Reply With QuoteGreat post. I’ve been aware of the club for a while now and have heard they do amazing work. Hope you’re ok.
Sorry its such a negative thread title. All I really want is to plug Andy’s Man Club. It is now in 140+ locations around the U.K. and is just a great place to go if you are feeling these things, have a cup of tea and biscuits on a Monday evening at 7pm with some like minded wonderful people. I discovered Andy’s Man Club a few weeks ago and it is literally a life saver. Please look them up if you have a chance; and in particular if you ever feel in despair (sorry this is men only) Thanks.
Great post. I’ve been aware of the club for a while now and have heard they do amazing work. Hope you’re ok.
Appreciate the heads up. Had no idea such a club existed.
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Biggest cause of death for men below 50 in the UK is suicide . Terrible more is not done to tackle it . I’ve personally known two people who commited suicide one of whom I had the unfortunate task of having to cut down and check for signs of life .
Despite having that experience like the majority of men I’ve had occassion to contemplate it myself ; thankfully only a couple but its surprisingly easy to get into that mindset .
One of the biggest hypocrisies pedalled by today’s society is that men don’t “share” or “confront” their inner feelings as we are not emotionally self aware enough .
Men who do reach out to friends and family for emotional support are often met with dismissal or abject scorn despite all the encouragement by virtue signalling numpties to let it all out . No wonder many men seek solace in the pub instead. These anonymous clubs and organizations are usually much more beneficial for men than “reaching out” to their social circle and the government still does not do enough to promote them and tackle the issues that men face regarding suicide.
If you do feel suicidal don’t ignore it . Call up the Samaritans and/or get to your GP . Don’t drink either ; alcohol is a factor in over a quarter of suicides .
Andy’s Man Club is brilliant. Thanks for posting.
https://andysmanclub.co.uk
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
Thanks for sharing.
An interesting read in the FT yesterday about the chancellors ideas to get long term sick back to work.
Significant number of workforce on long term sick are through mental health issues.
53% of people leaving the workforce through long term sickness the reason was depression or anxiety.
Source FT ( behind paywall )
Excellent thread yumma. If it just helps one member here or gives a member ‘food for thought’ which may help a friend of theirs, then it’s worth it.
Excellent thread as someone who has experienced suicide within our family I feel any organisation that deals in this difficult condition should be applauded and publicised.
Steve
Plus 1 from me. Thanks OP for sharing this.Originally Posted by higham5
Great shout. I was not aware of that one. As an aside, I would also highly recommend searching out your local service group.. Round Table was a life saver for me 10yrs ago, but Rotary or Lions are similar.. like minded individuals and new friends and support to be found there for sure.
That sounds like a really great group and incredibly worthwhile to give men some peace from nervous suffering.
Cheers,
Neil.
It takes strength and professionalism to talk openly about mental health. I go through these thoughts quite often and it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's not a weakness like a lot of people, especially men say it is.
I was with' ' OP Courage ' for a while and attended a very similar gathering but with military veterans, where we all had something in common.
Good on you OP.
Lord knows how many lives this organisation will save and improve. Great post.
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Gulp. Here goes. I don't want any sympathy just read and understand how important these services are.
Things like this are vital, not only to save lives of those who would otherwise take them, but also to save the lives of those they leave behind.
Earlier this year my wife tried to take her life. She's still not in a great way.
I myself have felt overwhelmed more and more with life circumstances and planned to take my own life 2 and a half months ago. I even sent a goodbye message to my mother on the night I was going to execute on the plan, in my mind it was totally logical and explained the reasons in a way I felt that she would agree with - in reality it devastated her and she's never been the same since but she has pulled everything together to get social services involved and also to get mental health support for me.
I don't really care about dying or not from a personal standpoint but also understand that's just how I feel now at this moment in time. What I have had my eyes open to is just how devastating suicide is on those left behind, and I feel absolutely terrible that my 70 year old mother is running around in her golden years trying to connect dots and bring support infrastructure together to help me (and get respite support for my son as he is the trigger for all of this despite it not being his fault). She was absolutely crushed, whenever I call her I can tell she's been crying. Imagine if I'd gone through on it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is use whatever resources you have available, how you feel today will usually change but the devastation left behind on others is permanent and will ruin lives in one of the cruellest ways possible.
Thanks for that. We have a mental health epidemic that makes COVID seem trivial. Support for people who just need that wee lifeline to hope and positivity can't be underestimated.
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So sorry to hear this Ryan. My thoughts are with you, your wife and family. I have been through lots of Counselling but AMC is a massive support system for me. All the best buddy. There will be better days ahead.
Given your other thread Ryan I think you may be trying to do too much. I know you want to earn a lot of money to take care of your family, but the mental and physical effort involved, added to the care your son and wife need from you must be tremendous. Perhaps stepping off the merry go round for a while would be better in the long term.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
Thanks for sharing. Not offering any advice but thanks for talking about it.
