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Thread: Partner Refusing to Go Back to Work After Baby

  1. #101
    Grand Master snowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ares View Post
    The fundamental issue is not who has caring responsibilities for the child - but the relationship and communication between the OP and his partner.
    Either she outright lied about going back to work (or has changed her mind, we'll never know) or it was never really properly discussed.

    I must admit, the OP's original post does sound like a bit of a whine, but I'm sure he didn't intend that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Exigeowner View Post
    Respectfully it may be worth YOU talking to somebody first, does male PND exist ?
    And this MIGHT be the answer - It does indeed. It seems that men can feel excluded and devalued by all the attention that the baby gets (It can work the other way too, men can direct all their affection to a new child and not to their wife).

    Someone with little empathy might just say "MTFU", but how people feel is difficult to control, it's just how you feel!

    M
    Last edited by snowman; 27th May 2018 at 10:27.

  2. #102
    Grand Master seikopath's Avatar
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    Its always difficult when the first baby comes along. It's uncharted territory. The mum and the baby are wrapped up in a biological bubble, and the dad is on the outside.
    Good luck everybody. Have a good one.

  3. #103
    Master Thewatchbloke's Avatar
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    From my perspective (having raised 5 kids) take the job, it's a lot less stress than bringing up a baby. We're now at a point where we look after the grandkids (the eldest isn't yet two) every now and then to help out and I'm knackered after 8 hours of it, to be honest I don't know how women cope.

    A common male view is that women have it easy being at home and bringing up the kids, that just isn't true. It's damned hard work punctuated with periods of immense joy, I loved raising my lot and the joy it gave but boy I was glad I was the one that went to work!

  4. #104
    Grand Master seikopath's Avatar
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    I caught this on radio 4 this morning. I thought it was excellent.


    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b42z89
    Good luck everybody. Have a good one.

  5. #105
    Master
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    OP - I haven't read the whole thread, but I read most of page 1.

    Lot's of good advice, I started my own business from home and I understand about hunting for prospects. After a year I moved into an office. Best thing you can do imho is find somewhere cheap or free to work out of the house 9-5 say Monday to Thursday and offer to look after the baby on a Friday, but use that conversation to also talk about the budget sacrifices that will be needed to enable you to work just 4 days a week instead of 5. You may find your wife says work the full 5 days.

    Go out to lots and lots of SME networking events, you'll soon find hot desking places, companies with spare offices/desks etc. I'm presuming all you need for work is a laptop so you can work anywhere.

    Don't go back to employment, you'll resent it and lose the flexibility you now have.

  6. #106
    Master
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    Most women are mental
    New babies multiply that tenfold.
    Getting a partner back to work is essential (IMO) for a return to an acceptable work/life balance.
    I would say even if nursery fees almost cancel out a wage it is worth it to regain a balance and avoids someone completely obsessing over a child 24/7.
    Also if someone is working then they are not spending.
    Good luck-I would say it is the most difficult time of a marriage as your sex life also takes a nosedive which doesn't help.

  7. #107
    Quote Originally Posted by Hood View Post
    Most women are mental
    New babies multiply that tenfold.
    Getting a partner back to work is essential (IMO) for a return to an acceptable work/life balance.
    I would say even if nursery fees almost cancel out a wage it is worth it to regain a balance and avoids someone completely obsessing over a child 24/7.
    Also if someone is working then they are not spending.
    Good luck-I would say it is the most difficult time of a marriage as your sex life also takes a nosedive which doesn't help.
    Like your thinking!

  8. #108
    Master
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    Quote Originally Posted by M4tt View Post
    Buy a shed; sheds have saved many a marriage. Power, phone and insulation will take a day or two.


    Absolutely! Spot on. My advice to all new husbands is to get a shed.


    Quote Originally Posted by M4tt View Post
    Then make sure you have at least a night or two a week that you can get out together alone


    Works for us - she goes out Friday nights and I go out Tuesdays. :-)

  9. #109
    Grand Master Der Amf's Avatar
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    So, what came to pass?

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