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I'm best man at my best friend's wedding next weekend, and although it will not be a massive event, I am rubbish at weddings and a bit nervous. In particular I am anxious about the speech, as I have basically not a clue what to say. :shock:
So, good people of TZUK, have you got any tips, tricks or suggestions for a best man's speech or general duties? Stories of abject best man failures would also be welcome... might cheer me up.
http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/sa...e.aspx#bestman
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Jim.
Thanks - looks handy. I looked at some internet sites for help but most seemed to want money for their content.Originally Posted by jwg663
Keep it short, and relatively clean! Biggest mistake is folk droning on, keep it to three or four mins - easier for you, easier for the audience.
Joke as an intro, give thanks on behalf of the bridesmaids, and then two or three digs at the groom. Everybody's rooting for you, so have a couple beers and enjoy the moment :)
That's exactly the sort of advice I want to hear!
I'm aiming for short, and not too many recycled gags, tempting though it is.
the best peace of advice I ever recieved was "there is no such thing as a sh*t short speech"
you will find some of the protocols listed on websites about what you should include and who you are actually proposing the toast to... normal routine about bride looking amazing and bridesmade's looking fabulous etc...
in my experience people love to hear shared stories so long as it wasnt one of those times where you just had to be there to find it funny. tumble weed moment... :shock:
whilst it is usual to give the groom a bit of a hard time, its not pleasant to see the poor chap squirm or blush form the enormous list of previous conquests or pointing out the number of other wedding guests he has already slept with!!
remember, everyone is pulling for you on the day, no one is there to trip you up or expect you to suddenly turn into Stephen Fry over night! (talking about his eloquent speaking as apposed to his sexuality!)
you will do fine... :wink:
ooh and no stag night inuendo as you will get a whole heap of lads into trouble all at the same time and they wont be thankful!! :lol:
We're all too old for severe stag night naughtiness anyway!
Thanks for all the replies so far... it's helping!
....'when I first heard Steve got a ring for Mary I thought, seems like a fair swap' .....tah dah :D
....'my advice to you Steve is keep in with the mother-in-law. I never spoke to mine for the first three years, not because we didn't get on it's just I thought it was rude to interrupt'.....tah dah :D
Respect the past, live the present, protect the future
You know your mate and his Mrs so the best thing is to keep it honest.
If you are not a comedian, don't try to be. If you find emotion easy play on this.
Play to your strengths
My best men prepared a slide show of pictures of me growing up, from baby pics through teen years, (80's) into adulthood. Some were funny on their own, some were slightly doctored in photoshop.
I used the same technique when I was best man last year, (in the Roman Baths in Bath!). Now I am the worlds worst, most nervous public speaker, but having the pictures projected on a big screen took the focus away from me, all I had to do was introduce and explain each pic, and used the pics to back one funny story from my mates past.
To prepare the speech I sat down with his parents who gave me some great material and pictures then knocked it together with a mate of mine and did a few practice run throughs... All you need is laptop, projector and screen - the latter two were actually provided by the venue!
Roars of laughter, everyone happy, best of all I didn't have to say too much. It worked for me!
Rob
As my cousin said at his brother's wedding (he was best man): "A good best man's speech is like a mini skirt... Just long enough to cover everything but short enough to be interesting"
Cheers,
I'd definitely keep it short and sweet. We went to a wedding last weekend and experienced the best of speeches and the very worst; the worst ones having not been rehearsed or timed, which meant a lot of people getting very bored, which probably made it seem worse than it actually was. No one's expecting you to be a comedian so don't try too hard to raise a laugh, just go with the flow. Have a drink beforehand to steady the nerves ;)
Have to agree with keeping it short & sweet, and while I agree you should have a drink before hand - just don't get carried away...so people do the speeches before the meal now which means you can actually then sit down and enjoy your food ... might be worth talking to your friend?
Aside from the speech, remember the other duties you are there for, try not to let the nerves of speaking later in the day consume your mind.
And mainly enjoy it, it's a good opportunity to embarrass your mate (while keeping it clean) and it will be over before you realise.
Report back here after the wedding to let us know how you got on..
As per above, I'd play to your strengths. If you can be funny, go balls out and do it. If not, short and sincere is probably the best bet. To be honest, I wouldn't worry about it too much in any case - people aren't there to hear the best man's speech and the reality is that it'll be forgotten almost immediately in any case regardless of how good or bad it is.
Assuming it's not totally catastrophic, of course.
I'll hold that thought... :lol:
Thanks for the replies chaps. Keeping it short is the way for me. Some good ideas but there's a limit to what I can do at this stage.
The schedule is all fixed, and the speeches are going down after the meal. I'll be taking it easy but inevitably quite lubricated by then, so god help us all.
