Reply With QuoteYou've got more patience than me mate, I'd have given up before the salad debacle. Total knobheads.
The wife is out this evening and after much deliberation me and the lads have decided on a dirty burger for our evening sustenance
The call......ring ring, ring ring....
Hi, could I order for a delivery please
Yeh no problem, what's your address
25 xxxx xxxxx. Xxxxx
Ok what would you like
Ok I want one 12inch meat feast which extra spicy beef
We don't do spicy beef
Yes you do, I've order from you in the past
No, sorry mate never done spicy beef.
Look I've used you before I know you do spicy beef
Hang on, I'll check.
Kev, do we do beef on the pizza.....Yeh we do beef mate sorry!
No not beef, I wanted extra spicy beef.
No like I said we don't do spicy beef.
Just a second ago you were going to check if you did spicy beef but you said beef by mistake, can you check if you do spicy beef please.
Kev do we do spicy beef?...oh yeh sorry mate we do spicy beef!
Right ok thanks, I'd also like 2 1/2 lb cheese burgers, one with salad and red sauce the other plain just the cheese. However the one that's plain can you put the salad from that one on the one with salad so it has double salad on it.
Sorry I don't know what you mean
Right Ok, the one that's plain yeh...it comes with salad doesn't it?
Yeh that's right they all come with salad-but you don't want it.
Ok I know, but I want it on the other one so can you put double on the other one please.
Um, so you want half the salad on one and half on the other one.
No mate-all I want is double salad on the burger with red sauce.
Ok, that'll be an extra £1
Why?
Because it's extra.
No it's not extra is it......your the salad from the plain one and putting it on the other one yeh. So 2 lots of salad on the red sauce burger.
Ok that'll still be £1.00
Ok so if you put salad on both of them now how much extra is it.
Nothing it's free.
Ok so the salad I don't want on the plain one stick on the other one so it'll have double salad.
Hang on I'll check and make sure that's ok.......yeh that's fine mate.
FFS.....how do some people get themselves up, dressed and operate on a daily basis?
Has anyone else made a call where it was pointless to continue because they may well have been heavily sedated on the other end?
You've got more patience than me mate, I'd have given up before the salad debacle. Total knobheads.
I know just how you feel. I've often found that speaking to some people is like speaking to a brick wall.Originally Posted by Franky Four Fingers
But that's life I suppose: Some people are intellectually incapable of thinking for themselves. They can only operate when drawing from a mental menu of choices, possibly taught them by others.
In France, and all in french.
My mum: and a glass of white wine, please
Parisian waiter: we don't serve wine by the glass, would you like a bottle?
My mum: do you do kir?
Waiter: but of course, madam
My mum: I'll have a glass of kir without the creme de cassis
Waiter: ah, you are very crafty
Dunno, perhaps instead of bunging a frozen pizza in the oven and pressing the buttons necessary for '175°' and '12 minutes', or tossing a beef patty in a frying pan and then putting it between two pieces of bread they phone someone up who will do these monumentally difficult tasks for them?
Here we go.......
I was in a fish and chip shop and the (foreign) member of staff didn't understand 'a portion of chips, please'...I had to say 'chips' three times and then he asked if I meant cheesy chips.
Love it
That's why I have never ordered a take away, I leave it to the wife.
Try that annoying Scottish Bint at Apple
Talk to me like real person, you said iPad is that correct?
No iPhone
Ipad is that correct?
No iPhone
iPad is that correct?
After 10 times I told her to feck of and put the phone down ( I have no accent, how a Geordie gets on I have no idea)
Sounds like the typical bear pit "debate" tbh...
Ever phoned eBay customer service?
That's why I put it in here Josh.
I can't honestly remember when the last time I've ordered a takeaway, and I'd never ever eat anything from that place by the sound of it.. Bonkers.
There's nowt wrong with the odd dirty burger every now and again......it helps to build the immune system.
They have customer service?
That's what they call it... It's a cruel trick though...
On one right now---every freaking day with my field sales support person. I had stellar support colleagues my first 8 years with this company, and the last two have been horrendous. She doesn't listen, talks over me, makes things more difficult than they should be, and she is slow to get things done.
Can't fire her because she's not a direct report.
Are you in sales?
Yes--technical. Process control systems.
Ah, in that case you would not believe what the support staff say about you (probably)!
Were you ever in support yourself?
In a previous life I worked successively in technical support, then operations/development, and then sales (as a 'presales technical consultant') in the same company, and I discovered at first hand that the gulf of outlook and perception between the techies and the sales types was astounding. Having come from techiedom to being a techie-in-sales I had to remember to keep my mouth zipped at times.
Picture the scene at one of the takeaway outlets at Silverstone on GT weekend, it was early so hardly anybody about.
Me Can I have a bacon bap please?
