Reply With QuoteYour loosening drink is about 2 hours too short. Readjust and tell your wife who is the boss.
Right. My missus.
We get out to a restaurant about once a month (young kids etc.) and we typically go with friends. I really like to have a drink in a bar before going to a restaurant with company, it sort of loosens you up for the evening ahead. So, we normally book a table for about 8PM and try and meet our gang at about 7:30PM wherever.
Now my missus needs sorting out here...
Between changing clothes 4/5 times before declaring a state of readiness, insisting on having either a cup of tea or glass of white wine (sometimes both) while she flutes around in the bedroom. Giving the babysitter 40minutes of handover etc etc...
WTF ?
I can understand being 15 minutes late but we are often 1 hour late. This is proving to be a major source of arguments (and has been a source of arguments for the best part of 20 years).......
Just me ?
Your loosening drink is about 2 hours too short. Readjust and tell your wife who is the boss.
F.T.F.A.
They're all like that and teenage girls are worse!
They even expect flights to wait while they chose which clothes to wear.
That's disgraceful,mines often 5-10 mins and I'm not happy
I have been married twice and have 4 daughters so have had decades of this
This type of behaviour is part of their genetic makeup
My wife went on holiday last year to Italy with 2 of my daughters and one of their partners (also female) - I am astonished they managed to get there and back judging by their collective fannying about and time wasting when I dropped them off at Heathrow.
An hour late is disrespectful in the extreme.
My wife is generally punctual as she thinks lateness is very rude. We are alike in that respect. Can't say the same for our kids or most of our female friends though!
The first time someone turns up for dinner an hour late they will find me understanding. The second time they'll find me eating!
Lateness is a huge bug for me. It's disrespectful and extremely rude.
I feel your pain!
You need to do an Eric Cartman....
You need to smack her in the face and say "That's enough of your shit, you f***ing bitch!"
Simply arrange eating an hour later - but leave the time your wife is working to get ready towards the same.
It's just a matter of time...
She is communicating in a typical female fashion (ie, expecting you to mind read).
It seems clear that she doesn't want to go.
How you get to that conversation is difficult but I bet when you d have it you find she enjoys it a lot less than you do.
How you deal wth this: not a clue.
Stop Press. Males on internet confused by women.Originally Posted by kk
OP - next time you've got 20 minutes free with your wife, make her a cup of tea, and sit her down, preface with 'There's something I'd like to talk to you about, dear.' and explain your frustrations. Say that you love going out with her, but you're getting to the point where the negatives outweigh the positives, and clearly explain why. Ask her how she would react or feel if you were repeatedly doing something that she found infuriating.
You'd had a dry-run talking to strangers on the internet, now try if live.
Report back!
Just agree to travel separately and meet at the restaurant . Make the reservation for an hour later than you tell her it is made for. Then spend an extra hour drinking in the bar with your mates. Job done. Of course, if you are extra annoyed with her you could always turn up an hour later than she does , or not at all, apologise sweetly afterwards and say that you simply forgot the time.
Good luck everybody. Have a good one.
The best thing to do is to have a lurk on Mumsnet, which will give you an insight into the "workings" of the female "mind" in the age that we live in. This will enable you to realise that they're all bloody mental, and that you should give up trying to understand her.
Or she's having an affair.
Not sure if it is necessary to open that potential can of worms
OP: try working with photographic models, you’ll gain a sense of perspective that’ll put your wife into a new light.
Whilst there’s various ways of trying to change her behaviour, my suggestion would be to just accept the situation as a) you are highly unlikely to succeed and b) you will ‘pay’ for even trying. ;-)
R
Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.
That would wind me up no end. I'm pretty sure restaurants round here wouldn't hold the table for an hour either.
We're always on time when going out as we book a taxi which gives the wife a deadline. Only problem is she can spend all day getting ready.
I guess it takes a while for her to decide which trousers to wear
OP you've been married long enough to have a child, but haven't worked this out yet, 1/10 for effort
If it were me I'd tell her everyone's meeting an hour early. And if she smells a rat, tell her some men you don't know who you met on the internet told you.
Failing that, next time she needs to be somewhere (girls' night out?), why don't you spend considerable time doing your hair (more so if you're follically challenged) change your outfit four or five times, insist on a cup of tea and galss of wine and ensure she's an hour late? Yeah, she won't get the point and will make your life hell but you've got to get your kicks somewhere.
My wife randomly stops talking to me, usually for no reason at all. It happens at any time of day, in any situation, and can last hours, sometimes overnight and into the next day. I usually leave her to it, the other day I decided not to talk to her at all. Three hours of blissful silence until her aunt rang (and she was immediately all happy and chatty to her). There was one time we were at Goodwood and had had a nice dinner. We got in the car (Boxster S) and that was it, silence. I then drove home as fast as I could on a deserted A272, under the assumption she'd tell me if I was going too fast (she usually does). That was a good drive...
I guess it takes a while for her to decide which trousers to wear
Assess whether the benefit outweighs the negative.
My wife is always ready on time, but a bit of action later isn't typically forthcoming. If yours is faffing about but you get a happy ending, I'd say stick with it.
Well you’re a lucky chap, mine rarely does and it’s usually an ominous sign...
R
Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.
Oh she wants to go allright, shes normally the one dragging everyone back to our place to hit my drinks cabinet at 2AM !
Its more of a fashion parade thing thats become some sort of ceremony. TBH, I was talking about this at work with the lads and this seems to be a widespread 'thing', I seem to have a bad case on my hands however.
