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Thread: TOTALLY RUBBISH films you've watched recently...

  1. #951
    The Haunting of Borley Rectory.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqxsfRjz1t8

    My mistake here was to be taken in by the case, it was quite a nice case featuring not only the normal box but also a paper sleeve, printed neatly on it were a couple of lines from reviewers giving it 5 stars. My next mistake was assuming the 5 star reviews were 5 out of 5, it quickly became clear they were out of 100 or possibly 1000.

    I don't know what the budget was but it wasn't spent on the script the actors the costume or the cinematographers... or the sound or the props. That leaves the packaging, Hmmmm



    This was clearly made as a straight to DVD movie, straight to bin might have been better, saved me £7 and 20 minutes of my life (I didn't finish it)


    One to avoid at all costs.




    Or possibly the perfect gift for the one you hate.

  2. #952
    Journeyman DamianM's Avatar
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    I watched The Sisters Brothers at a secret screening in our local omniplex on Monday night. Was pretty crap tbh.

  3. #953
    Master sean's Avatar
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    Wanted to watch this J. J. Abrams-produced movie after reading positive reviews:



    Accidentally watched this:



    Everything about it was disappointing, including, inexplicably, Dominique Swain's breasts.

  4. #954
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    Quote Originally Posted by bond View Post
    I turned Mandy off after 15 minutes. Psychedelic nonsense which is kind of oxymoronic

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    Glad you said that, so did I. Thought I was missing some clever subtext!

  5. #955
    Grand Master SimonK's Avatar
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    Hellboy. What a load of cobblers. I was looking forward to a bit of escapist silliness but this is just dire. And I made the error of seeing it in 4DX, so having been tossed about in my seat with cold air blown on the back of my neck for 2 hours I'm now feeling quite unwell.

  6. #956
    Grand Master SimonK's Avatar
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    Bum, just got caught out with another stinker - Hotel Artemis. Utter, utter dross. Crap storyline, crappier script, piss poor directing and a wasted cast.

  7. #957
    Quote Originally Posted by SimonK View Post
    Bum, just got caught out with another stinker - Hotel Artemis. Utter, utter dross. Crap storyline, crappier script, piss poor directing and a wasted cast.

    Totally agree, saw the cast and assumed it was going to be decent. Got to the end and my other half said thank God that's over, if she'd spoken up sooner I'd have switched it off and saved an hour or so of our lives.

    Dreadful.

  8. #958
    Craftsman Jpshell's Avatar
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    Aquaman

    Apart from one Batman movie, DC just can't get it right....utter tosh

  9. #959
    Master mjrennie's Avatar
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    The Festival.

    Rubbish.

  10. #960
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    I was looking forward to watching ARRIVAL but found it pretty dull.

    I'm happy to switch my brain off and liked the twist but the plot was just pants.

  11. #961
    Owl1
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    The Big Red One ..thought it was a porno but it turned out to be a War film.

  12. #962

    TOTALLY RUBBISH films you've watched recently...

    Logan Lucky. Did nowt for me. Turned it off, in fact. The characters just never came out to me

    Brawl in Cell Block 99 with Vince Vaughn. Absolutely awful script, more wooden acting than my fat uncle’s rocking chair, totally ridiculous scenes (what the f is happening when he starts punching up his car?). Utter tosh


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    Last edited by notenoughwrists; 2nd June 2019 at 11:25.

  13. #963
    Master village's Avatar
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    Godzilla-King of the monsters.

    Hmm...what can I say? Oh yes,it's crap.
    Crap acting,crap characters,crap plot. Just basically crap.

  14. #964
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    The Poison Rose with Travolta and Freeman. Totally rubbish.

    Menno

  15. #965
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    I don't know whether to put this here or int he good film thread. It was rubbish but really enjoyed Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

  16. #966
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    Dark Phoenix is pretty rubbish. The girl from game of thrones (Sansa) has become a very very poor actress, even more so when she attempts to be American.
    It's a damn shame what they let happen to the xmen franchise, it started as good comic book action but the "alternate timeline" stuff has all been crap as far as I can see.
    Logan was excellent, they should have stopped there.

  17. #967
    Grand Master SimonK's Avatar
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    Just watched 'I Am Wrath' on Netflix, fairly standard revenge flic.

