Reply With QuoteAgreed, but it’s only money. More will be along shortly!
Sure that's fine if you've both been financially equal during the marriage. But when one hasn't then it can get bitter very quickly.Originally Posted by Templogin
Agreed, but it’s only money. More will be along shortly!
I’ll keep a close watch on this thread as I ended the increasingly toxic relationship with my partner of 20 years in mid March, experienced the joys of being removed from my house by the police in mid April and have been trying to sort things out ever since. Spending time between various friends is no big deal whereas being prevented from seeing my children is heart-wrenching. All the tales of women turning into vindictive helions when it suits them are totally true. Mediation is the first step in my case and if that fails, solicitors and court action are the only alternatives. Best of luck to the OP. I feel your pain fella.
No matter how dark things may look at times, the sun will shine on you once again! It's worth the wait. Hang in there, buddy!
Absolutely
As Churchill said, when your going through hell - keep going!
Once out the other side life blossoms with endless possibilities - its great!
Slight update. I cut her off from my money so she is on her own there now, which really upset her. Told her she cannot choose which aspects of me she wants to pick and choose. She also bought her own car and gave me back the lease car I got for her, so I now have two nice cars.
We are pushing to mediation with a 50/50 asset split and 50/50 joint custody as I work from home most of the time.
I am refusing to pay spousal and she is not going after it, so she says. So if it goes like this I will be very lucky and month to month will be better off.
Fingers crossed 🤞
It's just a matter of time...
I tried everything I could to settle things amicably.
50/50 split of all assets. Child maintenance , gave her the car . Promised hermore money if required in order to buy a house for her and my children.
She hasn’t worked since my children were born nearly 20years ago despite various promises and full supportfrom me to help her do anything she wanted : work from home , setup own business , whatever she wanted.
Suggested we keep the solicitors out of it.
She signed the agreement .... didn’t submit it to the court. After 3months I get a letter from a solicitor she’s hired , no discussion with me beforehand.
I explain to her it will only escalate the situation and we’ll both be worse off.
No option but for me to also get a solicitor in.
Her solicitor is totally rubbish , their basic mistakes delay the whole process. My solicitor destroys them. I’m not out of the woods yet but my wife would have been better off settling with me at the start.
Of course now that I’m not being a door mat I’m public enemy number one and my ex has even made it difficult for my mother to see her grandchildren even though my mother never had any issues with my wife.
So yeah based on my experience you cannot trust the other party. Don’t disgrace yourself with petty squabbling and don’t use the children as pawns in any dispute regardless of the behaviour of the other party.
Karma , like my ex , is also a bitch though.
Yep I had this advice given to me by my solicitor and best mate at the time, the home was toxic on a nighttime once our daughter had gone to sleep but I stayed as per the solicitors advice.
Wish you well and again as others have said don’t bow down to all her demands, my ex got away with far more than she should of just because I wanted to all done quickly.
Throwing this in here in case anyone is going through the mill at the moment. It’s interesting to read the posts about the advice not to leave the home. The advice I’ve received is exactly the same but it all came after the night my ex engineered a visit from the police and I was asked, very politely, to leave by the officer that had talked to my ex. The choice- do as one is being asked by a police officer or kick up a fuss in the early hours of the morning, didn’t seem to actually be a choice. I’ve been living out of a bag, kipping down wherever I can ever since. I’ve checked in with the police since and have ascertained the visit was logged as a ‘non-crime’ visit with no further action. I’ve instigated mediation and have a solicitor waiting in the wings to up the ante if my ex resists mediation. It’s at the heart-wrenching stage now as I’ve never been apart from my kids for this long.
Sounds awful.... I have no idea why the police asked you to leave though? I’d consider a complaint as it equally your house, you have every right to be there... it’s not fair on you or your kids...
Get some advice from your solicitor
Good luck... if you ever need a chat, feel free to PM as I’ve been there!
I speed read through this topic but do wonder on what legal basis you’re advised to not leave the house?
Ian
Last edited by ism123; 8th May 2018 at 13:59.
I was warned that as children were involved she could get me out of the house and even move her boyfriend in and I would still have to pay the bills, she made 22 accusations of harassment and Essex police responded and chose to believe every one, she later told me she was told exactly what to do by her lawyer, whereas mine said be reasonable at all times, I disproved all of them. The police threaten you with behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace if you argue with them. I was very lucky that I won in court but the system and any government agency are very biased in favour of the wife. this was in 2004 but from what other people have told me little has changed.
Bloody hell... some people have no shame
The law is supposed to be gender neutral, but, the law and all other agencies are entirely biased in my experience.... it is getting better though
I had to pay child support despite having definitive proof that she was absent 12 days out 14... I soon got that sorted out, but lost thousands in the interim... and got appeal for money lost turned down...
I was told the same. I think legally if you leave 'out of sight is out of mind'. Staying in the marital home also helps when bargaining is going on between the lawyers. I had a tough 9 months when my ex wife and her children made my life hell. Staying forced a settlement to be found, but not an experience I'd relish again.
Best of luck even though this is a difficult time. Things will get better. Been there myself but now happy and with a lovely partner. Plenty of good advice above and do expect the unexpected. John
Currently going through this myself... We went through mediation last year so we have all of the child arrangements and maintenance all sorted (CSA). I have just filled for divorce with no lawyers, it fairly clean as we were renting so no mortgage to sort etc. Hopefully all goes through as planned. Not much else I can say other than, mediation is a cost but definitely worth it.
Hope it all works out for you
So it turns out the wife does have another guy and is dating despite us still living together and of course being played out in front of the kids. Classy lady.
So I have a mediation session next week to discuss the finances and I am clear on what I will offer which she has indicated she will accept. We will soon find out if that is the case.
I truly hope so, as the sooner I am rid of the selfish cow the better.
Oh dear…. You’re well off out of it mate…
Way better to get this resolved through mediation…. Good luck!
You’ll be free in no time…
There nearly always is! Something turns their heads either girlfriends or another man. My ex's man slid out from under rock about a year later, my lawyer told me to get a PI on the case but that's another few grand. Stand strong, don't budge and don't blink! Best of British it will be over this time next year for sure.
To be fair, there being another guy should make it easier and quicker to deal with - if you can keep calm and level headed. She has him to distract her, which will hopefully work in your favour.
It's just a matter of time...
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