Reply With QuoteSorry to hear this. It really does make you re-evaluate priorities and hammer home the fragility of life
Sudden, unexpected news. Still processing, still struggling.
Weird and feeling vacant, struggled without blubbing today, repeatedly over the slightest thing.
I know it gets better, but god it hurts.
Realisation I’ve wasted time online being an arse.
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Sorry to hear this. It really does make you re-evaluate priorities and hammer home the fragility of life
Sorry to read this.
Take care, don't over analyse things & remember the friendship.
When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........
Sorry to hear this, I lost a good work mate about 3 years back and it still plays on my mind sometimes
So sorry to read this. It's worse when it's not expected.Originally Posted by Mj2k
Think about the good times you had, when you laughed together and enjoyed the moment. Unfortunately you won't experience this again, but the memories remain and can be cherished.
Someone who lies about the little things will lie about the big things too.
My condolences.
A good friend's brother, who I knew well, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly around 4 weeks back - he was 53, I'm knocking on the door of 50. It's an eye-opener, for sure.
Never thought I would post about something so personal.
I am a while off the happy pills by my decision / stubbornness as my wife hated me on them. Refuse to be on the, again, his memory is worth so much more.
Just one more chat, please.
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Matt, despite our recent spat I genuinely feel for you, it’s tragic to lose friends. I assume this guy wasn’t particularly old and considering your own age group I guess you haven’t yet lost many close friends. The older you get the more likely it is to happen, you get used to losing people but it’s always devastating when it happens.
Take support from those close to you and offer it in return, I’ll reiterate what Chris has said, try not to over- think it.
Then allow his memory to provide you with the motivation.
Strength to you.
Matt, you are in the 'unable to process' phase right now - lost 3 good mates and my mum over the last 15 months. Be upset, cry it out, blame yourself - do what feels right. For sure you will have good days and bad days. It's ok to feel lost, helpless etc. I still have the odd rough day since my mum passed (April) and it's ok.
PM if you want - happy to chat over the phone also.
Take care.
When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks long into you.........
Yes, I hope you get through. I recently lost a unique friend in sudden circumstances and it brings it all home. I still rail against the unfairness but I now accept he’s gone and I’m reinvesting in others. We need our mates.
We have this physical experience in loss of falling toward something. It’s like falling in love except it’s falling into grief.
And you’re falling towards the foundation that they held for you in your life that you didn’t realize they were holding. And you fall and fall and fall and you don’t find it for the longest time. And so the shock of the loss to begin with, and the hermetic sealing off, is necessary in grief.
But then there comes a time when you finally actually start to touch the ground that they were holding for you. And it’s from that ground that you step off into your new life.
- David Whyte
Don't just do something, sit there. - TNH
Very sorry to read this Matt
Sad to hear this, best wishes.
It just takes time. What hurts now will become fond memories. Knowing this doesn't make it much easier, but it's worth remembering. Good luck.
Sorry for your loss, Matt.
I lost a good friend last week to cancer who wasn't yet 40. This one really stings and I find myself very emotional at very random moments.
Thinking of the conversations and laughs we had seems to get me out of it quicker.
PM me if you need a chat.
JK
I am so sorry for your loss, it can hit harder than losing family members, and I have had way too many opportunities to learn this in the last 5 years, so at least speak as a fellow-traveller. Aging isn't easy, but the losses that accompany it are the hardest part. Do please allow yourself to grieve as long and hard as you want: to cry, to rage, to rant, to complain, to wallow in self-pity too - it's all part of the healing process.
You won't ever stop missing them, but in time, you do cope.
Sorry to hear of your loss Matt. It’s healthy to cry and it’s good to talk. The whole strong silent man stereotype is extremely damaging and probably contributes to suicide rate in our society. As to posting on here, this forum is one of the reassuring constants in my life.
I lost my dad last year and currently doing the whole role reversal thing with my elderly mother. But to lose a friend in the same age group as yourself is harder, a harsh reminder of our own mortality.
I want to reduce the dosage of my “happy” pills, to see if I can lessen the side effects and improve my quality of life a little. My marriage is already over, but I sincerely hope yours endures.