She. We only do bacon baguette
Me Well can you just put the bacon on a bap and charge me the same
She. We only do what's on the board my Supervisor would go mad
Me. Why
She. Because we can only put bacon on baguettes
Me. I will not tell anyone
She. Sorry
Me Is the supervisor about
She. Yea that's her there. (Standing about three feet away)
Me. Turning to the supervisor. Is it at possible to just do me a bacon bap
She. Yes no problem but do not tell anyone that I have done a bap
Me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
+1
That's unacceptable
During a trip in Austria, in a shop ( I swear this really happened):
what do you like for breakfast sir?
Eggs and bacon please
Sorry sir, we only have bacon and eggs
.... (are you putting me on?) ... ok, bring me bacon and eggs
We call it a "dirty dinner" in our household and once in a while it's just what the doctor ordered.
How did you get on with that?!!
Been to a quite a lot of "chippys" around the country and they seem confused when i ask for "scraps"!
This happened an hour ago. I'm in a hotel in Mumbai that I've stayed at for years. This is also an illustration of how simple things get made massively complex in India
Me: Hello room service ? What is the Biryani of the day?
room service : Biryani? You want Biryani?
Me: Yes . What is the Biryani of the day?
room service : It will either be.... chicken.... or lamb..... or veg.
Me: Yes... I know that but what do you actually have as Biryani of the day...today?
room service : Its chicken.
Me: Ok one chicken Biryani please.
hang up.
25 minutes later phone rings.
Room Service: Hello we have no chicken Biryani we have Lamb only.
Me: [exasperated] Fine cancel the order.
I order from a local restaurant that specialises in Biryani and is much nicer than the hotel's and a fraction of the price. They also deliver. This takes me one minute and I do it online.
40 minutes later
My doorbell rings; standing outside are a waiter holding a tray and the hotel chef grinning widely at me.
Chef [with a big grandiose flourish] : Sir we have made chicken biryani for you.
Me : I cancelled the order and I ordered from outside.
Chef looks confused.
Me: I'm very busy excuse me. (and I shut the door).
5 minutes later
I get a call from reception that my food has arrived so I go to collect it. As I'm walking back to my room I see the chef coming hurtling towards me.
Chef : Sir are you sure you do not want the chicken biryani.
Me : [I am holding a big bag with "Biryani Brothers" written on it] No.
Chef : enjoy your biryani sir.
Me: yup
Pretty well, most of the time. People tend to think that I am a shy, retiring, overly polite person so they tend to overlook my little slip ups...How did you get on with that
"I'd like a gin martini please."
—”What's in it?"
"Are you serious?"
—”Yes, how do you make it?"
"It's gin... with vermouth."
—”It's not on the till. We can only do what's on the till."
"OK. Then please bring me a double gin... in a conical glass... and a small glass of vermouth please. And an olive."
—”That'll be £12.”
At the FTSE100 company where I work:
Colleague: I would like to arrange for my desk to be lowered please.
Facilities: Sorry, you have the wrong department.
Colleague: I beg to differ, as it was your team who raised my desk originally.
Facilities: Ah yes, you're quite correct, we do raise desks. But it's another department entirely who lower them.
The honest truth. Ridiculous.
Couldn't resist
Do I come over as anything other than shy, retiring, and polite on here? Surely not!
Couldn't resist
You're a veritable wall flower Mark!!!
I am. Really.
At a food consession at a US sports event getting late in the day, some items were scored out of the small menu,
Me, can I have 2 Mountain Dew's and,,
Southern accented affro american chick, Waat?
me, 2 mountain dew's please,
saaac, waat? we only have watter or mountain dew
me, 2 mountain dew
saaac, waat?
me, 2 mountain dew's
saaac, waat?
redneck behind me, the boy wans 2 moundan deew
saaac OK
me, cheers 2 hot dogs (pointing at one)
saaac waat?
me, 2 hot dogs, still pointing.
saaac, we only haavee burgers or dogs
me, 2 dogs, still pointing,
saaac, waat?
me, 2 dogs, still pointing,
saaac, waat?
luckily my new redneck buddy said, he waan 2 daawgs,
saaac, why yaa nat say dat
me, 4 Buds (choice was Bud or Miller)
saaac, waat?
me, 4 Buds
saaac, waat?
again my new friend Bubba pipes up, git 'im 4 Buuudds
saaac, why he no say dat, comes back and says anytin ells
me, no
saaac, dat'll be thirdty twoo dallars,
me, waat?
my friend Bubba almost choked on his chewing tobacco LOL
Last edited by ASK3L; 9th January 2016 at 18:06. Reason: OOPS forgot it was phone calls! Me bad!
A call to our "technical help desk", I outlined what I wanted and the guy says "Ah you need option 2 for that-this is option 1," so I hang up, redial and select option 2 to be answered by.....the same fekking bloke.