Tried and failed in the nineties, the nougties and the other week !
I'm sure it's an ominous sign, I just never know what! At least not immediately.
Quite simple really:
A) Do whatever you want regardless of your spouse.
B) Apologise and blame hormones the next day after you have annoyed said spouse.
C) Repeat every time you can.
That's wimmin innit? Or something.
My wife is sulking with me right now. She has work to catch up on (makes curtains) so is in her work room. She expected me to look after our kids aged 6 and 8. Apparently switching on the Xbox and leaving them to it while I go out for a 30 mile bike ride is not good parenting. Pfft, the kids were fine, they left her alone, everyone's a winner. I'll use the hormones argument above in future.
I was quite curious about this as it struck a chord .... So I asked the wife what was going on.
Her response may or may not fully match the circumstances here but it is illuminating nonetheless :
1) she has a self-image issue. This as we all know is likely to be completely in her head but either she always had it or had lost confidence somehow (perhaps since having kids).
2) this has made her nervous, hence the faffing, the wine in the bedroom and general reluctance to leave the house and socialise.
Her suggestions are as follows:
1) don't attempt to deal with this head on, even if it's a conscious behaviour she probably won't want to discuss it directly and there's no way a man can fix it just by pointing t out.
2) she says you don't praise her appearance and general loveliness enough, this needs to be done daily, several times, continuously Just doing it once she is dressed to go out won't do. (In my experience it's impossible to do enough of this most women are programmed to feel inadequate in this area regardless of reality)
3) you need to take her out more so that going out isn't a such a big deal - might chill you out as well
4) you could attempt to pre-empt the dressing up discussion by spending a couple of hours on it the night before
5) if this is your only time in the month getting out and socialising/relaxing then you should arrange to see male friends for yourself (and encourage her to see female ones) ... couples socialising in general is more stressful especially for women who are working much harder than blokes in these settings.
There you are - hope that helps !
A single friend of mine has a standard comment when someone is having a moan about female behaviour that they are struggling to comprehend; "Women, can't live with them". There is no point waiting for anything additional to the sentence, that is it.
20 years, an hour a month (and I expect more) equates to at least a two week holiday. Maybe suggest it nicely on her time. The nice thing is you love her but maybe a bit late to change the timescales. All the best
You must have really understanding friends. If friends of mine were continually an hour late for dinner they'd stop getting an invite.
I've clicked 'reply to topic' three times now and thought better of it.
Best just to echo the above with: I feel your pain.
OP my wife is like this too.
It's a form of control. I hate it.
In fairness to her there's a big gang of couples and friends that meet up. No ones really left waiting looking lonely !
Also, in that gang there's another one or two 'late-istas' aswell.
Bloody wimmin.
This is what I was thinking mate, is this a wind up or is it par for the course...
Mysteries.
Lots of interesting comments in your post, all of which ring true to me, apart from this one.
It always appears to me that women are much better at small talk and general socialising than us menfolk, and so I assumed that it just came more naturally to them. I'm therefore curious as to why your wife says that they are "working much harder" in social situations. Are women much more competitive in relation to what they are wearing, how nice their house is, etc?
Would be interested in her comments...
my kids take ages to brush their teeth when really it should take 3-5 mins
pure attention seeking -
I know it makes us go brain dead but maybe take part in her dress choosing and she might actually get dressed quicker if you tell her what not to wear (throw in a bit of reverse psychology too) but small steps at a time
shoes first..,.. etc.... if she's been the same for 20 years ain't going to be any change all of a sudden is there?
I wish mine did - 20 seconds, "done!"
My mother-in-law can take 45 minutes just choosing which shoes to wear to go for a walk.
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Motorcycle won’t start…can't figure out why.
You were almost spot on!
Poo through her letterbox
My wife from when we first met has been late to everything (apart from our wedding, said I would walk if she was late). At first it was 20 minutes, with children it has gone to 30 minutes now. So myself and others, including her own sister and parents lie about what time we should be at the wedding/party/restaurant etc.
Sit down and chat with her, tell her how much it winds you up, let us know how you get on.
I am disappointed that no one recomended to buy her a watch :)
My wife hates being late - and I am more late than her mostly.
My wife hates clothes shopping - I almost have to drag her along to do it
My wife hates spending money on herself - she doesn't mind me spending money on myself (cars, watches, etc)
But....
She also displays most of the female traits mentioned previously but, thankfully, to a lesser extent.
I count my blessings and feel very lucky to have her .... and no, she isn't dictating this post.
But I bet she's looking for spelling mistakes :)
Nah, I know why my Austin-Healey is leaking oil. I do often wonder if I divorced my wife now whether I could get away with my cars, watches, car posters and models. I think I still can...
I would do this, and if I was faffing to a similar degree, I would expect my husband to suggest doing this.
The above is all very good advice.
Basically, yes. Just as society programs women to feel like their first and best asset is the way they look, it also can mean that this bleeds into how their home looks, how nice or clever their kids are. Because society also programs women to measure their worth in the male gaze (you lot mostly won't notice it, but every time you give an opinion on a woman's appearance when she hasn't personally asked you for it, you are part of this), women often end up in competition with each other.
I some social gatherings, I am totally chill. In others, like when my husband's workmates are all together plus the WAGs (of which I am one), I am constantly on edge. They're all good fun but somehow I feel different and "other" and it's an effort.
Your making the basic mistake of looking for logic.
If I had a facebook status (which I don't) it would be "waiting for Sal" as that covers most of my leisure time.
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