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Thread: What I’ve learnt from films

  1. #1

    What I’ve learnt from films

    Saw this on money saving expert and thought I would share, apologies if it's a repost

    Things you would never know if it weren't for the movies...

    Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

    One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

    Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

    It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one... dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

    When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

    If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

    Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

    Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

    It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

    You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

    If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't.

    Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

    All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

    A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

    If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

    Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

    When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

  2. #2
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Very good :)

  3. #3
    Grand Master Jonmurgie's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    :lol: :lol: good stuff

  4. #4

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    good luagh :blackeye:

  5. #5
    Grand Master magirus's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Excellent! :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Also, serious fires in which people are trapped have numerous seats of flame and give off no smoke.
    F.T.F.A.

  6. #6
    Master Grandiloquence's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    I concur, very amusing. As Homer Simpson once said: "It's funny because it's true".

  7. #7
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Don't forget:

    Every elevator in the US has a roof-mounted escape hatch large enough for a fully armed 6' 6" man to climb through effortlessly.

  8. #8
    Master Ron Jr's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Quote Originally Posted by Filterlab
    Don't forget:

    Every elevator in the US has a roof-mounted escape hatch large enough for a fully armed 6' 6" man to climb through effortlessly.
    They do thats in the building code.

  9. #9
    Grand Master boddah's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    :D :lol:
    "I looked with pity not untinged with scorn upon these trivial-minded passers-by"

  10. #10
    Grand Master mr1973's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Great :lol: :lol: :lol:
    I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

  11. #11

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Also:

    When being chased by Mad Dogs/Aliens/Chainsaw Nutters your car, which has always performed perfectly and in fact was fine when you used it to get to the murder scene, will, on this one occasion, fail to start.

    It is a dead cert that, whilst climbing a ladder immediately prior to encountering an armed opponent, you will drop your gun.

    You will need to bring a book to read to avoid getting bored whilst the arch enemy pointing a gun at you launches into a lengthy and vainglorious monologue.

  12. #12
    Craftsman Emeister's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Quote Originally Posted by dowsing
    diaphanous underwear
    Try working that phrase into every conversation for the rest of the day :D

  13. #13
    Grand Master mr1973's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    TV repairman is not as exciting as I thought it would be.

    And, there's never a blonde friend in the shower.
    I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

  14. #14

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    To add...

    Wise men have beards.
    Fat people are funny.
    If it's raining it's going to be a bad day.
    Natural disasters only take in heavily populated areas.
    Don't trust robots.
    Englishmen with black beards are evil.

  15. #15
    Craftsman ChronoCop's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

    - while its perfectly clean without a speck of dust.

  16. #16
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    all very good , v amusing :D

  17. #17

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Pretty good - i like it :lol:

  18. #18

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    .... never ever turn the lights on if you here a noise/suspect someone has broken in and go and investigate

  19. #19
    Grand Master thieuster's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    No-one ever needs to go to the bathroom in a hurry. Even the serie '24', Jack Bauer was able to safe California/The USA/The World without visiting the bathroom.

    Menno

  20. #20

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    If you're the sidekick of a "maverick cop" you'll be dead before the end of the film!

  21. #21

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    after a weird phoneCall you stare at the horn. And when your gun is empty you throw it at the bad guy like you're a toddler throwing his first ball. Your shoelaces are never loose. Teachers always wear jackets with elbow patches.

  22. #22
    Master
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    Spacecraft need wings in order to manoeuvre properly at speed in the vacuum of space.

  23. #23
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Brilliant, seen some of them before but still brought a smile :)

  24. #24
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Quote Originally Posted by hharry
    Teachers always wear jackets with elbow patches.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeusIrae
    Spacecraft need wings in order to manoeuvre properly at speed in the vacuum of space.
    :laughing5: Brilliant!

  25. #25
    Grand Master magirus's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Quote Originally Posted by Filterlab
    Quote Originally Posted by hharry
    Teachers always wear jackets with elbow patches.
    Quote Originally Posted by DeusIrae
    Spacecraft need wings in order to manoeuvre properly at speed in the vacuum of space.
    :laughing5: Brilliant!
    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    F.T.F.A.

  26. #26
    Master Ron Jr's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    If you are in a cabin near an abandoned summer camp DO NOT have sex.

  27. #27
    Master
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Never trust friendly strangers living in a small town in mid-west America. They're bound to murder you

  28. #28
    Master lysanderxiii's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Coughing is a sign of terminal illness.

    If a plan to defeat the bad guys, kill a monster, trap a killer animal, fails due to unforeseen events, you cannot just try again with the same plan, or refine the plan, you must come up with a totally different plan.

    All that is required for a girl to become beautiful is for her to remove her glasses.

    People shot with a gun that has a silencer attached will never scream.

    Every American military unit has a soldier named "Kowalski".

    All female scientists are really HOT!

  29. #29

    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Quote Originally Posted by lysanderxiii
    All female scientists are really HOT!
    I've also noticed that women can be become hotshot scientists by the age of 25 whilst men have to wait until their mid-30s. Political Correctness gone mad, i tell you.

    also:

    Crashing cars always explode in massive fireballs.

    Whenever it rains it buckets it down, monsoon style.

    Anyone with an English accent is snooty, evil, German or gay.

    If the bad guys/aliens need to destroy a city they always start with under-policed places like New York.

    Meteorites always fall in the USA first. Usually the North Eastern coast.

    There is always room to sit at the counter in a bar. You always get the bartenders attention very quickly. When you've finsished you never need to ask the price and the bartender is always happy if you toss him a random note.

  30. #30
    Master lysanderxiii's Avatar
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    Oh, and one last thing...

    Ambition, especially in younger people, always equals evil, only lazy, listless bums who seem to have no direction in life are honest and/or care about the world.

  31. #31
    Journeyman
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    Re: What I’ve learnt from films

    If there's a fire all the sprinklers in the building go off... (I work in the fire protection industry and this gets my goat everytime!!)

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