    But the question is, if Hollywood can make us believe a man can fly, if they can create enire alien landscapes down to the last detail, if they can reproduce the beaches of Normandy such that we believe we are there, if they can make Dustin Hoffman look like a one hundred year old man and Kurt Russell look like a 25 year-old, then why can't they give John Travolta a convincing wig - one which doesn't look like he's got an otter pelt stuck to his head?

  18. #968
    Master village's Avatar
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    Wolf:

    So....basic premise involves Roman soldiers,Picts and werewolves (of a sort). I wasn't expecting cinema gold but thought it might be watchable.

    Script/Screenplay - crap
    Casting - crap
    Acting - crap
    Tension - bearing in mind the story - crap
    Werewolves - when you finally see one it's basically a bloke without a shirt on and a set of those novelty plastic vampire teeth shoved in his mouth.

    It was utter rubbish....people were walking out.

  19. #969
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    Chasing Bullitt.

    Biopic about Steve McQueen supposedly based on him finding his Green Mustang from Bullitt. The first film I’ve watched for years that I couldn’t sit through and had to turn off.

    Doubly bad as I was quite looking forward to watching it.

  20. #970
    Once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh its bad.

    Also Holmes and Watson, the least funny thing I have seen for a long time

  21. #971
    Captain Marvel

    -captain pants more like.

    Its 2 hours of Bree Larson flouncing around with her hair looking glamorous. The hairstyle totally upstages her acting. She was trying to play it aloof, she came across as a retarded bimbo.

    She has an 'ultimate' super power, can fly in space and is therefore totally pointless. Who would actually fight her, she's got an infinite weapon?

    Rubbish MCU offshoot.

  22. #972
    Grand Master snowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Doc View Post
    Captain Marvel

    -captain pants more like.

    Its 2 hours of Bree Larson flouncing around with her hair looking glamorous. The hairstyle totally upstages her acting. She was trying to play it aloof, she came across as a retarded bimbo.

    She has an 'ultimate' super power, can fly in space and is therefore totally pointless. Who would actually fight her, she's got an infinite weapon?

    Rubbish MCU offshoot.
    Totally agree.

    My son reckoned we'd enjoy this one, but it was an all time low for me!

    M

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    Breitling Cosmonaute 809 - What's not to like?

  23. #973
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    I think the new Spidey film gives it a run for the money though. Dire, real shame.

  24. #974
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordan-arch View Post
    Once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh its bad.
    That one seems to be marmite.


    Quote Originally Posted by Passenger View Post
    the new Spidey film gives it a run for the money though. Dire, real shame.
    Agreed, pure dross. Thankfully it only cost me a vitality voucher.

  25. #975
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordan-arch View Post
    Once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh its bad.

    Also Holmes and Watson, the least funny thing I have seen for a long time
    I didn’t get past the flouncing on what to wear for the court case at the start.


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  26. #976
    Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordan-arch View Post
    Once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh its bad.

    Also Holmes and Watson, the least funny thing I have seen for a long time
    @ Once upon... being bad. Explain, please.

    M.

  27. #977
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    Yup, Holmes and Watson. Shocking.

  28. #978
    Craftsman bdkelly72's Avatar
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    I liked the first one but the new Hell boy surely takes the title.. Worth watching for comedic (and not deliberate) value


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  29. #979
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    Holmes and Watson, and The Predator; extremely poor :(

  30. #980
    Craftsman Jpshell's Avatar
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    The need Hellboy reboot

    Wowser, shocking. Like a series of pop vids

  31. #981
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    the dead don't die.

    oh dear that was bad and a huge missed opportunity to make a good zombie movie

  32. #982
    Master amnesia's Avatar
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    SWMBO and I watched Mother! last night...

    A seemingly good cast of Michelle Pfeiffer, Ed Harris, Javier Bardem, Jennifer Lawrence - what could go wrong ??

    Started off OK ish, although neither of us could work out what was really going on, but about halfway through it descended into an absolute pile of toss.
    Didn't watch the last 20 minutes... Expedition with Steve Backshall was on Dave and looked infinitely better.

  33. #983
    Craftsman Byron's Avatar
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    Chernobyl diaries on amazon. Absolute plop.

  34. #984
    Master amnesia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Byron View Post
    Chernobyl diaries on amazon. Absolute plop.

    I actually rather like that film... it's got a good (if a little unexplained) twist at the end, too.

  35. #985
    The Dark Crystal - now I know its a cult film.... and that I actually bought it on dvd to watch...... but wasn't expecting much.....

    but - it was worse than I ever could have imagined - had to turn it off....... utter total tosh... the muppet movie was far better... lol

    And they are streaming a series of it im told?