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Thanks for posting. We don't talk nearly enough about mental health.
Someone who lies about the little things will lie about the big things too.
A very sobering post, well done for sharing.
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
OP, thank you for sharing the post.
As a middle age man, with all the pressures of today’s living, I fully understand the need for these groups and more importantly the need to talk. As with a lot of things, I believe communication is the key to so many of our lives and goals.
I wrongly or rightly personally see groups like Andy’s Man Club, like yesterday social clubs, pubs, working men’s clubs and the likes, they give people the opportunity to speak. Some of the clubs I mentioned are no longer fit for today society so the opportunities to talk, moan or general chit chat have reduced but the need is still there.
Talking may not resolve the issues or concerns, although for me personally, it does help. And I’m not necessarily talking about my concerns, sometimes just chewing the fat. I know everyone has different releases, for me it’s about finding what works for the individual.
Thank you again for everyone contributing here!
I wanted to be able to respond to this yesterday however I couldn't quite find the words.
I'm still not sure I can however to the OP, Ryan and anyone else who feels as if they're being crushed by life then I sincerely hope you can find a release, and I'm genuinely happy to hear that an organisation such as AMC is making a tangible and positive difference to the lives of those who lean on it. I'm not having the best time of things at the moment and I'm currently trying to focus on what I can control over what I can't, though reading some of the above has certainly provided some self perspective.
Thank you for posting this, and wishing you all well.
Last edited by CardShark; 27th August 2023 at 11:47.
I'm shedding a tear writing this, just over a year ago a mate, Darren Atkinson took his own life, this isn't a request for donations, it's a reminder that as bad as things feel those you leave behind will continue to hurt long after, today is our annual charity bike ride, this year in memory of Darren with proceeds to a local male mental health charity, please talk to someone, chat, shoot the breeze, please talk.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1894...67964384275405
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
A couple of years ago I finally spoke to my wife about how I was feeling (typical stupid bloke logic had held firm for a long time, ie. Deal with it myself, don't talk to anyone about it).
Anyway I ended up self referring myself to NHS mental health. Best thing I could have done, after 3 phone sessions I had a much better outlook which kickstarted a massive change in my working life.
There is help out there and the self referral was a blessing as if I had to go through my GP I probably wouldn't have bothered.
Worth looking into if your local NHS offers it,
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/me...e/find-your-gp
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Some sobering stories on here.
A lot of pressure on young/middle aged men with job ,financial, family and relationship pressures.
A juggling act most of the time and when something goes tits up it's easy to see why ending it would seem appealing.
Good to know there is some help out there.
Good to see some clearly “ non cyclists “ getting out there and having a good time in memory. Good weather by the looks of it too.
I know several people who have had great support via AMC.
I work for a high support mental health service so fully understand the pressure on the NHS mental health teams.
It is worth checking to see if you have work place employee assistance programmes, they often come with support lines and access to councillors etc all confidential, be aware they will ask who your employer is but that's just to make sure it's a valid account. If you don't have one ask your boss if they have considered getting one my search and rescue team are looking at adding one and the cost is from a couple of quid per person per year depending on packages.
Unfortunately, I'm seeing more and more males taking their own life, don't be afraid to reach out, and if a mate says he's fine always ask if they really are fine.
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I was on a chainsaw course the other week and had a good chat with the assessor. His best mate had recently taken his own life a few weeks before. No signs were picked up by anyone, left behind a wife and two young kids. Heartbreaking.
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I've had a very rough patch lately (see the Tapering Strips thread) and this last week in particular has been hellish. The single biggest thing that has helped is having people to talk to. Andy’s Man Club looks like a great initiative.
Thanks for posting this.
Education, education.
Never to old to learn.
Very sorry to read this Ryan.
I sincerely hope that you and your family can navigate through this to a brighter future together. And I hope that the right help, guidance and support functions are all made available to you.
God bless.
Great post OP. I've had two friends sadly take their own lives and have struggled with depression myself. Modern society can be very tough on the psyche and it's vital to talk things through with a friend or therapist if you're struggling.
I do feel that men have been encouraged to be 'strong and silent' and quietly accept mental and emotional burdens beyond the call of duty at times. Things are changing for the better, but not fast enough truly. Men who have a mental health crisis can often lose employment, friends and relationships. This is simply unacceptable and should always be called out when it happens. After all, it wouldn't happen with a physical ailment. To all those that are struggling. May you find balance, peace of mind and happiness.
Well done on raising and reminding everyone what is such an important issue in todays society.
As a teenager I had personal experience of discovering a close family member who had taken the decision to end his life, sadly too late. The devastation that is left behind cannot be underestimated, and our family has never been the same since.