Surely we've missed your most important duty?...
...you know the one involving the bridesmaid? :wink:
I was married a few years ago - sorry, I mean last month - and the best man completely screwed up. He started by listing nicknames only he's ever used (arse boy being the politest) and went on to explain why I'm clearly gay (I'm not). He read out a spoof letter from the French police, who once put me up for the night, and he'd been specifically been told not to talk about it at all. The speech lasted 15 minutes and at the end you could hardly hear him because everyone was talking and ignoring him. He spoke so quietly no one from the middle of the room back could hear him but sadly all the very elderly guests could. We've heard back that my wife's huge family had all got together fo a birthday party while we were on holiday and none of them had any Idea what the speech was about...
"A man of little significance"
Don't use something you found on the Internet. Also avoid reams of jokes found online too :)
As said already though, keep it shortish, make it personal to the groom, and remember to thank the bridesmaids.
ANY jokes about the bride are extremely risky :D
And practice practice practice - do it until you can remember every damned word so you don't end up reading off a sheet of paper :)
Remember though, everyone in the room will be on your side and they'll want to see the funny bits in anything you say. Some of the biggest laughs I got were from little anecdotes that I hadn't even thought were funny.
Good luck!
I started my speech with the line "Don't worry, this won't be a long speech. As a married man myself, I'm not used to speaking for more than 2 minutes without interruption". It seemed to go down well (even with the missus!)
Uhmm I thought the same, but on my stag do my then to be best man, bought random girls drinks from the whip money tried to tip the waitress in the Indian £80 again from the whip( in hope of getting her phone number) till my father in law to be stopped him and suggested if he wanted to impress her use his money not ours. Had a row with me as I told him to go to the bar and buy some drinks, with the whip....and stop trying to pull an 18 year old, he s 46 , oh and married. He then wanted to fight 3 of us including me... Not spoken to him since and he did not come to the wedding just a nightmare. So don't do any of that and you will be fine
Best thing to start a speech is get on your feet, take a deep breath, smile and look round the room - just gives you a moment of calm before you start.
And speak loudly but slowly - it'll feel like it's really slow but in reality it will allow everyone to hear you clearly, and if people laugh at a joke then stop until they finish, if they don't laugh then don't let it phase and keep going.
I've done the best man duties a couple of times now, my favourite backhanded is " .... they do say that opposites attract, and looking at how beautiful the bride is today then it must be true", nice way of complimenting the special lady whilst getting a crafty dig in at the groom :wink:
Follow Stoat's advice....makes a lot of sense IMO.
Don`t get too pissed beforehand, steer clear of risque jokes.....you DO NOT want to offend anyone so don`t take the risk.
Keep it short, keep it sharp, keep it sincere.
I`ve been best man twice for the same guy......not many folks have done that :)
Paul
I have, for my best friend, and to the same woman! :lol: *
My advice to the OP would be not to drink too much as you'll want to be sharp when you do it. It's the easiest crowd you'll ever give a speech to and everyone will want you to do well so don't worry about them. If you can start off with an ice breaking joke then great but if you're not a funny guy then just make sure you're sincere. Don't make it too long and leave your best joke for the end. Don't forget to compliment all the right people, try not to drone on and remember that nothing you say should make grandma blush. That's about it really. You'll enjoy it when your time comes. :)
Edit - no, he isn't Richard Burton. :lol:
Hey OP on a side note, can you let us know what the groom gets you as a gift? I've my wedding coming up in September..since joining this form, have been thinking about getting my best man a watch :wink:
I got my best man a Stowa Flieger. I bought him that as I knew he didn't have a "proper" watch and would value it for special occasions. If he was into watches, I think I would have looked for something else.
If you're stuck for content - use the letters of the Groom's name to describe said groom, can be funny, can be sincere...
"so what can I say about my oldest & best friend... jd,
well j is for... d suggests..."
if we are talking about Mother-in-law jokes you could do what somone on Radio 1 did quite a few years back (chris evans I think)
he asked people to fill in the blank and send in responses "I take my mother in law everywhere with me because......." you could get your own printed up and put on the tables on the day...
My favorite I can remember were ""I take my mother in law everywhere with me because....... I want to be there when she drops dead!" :shock:
or "I take my mother in law everywhere with me because....... I cant bear to kiss her goodbye!" :lol:
maybe not very PC but would get a reaction/audience participation... :wink:
The masterclass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOrLr4rk6qs
8)
A good friend of mine got married at the weekend and while speaking to the best man the night before he had far too much ammo on the groom. He managed to get rid of most of it by following a now golden rule... "if it needs any sort of explanation to be funny, leave it out!"
His was actually one of the best speeches I've heard in a while!
Joe
I beg to differ.
