First night as a single parent last night, very strange.
The wife and I have been under pressure for years due to what seemed like a never ending run of bad luck with the kids (legal, death, medical) and the fun & romance has long since been extinguished. There was just never any time for 'us' and we were simply carrying too much baggage.
So we took a pro-active and amicable decision to separate before the rot really set in and bitterness and resentment took hold. She's rented a smaller place around the corner with my daughter and I'm staying at the family home with my son and animals.
The kids have the freedom to roam between the two houses (they're 12 & 14) and we're intending on having a regular family meal once a week and scheduled nights to spend one to one time with each of the them. Both have been involved in the discussions and chose where they wanted to stay. Both are on the autistic spectrum, but are very different to each other.
it seems a strange thing to say, but our justification to separate is to provide a more stable environment for the kids and allow us both a chance to pursue future happiness again, whether alone, with new partners, or even getting back together again.
Only time will tell, but for the first time in years I've butterflies in my stomach, as I'm both scared and excited. But I actually feel alive again rather than just surviving. And it feels good.
And boy were my wife and daughter messy, I'm certainly not going to miss that and the clear up starts here - I'll be on first name terms with the guys at the dump after this Easter weekend !
And the first thing I've done for 'me' is to have a loud Miltek exhaust fitted to my S6. I can now hear the v10 and I'm wearing a silly school boy grin. Ha !
Wish me luck !
It's going to feel very strange. I remember how I felt when I went through similar.
It sounds as though you've both been incredibly pragmatic and its happening for the right reasons. Put the kids first (as you are) and let time slowly adjust your new life.
good fortune to you all.
I have been in a similar situation for the last 2 months, just me and my 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son at home now. My social life has never been so full, i'm only here now because i need a night off, i'm loving it.
If you're happy champ, enjoy it. All the best buddy.
Good luck!
Stay positive Darren. It's the only way forward.
Best wishes.
It's an easy decision but tough to implement but it sounds like you both felt the same and wanted the same thing (probably a first IMO) which must have made it easier.
Good luck to both of you and enjoy the freedom of being your own person again and not having to compromise to another person's agenda.
My period of freedom lasted an all too short period before I fell into the same situation again. A big mistake!
I wish you all the very best for the future what ever it may bring, came very close to something similar a few years back,
The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake.
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
It sounds like you are both being very sensible about the situation and taking positive action.
Good luck to you both.
R
Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.
Would just repeat what others have said, best of luck. Though with the attitude you and your family have adopted I don't think luck will take much part.
Good luck and dont make the classic mistake of getting involved with somebody else too soon, enjoy your new life!
An extremely mature decision on you both.
You sound to have had a fairly rough ride, so the very best wishes for your future, be it together or otherwise.
If there is more peace around, all the better.
It often takes absence to make you realise what you don't have any more !
Cheers, Peter
Good luck!
Good luck moving forward.
It's very easy to believe that staying together for the sake of the children is the best thing. My parents split up when I was ten and my sister vowed when she had kids that she would always stay married for the sake of the kids, but one philandering husband and a very unhappy 12 months that ensued persuaded her that the kids just get stuck in the middle of the turmoil and grief and they would be worst off. She divorced and things worked out well in the end and her relationship with her ex is very cordial these days.
Thanks guys.
I think the dynamics could change if a third party turned up on either side, but we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it.
In the meantime, lock up your wives & girlfriends!
Best wishes to you. It sounds like you have had a really tough time.
I really hope things work out for you all.
Glad you've managed to take a logical view of what is often an illogical situation.
Hope you find things easier as you go forward.
There's lots of evidence that what makes a difference to children in these circumstances is that their parents stay amicable, positive about each other and communicative. Good luck and best wishes to you all.
Good luck to you Darren. I am hoping to join you in the land of singleton very soon. My petition came through yesterday, I am being divorced for being 45 minutes late when picking her up from the airport! The plane was 25 minutes early, but I was watching the Open golf!!
How about a singles night for all us TZers that are on our own? There's a good lap dancing club in Chelmsford
Good luck with this - must feel very strange after so many years! I'm sure things will sort themselves out :)
Good luck mate.....you'll need it at some point.
It sounds like the pair of you have thought this through, I hope it works out OK and the relationship doesn`t descend into acrimony. Fortunately I got my domestic 'realignments' out of the way many years ago!
Paul
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