It also has the huge benefit of dramatically improving control and performance of the router and wifi.
-flugzeit
I don't have any useful advice, but it seems it is starting even younger.
I have two girls aged 5 who've had their own tablets since their 4th birthday and we caved and got their younger brother a matching one for his 3rd birthday to avoid the tantrums. We're very restrictive on when they can use them - usually only in sub 30 minute blocks and they're never connected to the wifi (at least when we hand them over - I'm going to have to start getting cuter with locks and passwords etc though, the three year old can turn the wifi on and find the -hidden- icon for youtube in seconds).
If they could though they'd want to be on them all night. They're mostly full of 'educational' number and letters games and the like with some videos of their favourite songs and the odd Disney film or jackanory episode so its not without some value. But I have to watch myself, its the easiest hours parenting you could imagine to just hand over their tablets and get on with something I need to do.
Often in response to their begging for access I catch us using them as a treat or removing access as a punishment, which is probably not that healthy.
I think we're balancing it reasonably well for now - at least from what I see of their school friends etc anyway. At the weekend we went to a softplay party and one of the other children couldn't be prised away from her ipad to do join in with the general physical chaos and charging about. We don't have that problem, they're out playing with balls, bikes, swings and trampolines whenever the weather will let them and very happy 'crafting' at the dining room table lots of the time indoors too - but wave a hudl in front of them and they'll drop pretty much anything for a fix...
I can't imagine what its going to be like as they grow up and the trials and tribulations we'll face.
Sounds as if you´re achieving a healthy balance, but do they really need these devices in your honest opinion at 3 or 4 years of age?
No they absolutely don't 'need' them. (Much like I don't need more than one watch, or another guitar, or a big tv, or the latest smart phone, or many many other things) - but they do enjoy them and get 'some' educational value from them - in terms of IT familiarity (last week my 3 year old showed his grandma how to take pictures on her phone and then browse through the gallery having never seen her particular brand of android phone before) as well as learning their '3 R's' without noticing they're learning.
Admittedly they come in very handy for things like long car or plane journeys too, and as I've said, for the lazy parent they can easily become a digital babysitter.
One of the prime reasons we got them was to protect our own devices - they're fascinated with all touch screen devices (and get quite confused when presented with old digital cameras etc that you can't 'swipe' the screen of) and were habitually borrowing our phones and tablets if they were left within reach.
So, no honestly they don't need them. Equally honestly though they've been amongst the best 'bang for buck' toys we've bought for them (especially as they all came from clubcard points) ranking alongside bikes and scooters for replay value. They're growing with the children too - newer age appropriate apps (they love the jigsaws made from photos of themselves and their friends) and the girls are now experimenting with taking photos and videos of things around them.
The girls also use ipads at school - which seems quite common judging by the other schools we looked at - so there was no option to shield them from the existence of such devices.
I am somewhat conflicted though and often wonder if we're drifting into creating screen time zombies. Then I remember my mum being equally worried by the detrimental effect of the arrival of the VHS recorder in our house when I was but a boy...
Being only 21 myself, I have no good parenting advice, but, as I have been a teenager (or maybe I still am) in the 'smartphone era' myself, what I can tell you is that where there is a will there is a way, or, in other words, if they want to be online they will be online regardless of the curfews or restrictions you will impose. The best solution, in my opinion, to your problem, is to try and engage them in other activities that may be of interest to them (maybe join a sports club of some sorts or anything else that will keep them busy). I have noticed that, in my case, I was mostly on my phone out of boredom. Once I started working and found different interests, I'm using my phone less and less by the day. So, try to get their minds off their phones and on something else. It will work
Our two (9 and 7) each have had an iPad mini for the last 2 years. I have set up parental controls to limit access to anything inappropriate, in app purchases, age appropriate app downloads. It's not fool proof but it's a start. Our kids are limited to usage of 1 hour per day (Monday to Friday) and two hours per day at weekends. They can't use them in the morning until they have had breakfast and are dressed and they are removed from their rooms at night. They aren't allowed to use them when they go to bed as that time is set aside for reading books.
I did wake up in the early hours of the morning a few months ago to a blue glow coming from my sons room. He was watching Minecraft videos on Youtube and had been for several hours. He had stashed his iPad in his room rather than leave it downstairs as per the usual routine. I explained to him that he had betrayed my trust and broken the agreed rules. The penalty was that his iPad was confiscated for 2 weeks. His obsession with watching Minecraft videos continued and now only half of his daily iPad time is allowed to be spent on Youtube.
We went to France for summer holidays this year and the ipads were left at home on the basis that it was family time. I have been fairly firm with the rules and thankfully they both generally stick to them. My son (9) acknowledges that he can becomes obsessed with his ipad and absorbed by Minecraft in particular. Bad behaviour during the day can result in a reduction in screen time and good behaviour can see an extra 10 minutes awarded.
I think the screen time debate is common amongst many families and there are plenty of rows over it. Thankfully we aren't at the social media stage and from what I see of friends kids, that is a whole other battle.
My kids are in the same age as the OP's. They don't have a desktop computer in their rooms; a laptop for the eldest (school provided that one) and an iPad for the youngest. My oldest's hand looks as if it's glued to his phone. My youngest has a phone but never uses it... As a matter of fact, I think it's not even charged... So, it's not all kids who are addicted to their phones.
