This is the "Everything TZ-UK Hates: in 1 watch" thread. It is where you can post watches that do everything wrong, watches that nobody likes: silly watches - the ugly, smelly, bad-personality, Billy-no-mates of horology.

You don't have to hate them, just most people. TZ-UK only really likes stuff that'll get recognised at the golf club. So, mainly Rolex. Some Rolex. Not all, because they also make some absolute kill-it-with-fire mutants...

Anyway, I really like this Blancpain, but from the off even its name is silly - I mean "White Bread"! Imagine if Bremont had called themselves "Mother's Pride"... Then they call it "Fifty Fathoms" even though it'll go a lot deeper, and if that isn't confusing enough, they also call it "Bathyscaphe" even though one of those dives deeper than anything else - which this also doesn't - it's not even Blancpain's deepest diver! Yes, it is ostensibly a diver's watch. For a really posh diver, who can afford to have his equipment made out of gold - air tanks, valves, weights - all gold, and his watch, his diver's watch - gold. You can almost taste the smugness.

And then it bungs a moonphase and triple date in for good measure - which of course have to be called 'QUANTIÈME COMPLET PHASES DE LUNE', 'cos that's posher. Obviously you need to know exactly where on the calendar you are when you're up to your neck in stingrays and pirate treasure. Not that it'll ever be on the right setting, because triple date moonphases never are.

£Thirty grand, eh?

But yeah, I do actually like it, even though it is ALL of the Rong™ all at the same time.