Reply With QuoteSorry for your loss, I know that feeling of hurt, the only thing I can pass to you is something a friend told me, - the loss remains but the gaps between grief grow longer.Originally Posted by Linc
Lost my mother today. She had cancer but passed due to an infection. Even though I’m 48 years old I can’t stop crying.
To those that have lost loved ones. How did you deal with it? Does it get easier? I can’t imagine this pain ever going.
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Sorry for your loss, I know that feeling of hurt, the only thing I can pass to you is something a friend told me, - the loss remains but the gaps between grief grow longer.
"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."
'Populism, the last refuge of a Tory scoundrel'.
I am sorry for your loss.
Nothing anyone says will mean much at this point. You are still coming to terms with the awful event. But time is a healer, it’s a cliche but it is true. As each day passes you will learn to get on with life. There is nothing else you can do, focus on the good times, think of others who are going through what you are going through and pull together. Life has to go on.
It does not mean your mother will not be missed, it does not mean it will not hurt. But time will help you heal.
My thoughts are with you and your family at the awful time.
John
So sorry for your loss.
All I can say is talk to the people around you, be open and celebrate her life.
Time does heal but grief is very different for everyone.
Sending love to you and your family
Sorry to read this - I lost my mum (unexpected) last year.
It was a roller coaster of emotion for a while but things will settle eventually. Grief and crying are normal and it's helpful to get it out.
When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........
Sorry to hear of your loss but yes, it will get easier with time.
R
Ignorance breeds Fear. Fear breeds Hatred. Hatred breeds Ignorance. Break the chain.
Things do get easier but it takes time. Slowly the pain and grief fades and you can think more about the happy memories.
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Lost my mum in January 2021. My sister and I couldn't be with her in hospital when she passed due to COVID rules.
We were both devastated and it hit us really hard.
I was the same as you, I couldn't imagine getting over the awful feeling of loss. However, the pain eases with time. Try and remember the good times, the things that made you smile. I also found that the routine of work helped me, as well as some supportive colleagues.
Sorry to hear of your loss and I feel your pain. I lost my mother when I was 23 and she was only 43. Cancer.
I can tell you that it gets easier. It’ll take as long as it takes. Everyone’s different so don’t set yourself any targets to feel better or get over it.
I didn’t have a particularly supportive family or work environment so it was tough. I also had younger siblings to look after. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I got through it to be honest. But you do get through it and it does get easier over time. Talk to those close to you. Tell them how you’re feeling.
You’ll be fine, honestly.
Sorry to hear this. Everyone reacts differently. I lost my father around 13 years ago when he was 62 and I was 32. Cancer.
In my case it just becomes part of who I am. I retain the memories and occasionally will have a good cry when something triggers it. I do have some regrets about not spending as much time with him as I now wish I had, parents got divorced so it made it difficult.
I have a close relationship with my mother and know that when she passes I will be in bits.
All the best wishes and RIP to your mum - sounds like you have some great memories and lots of love that remains and that will endure over the years long after the initial pain has faded
So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 20, and my mom when I was 66. It doesn't get easier. Now at 75, I'm on my own final lap.
I've taken a broader view...it's all part of the "circle of life," with people, and animals, and plants all enjoying their seasons - - nature. I am SURE your mother is in a much better place now, waiting for the day you will reunite with her sometime down the road. Do you think she wants to see you punishing yourself with grief, or moving ahead with your life's plan?
Sorry for your loss OP. Try to focus on the good times, on the fact your mum is now no longer in pain, and (depending on your beliefs) that you will see each other again. My mum described it being "in a room next door" and always watching over me.
[My mum died suddenly when I was 20 (she decided to not tell me about her cancer); the pain dulls over time, but I still miss her daily (20+ years on). I also lost my twin as a child and I have no relationship with my father who left us early on - the gap is still there life (despite new family), but my belief that we will meet again helps me.]
As mentioned, no shame whatsoever in crying / grieving (I still cry about it now).