Having said that: after 9.30PM all electronic devices are taken to the utility room next to the kitchen where the chargers are lined up. At one time, my oldest tried to smuggle his iPhone to his room. When we realised it was gone from the pantry, my wife used Family Sharing on iTunes modus to start: 'where's my iPhone?' and thus remotely blocked his phone! He hadn't seen that one coming...
Last Xmas, we went to Florida where we had a proper Wifi connection in our rental home. So my son was able to use WhatsApp with his mates. We told him to stop using WhatsApp after 5 PM local time, which was 11 PM overhere in Holland. Guess what! His phone didn't stop making these W/A noises until 11 PM US time. That's 5 AM in Holland. So, some kids are behind their screen all night long. Personally, I can not understand why parents don't put their foot down and confisquate their kids' phones after 9:30 or so. Sure, kids need to learn to make choices in their lives. But when a choice looks like it's lost because of some sort of addiction. You need to step up as a parent and take things into your own hands.
Menno
It's just occurred to me that it's also a useful lesson for the kids in the dangers of addiction. Played correctly you can demonstrate it is taking over their lives and maybe, just maybe, they may be more aware of the more harmful addictions that may present in adult life.
Thanks for that thoughtful reply Crazytrain.
This has become a great discussion and no we are not alone on this issue. Those with kids a decade younger than hours, god help you. I hate to think how ingrained the acceptance of Smartphomes and social media will be in another decade on even more invasive, less private sites than we have now.
To those who said don't give up, we certainly wont do that. We have never taken the easy way out as parents, using the devices as a digital babysitter is nothing more than a cop out and abrogation of responsibility but many parents do exactly that. Finding the answer without pushing our kids away is a fine balancing act as they get older.
I am most interested in how you foudn this software. It sounds exactly like what I have in mind. I would probably just buy a router with this functionallity built in as we only have the standard BT modem but any advice/ideas on whats good would be appreciated.
Cheers
Simon
It's hard to limit use for kids especially when many adults over use also ( not suggesting you do ) does the over use impact in a negative way on their school or social life ?
I can´t help thinking there´s potentially a negative impact on both cognitive and social development through overuse??
I hope I´m wrong.
Op, why don't you keep up with the times? How many selfies did you post yesterday, and don't tell me none? You had better have been in the gym to get 'dat ass' as well.
By the way have you done the simple finger test?
http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/02/this-s...oking-4716173/
and if not why not you uneducated peasant?
Anyway back on topic, any chance you can post a pic of your booty and pout?
I also hope the 16 & 14yr old are boys and not girls, because if not i have some bad news.
Dear Uncle Ed, please move this to the bear pit so we can have an adult discussion.
Actually, I wasn't happy with a new router that our ISP provided and... long story short... I decided to purchase a new modem and router (instead of the one provided by the ISP), and in the process I also wanted greater control over the router, more security, to run applications directly on the router, and so that I have better transparency on my side of the connection. In addition, I wanted to improve our connection speed and be able to tweak the wireless options. So none of this was related to controlling access or to the questions raised on this thread.
I use linux and so am already familiar with finding non-standard ways of doing things. The search lead from modems/routers with good features to software that can improve the options available. It will all depend on which router you have as most non-standard software has been developed for linksys, netgear and asus.
The most well known high performance third party firmware include: DD-WRT, Tomato (there are many forks of this, I use advancedtomato), and Open-WRT.
To be honest, I suspect that many new routers will already have incorporated advanced features into their software... so have a look at what is available. Most of the options that I've described involve flashing the firmware on the router which is not difficult but does involve some risks.
As an aside, I managed to improve our connection speed at home from under 50% of the maximum possible to achieving a constant 95% rate. I think that much of this is down to the new hardware (much higher quality modem and router than is supplied by most ISPs) and that fact that I separated the modem and router, i.e. not using a device where the two are combined. However, the advancedtomato firmware is infinitely smarter than the standard and so I suspect that some improvement in the connection is coming from more refined handling of the connection as well as the wireless signal.
-flugzeit
My daughter (25) suffers from neck and headaches. I informed her that it was down to the way she uses her phone, her chin resting on her chest for hours on end, she wouldn´t have it.
That would make sense to me Andy but I can see my daughters rolling their eyes at such a diagnosis
Flugzeit, I think your IT skills are on a different level to mine but that's some good info. A bit of Googling does show that many of the modern routers have plenty of controls built in. After 3yrs with BT I finally got around to accessing the admin software on our BT router and it does in fact have some basic access controls. I have played around with that today and set it up so the kids lose access from 11-7am and also made it known to them that its easily done. I am happy with the way they have responded to our concerns since our chat on the weekend. We'll see where we are in a month I guess.
Cheers
^^^ sounds good... and good luck! ;-)
-flugzeit
My kids are younger and have iPads rather than phones.
My router allows parental restrictions to allow Wi-Fi access on an individual device in hourly increments.
In addition to this we take away the iPads as and when necessary.
If you really want them to restrict their own usage, the only way I can see is to get them to give the phones to you and incentivise them to do so either by reward or penalty.
It's a shame there's no mobile signal. If they had to pay they'd soon learn.
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