EVERYONE expects you to be funny but that is in your favour. They want to laugh so it is easier to make them laugh. Just do not misjudge the room :wink:
Respect the past, live the present, protect the future
I've been a best man a couple of times and found that the following works well:
- keep it short
- speak loudly and clearly
- use some visual aids, like photos etc if you can. But remember its not a birthday party.
- focus on some funny stories about the couple that display in a funny way how much they love each other. Try to ensure that every anecdote has a point, and if you can bring it back to the relationship you score some extra points.
- avoid cliches about mothers in law, the bride etc. make it fresh and unique.
- check with the bride and groom whenever in doubt whether you can talk about something
- don't recycle jokes you found on the net. And if you really can't help yourself, try to customise them a little.
- don't read from a piece of paper. Rehearse it well enough so all you need is four or five dot points on a card.
- end with a nice toast to the groom and bride. And don't forget the families and the bridesmaids too.
- have fun. This is a great honour you have been a trusted with. Make it your day too!
Forgotten how good that was :o
Got mine some very nice cuff links mainly to make sure he has a pair for the wedding but also because anything really nice ( watch etc) would just sit in a draw.
Plus we all felt the money would be better spent providing the bar for the night than on loads of gifts for the everyone.
Yeh that's a fair point...just hadn't pit much thought into it yet :D
Thanks for all the replies again lads… some useful tips and much helpful reassurance.
I am, to be honest, not much of a fan of weddings so it’s helpful to have a few other perspectives and etiquette hints. I think the bride and groom are starting to wonder why they’re doing it too now – they’ve been together ten years – but they’re looking forward to a week off afterwards if nothing else.
I didn’t realise the best man was supposed to get a present… it’s quite a low key wedding, and I sort-of hope he hasn’t bothered. He’s got plenty of other things to worry about at the moment, like whether the hotel will be above water!
There is some really good advice on here!
I have been a best man a few times now and never really enjoy the experience as it is more fun just to be a guest! You can’t get too drunk too early, else all the wheels will come off. But after the speech, you can relax and that is when your fun starts…. Up until that point, you are still ‘working’.
It is a nice honour though and it will mean the world to your mate that you are doing it.
Try to speak slowly, and leave pauses where needed. It will probably feel really slow and disjointed to you, but to the audience they will just be taking it in and really will not notice. In my opinion there IS an expectation for you to be funny, but you don’t need to be a comedian despite what other people’s opinions are. If you are going to do a few gags, keep them clean and simple that everyone can enjoy them.
If you aren’t good at speaking in front of people then try to stay calm and don’t drag out the speech. It is a speech, not a lecture after all! The one thing that is really important to realise is that everyone in the room will be on your side and probably understand what you are feeling.
I've only done it once and like you I was bricking myself. Everyone told me that once you stand up and start the speech, you'll enjoy it and they are right. Everyone in the audience is behind you, you've won the crowd before you have even started!
Good luck.
To be honest I am 99% certain the gift is going in a draw never to be worn again but what can you do, it's just a token gesture really
Its my stag do this weekend, Lord knows whats going on as I only have the rough outline, Truth be told while my best man is good for the stag I am not looking forward to his speech, his idea of appropriate is not always inline with everyone elses, so his speech is getting reviewed and edited before hand, not by me but by someone in the family just to make sure there are not to many knob jokes.
Yep, got my best men (3), Dad and Father-in-law some cuff links from Paul Smith outlet shop. All same styles but different designs. They all wore them on the day and will hopefully get used again. When I was a best man I got a hip flask, which has yet to be used.Got mine some very nice cuff links mainly to make sure he has a pair for the wedding but also because anything really nice ( watch etc) would just sit in a draw.
Plus we all felt the money would be better spent providing the bar for the night than on loads of gifts for the everyone.
Reporting back… it all went ok on the day, no disasters and my speech went down pretty well. I did take some of the advice offered here, eg to avoid too many recycled jokes and keep it relatively inoffensive, and it definitely helped.
I didn’t get a watch though.
Thanks for all your replies and assistance. :salute:
I'm glad it went well for you. :)
Same here. I was bricking it before I did my first one. I've done a lot more public speaking since then and would feel pretty relaxed now, but at the time standing up in front of a couple of hundred people was pretty daunting.
At one wedding I attended the best man started off with "Winston Churchill once said that a speech should be just like a woman's skirt - long enough to cover all the salient points but short enough to keep things interesting, and who am I to ignore advice like that?". This is as good an entry joke as I've ever heard and you're welcome to it if you think it's appropriate.
Rob
Well done, am sure it's a relief...am sure your mate was glad to have you on the day regardless of whatever was going to happen with the speech.
I hope not too many people recorded it and you won't have to watch replays of it :D
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