The pain never goes, you just get used to it. The initial loss and the simple truth you wont see them again gradually subsides and you realise that life continues.
The rawness will pass, wish you all the best.
Life always gets better after death of a loved one and when you're wondering why you're again experiencing much better times than anticipated it could be that someone is still helping you and will continue to do so.
"Well they would say that ... wouldn't they!"
So sorry for your loss.
They say time is a healer. I say that this is a load of rubbish. I lost my dad back in 2016 and I still cry.
Nothing wrong with showing your emotions, it just goes to prove how much love you had for your late mother.
Try to find comfort in the knowledge that all of her pain is gone and now she's at peace. I'm sure she'd be happy to know you grieve for her, it shows love, but she'd want you to smile and carry on more.
I can only echo what has already been said.
I am so sorry for your loss
“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.”
She will ALWAYS be with you
Last edited by John Wall; 6th May 2023 at 06:36.
Sorry for your loss. They live on in a fashion, remain with us in our memories and hearts. And time.
Firstly, please accept my condolences.
I lost my Dad in 2007, only 8 weeks after I got married. He had cancer but I was only 34 (and the youngest sibling of 3 by a large margin)
A wise man once said to me that losing someone was like a weight on your shoulders. At first it seems too heavy to bear. The weight is always there, you can never put it down but as time goes by, you learn to live with that weight. After a while, the weight will just become part of you, and some days you won’t even notice you’re carrying it but you never actually forget it…….
It was actually my Dad who told me that, explaining grief to me many years before he passed.
What he said to me makes far more sense than “Time is a great healer…..”
Good luck.
Then again if you´ve watched someone suffer, forget who they are, forget who you are, their quality of life deteriorate...it can be like a weight off your shoulders, just another perspective.
I'm really sorry.
Yes it's natural to cry. Don't bottle it up.
Yes it does get easier in time.
Things will trigger tears (like this thread).
Take comfort and strength from those who care for you, you're not alone.
It will get easier.
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my mum to cancer too, New Year’s Day 2017 don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
So sorry for you loss, it’s fine to cry and it speaking from experience like many others here, it definitely gets easier.
Everyone is different and at the time, I had to take myself away but today I feel that talking more would help.
Sorry for your loss never easy to deal with.
In time you will feel better but everyone deals with grief differently.
I'm sorry to hear this, and am grateful for you sharing.
Grief is love in the face of loss. It hurts and can feel overwhelming but shouldn't be suppressed. We experience a wide range of emotions that come and go at their own pace, and can include everything from anger, depression and guilt to comfort and even joy. As they arise and fall away they are all worth noticing and feeling deeply before they pass, as they are all part of the grieving process. Our love continues and and the grief remains, however in time we can learn to honestly accommodate it within our daily activities. Experiencing our grief can enable us to better support others, and inspire motivation to take care of other aspects of our lives.
Please seek support if you need it. This can come in many forms, Macmillan Cancer Support have some helpful pointers here:
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-...ort-with-grief
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum a year ago, and buried my oldest and dearest friend just one month ago. Both still hurt like hell, I'm filling-up typing this, but it does also grow number with time - such a cliché, but so true.
It is vital that you mourn in whatever way you want, and for as long as you need - there is no wrong way to mourn, and no clock is ticking.
It gets better, but you never stop missing those you have loved and lost.
I’m sorry for your trouble fella. There’s little I can say at this time to ease your grief, except to say it does ease. It’ll catch you out in later years but as long as you can smile about good memories, it won’t be a daily thing, or at least I hope it isn’t. I raise a glass to my dad on St Patrick’s day and his birthday but I still get the gut-clenching, throat tightening feeling, over 17 years on, when I’m reminded of him.
I am so truly touched and overwhelmed by everyone’s kind words. Reading everyone’s comments and about there loved ones has brought me to tears. Thank you all for sharing.