  36. #986
    Master village's Avatar
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    Mortal Engines....... all steampunk style over substance. 4/10

  37. #987
    Master IAmATeaf's Avatar
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    TOTALLY RUBBISH films you've watched recently...

    I watched In The Tall Grass last night on Netflix, what a completely rubbish film with lots of unanswered questions. Felt so aggrieved that i wasted time watching it that I endured it to the end.
    Last edited by IAmATeaf; 1st December 2019 at 13:56.

  38. #988
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    "Cold Pursuit" a Liam Neeson vehicle, which was totally daft but not even in the usual action- thriller brain-out type of way....

  39. #989
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    "Braven" on Netflix - another Jason Momoa vehicle, where he basically plays the same character. I should have known better after Cold Pursuit the other day.

    Also watched "Spinning Man", again on Netflix, with the Mrs. Even with Guy Pierce, Pierce Brosnan and Minnie Driver, we both thought it was a pile of pants.

  40. #990
    Master igorRIJEKA's Avatar
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    Rambo last blood-on a scale from 1-10,it could be 0,1

  41. #991
    Grand Master SimonK's Avatar
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    Not totally rubbish, but not far off

    6 Underground on Netflix (their second-biggest budget production of all time), a sort of violence-driven cross between The A-Team and Mission Impossible (the Tom Cruise one) with Ryan Reynolds trying to play it straight, and failing, in the Hannibal Smith/Ethan Hunt role. Violence, big and expensive effects, exotic locations, good cast (including the Israeli bloke from Fauda as the baddie), good director - but finally a film less than the sum of its parts.

    All very obviously brought to you by Alfa Romeo, Heineken, Lavazzo, Chopard, Belstaff, etc., etc..

  42. #992
    Ad Astra - no plot and made no sense whatsoever to me .

  43. #993
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    F&F Hobbs and Shaw on Sky. £5.99 down the drain!

  44. #994
    Master igorRIJEKA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waxman View Post
    F&F Hobbs and Shaw on Sky. £5.99 down the drain!
    +1
    But in my case, £0 down the drain :)

  45. #995
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimonK View Post
    Not totally rubbish, but not far off

    6 Underground on Netflix (their second-biggest budget production of all time), a sort of violence-driven cross between The A-Team and Mission Impossible (the Tom Cruise one) with Ryan Reynolds trying to play it straight, and failing, in the Hannibal Smith/Ethan Hunt role. Violence, big and expensive effects, exotic locations, good cast (including the Israeli bloke from Fauda as the baddie), good director - but finally a film less than the sum of its parts.

    All very obviously brought to you by Alfa Romeo, Heineken, Lavazzo, Chopard, Belstaff, etc., etc..
    +1

    Could have been good...but something just missing (like a coherent plot)

  46. #996
    Went to see Cats last night with petal. Free tickets with some banking offer or other she’s found. Anyway glad it wasn’t longer. Some bits in the middle were ok but it’s over-CGI’d if that makes sense. You don’t know if you’re watching a film or a cartoon but feels more like a cartoon. Some of the dialogue was just a bit “meh” as well. Lame.

    Missable.

    I hear they’ve done a v2 edit to answer some of the criticisms.

  47. #997
    Master pacifichrono's Avatar
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    I pretty much agree with all the bitching on this page, except for...

    Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

    While this was far from Tarantino's best work, it was not a horrible film, either. Yes, I was disappointed that it didn't reach the very high expectations I had for it, but it turned out to be a 'decent' movie overall, as shown by the scores it racked up on Rotten Tomatoes: 85% Tomatometer ("Certified Fresh") from an aggregate of over 500 film critics, and a solid 70% audience score, based on over 26,000 viewer ratings.

    Not "Rubbish."

  48. #998
    6 underground was awful. Truly awful.

  49. #999
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    Angel Has Fallen.

    I don't know why I tried to watch it after the first two.

    I really don't.

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  50. #1000
    Grand Master hogthrob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jon8oy View Post
    Angel Has Fallen.

    I don't know why I tried to watch it after the first two.

    I really don't.
    You presumably went into that with pretty low expctations. Are you saying it failed to meet them?

    I watched it and felt it was an OK example of that type of film - nothing great, but watchable. Unlike 6 Underground, which inexplcably is appearing the in 'great movies' thread. I managed only a couple of minutes with that one.

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