Reply With QuoteMade me smile in a few places.
Over on the TR-Register, a member there and long-time Spanner owner and breeder posted a funny observation about getting a dog...
Most of you will know I am a dog lover and also do quite a bit for rescues so I thought you might like this brief explanation of what its like owning one that I give to first time dog owners.
So you think you want a dog????
• To prepare for the dog, go to the local Veterinary Surgeon. Tip the contents of your purse/ wallet onto his counter and tell him to help himself. Then go to the pet shop. Arrange to have your wages paid directly to their accountant. Go home and read the paper in peace for the last time.
• Before you finally get a Dog find a couple who already have one and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their dog to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their dog’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour. Enjoy it – it’ll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.
• To discover how the night feels, go to bed at 10pm. Set the alarm for midnight, wake up and throw yourself violently onto the floor. Place a 56lb bag of potatoes on the duvet and attempt to get back under the covers. Reset the alarm for 5.30am and, just as you are waking up, slap yourself in the face with a large wet sponge. Get up, make breakfast, keep this up for 14 years, try to look cheerful.
• Can you stand the mess that dogs make? To find out first throw 2 gallons of mud onto a newly mopped kitchen floor, smear the excess up the sides of the cooker and kitchen units. Tread a little into the hall and living room carpets. Stick your fingers in the flower-beds and rub them on the clean walls. Now, how does that look?
• Walk down the road with one arm fully extended, break into a jog extending the arm even further. Say ‘heel’ nicely, several times. Shout ‘heel’ several more. Scream ‘stop pulling damn you’. Ignore looks from passers-by.
• Forget the BMW and buy a Ford Sierra Estate. Buy a rawhide chew, a packet of dog biscuits and a large bone. Mash them down the back of the rear seats, Run a garden rake down both sides of the car, Go to the hairdressers and obtain a week’s floor sweepings. Distribute liberally on the seats and carpets repeat this procedure at home as well. . There, perfect!
• Get ready to go out, try to sneak out of the door without making a sound. Go halfway down the garden path, come back. Five minutes later try again. Come back. Put on the stereo and make soothing noises. Try again. Come back. Ring friends and tell them to come round to see you instead.
• Practice sitting on not more that 1/8th of the sofa and try different methods of balancing a hot cup on your knees. When, if ever, you perfect this, try eating a packet of crisps/ biscuits silently whilst keeping the packet totally out of sight. Give up and sprinkles crumbly residue down back of sofa.
• Now for a final tip start practicing even trying to see your computer screen while balancing 40 odd lb's of A dog on your lap. IMPOSSIBLE.....Nah you just need to start practising when they are tiny Now using the keyboard is an artform.
• Always repeat everything you say at least five times. Always repeat everything you say…Always repeat everything you say.....Always....U get the picture.
Made me smile in a few places.
Excellent !! Made me laugh.
I should really write a couple in that vein for the macaque and cheetah (although I don't think Cheetahs are legal in the norther hem )
B
Yip I can agree with this
Sounds a lot like children...
Dave
My long departed lab once chewed through a bed, coffee table, numerous odd shoes and a how train your dog book…. He basically ruined my home…. He got over it and I still loved him!
My thoughts preciselyOriginally Posted by Dave S
My Mrs is a teacher and brought a load of books back to mark at the kitchen table.
The dog ate their homework.
The kids thought it was the funniest thing ever.
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Brilliant 😆
So much very much spot on.
Probably why we prefer cats now....mind you they have other habits/peculiarities to accomodate.
Ah, I should have wrecked the leather furniture before the cats got their paws on it!
Dave
Our lab ate a brand new couch when she was little, still she is a member of the family and I love her to bits.
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Good grief, did you borrow my 11 year old and 11 month old Alsatians?
If you did please return and borrow them again......please. It is just as i sit down in the evening and start to relax that they decide it is time to have a pee. Furry monsters.
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