Despite what I witnessed, I’m one of the worst people for bottling things up inside and letting my thoughts run away with themselves. All I can say is, it’s hard, but do try to speak up, don’t suffer alone, get things off your chest. I’d also echo what someone mentioned earlier in the thread, When you’re feeling low/reflecting, try not to drink. It makes things exponentially worse.
There are resources out there (albeit you sometimes have to search them out) take the leap, and speak up.
Take care
Mike
1982 was bad year for me. The lyrics from Pink Floyd summed up my thoughts at the time.
Goodbye cruel world
I'm leaving you today
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye all you people
There's nothing you can say
To make me change my mind
Goodbye
But fortunately I got through it, not without mental scars that are with me to this day. “The Wall” lyrics haunt me as beautiful and poignant even today.
Good post OP.
“ Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.” HHGTTG
My wife’s nephew ended his life a few weeks back, leaving behind all sorts of questions and devastation. 17 years old. Whilst he did have mental health issues, I only wish he could have given life a few more years to see if things worked out better. 17 is very young to be fully knowledgable about the finality of death
My thoughts are with you and your family - far too young.
I think the education system should better promote mental health issues from a young age and what to do if pupils/students find themselves in a position where things are getting a bit too much. I’m not sure if nowadays it is something discussed as part of the curriculum, if not it definitely should be!
Apparently mental health issues are rampant among young girls too post covid, so it could be an idea to address it within schools, though it´d be one more issue that´s being foisted onto teachers in addition to their primary objective and might be counter productive in that it excuses, worsens the continuing insufficiency of resources within the established mental health system architecture...And here´s the real kicker, when what passes for much of society has become a hyper competitive- consumption fetishized, excessively looks based- hyper sexualised online- offline toxic stew, AND the environmental conditions supporting, enabling the developed world will likely end within the next 10, 20, 30 years it´s got to be bloody tough, mentally- emotionally for anyone regardless of gender to grow up facing, even tougher if they´re smarter than average, appreciate the big picture.
Hell back in the 80´s we only had the possibility of nuclear Armageddon, but it was a simpler, gentler time and we had the comfort of the MAD doctrine, plus Chopper and Grifter bikes, the possibility of buying a house was still within most folks reach...To paraphrase what someone said a couple of posts ago, the modern world is very tough on the psyche.
Last edited by Passenger; 29th August 2023 at 12:04.
In the past 18 months we’ve had 3 local boys take their own lives. I say boys because the eldest was only 19.
Also locally we have a very high aqueduct that has seen 3 suicides this year alone. In the 25 years I’ve lived here I’ve lost count of the total number that have jumped from the aqueduct. A neighbour was fortunate enough to talk someone from jumping in Dec last year. Luckily that person got the help she needed.
jeeez that´s desperately saddening to hear...that they came to believe, felt there was no other solution, way forward at such an early age...
Last edited by Passenger; 29th August 2023 at 12:52.
Thanks all and bless you all.
#andysmanclub
#itsokaytotalk
#Samaritans
Great post mate. Always here for you.Thanks all and bless you all.
#andysmanclub
#itsokaytotalk
#Samaritans
Best wrist shot on here.
Ryan, Yumma, drop me a pm if you ever need a chat & can give you my mobile. Or anyone else suffering tbh.
I’ve been in some dark places before, sometimes still get there. Always happy to chat with anyone.
Same here a year ago. In his 30s with 3 young children. Had problems for many years with addictions and had split with his partner. Had a new partner and seemed to be making some progress but obviously wasn't. It can be difficult to see how much people are struggling sometimes, especially if they haven't been easy to cope with. I sometimes wonder if it was a cry for help which went too far but we'll never know. I feel sorry for the children, it must be terrible for them.
Started out with nothing. Still have most of it left.
So many young men
Absolutely tragic
I've known 3 who have done it.
Only 1 seemed to have a problem you could put your finger on.
Really does go unnoticed.
Cheers mate. Looking forward to lunch next week.
Thanks buddy. Much appreciated.
100% mean it. We all need to talk and be more open. It is so wrong, that where I work I don’t think I can ever wear a band like that without being seen as a target.
I have just come across this thread and thought, with the day I have had, it would be worth resurrecting it. A colleague who I would semi regularly go for a beer with took his own life on Thursday night/Friday morning. I found out today and it has hit me hard.
It is impossibly sad to imagine how someone with three young children and a wife can imagine that life would be better for all if they were no longer there.
He was a good man who had told me about his extremely tough time of late. We had been in semi regular contact about it and things seemed to be improving so it is a huge shock. He was sounding much more positive about things.
It just shows you never know what is going on in someone’s head.
I have been dismayed to read of some of the difficulties some of you have had in this thread. If anyone needs a chat please do not hesitate to PM me and we can set something up. Genuinely I feel awake to this now in a way I had never done before. It is my first and hopefully last experience of suicide and I will do what I can to help those struggling from here on in.
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I wish I'd have known about these clubs five years ago. Good to see something like this out there.
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