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Just remember you are not alone and are not the only one feeling like this at the movement, talk to family and friends, get stuff off your chest but importantly remember the good times.
Sorry for your loss.
As others have said time is a great healer although it may not feel like it right now.
Over a short period of time I lost my son, Mum and Mother In Law and it really does hurt but as time goes by your love never stops but the hurt gets a little better day by day.
Sorry for your loss, it's very tough to deal with especially when a son loses his mother.
I lost my mum in August 2021 and I don't think I've even begun to deal with the grief. When I think about her, which is often, I feel myself welling up and purposefully busy myself with something else to push it to the back of my mind. I didn't have time to grieve at the time she died as I had to arrange her funeral, probate, execute her will, arrange carers for my elderly dad who is in poor health, with no help whatsoever from my two sisters or any of the rest of the family. In addition to all that I was in the middle of the stressful experience of moving house and business to temporary accommodation then on to our new place, we actually completed 3 days after her funeral. Sorry to wander off track slightly, but to answer your question grieving for me hasn't even started yet nearly 2 years later.
However everyone is different and I truly hope you come to terms with your poor mum's death sooner rather than later.
My thoughts are with you and as others have said it will get easier - I lost my folks a couple of years ago - both gone inside a year
Of course I was very sad - I was very close to my parents and they were very loving - even as adults we holidayed with them
Maybe I’m hard but I don’t tend to think about them too often - my thought process is ‘look forward’
My mum had dementia and it was a release for her when she went and I don’t think my old dad got over it and had a massive heart attach almost a year later - he’d have hated to end up in a home or be a burden so I think they both were ready to go -
They were a massive part of my life for 50 years and supported me no matter what- they made me the father I am - 100% dedicated to my girls - it’s my job isn’t it
Wow now that’s made me ball my eyes out -“look forward and cherish”
I consider myself extremely lucky
So sorry for your loss OP.
I lost my mum last June and today would have been her birthday so it's all come back to me today.
My grief for her when she passed was huge but was mixed with relief because she effectively hadn't been with is for her last several years due to vascular dementia which took more and more of her away. By the time she passed at ninety years old there wasn't much Mam left, I'm sure it would have been far harder otherwise.
Be strong, it will get better, but cry as much as you need wherever you find yourself in the meantime.
Firstly I am very sorry for your loss.
Having lost a father and my children (an on-going loss), I feel your pain.
It will pass. However take your time with it and personally if you can, get some counselling. I think just having the outlet helps
Feel free to pm if you would like to chat etc.
I lost my dad in my mid 30s he had been ill for a long time with a plethora of ailments, in and out of hospital and ICU so when he finally passed it was a relief and I had a lot of guilt about not feeling much at all. I finally understood that I’d grieved while he was still with us which is a regret but I no longer feel guilt about my feelings.
My mother passed just before covid, she literally dropped dead in the street one evening and was discovered by a friend, the ambulance failed to revive her. That was a total shock as she was very active and showed no signs of illness. For a few years it felt like there was a scream of rage just below the surface in me and aside from the night she died I haven’t cried or expressed much feeling about it outwardly. Internally I was a mess for a while and that’s perfectly normal. I suspect that this repression will bite me in the arse later on but I’ll deal with that when it happens.
Massive sympathy to the OP and all I can say is there is no right or wrong way of dealing with grief, you feel how you feel, angry, distraught, nothing, don’t be anxious or guilty about your feelings. They are what they are and eventually, the old saw, time heals all wounds, is true.
My mother died when I was in my early thirties, my father when I was in my forties.
The process of grief is actually pretty well understood and surprisingly common to most people. It takes around two years to mostly get over a major loss.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understandi...ages-of-grief/
So clever my foot fell off.
The popular Kúbler Ross model from On Death and Dying is often misunderstood; she was writing about the different emotions people may go through after they have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, not about grief after a bereavement. There are no set stages that we all go through after a loss, and feelings and emotions do not follow an order. It is a very personal and individual journey.
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
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