At 7pm tonight I tried to move a measly £1200 to my other half's bank account via the YB app, having tried 3 times with no luck I called the help line phone number, which according to the recorded message was changed to another number in August of 2015,
I then called the new number to be told I needed to set up phone banking and they would sms me an activation code which 10 minutes later they did,
I called back again,,,,
To be told I needed a phone banking security number which they gave me, however I then had to call back on yes you guessed it another number,
I then called back and using the automated system I was put through to a service advisor,,, who then asked me all the fe###ng security questions again before moving said bas###d funds, at which point I was advised that using the YBanking app I can move funds at the rate of £300 each transaction (first time I've been told this)
50 minutes total, I then went for a pint or three with a ready made sore head.
You need to watch "Five Easy Pieces", the scene between Jack Nicholson and the waitress ... Jack wants a plain omelette. No potatoes. Tomatoes instead. A cup of coffee, and wheat toast. :D
Reminded me of this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-33542392
Have you switched it off and on?
SWMBO's manager does the staff rota, every week will be different...
Obviously that causes childcare issues so I got the task of explaining that SWMBO needed the same shifts every two weeks (she works every other Sunday).
No word of a lie, 25 minutes and she still didn't get it.
Card Factory don't exactly pay headhunting salaries but come on!
Must admit if I was the OP I'd just have ordered the burgers/salad as they are and sorted it out when it arrived my self. Also might have stopped the large portion of spit being applied foc.
After reminding them they did spicy beef for a second time, the call would be over and I'd have had my coat on, leaving the house for a curry.
Oh Apple.......
Visit to Apple Idiot Bar goes like this:
Me: Hello, I have an appointment at x:xx pm
Idiot: OK, what's your name?
Me: Alexander:
Idiot: (Checks iPad, finds my name and ticks box) OK Alex, just stand on the right hand side of the shop for me and somebody will be with you in a minute.
Me: Alexander's surname, you've just read it on your iPad.
Idiot: What's your first name?
Me: Mr.
I've had that. I asked for a gin Martini in a bar in Leicester and was asked what it was. I was a bit dumbfounded so I just said, "It's a cocktail" which didn't provoke a reaction, so I said, "A large gin with a tiny dribble of Vermouth, stirred over ice and strained into a cocktail glass".
So dunderhead barman starts to make the drink and says to me, "Are you sure this is a cocktail?". "Yes, why?" says I only to get asked, "Don't you want some lemonade in it or something?"
I also seem to live on the only street in Leicester that the taxi drivers have never heard of (despite it being IN the city centre and having an entrance off two arterial routes). My poor wife gets really annoyed that I refuse to tell a black-cab driver where the street is. Is it unreasonable that I think they should know where it is?
That was a bit excessively rude wasn't it? Very few people are so busy they cant give another human being some respect and gratitude, especially when they are in your service and have unexpectedly gone the extra mile for you.
I'd have very gratefully accepted it, and then discreetly thrown it away if you really didn't want it.
Lets hope chef doesn't add any of his extra special "chefs sauce" to your next in-hotel order ;-p
(i'll pop my high horse back in the stable now!)
Possibly not, there are a lot of Dave's in India.
"Bite my shiny metal ass."
- Bender Bending Rodríguez
Love this thread, NYC has to be the hardest place on earth to order food without getting in a fight. They are so agressive, if you ask for anything off the set menu. If you value your sanity don't try and order scrambled eggs or fried. If the breakfast comes with a bagel then except it even if you don't want it, trying to change it to a soft roll/toast may lead to a gun fight!
Do you work for the civil service ?
I was recently trying to sort some problem out with an account with XBox live. Went through the to contact us on the website and I could only email them or do live chat. I opted for live chat.
After explaining very clearly ( or so I thought) several times the issue,and mentioning that it would bento much easier if I could phone someone,the girl on the other end of my live chat proceeded to take me through lots of steps. I had tried almost all of these but we had to stick doggedly to the script. After 1 hour I mentioned I was getting a bit bored going round in circles. Oh,she types back,why don't you phone us instead...here's the number. Grrrrr.
And not a phone call...
Me to barmaid: Four pints of Uncle Fester's Old Peculiar please (I forget the actual name)
Barmaid: we don't sell that
Me: Yes you do
Barmaid: No....we don't. Moves to next punter and asks for his order.
Me: Oi..do you mind. You are still serving me. Four pints of Uncle Fester's please.
Barmaid: I've told you twice,we don't sell that.
Me: (pointing to the pump in on the bar that she was standing in front of) Yes,you do.
Her: (in really rather rude tone) we don't
Me: look,it's this one,this pump,here...see
Her: well it's no good giving me the name,how am I supposed to know that? What number is it
Me: eh?
Her: The number...what the number? ( now talking to me like a retard)
Me: ( lost patience) who the piggin hell piggin cares. It's this pump here...you are now actually leaning on the handle...here..see? Just pull four pints out of this pump here.
Her: with massive bad grace consents to pulling four pints of said beer. I paid.
As I was putting my change away and picking up the glasses she turns to a new punter and asks him what he wants.
New punter: two pints of Uncle Fester's Old Peculiar
Her: we don't sell that
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