Dave
Really sorry for your loss, Matt. As others have said, give it time and it’ll get easier… the pain won’t necessarily leave you but you’ll learn how to mange it and - at some point - you’ll realise that you’ve accepted what’s happened. Acceptance is the key, in my experience.
Thank you all for the words and offer of support.
Paul, yes the first given my age group & a very real wake up on mortality. Hence my message to you on life being too short for arguing online.
I will think of the good times and the fun together, for certain.
Death is part of life, the older you get the more you realise this.
It is easier and more natural to accept the death of an older person but if the person is young then it is a double, if not a triple blow but you have to remember that they would not want you to wallow in their death for far too long.
Very tough to deal with.As Ive got older I see more friends and people I know off leave us behind.
My oldest brother and 2nd oldest a few months ago,Dad 18 months or so back,Mum now not good,2 Friends a few weeks ago both with cancer.
Life throws us some very tough things to deal with,sometimes an overload of it.
Just does make us all think whats "really" important to us.
You will have many good thoughts to get you thru each day.
Take care Matt.
Sorry for your loss. Loss of a close friend hits very hard. All the more so when unexpected.
Be good to yourself and don’t try to macho it out.
On a personal note, don’t reduce medication without conferring with your Dr. I know from bitter experience how that can bite you in the @r$e.
Best wishes.
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Sorry to hear this
My best friend died from Covid 19 in Feb 2021. I miss him every single day, and think I always will. I'm 50 now and think the days of making new friends are behind me. I'm fortunate in that I still have a few really close friends, but there will never be anyone who can take his place. It felt like a part of me died along with him.
I try to look back on the many happy times and shared experiences we had together and smile, I hope that with time you're able to do the same.
R
Tough stuff that life throws at us to deal with, it's never easy and I'm sorry for your loss Matt.
Just to pick up on your 'hesitancy' to post personal stuff on a public forum. Don't give it a second thought.
In the last couple of years, I've posted some pretty personal stuff that life gave me to deal with; son with addiction issues, loss of my father, two dogs which were considered family members and most tragically the loss of our 10 week old grand daughter in horrific circumstances last year.
I had an outpouring of feelings on here and was staggered by the responses I received especially for grand daughter. Folk on here offering to call for a chat; you've had a couple of offers so far and the offer is here from me too - just PM.
Talking, whether on here or with other friends is hugely helpful and don't worry about wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Time is a healer and you'll cherish the good memories.
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lost a close work mate just before covid, I couldn't even bring myself to go to his funeral I was that much of a mess...
It does get easier not necessarily better. It was shortly after losing my dad and then shortly after this friend passed we lost mum too.
It's nice when randomly one of them will enter one of your dreams, their way of saying hello now and again...
The grief comes in waves, they seem unbearable at first but you learn to adapt and cope and get past them. The time between waves gets longer, but they do catch you by surprise even after all these years. It wouldn't be right if it didn't hurt so much.
Honestly overwhelmed with the support here and the offers of chats and calls. Thank you, it means a great deal knowing there is a support network outside of family and ‘face to face friends’.
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Very true, I experienced this after losing my parents years ago when in my mid- 40s. The way grief catches you by surprise after several months or even a couple of years is uncanny, unless you’ve experienced it you won’t grasp it, but for me it would feel very intense for 15-20 secs then I would get a grip and the feeling would subside. A small factor would trigger it without warning, I learned to accept it and not feel embarrassed by it, being part of the ‘ man up and don’t be soft’ generation didn’t help because I was conditioned to bottle these feelings up........never a good idea.
It was the 19th anniversary of the death one one of my besties last week he was 39. I still miss the mad bugger, he was larger than life. Never met anyone quite like him, He was a one off. I expect you’ll feel they same Matt. Savour the memories, unique to you & your mate. Onward & upward.
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Sorry to read of your loss Matt. I am lucky enough not to have yet lost any of my friends or family (grandparents aside) and genuinely fear the inevitable time when I lose someone and fall apart - I'm an emotional wreck at a soppy episode of a soap opera.
Wishing you comfort and fond memories. Your friend no doubt had a positive impact on you becoming who you are, and even his tragic death has led to you doing a good thing in burying hatchets and building bridges. What a lovely way to keep a loved one's memory alive through positive acts.
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