War! Famine! Monkeypox! Will 2022 ever get any better? Yes! (or maybe no depending on your opinion), because it’s almost time for this year’s series of Love Island!
It’s the show where the wildest z-list fantasies of an amazingly eclectic selection of bored young women sitting by the pool chatting shite all day can be fulfilled, whether that’s marrying the Scottish League One footballer of their dreams or a centre page photo spread in Heat magazine clambering drunkenly out of a cab at 2am in a miniskirt having “forgotten” to wear underwear.

Before we see the girls, let me just spare a moment to help those people who take serious offence at vapid TV entertainment that they’re never going to actually watch. Here’s a rundown of previous TZ-UK Love Island thread comments so nobody has to repeat themselves. Lets try and be original folks!

"While there is breath in my body I will not be bringing myself to watch this absolute shite."
"I’d sooner undergo a prostate exam than spare any precious time on that pap."
"I was going to watch it but decided pushing angry wasps up my arse would be a better way to spend the hour"
"Never seen it, never intend to, don’t watch any ‘reality’ tv shows. Too many vacuous people talking rubbish."
"I'd sooner spend a nightshift at work, unpaid, than watch love island."
"I would rather stick pins in both eyes.........."
"how many contestant's have got to top themselves before they take it off the air"
"Had the misfortune to catch a snip of this as the OH was watching it last night. Painful. Just painful."
"Another program pandering to the hard of thinking."
"TV in its lowest form "
"Even my Mrs won't watch it, which speaks volumes. "
"Love Island is narcissism at its finest. horrific show. Even seeing a thread about it here has caused disappointment. "
"The show for me just highlights what is wrong in the world today."
"A show only suitable for vacuous young teens "
"Not watching it. Never watched it. Never watched any “reality” crap. I have a life to get on with."
"It’s just “he said” - “she said” tittle tattle for the easily pleased."
"How empty does your life need to be to have to invest in such vacuous characters?"
"I'd rather walk barefoot and blindfolded across 10 yards of randomly scattered Lego than watch that cobblers. "
"I’d rather eat my own feet.... "
“I can't help think that we are a tad light on philosophers and scientists.”
“I'd genuinely rather nail my Balls to a burning shed than watch this vacuous garbage, it's guaranteed to destroy your faith in human nature.”

Anyway, here’s this year’s ladies:


Indiyah Polack is a waitress from London. Apparently she’s going to bring "a lot of flavour" to the show so it’s probably safe to say she doesn’t work at TGI Fridays or Harvester.


Model and dancer Tasha Ghouri, from Thirsk, North Yorkshire, is the show's first deaf contestant. Let’s hear it for her!


Paige Thorne, 23, is a paramedic from Swansea. She describes herself as “quite mumsy” but I doubt we’ll be seeing her in Boden pants, cardigan and a pearl necklace anytime soon. Well, maybe the pearl necklace if previous love island celebrities are anything to go by.


Gemma, 19, is a International Dressage Rider and business owner. She also happens to be the daughter of footballer Michael Owen who apparently isn’t too impressed that the country will be seeing his daughter wearing a bikini pulled right up the crack of her arse all day. Will she score more times than her father? We’ll soon find out!


Amber Beckford, 24, is a nanny from London. She doesn’t like “flashy, showy-off guys” so why she’s going on Love Island is anyone’s guess.

Same as every year, there are also some blokes trying to ruin the show but who gives a sh*t.

Happy viewing fellow Love Island fans!